try start line start over

—-

“If I have gained anything … it is the knowledge there is no starting over – only living with the mistakes you’ve made.”

=

Jodi Picoult

“It is so hard to leave — until you leave.

And then it is the easiest goddamned thing in the world.”

=

John Green

 

Ok.

 

To begin New Year’s week I begin sharing thoughts about Life, hope, the past year, next year … and beginnings, ends & what is in between.

 

Regardless.

 

I imagine this is not only about starting over … but also about ends.

 

Or conclusions.

 

Or when enough is enough.

 

 

And where you go when you have reached ‘enough is enough’ <some people suggest that point should be called ‘starting over’>.

 

 

Starting over is not only big business but it may actually be part of our DNA.

Yup.

 

I think part of America’s DNA  is a belief anyone can reinvent themselves. We write books about it, give seminars on it, share trite inspirational ramblings on it … and invest gobs of energy on it.

 

 

Well.

 
Look.

 

I don’t believe in starting over. That implies you can leave some stuff behind … wipe the slate clean as they say <whoever ‘they’ is>.

 

legacy life leave behind

 

But you never really leave shit behind.

 

What do I mean?

 

I think Life is like a puzzle.
You are given some pieces and you pick up some pieces as you progress. And it is just part of Life that sometimes all the pieces just don’t fit.

But here’s the deal … once you pick up a piece it has your fingerprints on it.

 

And even if you try to discard what you see as a useless piece … you cannot. The pieces are sticky.

 

And in reading that you may think I am suggesting being more careful about what puzzle pieces you accumulate.

I am not.

 

 

Picking up puzzle pieces is just part of living Life.

 

Suffice it to say you are never really finished putting a puzzle together. You are always looking at new pieces and picking up new pieces.

On occasion it may feel like you have almost put your puzzle together … only to find some pieces that don’t fit <and they may have even actually fit in the past – insert yikes here>. And sometimes you can actually want a piece to fit but it won’t fit into the space you’ve designated for it.

 

 

But beyond the actual pieces … and going back to the whole ‘reinvention’ or starting over idea … you can’t really discard the puzzle and start over.

 

Pieces?

 

Sure.

 

The puzzle?

 

Nope.

 

Sure.

 

 

We may want to.

 
We may look at the puzzle we have put together, or let’s say … tried to put together, or maybe it is just a big nasty pile of pieces staring at us in the face … and say “shit, where did I go wrong?”

 

 

 

Well.

starting over new beginning
This is one of the few times you have permission to sit, maybe cry a little … and certainly think about how your life may have gone awry.

 

 

I don’t mean that you should wallow in pity that things look like they didn’t go your way.

 

I’m just saying that it’s okay to sit and be unhappy that you sucked at putting the fucking puzzle together well.

 

 

It’s okay to be upset.

 

WTF.

 

No one can be happy all the time.

 

And maybe it is good to get upset and let all the frustrated, disappointed, sad feelings out … because when you’re done maybe you get angry. And when you get angry … you decide to do something about it.

 

 

Doing something is good … because here is the thing about a Life puzzle.

 

There is always another piece … choice, option and way out <forward> around you waiting to be picked up.

 

And when I say I think starting over is bullshit … I am not suggesting that you give up nor am I suggesting that “life is out of my control” or that it is too big to do anything about it.

 

starting over sucks

 

Because I hate it when people say things are “out of their control.”

 

 

That’s bullshit.

 

And it is simply an excuse to not go after what they want.

 

 

But going after what you want … or doing something about the crappy puzzle you have put together to date … is not starting over.

 

This is about moving forward, accepting what you have done up to that point, sifting through all of it and gathering up the good <because there is no way in hell you have made 100% bad decisions and have 100% ‘wrong’ puzzle pieces in your puzzle> and starting to build a new version of the puzzle you have already started.

 

 

Inevitably this is about making some choices.

 

Making some new decisions <that are good for you>.

 

 

 

Now.

