difference between positive thinking and hope

hope versus positive thinking

 

“The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little.”

 

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Thomas Merton

 

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“You can’t be happy if you’re thinking about being happy.

 

Happiness is either there or it’s not, and if you’re thinking about it, it’s not there. “

 

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J. Parata

 

 

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Ok.

hope cup of

 

On new year’s day I wrote about a pragmatic hope … a practical version of hope … or a rational version of hope … and all of a sudden I received a bunch of emails talking about ‘thinking positively in 2015″ and how that will power ‘good things.’

 

Whoa.

 

While I love hearing from people about what I write … sometimes I step back into the conversation because I think someone has misconstrued my thinking.

 

2015, shit, any time is about Hope … not positive thinking.

 

Let me be clear.

 

The whole positive thinking business drives me a little nuts because I am unequivocally in the Hope business.

 

And they are not the same.

 

Not even close in my book.

 

Hope is about a desire for better things to happen.

 

Positive thinking is not really hope … it is about envisioning things to happen … therefore … it’s just positive things.

 

Now.

 

I am not suggesting positive thinking is about ‘confidence’ because it is not. Confidence, when managed well, is a character trait.

 

On the other hand … I sometimes refer to positive thinking as ‘personal puffery.’ Puffing yourself up thru some random ‘positive thoughts about myself or what I believe I deserve.’ In fact … I think that is where that whole fake law, the fake ‘law of attraction’, begins <and end>… with puffery.

 

Anyway.

 

Positive thinking is all about making the intangible tangible in your mind. Its about creating the thought, an image in your mind, that what seems impossible isn’t just possible … it becomes real. Conversely … Hope is all about accepting the intangible … and accepting that it hugh impossible mad hattercould become tangible … not just in your head but in reality.

 

What seems impossible just appears … well … as not impassable.

 

It is the simple acceptance of what could be possible.

 

Semantics?

 

Maybe.

 

But a huge crevasse in between the two.

 

Look.

 

We don’t all need positive thinking to be successful <but … we do need some doubt or cynicism to balance>. However … we all need hope.

 

A hopeless existence just isn’t worth living. Shit. We humans instinctively know this … that is why we spend days, hours & minutes searching for hope.

 

Unfortunately … we sometimes settle for something a little short of hope.

 

<insert “Uh oh” here>

 

Because of that, with good intentions to feel good about where we’re headed, we mistake positive thinking for genuine hope. The real difference between the two seems to come down to their sources.

 

Positive thinking flows from the human will … from the choice to believe that everything will turn out all right <whether it actually does or not>.

sell hope i can

On the other hand … Hope seems to rest on character on the promise that Life offers <albeit it may not look that way all the time>.

 

Positive thinking seems to depend on us … while Hope seems to depend on Life.

 

Oddly <or interestingly>.

 

After looking at some research … it also seems that there are some character traits which affect how we think about positive thinking and hope. It appears how we have developed our character <or how we think about things> makes a difference.

 

For example.

 

How we view our behavior through a certain filter – shame versus guilt. This filter is developed within our childhood.

 

Shame is the feeling that I am a bad person … where guilt is the feeling that I have done a bad thing.

 

Shame is a negative judgment about the core self which can be debilitating & diminishing. Shame makes children feel small and worthless and they respond either by lashing out at the target or escaping the situation altogether.

 

In contrast, guilt is a negative judgment about an action, which can be repaired by good behavior. When children feel guilt, they tend to experience remorse and regret, empathize with the person they have harmed, and aim to make it right.

 

 === 

 

The idea of positive thinking grew in the 70s and is certainly popular as we manage our shame versus guilt feelings.

 

Positive thinking has become a way of handling whatever happens to be bothering you.

  

The positive thinking movement continues to be strong today, culminating in recent years with the massive success of “The Secret” book and movie which prescribes tapping into the “law of attraction” <which is not actually a Law> to attract good things in your life simply by thinking about them.

 

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Well.

 

Unfortunately … sometime Life cannot be ‘handled.’

 

Life is … well … lived.

 

And therein is where Hope resides.

 

Positive thinking is not only flawed thinking but a fallacy.

 

They posit that positive thoughts are supposed to generate positive feelings and ultimately attract Positive life Experiences. This is the belief that positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will <wherein the reality is that a balance is the best>.

 

The true death knell of positive thinking is the tendency to expect the best.

