friendly advice

So.

Getting advice from friends.

I just saw a great friend the other day at lunch that I hadn’t seen in quite some time and he did what he does best as my friend … gave great advice.

You know.

We all have one of those friends.

Not all. One. If you are really lucky maybe two or a few.

Friends are difficult to describe and instead of different words we are often stuck with simple silly adjectives.

Close friend. Best friend. Childhood friend. Intimate friend. Trusted friend. Beloved friend.

Whatever adjective or different word it is difficult to deny the infiniteness of that simple word – friend.

Friends are special people.

I know we have all read that “we can’t pick our family” but we can pick our friends.

Its funny.

I sometimes believe they actually pick us more than we pick them. And that is even more so over time. Anyway.

We typically select a single companion to marry or live with.

But our friends are as diverse and infinite as we choose.

In the end? Our friends often reflect the choices we make in life.

So.

Advice and my friend.

Shit.

It’s funny (in a good way).

You probably have this friend too.

There is that one great friend who gives the best advice. Always.

That one friend we always have tends to be slightly fearless (knowing at worst they get hit but there will always be a beer & wings occasion in the future).

They tend to know what you like and dislike better than anyone else (the good and the bad).

And they tend to be intellectually a peer (so you use similar words and thinking process).

And when you find that one who fulfills all those?

You listen.

Because it takes some balls to ask some of the questions they do to offer the advice that they do.

And you have to recognize that …. and appreciate it … or you end up missing the advice that counts.

The words that make an impact. The things that actually give you a ‘plan’.

This type of friend and friendship is … well … typically a little different than some of your others.

There is something so incredibly easy and difficult about this kind of friendship (and maybe that’s why we’ve been friends for so long).

I know this friend is a great complimentary to me. And there are probably a million reasons for this but loyal, strong soul, responsible, ethical, just … well … ‘true’ as a human and, of course, fun, and is one of the absolute nicest people I know.

Whenever I need advice it seems like I eventually get around to this friend.

Always tells it like it is even if sometimes the advice is the last thing I want to hear (although it is rarely something I don’t really know I am just not sure I want to hear it outside my own head) and, in the end, it helps me be a better person for it.

Best friend?

Shit. I don’t know.

Best friend for talking and thinking and advice? Maybe.

And that, my friends, is a special thing to have.

Because most of us have the tendency to avoid truth telling in meaningful relationships and that includes great friendships (for some seemingly good reasons) but then I imagine if you look at them with some scrutiny you would find they lack an aspect of truth (which isn’t always bad it just is).

Candor is a tricky and challenging things. It takes character. It takes a lot of mutual respect.

And unfortunately the truth of the matter is that the words chosen matter. And matter a lot.

And I also imagine when you stack all those things up that is why the great advice (offered and accepted) is such a challenge even among friends.

I do know I am fortunate to have a varied group of friends who share similar values in authenticity and life and ethics.

But.

Just as when I used the adjectives above … varied means just that. Everyone is distinct and fulfills an aspect that reflects who they are (themselves) and who they are (to me).

Anyway.

I started this with the thought I DO have one of those great friends who can give great advice.

And it may be as simple as by listening to them I actually start listening to myself.

Aw. Who knows?

All I know is that I have great friends and among them I know I have one who gives great advice.

Best friend?

Cheapens the relationship I believe by trying to put a label on such a thing.

How about someone who recognizes what is best for me?

That may be a good enough “adjective” to attach to ‘friend.’

Yup.

I am a pretty lucky guy.