So. What a weird day. And it started so uneventfully. A little rain. A little wind. A phone interview and writing a couple of posts.
The over 50 flu epidemic. I should have known the day would unravel when my mother calls and leaves a voice mail saying “well, we are in shutdown mode.” The senior complex has had a number of people come down with the flu. They closed down communal gathering areas. And then I receive this email:
Re: Report from Cell Block 8
The building is currently in lock down mode. It is a good thing that you came to visit last week. Several people have become ill with deep chest colds and two ladies have been sent to the hospital. As a result the management has decided to close down the building to visitors and there will be no communal eating until further notice. I think it is a prudent move on their part to stop this bug before it gets out of control. This has just begun today so let’s see how perky I am after a few days of lock down. It may bring back bad memories of when I was “in the Slammer on the Rock”. My daughter asked if I had a tin cup to run across the bars to get the warden’s attention. I think I sold it at my estate sale. Please write but the fuzz reads all incoming and outgoing mail and checks all lumpy pizza deliveries.
Prisoner #000 a.k.a. Ginger Snap
It kind of freaked me out a little how much my mother was enjoying this (only to realize everyone in the frickin’ complex was alive with the buzz of the possibility of the black plague attacking the complex). She has already asked if I could (1) sneak a file into her diabetic cake when I come and visit, (2) eat all the chocolate chip cookies from everyone on the floor who received them but didn’t want them (think maybe 150 cookies per day) and (3) figure out what gmail was because now that everyone is afraid to leave their rooms there is a run on senior citizen emailing (I was tempted to tell her about g-strings but didn’t think it would go over well).
Then. The Ass concussion. I was coming back from an evening run I stopped to talk with someone and found out I know someone who had an ass concussion. For real. Let’s file this one away in the category of “you learn something new every day.” So. Here’s the deal. This guy who was probably too old to be skateboarding anyway wipes out and falls on his ass. Gets back up … staggers .. and passes out. At the hospital they say “well, you have a concussion.” He says, “but I fell on my ass.” They say, “Oh, there is a vein that goes from your ass to your brain and you probably jammed it.” Me. “ok.”
Therefore. He had an ass concussion. (many comments about where his brain resides are rattling thru my head but I was so stunned you could get a concussion landing on your ass I said nothing)
This is the kind of story you can’t make up. Me? Gosh. I would have maybe suggested he fell so hard his brain bounced around enough to get a concussion.
But. An ass concussion!?! Awesome.
But it gets better. Still pondering the ass concussion and wondering whether my mother has stirred up the senior troops so much they have put her in solitary confinement I ended my day with a fine plate of pasta with a light dusting of Virgin Olive Oil and some parmesan and had MYX music channel on.
Then. I see the stupidest video I have ever seen. Ever.
It’s this South Korean band called TVXQ, an acronym for Tong Vfang Xien Qi (for some reason it gets translated as Dong Bang Shin Gi …. Or maybe they just decided to spell their name phonetically for us stupid western civilization folk). Anyway. They are a horrible boy band quintet. And this video for a song called Balloons was fantastically idiotic. So idiotic I watched the whole shitty thing. They all dressed like cats but not like the show Cats just paws and ears and acted goofy.
While I wanted it to be hilariously stupid this was boy band idiotic. I almost lost my appetite but instead laughed my ass off. All I could think of was what the fuck are their children think when they see this fucking video years from now. I mean, c’mon, how do you explain that?