 

What sucks about making decisions that are good for you is that not everyone is going to be happy with the decisions nor the results. Nor is much of the world going to be paying attention … because they will be making their own decisions and doing their own thing.

 

But taking control of where you go from here is assuming some responsibility <maybe not complete control but certainly responsibility> of your life.

 

 

Starting over doesn’t mean picking up and moving, maybe it’s an attitude change. A change of heart. A new outlook on life. And a new outlook on your puzzle.

 

 

Shit.

this whole starting over thing drives me a little nuts.

 

I don’t like the thought of thinking of everything as a do-over.

 

 

Sure. You always get another chance … that is what Life is all about. But you don’t get to ‘do over’ something … just do something else.

 

 

I think it is better, and healthier, to accept the fact you can’t wipe the slate clean.

 

 

All you can really do is to stop and understand why you are the way that you are and how you got to where you are.

 

Oh.
I said ‘stop,’ and not ‘take a step back.

 

Purposefully I may add.

 

 

Why?

 

 

Well.

 
Most times we are seeking to understand what we have done … and at the same time try and put something behind you.

 

 

That said.

 

It seems silly to step back … but instead … just stop.

 

Pause. Assess. Evaluate.

 

Look around.

 

And don’t stop fighting the battle at hand <or juggling the puzzle pieces you have available to you>.

 

 

Shove the shit that is actually behind you <no sense stepping back and reliving it> or to the side or, even better, into some storage bin <and, once again, I purposefully do not suggest ‘burning or destroying’ … it is what it is … you cannot destroy your past>.

 

You are storing away anything that is adding weight to your load and impedes your progress.

 

But.

 

All the while you are fighting the battle at hand.

 

This suggests you also have to quit over thinking everything and anything.

I say that because any winning, even in Life, is part thinking and part instinctual.

 

It’s a balance.

 

Happiness is almost exactly the same.

 

start over magic beginnings

Maybe because happiness is partially about … well … winning.

Winning in Life.

 

And I don’t mean tangible shit <money, stuff, trophies, cars, etc.> but rather satisfaction in oneself.

 

“Happiness is simple.

Everything we do to find it is complicated. “

=

Karen Maezen Miller

 

And you actually have to give yourself the opportunity for satisfaction.

 

Huh?

 

Yup.

 

 

If you sit and think through every possible scenario, dissect every decision into meaningless scraps <ultimately making the decision you need to make completely unrecognizable> … it doesn’t make anything better.

 

It just makes everything worse.

 

 

And all the dissection and overthinking does is … well … uncover worry & anxiety & general angst.

 

To be clear.

 

start somewhere

Yes.

 

You still need to make decisions based on logic and practicality.

 

 

No.

 

Not all decisions need to be analyzed so hard.

 

In fact.

 

That is probably the main reason all this ‘starting over’ stuff is bullshit.

 

 

Decisions in life, and in general, are iterative.

 

And that insight alone kills the concept of starting over.

 

 

It just means you are going. Maybe not forward … but going.

 

 

You really cannot go back.

 

You really can only accept and move forward.

 

You never really start over … you may simply be stopping to fight the battle at hand.

 

“As I reflect back on the lion’s share of my life, it feels I have been fighting a battle I couldn’t win.

It always seemed my opponent was one step ahead of me.

Only when I surrendered, and started my life all over, did I discover that my opponent was me. “

=

williamchapmanwritings

 

With all due respect to williamchapmanwritings … you never really surrender in Life.

 

 

You actually “reflect on the move.”

 

How do I know that?

 

Because if we didn’t we would constantly be run over. And most of us don’t have tread marks … just dents from where we get bumped by Life.

 

 

However.

 

Our opponent in the battle in Life is really … well … me.

 

Us.
Me, myself & I.

 

 

The whole trite concept of ‘starting over’ is 99% of the time all about self.

start over reinvent self

 

What does that mean?

 
There is no starting over … just adapting.

 

 

And it also means.

 

 

Life is exactly what you make it out to be.

 

You.

No one else.

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Written by Bruce