remember forget battle

athazagoraphobia: the fear of being forgotten

 

 

“Someone, I tell you, in another time will remember us”. – Sappho

 

Ah.

 

Being forgotten.

 

I thought of this the other day after talking with someone who asked me how I felt about them donating money to a library and having a plaque set up with their name on it so ‘the name will live on for future generations.’

 

Now.

 

This person doesn’t have gobs of money <albeit comfortable> therefore I knew the real underlying issue was ‘I’d like to be remembered <fondly>.

 

I hesitated in my response because in my head … I can’t buy not being forgotten.

 

I want to not be forgotten by something I may have done. Some deed or action or thought … well … something.

 

Interestingly a teen on tumblr captured my own thoughts <and I am a 50something>:

 

 

touching reflectionMy biggest fear

is that I’ll be just like

everyone else.

The one thing I’m afraid of is being forgotten

I may seem like a dreamer at times, but I am firmly rooted in reality and know what I am capable of.

 

Well written. Good thought.

 

As for me? Shit. I don’t want to be like everyone else <and I do not know many people who do>.

 

And I am comfortable enough with myself to know that I am not … and hopefully mature enough to not be different just for different sake.

 

I may have some insecurities and I certainly have some flaws … but I also have plans.

 

Maybe not specific plans.

 

But an overall plan to be remembered in some way where I do not have to purchase the remembrance.

 

I feel like I am still going somewhere in life <regardless of the fact I still may not be sure where ‘somewhere is’>.

I am more than willing to make the sacrifices necessary to make that happen … but one of them is not money <in the sense of purchasing ‘not being forgotten’>.

 

I am willing to shift priorities and re-balance Life.

I am not willing to shift how I feel about being remembered.

 

 

Not being forgotten isn’t about buying something but rather being something.

 

Maybe doing something that matters.

 

Lastly.

 

being yourself cahngingI realize being remembered … having some type of legacy often means adapting in some form or fashion.

 

 

And maybe in doing so you have to start anew.

 

 

“In order to understand, I destroyed myself.” —Fernando Pessoa

 

 

I love that quote. Fucking love it.

 

And this may sound absolutely crazy … but … I am willing to destroy myself in order to leave a legacy.

 

To be clear.

I don’t mean destroying as in blowing myself up or lighting myself on fire … those are selfish sacrifices wherein someone feels their loss creates a gain in some way.

I want to be here … and make a difference. And do something that leaves a mark on the world. Doesn’t have to be huge … although I would like it to be as big as it can be.

 

Hey.

 

I tend to believe everyone, on occasion, doubts they will be remembered.

 

Or at least worries a little bit about it.

 

And I believe everyone certainly thinks about HOW they will be remembered.

 

I don’t think all of us want to be famous … as in our names etched in the side of a mountain … but we would like our deeds to be known.

 

Me?

 

“I should like to be famous and unknown.” — Edgar Degas

 

I will never pay to have some scholarship in my name … or have a wing of a forever he saidlibrary dedicated to my family name … that, to me, is paying to be remembered.

 

In my mind.

 

A legacy is not purchased.

 

That said.

 

I am still working on being remembered.

 

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Written by Bruce