Favorite Quotes, Life thoughts, Rants and Observations

always get you the right ones

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“Being honest may not get you a lot of friends but it’ll always get you the right ones”

—

John Lennon

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“I spoke the truth, but no one believed me, so I took to deceit.”

–

Lermontov

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Ok.

Honesty sure seems like it would be one of the simplest things in the world to gullible believe honesty agree upon … “be honest, don’t lie.”

But, sure as shit, talk about the specifics with regard to honesty or ‘being honest’ or even ‘is a lie a lie?’ and … holy shit … bring the beer and settle in. It is gonna take some time.

Yeah.

Everyone wants to be honest … but if honest with themselves … we are far too often less than honest.

And that is why I opened with the quote I did … being relentlessly non-equivocating honest will limit your circle of friends, but the ones you do have will be good ones.

Sadly … being honest comes at a cost.

To think about that cost I had to revisit the essays of Montaigne to help me think about why. In his essay “giving the lie” he says this:

—————-

Would it not also be that this reproach seems to involve cowardice and lack of courage? is there any more obvious cowardice that to deny what we have said? nay, worse yet, to lie against a man’s own knowledge?

Lying is an ugly vice; a vice that one of the ancients portrays in the most odious colours when he says, “that it is to manifest a contempt of God, and withal a fear of men.” It is not possible more fully to represent the horror, baseness, and irregularity of it; for what can a man imagine more hateful and contemptible than to be a coward towards men, and valiant against his Maker? Since mutual understanding is brought about solely by way of words, he who falsifies that betrays human society. ’

Tis the only way by which we communicate our thoughts and wills; ’tis the interpreter of the soul, and if it deceive us, we no longer know nor have further tie upon one another; if that deceive us, it breaks all our correspondence, and dissolves all the bonds of government.

—————–

What this means is that lying dissolves the bonds of friendship therefore, in this case, it suggests if you lie your friendships will contain little dissolved fissures in the complex web of what makes friends friends <all of which subtly weaken the bonds>.

That sounds reasonable but, whew, the alternative … being honest all the time … is difficult. I will say that although honesty is not always easy easy route to take it will always lead you to the destination called ‘trust’ … which is the most solid place in every healthy relationship.

unpleasant truths comforting lies marketing Oddly enough … honesty takes more work than lies.

Lies are a peace offering … an offering you give to avoid possible conflict.

Honesty, on the other hand, almost encourages some conflict and therefore you need to stand your ground and help others know why you are telling the truth and why you are being honest about what you really think.

Whew.

This suggests the best friendships and relationships take work and involve some conflict.

<they do>

This can get a little trickier because lies are sneaky. In fact it was the US Supreme Court who just ruled that a lie can actually … well … not be a lie.

Well.

Not really.

They assessed a value to a lie in order to judge it. While I have always felt that a lie was a lie. And I have never really cared to try and measure & assess the depth & breadth of a lie because … well … a lie was a lie to me.

The Supreme Court made us question … do different lies have a different value?

“… the court ruled unanimously that a lie told in the course of gaining citizenship can be used against the applicant only if it was relevant to the reward.”

Who would have ever thought we would judge a lie in a cause & effect manner?

<not me>

So a lie only has value if it had a consequence of some tangible reward or gain <peace or avoiding conflict is not a tangible gain>? thinking Dont-Believe-Think

Well.

That creates some philosophical challenges.

They actually called these “irrelevant lies.”

And maybe this is where I circle back to friendship. In finding the strongest bonds of friendship there is no irrelevant honesty. All honesty is relevant. I say that because … well … relevance can be harshly illuminating. There are harsh words empty of relevance and then there are the harshly relevant words which strip you bare for all to see.

This will … well … certainly create some uncomfortable silence at times … and certainly cost you some friends at other times.

============

“Isn’t it because there’s more truth in it than you might wish? … I told him. This brought the conversation to an end and we walked along side by side in silence.

——

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Let me come back to what Montaigne because, once again, here’s what he believes is the ultimate harm of lying:

Our understanding is conducted solely by means of the word: anyone who falsifies it betrays public society. It is the only tool by which we communicate our wishes and our thoughts; it is our soul’s interpreter: if we lack that, we can no longer hold together; we can no longer know each other. When words deceive us, it breaks all intercourse and loosens the bonds of our polity.

truth was reality He’s obviously right — lying destroys trust and destroys bonds. And they do so in sometimes little sneaky ways dissolving or loosening little threads holding us together. And, yes, sometimes they just cut all threads and you ‘lose’ whatever you had as it floats away on the restless sea of Life.

But if you turn Montaigne’s words around … being honest offers a path to what lies destroy. We know each other, our souls are interpreted to each other and we hold together because we know each other – a stark reality bared to each.

And therein lies what being honest offers — reality.

And for many people reality sucks.

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“In an age of images and entertainment, in an age of instant emotional gratification, we neither seek nor want honesty or reality.

Reality is complicated. Reality is boring. We are incapable or unwilling to handle its confusion.”

—–

Ryan Holiday

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Suck or not … I have said again and again <and will continue saying> that reality welcome sign reality is reality. just like facts are facts. It is what it is and you can either face it or ignore it … but it will be there regardless of whether you look or not.

And that is why honest friends are the ‘good things.’ For in their honesty they also offer a companion to face reality, look at it straight in the eye and say “I am here, I will not go away, and I will do good things.”

Well.

That sure seems worth being honest to me, doesn’t it? I mean … well … having the rights ones with you to face reality rather than try and avoid reality sure seems good. Shit. Just standing up and facing reality rather than ignore it sounds good to me.

Being honest comes with a cost … sometimes friends.

Being honest comes with a benefit … the ability to face reality

Seems like a fair value equation.

But that’s me.

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July 5, 2017 by Bruce

Written by Bruce

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