“Not in the clamor of the crowded street, not in the shouts and applause of the many, but in ourselves, are triumph and defeat.”
“Because to influence a person is to give him one’s own soul. He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions.
His virtues are not real to him. His sins, if there are such things as sins, are borrowed. He becomes an echo of some one else’s music, an actor of a part that has not been written for him.
The aim of life is self-development. To realize one’s nature perfectly-that is what each of us is here for. People are afraid of themselves nowadays. They have forgotten the highest of all duties, the duty one owes to one’s self. Of course they are charitable. They feed the hungry and clothe the beggar.
But their own souls starve, and are naked. Courage has gone out of our race. Perhaps we never really had it. “
Unfortunately, most times we have a shitty talk with ourself. Yeah. We tend to know diddleyshit about talking to ourself. At the root of our shittiness of self conversation is typically a variety of creatively destructive aspects:
You can blame external ‘forces’ <”not my fault”>.
You can blame yourself <blame spans lack of confidence to lack of skills>.
Let me stick with the latter <because only losers consistently think the former>.
To begin. What I will tell you is that when the shit hits the fan you can get a startling clear picture of who & what you are. And sometimes it ain’t pretty. And it ain’t pretty because we do not even begin the conversation right.
“Some conversations are not about what they’re about.”
More often than not the conversation you have with yourself aren’t the conversations you think they are. What I mean by that is when bad shit happens most of us, in the moment or near the moment, are thinking causally – stimulus/response stuff.
“Shit happened because this shit was done.”
At worst, this conversation with yourself, sounds something like “you stupid shit.”
Most of us can deal with that. It is really only later that the problems truly arise because that initial conversation continues and you start delving deeper & deeper inside yourself. Yeah. These shitty conversations are sometimes call ‘soul searching.’
I, instead, refer to them as ‘soul wrenching.’
During the deeper conversation you encounter doubt, fears of being good enough, imposter syndrome, self-uncertainty. These are the assholes you sometimes have a conversation with when bad shit happens. And, unfortunately, they all went to a debate school and unfortunately they all like to talk a lot when given the opportunity.
Here is what I have to offer <as someone who has certainly had his share of both bad shit happening and shitty conversations with myself – albeit I tend to believe all of us have>.
We spend far far <far> too much time in these conversations on comparison type shit.
Yeah. It is natural … I mean … well … how else can you decide whether you are worth a shit unless you compare yourself to someone who IS worth a shit? But, frankly, most of our sins are borrowed – just echoes of what is around us.
So when bad shit happens the conversation really should be about you and with you.
And therein lies the next level of a self shitty conversation. It is a little weird because it is a Life paradox.
In general, research shows over and over again that we overestimate our abilities … we think we are better than we really are at things. And, yet, when bad shit happens and we start having this shitty conversation with ourselves … we have a tendency to think of ourselves as flawed … not good … flawed.
<figure that one out …. Will ya?>
You have to first uncover a realistic perspective of whatever shit that happened and then focus on … well … moving on.
“One does not walk into the forest and accuse the trees of being off-center,
Nor do they visit the shore and call the waves imperfect.
So why do we look at ourselves this way? “
Tao Te Ching
I imagine I could just suggest here that bad shit happens, you have shitty conversations with yourself and that you should have these conversations with the non shitty aspects within you when it happens, but I kind of think what gets you through shit sometimes needs a little more ‘oomph’ to get you through it. The ‘oomph’ is rooted in the ‘moving on’ thought I just shared above.
I suggest something simple. It’s kind of a mindset. Not any ‘happy hippie shit Secret stuff’ just an attitude that can kind of get you through when bad shit happens.
I don’t know where I found this quote but I love it:
“I didn’t come this far, to only come this far.”
Bad shit happens.
In work and in Life.
And inevitably we have those shitty conversation with ourselves when bad shit happens.
But … you know what?
You didn’t get that far just to get that far.
None of us do.
And sometimes you just have to remember that and, possibly, one of the best times to remember that is when you are in the middle of a shitty conversation with yourself.