do not tell me (because I know people say shitty things about me)

tell you something pooh

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“… the text message started with a cheerful greeting and said there was a reason to talk: I had been maligned in a public space.

 

“It’s not what I consider gossip, but rather, more substantial.”

 

I called immediately.

 

I said, “Thanks for this call, thanks very truly. I am very grateful that you contacted me. But I need to start by asking you not to tell me who said it and what was said.”

 

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Artie Isaac

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A professional friend recently wrote an article called “Don’t tell Me.”

 

 

The article is nice.

 

Provides some nice perspective.

eclectic woman attractiveRead it.

 

But let me talk about why he wrote it … maybe even had to write it.

 

Because I think when I met Artie I felt like I had met a kindred spirit – one of slight eclecticedness <I made up that word>, certainly embraced personal ideals as compass for business behavior & thinking and had a good strong attitude that status quo thinking should be challenged rather than simply followed like a sheep.

 

Plus.

He is smarter than I … with a wonderful approachable way of communicating.

 

Anyway.

 

I think when you decide to live your life, particularly your professional life, to the beat of your own drummer – which may actually be a slightly different drummer – you quickly realize that people will say things behind your back.

 

Many people balk at doing things a little differently. And they certainly balk at people who do things, and think things, a little differently.

 

They mainly do so because they misconstrue intent. By that I mean many people opt to see it simply as being different for different sake and not really examining & recognizing that the differences impact true difference in outcomes <they inevitably get caught up in only what they see as ‘nuances’>.

So. They wonder about your intent and … well … they talk about it. and rarely do they talk about it with you. Most of the musing is found behind your back.

 

But another fairly significant group of people just feel uncomfortable with people who are comfortable in their own skin. They wonder what that person sees that they don’t see … and they talk about it.

 

To be fair … most of us … when we don’t ‘get’ something we talk about it.

And, to be fair once again, we mostly talk about it in some fairly negative terms.

 

But … to be fair again, most of all this talking is meaningless drivel. It is mostly befuddled musing over why someone is doing or saying something they are doing or saying … which doesn’t seem to match up with what they believe should be done or said.

 

And it is mostly meaningless because 99% of the time it is all reflections on someone who is quite comfortable in their own skin.comfort zone

 

 

Artie was, and remains, one of the most ‘comfortable in his own skin’ people I have ever met.

 

And, yet, he has always walked to his own drumbeat.

 

Given his article he clearly understands the cost of doing so. And he also clearly understands that it is a cost he accepts without having to hear about it.

 

To be clear.

 

This is more difficult than you may think.

 

It is a very fine line to walk thru Life being yourself, and knowing it may embody something a little different than the mainstream, and insuring you have some checks & balance in place to insure you don’t lose sight of reality. And that is where I believe a shitload of people who want to live like Artie get it wrong.

They seek any feedback … including what is said behind one’s back.

 

Uhm.

Not all feedback is created equal.

 

You learn to not listen to those who cannot hear the beat of your drum. And, as well, you learn to pay attention to the people who can hear your drum but may not walk exactly to the same beat.

Improvement and adjustment is found within those who can hear the same thing you do but maybe dance to the beat differently.

 

Now.

 

The whole ‘behind your back’ thing.

 

Gossip? Politics? Whatever. ‘Not to your face’ is a huge category of communication you can either decide to turn and face and hear … or keep moving forward leaving the carnage of other’s wasted energy behind.

 

I have always believed what is behind you is behind you. And this includes behind your back. Turning to face it simply means you are either going backwards or have decided to stand still.

I find neither of those two things particularly appealing.

The way I figure it is as long as I am facing forward I can face anything that comes my way. I also figure that if what is happening behind my back appears in front of me one day … well … then it is time to face it.

 

stop trying to convinceUnfortunately, being comfortable in your own skin comes with a cost.

 

Unfortunately, living Life to the beat of your own drummer often means dancing to your own tune <that many people cannot hear>.

 

Unfortunately, this all means there is a lot of things being said about you … well … behind your back.

 

 

Fortunately, you can do something about it.

 

Ignore it.

 

Leave it behind and move forward. The more progress you make as a person the farther behind you will leave whatever is behind your back.

 

Here is what I know. If you are truly comfortable in your own skin … people will say shitty things about you behind your back. That is pretty much one of the costs of being yourself. Accept it. Do not invest a shitload of energy worrying about it. And keep moving forward.

 

Artie reminded me of all this. Thanks Artie.

 

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Written by Bruce