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laws truth right“Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”

Mark Twain

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So.

This one has been stewing in my pea-like brain for awhile. Every once in awhile you have a conversation with someone that makes you think … because it kind of rocks you to your core of being.

I had one of those.

I had dinner with an old friend. This is a friend who may qualify as one of the nicest guys on the entire planet … and a guy who has seemingly lost faith in human race’s ability to do the right thing. Sound harsh?

Well. It sounded tough sitting there too. And it made me not only think about him, and what got him started down this path and the ultimate place he current resides mentally, but it also made me think about us … as people.

I will begin with the crux of the discussion.

going in the right directionHe began with “Why don’t people do the right thing when they obviously know what the right thing to do is?” And he said it with a cynicism and disdain in talking about why people don’t do the right thing (even when it is so obvious it is impossible not to know). This was a 3 pitchers of beer type of how do I wrap my head around that question and why is it true?”

So.

The issue seems simple at its foundation. Simple … because knowing what’s “right” isn’t enough.  People can easily discern the difference between right and wrong. We all really know the right thing to do.

Well.

Lets say 99.9% of people do. I say this upfront because I believe a lot of people get caught up focusing on the wrong things when thinking about this issue (because a BOATLOAD of people are thinking about this issue).

It’s in our actions that it all seems to start falling apart, as in:

 

“I know I shouldn’t do this, but I’m going to do it anyway.”

 

Some people are so far gone that this thought is fleeting prior to taking action. But, thankfully, for most people this is a thoughtful – or thoughtful enough that it is recognizable mentally – process. Therefore I want to focus on what happens between what we know we should do and what we actually do.

Whew. Let me suggest several things about not doing the right thing:

 

1. We are not born wanting to do the wrong thing. In fact as children we see the best in everyone. We have hope that good is the majority and is the strongest and will win out over “those who seek to do wrong.” So something goes wrong over time (ok. So something happens over time that skews that perspective).

2. Changed perspective doesn’t happen overnight. Sure.  Some ‘big thing’ can happen that swings you 180degrees in terms of cynicism and self focus.  But more likely we begin to see questions of “do they have good intentions” creep in when assessing what actions we SHOULD take and slowly cynicism overcomes ‘light with dark’.

3. It is now a cultural/generation issue (so I am saying it is a BIG issue). It appears we are shifting as people who used to believe ‘innocent until proven guilty’ to a culture of ‘guilty until proven innocent’. That, my friends, is a big thing.  A really big thing. And, frankly, I worry it will affect children’s attitudes as they grow up. Regardless. We are becoming a people focused on“ I have to focus on what’s right for me because if I don’t I am gonna get screwed.”

 

yes no hand statementAnd that means while we often referred to the Millennials as the “me generation” we should be altering that to say we are ALL now in the “me generation.”

Ok. Let’s be clear. I am NOT writing about social responsibility.  This is about individual responsibility. This is about ‘me’ making a decision (with an eye on how it impacts the overarching ‘we’).

Look.

The gap between understanding what is right and the action is manageable – society pressure withstanding. Even though you may know something is wrong and you have a desire to want to do it you, an empowered individual, need to figure out how to leave it, this ‘me-focused-desire-thing’ in your head’s fantasyland. Unfortunately. We are human. And the outside world affects how we think and how we behave.

I am not going to suggest this is a moral or ethical discussion (although much of it is).

I am going to suggest that the true battle today on this “do the right thing” war is more about the individual <and what is inside the individual>. I say this to make a point about the individualism versus collectivism construct battle (an “I versus a “we” moral construct … or ‘what is right for me’ versus ‘what is right for the ‘we’ battle).

Because the battle is, and should be, fought individually.

This is about pessimism winning out over positive. Or even cynicism overcoming optimism. And all these things become important because a thought becomes a belief. And a belief becomes an action. And, ultimately, an action becomes our behavior <re-occurring actions>.

All of these words I am using should be suggesting that there’s more to this issue than a simple question of right or wrong. There are many things wrapped up in “why aren’t people doing the right thing more often.”

 

“I just try to do the right thing at the right time.   They may just be little things, but usually they make the difference between winning and losing.”

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

 

Yeah. This is about winning and losing. Winning and losing in life. Not a game. Plato and Socrates believed that moral virtue was the most valuable thing. Essentially, they believed “virtue is its own reward.” The key to this lies in the right thing the harder thingnotion that “virtue is the health of the soul.”

Therefore, doing the right thing doesn’t translate into anything tangible (ignore the whole concept of “good things happen to good people”) but rather something of a higher order self-benefit.

Uh oh. Trouble.

Because the intangible ‘health of soul’ doesn’t mean shit when you start thinking about tangibles when we begin to view the rest of the world as “out to get me.” And we begin cocooning our decisions and center everything around “what’s in it for me” (or “I have to look out for me because no one else will’).

