criticism & judgment & self regulation

recognizing real people define judge

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“To judge a man by his weakest link or deed is like judging the power of the ocean by one wave.

Every man is entitled to be valued by his best moment.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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“I do not judge men by anything they can do.

Their greatest deed is the impression they make on me.”

Henry David Thoreau

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So.

 

 
Sometimes … okay … oftentimes … I think we lose perspective.

perspective is everything

And in that lost perspective we judge poorly and criticize unfairly.

 

 

I sometimes think because we lack connection to the larger perspective and therefore end up in this cocoon of ‘what the hell is happening right now’ that … well … we criticize or judge in frustration.

 

What I mean by that is we stop just ‘feeling’ what is going on around us. We don’t really think about shit and instead we focus on what we don’t feel … which ultimately means we rely almost solely on just what we see.

And then we judge and criticize.

 

Here is the crazy part.

 

Despite the fact we aren’t truly sensing what is going on before we act and what we see isn’t framed by any thinking … our judgement/criticism crisis is driven but by emotion.

 

 

Yeah.

 

Emotion.

 

 

Now … almost everyone will scoff at this and say “if my fault is losing larger perspective than my strength lies in common sense reaction to tangible results … and that isn’t emotional … that is a rational based response.’

 

 

Well … no … everyone is mostly wrong. You are simply using the tangible as an excuse for being too lazy, or declining to, pause and think of the larger perspective. And you couch that decision in emotion.

 

 

By the way … I believe this happens in business and in everyday life.

 

 

Regardless.

 

 

Everyone has an excuse.self regulate commit

 

They simply haven’t strengthened their self regulation skills.

 

Psychologically speaking I think this lack of perspective is based in something called ‘a lack of self regulation.’

 

 

Self regulation is actually about emotions … and our emotions are driven by biological impulses.

To be clear … biological impulses are beyond our control … but the resulting emotions are not. Emotions, of any depth, are impossible to ignore … and, yet, they can certainly be managed. This self management is called self-regulation and it is a characteristic of emotional intelligence. This is the characteristic that frees us from running around chasing our impulses <I am chuckling as a very funny image pops into my head thinking about that>.

 

 

Interestingly studies have been conducted which show characteristics of people who have a well defined self regulation:

 

 

– an inclination towards reflection and thoughtfulness

 

– acceptance of uncertainty and change

 

– Integrity, specifically, the ability to say no to impulsive urges.

 

 

In today’s world self-regulation is a pretty underrated skill. For example … if you have great self regulation people will most likely see you as dispassionate or maybe aloof – not particularly the qualities desired to build connections with people. .

 

In addition … we have a tendency to glorify the passionate ‘authentic’ leader.

 

Sometimes this authentic passion is mistaken for ‘characteristic of brilliance.’

 

 

Anyone who says that is … well … nuts.

 

Just batty.

 

 

self regulation motivation
At no time in business history have we needed less unrestrained passion from our leaders and more self regulation.

 

Under the guise of ‘being authentic’ and ‘showing your human side’ we have permitted leaders to be less leaderly and more like us every day schmucks.

 

 

 

Look.

 

 

If I wanted an everyday passionate schmuck to lead I would raise my hand and say “I will lead.’

 

But I want … well … a leader.

 

 

I want someone who will criticize and judge fairly.

 

 

I want reasonable people making reasonable decisions and … well … being reasonable as they do so. I want someone who can self-regulate well because as they have the ability to maintain control over their own emotions I have a tendency to believe they will be more likely to maintain control over the natural ebbs & flows of the organizational emotions.

 

I want environments low on drama and high in productivity.

 

Frankly … if a leader can create that environment the best of the best employees have a tendency to flock to those organizations and prosper <and not leave>.

 

 

Self-regulation actually has a ripple effect. It creates stability at the core of the work environment. It also sets an example for organizational behavior and organizational attitude and organizational expectations.

 

The even handed nature of a self-regulated leader in combination with the measured positive attitudes <that have a tendency to be intertwined in that type of environment> tends to translate into a more positively measured-in-its-actions organization.

 

 

Even better?who dares strong possible

 

Self-regulation leads to a more measured criticism and measured judgment.

 

Ah.

 

Measured.

 

 

What a great word.

 

And what an undervalued characteristic.

 

 

Why?

 

Because it has tinges of ‘not spontaneous’ and ‘not instinctual’ and ‘lack of passion.’ And when all those tinges come together it becomes the hue of ‘slow & unsure.’

 

 

What crap.

 

 

Every person, every employee, deserves to be judged by their best moments and not their worst.

 

 

Every person, every employee, deserves to be criticized with measured self-regulated responses and not by some spontaneous feeling.

 

 

Every person, every employee, deserves to be led by someone who can self-regulate.

 

 

Let me end with one thought.

 

 

It is easy to be a crappy leader.

 

Really easy.

 

And very easy to judge your own success solely on outcomes and objectives reached and sales and ignore a lack of emotional intelligence along the way.

 

It would also be easy to suggest this self-regulation is ‘maturity.’

It is not. inside out leadership

A lack of emotional intelligence and lack of self regulation early on … and then that person is promoted … has been rewarded.

No increase in maturity will suddenly suggest to the crappy self-regulated business person that they should act differently.

 

 

It is hard to be a good leader. It takes a … well … measured self-regulated approach to provide the stability which empowers employees to be the best they can be.

 

 

I wish we would praise self-regulation more often … we may have more happy & productive business environments <without having to bribe employees to do the right things> if we did.

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Written by Bruce