recognizing the real person

 

growing up see me

“Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made, or by dark images you hold about yourself.

They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty; and your purpose when you are confused. “

=

Alan Cohen

—-

“I’m a pretty good judge of character and I can read people.”

=

I imagine at least one person says this every minute

————-

Whew.

 

 

Reading people.

 

Judging people.

 

 

Or.

 

 

Well.

 

 

Simply seeing them as they are.

 

seeing is seeing as we are

In the business world there are gobs of people who say “I figured them out in the first 2 minutes.’

 

 

I have one word for that.

 

 

Crazy.

 

 

Ok.

 

Two words.

 

 

Crazy talk.

 

 

 

Sure <part1>.

 

 

Some people are better at getting some grip on what floats someone’s boat than another … but … even they aren’t ‘great at reading people.’

 

 

Well.

 

Certainly not in the first 2 minutes.

 

 

If a person is interesting, even the smallest amount interesting … they are deeper than a 2 minute read.

 

 

 

Sure <part 2>.

 

 

You may get a sense of what is most important … but most likely not even that.

 

The first two minutes is most likely their ‘put what I think, or hope, is my best face forward … uhm … for this particular situation.”

 

 

So … they are guessing.

 

 

So … they are ‘posing’ or posturing in some way.

 

 

So … that means you are not seeing even close to the real ‘they’ … their ‘authentic’ version.

 

 

So … if you say ‘I am really good at reading people’ more often than not … you are creating he other person in some way. Cheating them by judging too fast.

 

 

 

I have written my thought on first impressions before … and have unequivocally stated that ‘the last impression is most often the most important.’
Of course that assume you have the opportunity for it.

 

The corollary is that you … “the good at reading a person person’ should be more dedicated to gaining the last impression rather than the first … and judging off the last rather than the first.

 

 

Shit.

 

I am kidding myself.

 

 

Most people don’t invest the energy to do that. I only wish they did.

 

 

Now.

 

That said.

 

 

Outside of business you always have one friend.
That friend who can … well … tell. They can just tell.

 

 

Sometimes they can even sense.
Sense when shit is happening and when something is just not in alignment.

 

They are the ones who are not fooled by mistakes you have made, or by dark images you hold about yourself.

 

 

This type of friend is invaluable … because inside of all of us there resides a nasty evil twin.

 

 

This is the one who always tells you what can’t be done, why it was done poorly or how what you’ve done is worthless.

 

 

Well.

 

 

That’s why you have friends.

 

 

Ok.

 

tell you something pooh

At least the ones who can help you take your collection of thoughts and curate & rearrange them.

=========

“Introverts are collectors of thoughts, and solitude is where the collection is curated and rearranged to make sense of the present and future.”

=

Laurie Helgoe

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This friend is most likely the one who can recognize the real person that is ‘you’ … and can yank it out of you when you need it.

They see the whole when all you can see is the broken.

They see the light where you only see the dark.

They see the purpose where you only see confusion.

 

 

THAT is being able to read a person well.

 

And if you think you are good at that … well … you may actually be … but not in some ‘quick first impression’ situation. it is most often in a ‘I am invested in this person’ situation.

 

 

Recognizing a real person means recognizing depth … not surface.

 

And that is what I mostly take umbrage to with regard to those who suggest they are good at ‘reading people.’

 

They believe they are good at assessing based on superficial, or at least surface, aspects.

 

 

And it’s silly to think that.

 

And unfair to those around.

 

 

To be a good judge of someone’s character you need to read all levels of a recognizing real people define judgeperson.

Anything else is not reading … unless you consider reading the cover of a book as actually reading the book as a whole.

 

 

Well.

 

 

Reading a cover of a book and claiming to have been able to read an entire book … uhm … that sounds silly doesn’t it?

 

 

Reading people is not easy … and claiming you can ‘read someone’ quickly is just not really true. Someone .. okay everyone … gets cheated if you try and read someone this way. They get cheated and you get cheated. Sure seems like a better idea to not cheat anyone and invest the energy it takes to really recognize the real person.

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Written by Bruce