 

The majority of Life is actually not portrayed in ‘the best.’ We get glimpses of the best and at times we brush up against the best but more often than not we do not attain the best.

 

Therefore one of three things happen:

 

We accept less than the best but call it the best.

<all the while thinking positively of course>

This is a sad compromise.

This is called ‘settling’ which is a word you never hear in positive thinking psychology <mumbo jumbo>.

 

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We become blind to reality.

The close ‘one time’ becomes the example of positive thinking proof which blinds us into ignoring the 99 other times our misguided positive thinking guided us into a less than fruitful path.

 

=

 

We become … well … discouraged.

This can create some false optimism <false positive thinking> in that we live under the belief that ‘we are due’ and ‘it will happen the next time’ and we will not change behavior <which has created the outcomes to date> and end up with the same results over and over.

 

In addition positive thinking generally promotes a “more is better” approach to positivity.

 

 

Some proponents of positive thinking would argue that if you don’t have the wealth, health or happiness you want out of life, it’s because you allowed some negativity to creep in. Only by shutting these thoughts out and focusing on the positive can you be successful.

 

 

Well.

 

That is kind of bullshit type thinking.

 

Life is … well … what happens.

 

 

And Hope is more about Life.

 

Hope for something better. Not anything specific … just better.

 

 

Therefore it accommodates negative emotions <doesn’t reject them> recognizing they help us to flourish in our lives.

 

 

In fact … one research study found an ideal ratio of 3 positive emotions to every 1 negative emotion for human flourishing.

 

 

Yup.

 

3:1.

 

 

To be clear.

 

Not 3:0.

 

 

This means it is all about accepting both positive and negative emotions <in whatever ratio they happen to exist> and then acting consciously, while staying true to personal values and goals.

 

 

Hope enables people to develop standards for judging their actions, feelings of empathy and responsibility for others, and a sense of moral identity, which are conducive to becoming a better person.

 

 

hope this way

——–

“The miserable have no other medicine

But only hope.”

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William Shakespeare

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Hope enables people to see, and find, something beyond the miserable.

 

 

Hope enables the ability to look for the unknown. Hope, by definition, is a feeling that what is wanted … will happen <or some desire accompanied by expectation>.

 

 

 

Children seem better at this Hope thing than adults <maybe that is why we adults created this whole ‘positive thinking’ bullshit? … because we stopped being good at Hoping?>.

Many times I wish we adults had a little more of the hope of the young. They never seem to doubt that what they hope for will happen. I don’t think we need all of that … just some.

 

 

 

Ok.

 

 

One last thought before I leave you with your own thoughts.

 

Today and Hope.

 

These days it seems like the word ‘hope’ is used in a pretty casual way. It is almost like we use it as synonymous with some type of need.

 

Like we need many things to happen in our lives.

 

Like we need jobs, we need money, and need some ‘thing.’

 

We tie this Hope thing to … we need … we need … we need.

 

I don’t know if its because we live in such a tangible outcome oriented world these days … or that Hope and dreamers have it kind of tough as not being pragmatic or realistic enough … but regardless of the reason … Hope is being diminished into some fairly basic needs & tangibles.

 

Hope cannot, and should not, ever be cheapened … and certainly not ever <ever> lowered to the abysmal depths of the worst positive thinking tripe.

 

Hope is more a primal need and Life expectation.

 

And hope is infinitely more powerful than any amount of positive thinking.

 

Hope isn’t about thinking about ‘what isn’t’ as ‘what is’… it is about believing ‘what could be’.

 

Hope is not false believing <like positive thinking ‘personal puffery’> but real believing … an acceptance that something appears impossible … and yet is not impassable.

 

There is a reality in hope that doesn’t exist in positive thinking.

 

To that end.

 

I will end with a quote from the infamous movie ‘Princess Bride’.

 

—-

“We’ll never survive!”

 

 

“Nonsense.

You’re only saying that because no one ever has.”

 

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The Princess Bride

—–

 

Hope, in a very odd way, is about realism. Or, maybe better said, being realistic.

 

We hope that things will happen.

compromise never settle for

Not guaranteed … but maybe what ought to be <believing that because it ought to be that somehow … someway … we will get there>.

 

Hope is … well … about survival.

 

It may be tempting to settle for positive thinking … but … it means you are settling for too little. I will not argue that positive thinking has benefits nor that it is a distant cousin to Hope but … well … it is settling.

 

Do not settle.

 

Accept the big prize in Life – Hope.

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Written by Bruce