prove yourself (to yourself)

prove myself

I don’t think we ever stop trying to prove things to ourselves.

Maybe it’s kind of a state of perpetual dissatisfaction.

Maybe it’s simply the fact we like to believe we are improving.

Maybe it is just a state of changing.

Maybe it is just that Life forces you to.

I do believe even when we are not moving we are still moving.

Ok. Maybe not physically but thinkingwise.

So. Maybe it’s not really out and out “proving something to ourselves” but still we want some proof of ‘self.’ A friend of mine just said “comfortable in your own skin” the other day. Proving things to yourself doesn’t necessarily mean you are not comfortable in your own skin. It just may be your way of making sure you are still moving.

Moving forward. Moving sideways. Just moving.

Because, by the way, the world is moving around you … lives are always in motion … and, well, shit is always happening.

Ok. Maybe this is just me on this whole “constantly proving yourself”.

Maybe other people really mean it when they say “I don’t have to prove anything.”

I don’t know.

All I know is that I am a relatively content guy and I still always feel like I should improve or simply prove something to myself (even if it is just some proof my brain hasn’t completely turned to goo).

I believe part of the trick to being content is finding your own proof.

And I mean proof that is not some external stimulus (although it could play a role … you know … like a title or money or something tangible) but rather something that happens inside of you which gives you a solid sense of value.

And there can be a variety – some small and some huge. A hug from your kid in public. A kind word from your boss.

Sure. For some it may be more materialistic. But everyone … and, yes, I typed everyone … needs something non-materialistic to find self worth … or proof as it were.

And its worth figuring it out and seeking those moments because, while I am sure people will debate, I believe it is in all of our DNA to have a need to ‘prove myself to myself.’

Me? My best proof to myself is stillness in amidst chaos. Some people call it ‘being in the flow.’ (I don’t).

Here is what I mean. I know I have proven myself to myself when the shit has hit the fan, the world seems to crumbling as we know it and I am in my ‘still place’ where it all looks like it is going slightly in slow motion so I can start slowing everything else down.

When I have those moments I have proven to myself I am doing what I want to be doing and what I like to be doing and, maybe in a small way, it makes me think I am good at something.

And then.

I wait for another proving time so I can prove to myself I can still do it.

So. In the end. Maybe it is just me and my wacky way of looking at things.

I guess I will never stop proving myself to myself.

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Written by Bruce