Yes. I do understand that all of us have an interest in adding to our happiness, whether that is some pleasure of the moment, success in a job, or whatever it takes. If what is right and what is in our own interest coincide, we have no problem doing the right thing. Or maybe we’re willing to do the right thing (and avoid some guilt) only if it’s a little inconveniently “not the right thing for me.”

But. It is when what is right and what makes us happy are opposites (or we feel significant risk to our benefit and happiness) when we reach a real dilemma (problem).

I am not naïve. I know that at times like this, when strong desires pull us in opposite directions, it’s hard to do the ethical ‘right’ thing <for someone else>. And when we do resist the temptation of doing something other than the right thing we usually want to feel that somehow we’re going to get something for it. That may not be very high-minded, but most of us, when confronted with moral dilemmas, really want to ask: “What’s in it for me if I do what’s right?”

It doesn’t have to be fame and fortune, it may just be a good feeling about who we are, or it can be pain avoidance (I didn’t get screwed or yelled at or whatever). But most of us want a good positive response reason to be good.

Enough already. Back to the core issue. Doing the right thing. Why should we do the right thing?

A simple question. The answer, although it may seem simple, is probably the most difficult task in ethics. Legal systems and religious traditions seemingly have an easy time giving us the answer.

“We should do what’s right in order to avoid punishment for doing wrong–either in this life or the next.”

But real every day life just isn’t that simple (see the word “legal” and “religious” I used in the sentence prior and the nuances and debatable aspects of both make your head spin). All of this is very hard to do. Yet. It does boil down to something really simple in concept.

This all seems to boil down to “step up and do the right thing…” or “just do the right thing…”

Sounds easy. But, once again, even that isn’t simple. Doing the right thing isn’t that easy. In fact, it’s pretty near impossible some of the time. Someone online outlined a couple problems as examples:

1. Doing the right thing is hard work and horribly painful. It can hurt. Doing the right thing is always harder than doing the wrong thing. That’s why it’s so easy to not do the right thing. You naturally just slip into the behaviors that hurt you the least. When you have to make hard, painful decisions that affect you and the people that you love, doing the right things suddenly looks like the wrong thing.

2. Doing the right thing isn’t always clear. — What is right today might look horribly selfish and self-centered a year from now when you look back. Isn’t it better to have that introspective discussion now rather than a year from now? And even when you look at the choices in front of you with an open mind there are always a few options that you probably haven’t considered.

You don’t know everything. Choosing “good” might look bad if a “better” or “best” were clear.

In every aspect you can think of … well … it is difficult to do the right thing <and be sure it is the right thing>.

Any aspect. Figuratively, emotionally, financially and even physically.

But. Here is the deal (as I get close to finishing this rant) In general, being successful has always been about doing the hard things. So doing the right thing falls squarely into this category.

Yeah.

Once again. I get it. It shouldn’t be hard. And we shouldn’t have to feel pain (financially, emotionally, whatever) if we do the right thing. But. The only way you can truly get a grip on this ‘do the right thing’ issue is to wrap your head around the fact we are all in the hope business.

All of us. Every day. Even with seemingly inconsequential type actions.

We all are dealers of hope. Because if we don’t do the right thing then we give no one ‘hope’ it can be better or get better. And if we do not look at it that way then it becomes a doom loop of ‘doing the wrong things.’  How to break the loop? Well … shit ... do the right thing.

Why?

You have forgotten something. Cynicism and the belief you are gonna get screwed if you do the right thing has made you forget you can make a difference.  And even if the difference is one person … or one event … that one person maybe begets another person … and another … and then, well, you are starting to make a difference.

But someone has to be the first. Because if we don’t step up and start doing the right things I fear in the end we will not be able to measure our lives in anything but material and tangible things. In “here is what I have and did” rather than “did I do the right thing” measurement.

The first is great from an individual standpoint.

The second is better because it shows up on your gravestone and people stop and read it and they smile and they feel better. It impacts others not just ‘self’ (although it does affect self in a very meaningful way)

In religious circles they state this as “setting aside pride, lust, materialism and act based upon love, compassion and self sacrifice.”

So.

As I stated earlier in this little diatribe of mine … this is NOT about social responsibility.  This is about individual responsibility. This is about ‘me’ making a decision (with an eye on how it impacts the overarching ‘we’).

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“That’s what it takes to be a hero, a little gem of innocence inside you that makes you want to believe that there still exists a right and wrong and that decency will somehow triumph in the end.”

Lisa Hand

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My friend’s discomforting discussion reminds me we all need to step up and be a little bit of a hero. On a day to day basis.  And not for the sake of being called an actual hero but for the sake of … well … what is right. And the impact you can have on one person … and in this case a friend. Someone who could easily have been called the nicest guy in the world and life has eroded to a state of cynicism. Because someone didn’t step up … and do the right thing.

So that decency triumphs.

All that said. If you agree, then just do the right thing when you have the opportunity.

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“Be a first rate version of yourself, not a second rate version of someone else.”

Judy Garland, to her daughter, Liza Minelli

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Written by Bruce