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“It’s surprising how many persons go through life without ever recognizing that their feelings toward other people are largely determined by their feelings toward themselves, and if you’re not comfortable within yourself, you can’t be comfortable with others.”

Sydney J. Harris

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There is neither a right nor a wrong way of reflective thinking, there are just questions to explore.

Reflective thinking process starts with you. Before you can begin to assess the words and ideas of others, you need to pause and identify and examine your own thoughts.

Doing this involves revisiting your prior experience and knowledge of the topic you are exploring. It also involves considering how and why you think the way you do.

The examination of your beliefs, values, attitudes and assumptions forms the foundation of your understanding. 

Reflective thinking demands that you recognise that you bring valuable knowledge to every experience. It helps you therefore to recognise and clarify the important connections between what you already know and what you are learning. It is a way of helping you to become an active, aware and critical learner.

—–

UNSW Australia

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reflective thinking reflect

Well. I have written dozens of posts with regard to self esteem and being yourself and, yet, this quote made me sit back and think a little more about the importance of how you view yourself.

When I started writing this thought I am sharing and titled this post I didn’t realize there was actually something called ‘reflective thinking.’  To be clear, today’s thought from me is just that – a thought – and if you want to read up on reflective thinking and research and stuff like that go for it. In general I tend to believe all of us would be a little better off if we actively were aware of the ‘reflective thinking principles’ as we wandered our way thru Life.

Regardless. My thoughts.

reflection people imperefcetBy the way … this thought is also very <very> relatable to business in that how a business, and its organization/employees, feels toward themselves impacts their feelings toward other people <target audience, customers, competitors, etc.>.

Anyway. Life, us, and what is in our heads.

Very <most> often we think about ‘what do others think about’ or ‘how people view such and such’ and don’t stop and think about “why do I care?”

We should. What you care about with regard to yourself impacts what you care about externally.

It creates expectations, desires, attitudes and even your behavior.

The danger in ‘non reflective thinking’ is multi dimensional, but the main danger is that means you view the world through a focus group of one – yourself. And that means you view the world thru a lens of what you feel comfortable with about yourself as well as what you feel less comfortable with. It filters the view positively and negatively. Regardless. It creates a filter.

Worse?

self thinking mirror reflectionsThat filter is always being adjusted by self doubt, how you deal with doubt & uncertainty, and what is happening to you day in and day out.

Whoa.

Hold on.

There are a bunch of confident people shouting “I have no self doubt !!! … I know what I am comfortable with and I am comfortable in my own skin !!!!”

Well. In all the exclamation points I would suggest ‘you doth protest too much.’ Confident or not we all doubt ourselves sometimes and we all certainly question ourselves at all times. By the way. There is nothing wrong with that. It is natural.

However, we should reflect upon the fact that natural human activity affects how we view everyone and everything else around us. It makes us comfortable and uncomfortable with things and people in an uneven way. Or maybe in a less than desirable inconsistency which can not only confuse other people <this is our inconsistent filter where even if it is just a minor inconsistency, it can create a more major judgement impact> it can actually confuse us.

Yes. Be aware. We like consistency within ourselves it kind of proves to ourselves that we have our shit together.

This becomes confusing in reflection because, on the other hand, If you think about it … you sometimes celebrate the inconsistency as ‘an ability to not treat everyone the same’ and it suggests that we can adapt to new and different experiences.

reflective We-do-not-learn-fromWell. Most times we are wrong in that thought. We are fairly consistent. The reality is your own filter has most likely varied because of something that has nothing to do with them or the experience but rather something that has affected your own filter PRIOR to that experience.

Even worse?

Your filter could be affected by how <insert an “uh oh” here> … uhm … you feel about yourself that day and in that moment.

<yikes>

In the end.

I don’t think we like to admit this to ourselves: the fact that how we view ourselves taints how we view others.

Shit.

I am not sure most of us even recognize it. We far more often reflect upon ourselves as a way of thinking about how to improve ourselves or maybe reflect upon ‘I is what I is.’ Nothing wrong with that <in a balanced way>.

Self awareness is good. What is even better is to be aware that what you learn is reflected in how you view others … and at its worst … how you judge others. Your personal comfort, or discomfort, affects your comfort or discomfort in others.

reflective looking backIf you recognize this maybe you will be a little more appreciative of others in ways you have never imagined.

Shit. If you recognize this maybe you will gain some valuable insight into yourself.

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“Reflective thinking turns experience into insight.”

John Maxwell

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Written by Bruce