athazagoraphobia
athazagoraphobia: the fear of being forgotten
“Someone, I tell you, in another time will remember us”. – Sappho
Ah.
Being forgotten.
I thought of this the other day after talking with someone who asked me how I felt about them donating money to a library and having a plaque set up with their name on it so ‘the name will live on for future generations.’
Now.
This person doesn’t have gobs of money <albeit comfortable> therefore I knew the real underlying issue was ‘I’d like to be remembered <fondly>.’
I hesitated in my response because in my head … I can’t buy not being forgotten.
I want to not be forgotten by something I may have done. Some deed or action or thought … well … something.
Interestingly a teen on tumblr captured my own thoughts <and I am a 50something>:
is that I’ll be just like
everyone else.
The one thing I’m afraid of is being forgotten
I may seem like a dreamer at times, but I am firmly rooted in reality and know what I am capable of.
Well written. Good thought.
As for me? Shit. I don’t want to be like everyone else <and I do not know many people who do>.
And I am comfortable enough with myself to know that I am not … and hopefully mature enough to not be different just for different sake.
I may have some insecurities and I certainly have some flaws … but I also have plans.
Maybe not specific plans.
But an overall plan to be remembered in some way where I do not have to purchase the remembrance.
I feel like I am still going somewhere in life <regardless of the fact I still may not be sure where ‘somewhere is’>.
I am more than willing to make the sacrifices necessary to make that happen … but one of them is not money <in the sense of purchasing ‘not being forgotten’>.
I am willing to shift priorities and re-balance Life.
I am not willing to shift how I feel about being remembered.
Not being forgotten isn’t about buying something but rather being something.
Maybe doing something that matters.
Lastly.
I realize being remembered … having some type of legacy often means adapting in some form or fashion.
And maybe in doing so you have to start anew.
“In order to understand, I destroyed myself.” —Fernando Pessoa
I love that quote. Fucking love it.
And this may sound absolutely crazy … but … I am willing to destroy myself in order to leave a legacy.
To be clear.
I don’t mean destroying as in blowing myself up or lighting myself on fire … those are selfish sacrifices wherein someone feels their loss creates a gain in some way.
I want to be here … and make a difference. And do something that leaves a mark on the world. Doesn’t have to be huge … although I would like it to be as big as it can be.
Hey.
I tend to believe everyone, on occasion, doubts they will be remembered.
Or at least worries a little bit about it.
And I believe everyone certainly thinks about HOW they will be remembered.
I don’t think all of us want to be famous … as in our names etched in the side of a mountain … but we would like our deeds to be known.
Me?
“I should like to be famous and unknown.” — Edgar Degas
I will never pay to have some scholarship in my name … or have a wing of a library dedicated to my family name … that, to me, is paying to be remembered.
In my mind.
A legacy is not purchased.
That said.
I am still working on being remembered.
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