giving yourself away … a selfish view

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“You will leave a little piece of yourself with everyone you imagine,” he said.

“You will get exhausted trying to give yourself away.”

————-

“I wonder how much of what weighs me down is not mine to carry.”

Aditi

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“I ruined myself for a lot of people that weren’t even worth it.”

Unknown

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Ok. I like every single one of the quotes I began with because they’re not blaming anyone else for their problems. That said. While this topic is mostly about ‘self’, let me be clear, keeping yourself whole is one of the most difficult challenges in Life.

Why?

Well. We all have a tendency to give little pieces of ourselves away — with good intentions <most of the time>. And then there will be times you have a piece taken away.

Regardless.

If you are not careful not only do you get tired, but you have nothing left to give.

Oh.

And at exactly the same time you run the risk of accepting some shit from other people and end up having to carry it around <along with your own shit>. This shit is not only their problems or issues, but more dangerously — their perceptions and attitudes.

Uhm. The ‘what they believe’ type shit.

I will note here that other people’s thoughts, perceptions & attitudes can be the heaviest burden you can ever assume. So while you give yourself away piece by piece you are inevitably gathering up pieces of other people. When things get completely out of balance this means you can actually be carrying around more of other people <and their wacky opinions> then your own.

Scary, huh?  Kind of makes you hesitate to give yourself away.

Ok.

Maybe this means I am talking about being selfish. And actually finding a positive aspect of selfish. Because, yes, there is a twinge of selfishness in deciding to not give yourself away.

I say that because there are always people wanting a piece of you.

Especially if you are worth a shit.

But even if you are not worth a shit other people are always in need of something more than what they have and will always seek to get what they need.

Sometimes this is meant with good intentions.

Sometimes it clearly is with bad intentions.

Intentions or not, at all times, if you ‘play’, you give yourself away.

What this means is that if you are not very very <very> careful you can ruin yourself by giving yourself away. I say ‘very careful’ because it can happen piece by piece. So ‘being careful’ brings me back to the selfish thought.

You have a right to set respectful boundaries.

You have a right to decide when to give something away, of yourself, and when not to.

You have a right to tell the world “I have nothing left to give.”

You have a right to take care of yourself, your whole self, first.

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“It’s okay to care about yourself the most.

It’s okay to do what’s healthy for YOU. When someone hits you, it’s okay to hit back and then ask them what the hell they expected.

It’s okay. You are not obligated to sit there and smile and swallow every bit of shit everyone heaps on you.

You are more than furniture, you’re more than window dressing, you’re not their shiny toy.

You’re human, and you have the right to say “That was shitty of you”.

You have a right to say “Let me feed that back to you; tell me, how does it taste?”

You have a right to protest your own mistreatment and set boundaries for respectful interactions.

The rest of the world doesn’t realize you have this right, and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours.”

SonneillonV

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And maybe that is what not giving yourself comes down to. The right to set your own boundaries and rules for interaction.

Now. This will confuse the world on occasion.

Why?

“The rest of the world doesn’t realize you have this right, and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours.”

But you gotta do it or, well, you give yourself away.

Giving yourself away can be exhausting.

Giving yourself away does not always translate into ‘getting back something of equal value.’

Giving yourself away can ruin you.

Look. In the end. I am certainly not suggesting lack of compassion or not embracing a giving nature or even a belief that giving yourself away doesn’t have returns <actualization, esteem, gratification, etc.>.

However.

I am suggesting that if you give yourself way piece by piece to anyone and everyone who asks … well … you run the risk of no longer being whole.

In other words. the essential parts that make up the whole have been given away.

That’s not good nor valuable to people who really do need your help.

So. I am suggesting that it is okay to be a little selfish, maybe self serving, when it comes to giving yourself away.