Favorite Quotes, Rants and Observations, Stuff I Like

painfully visible

invisible painful

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“It would be too easy to say that I feel invisible. Instead, I feel painfully visible, and entirely ignored.”

David Levithan

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Whew. When I saw this quote I had to, well, sit back.

Think a little.

I wanted to write about Life like “maybe something personal?” I thought, but surely this is applicable to business.

Well.

It is about everything.

I will begin personally <or about people and Life>.

I have always disliked the whole ‘love yourself first & foremost’ advice. I worry that it is a trite soundbite solution to people living in a Life where self identity, success, esteem and happiness is significantly more complex.

Look.

be yourself but judged I think ‘be yourself’ is important.

I think ‘true to thineself’ may be the single most important Life compass one can follow.

But. I do not believe this means you can ignore context.

Making yourself visible by being yourself and, yet, end up being invisible and ignored in the world … well … that sucks.

It sucks on so many levels I am not even sure where to start. But I am sure it sucks enough that it is unhealthy and not particularly good for self esteem and confidence.

And before anyone wants to debate the whole ‘external validation versus internal driven’ importance let me share a credible source:

“For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that “unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.”… The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation.”

Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D.

Effective and positive visibility is a combination, or maybe better said: an alignment between ‘being yourself’ and ‘not being ignored’ socially.

I say that because invisibility is isolation <or maybe call it ‘visible but ignored’>.

I am not sure anything can really be built in isolation.

Created? Possibly.

Built? Yikes. I don’t think so.

Even more importantly I am fairly sure you cannot create or build if you are isolated by being visible; yet ignored <because you have created but have received no affirmation of value>.

So. I believe one person, an individual, can rarely build something without help. Help as in tangible <doing help> or intangible <emotional support>.

All that said. If we are truly honest with ourselves, we all like to be noticed. On a wide spectrum of visibility, we all like to be visible and not ignored. To be clear. This doesn’t have to be awards or accolades or any significantly vocal ‘notice’ … it can be a slight acknowledgement.

Me, personally, I have always struggled receiving compliments. That is not my ‘being visible’ thing. Mine is more subtle. All I care about is, well, not being ignored. Visible, but ignored <which implies ‘no value’> is where I get my affirmation or non-affirmation. This doesn’t mean I will not avoid the spotlight it is just that I do not turn the spotlight on nor do I seek it. I simply stand my ground if it happens to turn on me. That is what I mean by some subtle differences in ‘not being ignored.’

Which leads me to discuss this thought in business.

Whew.

The whole spotlight thing I wrote earlier.

The business world has made us think about being visible and not being ignored to an absurd level.

Huh? Things like “you have to be your own cheerleader!” or ‘you have to promote your accomplishments’ or ‘shine a spotlight on your accomplishments so they get noticed’, things like that.

The implication is that the only way to not be ignored is to make sure you are not ignored. Theoretically this is okay, but in practice what this mean is a lot of noise and spotlights endlessly waving across the sky from people who are doing & saying things just to be visible and the things they are actually doing should be ignored.

I think, at least in business, we are missing an opportunity <if not make the business environment a little less painful>.

In business being visible, but ignored is a lesson. A lesson in ‘are you really doing anything of value.’ Far too often we judge our own value differently than how others do. Research shows that generally we overestimate our value and contributions and ability. By promoting ourselves to insure we are not ignored i am waiting to be written we miss out on, uhm, truth.

Truth as in ‘should we <or our accomplishments> truly be ignored’ <because they truly have no or little value>.

Anyway.

This quote made me think.

Made me think about being visible and ignored versus thinking you are invisible.

In the end.

I wonder how often we confuse thinking we are invisible when the truth is we are actually quite visible … but ignored.

Ponder.

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February 12, 2022 by Bruce

Written by Bruce

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