Enlightened Conflict

shared responsibility

April 17th, 2017

 generation think attitudes collective individual share

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We tend to hold ourself accountable for things we never did.

Hearts we never broke. People we didn’t hurt.

Souls we didn’t crush. “

 

coral-vellichor

 

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All these years I’ve been looking at the wrong side.

 

(via madelinemharris)

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Ok.

 

Accountability, or responsibility, is always a good topic. And, yes, I am a big personal responsibility person. But in business, within an organization, being responsibleresponsibility tends to be more shared responsibility than simple personal responsibility.

 

Oh.

 

To be clear.

 

I believe there is a strong relationship between shared responsibility and personal responsibility. The stronger the shared responsibility attitude & behavior within leadership & mentors & role models the stronger the development of personal responsibility muscle occurs in everyday schmucks like me. Conversely, if you are surrounded with lack of shared responsibility examples <or even those who espouse ‘selectively chosen shared responsibility’> the value of personal responsibility diminishes to an individual, therefore, they see less value in exhibiting personal responsibility.

 

We don’t talk about this relationship enough.

Far too often we flippantly suggest “people should take responsibility for their actions.”

 

Well … no shit Sherlock.

 

But if your roles models or leaders are constantly passing the buck when the shit hits the fan to save their own bacon <and image> then what the hell … why would you not do the same?

irresponsibility made easy

Yeah.

Sure.

 

Everyone has to pull their weight and do their job and do what they say they are going to do … but very very rarely does an individual perform in a vacuum in a business.

 

This happens more so even in management.

 

It drives me a little nuts when I hear some leaders discuss “delegating.”

 

Somehow delegating equals “absolved of responsibility.”

 

This is stupid irresponsible thinking.

 

My belief that it is stupid thinking is rooted in some common sesne I am fairly sure the US Military says:

 

 

You can delegate authority, but you cannot delegate responsibility.

 

 

In other words … you can give others the power to do things … you can delegate … but, no matter what happens … if something goes wrong … the final responsibility always lies with the one who has delegated authority.

 

Sticking with the military as my guidance … this means if your business has an initiative that has gone SNAFU <“Situation Normal: All Fucked Up”> the blame … and the ultimate responsibility for the mistakes <fuck ups> falls … uhm … up.

The leader assumes responsibility.

 

This is shared responsibility.

 

In other words … this is leadership.

 

Yeah.

 

Once you become a business leader past a mom & pop management style business you have to face the concept of shared responsibility <and some embrace it and some reject it>.

 

puzzle people connect shared responsibilityDespite the fact you have delegated authority that ‘authority’ does not represent a discrete event and period in time.

You bear the responsibility for the cascade of events, decisions and actions leading up to the ‘authority giving’ which means everything you have done up until that point provides the context for the delegating … yeah … you own the arena in which you have placed the delegatee.

 

But this gets exponentially worse <if you are thinking about becoming a business leader>.

 

You actually also share responsibility for the consequences … uhm … intended and unintended.

 

This is different than delegating authority <although it relates to it> and owning responsibility for the action … this goes beyond to the actual ripples from the decisions & actions.

 

Now.

 

Some leaders have a nasty habit of assuming responsibility for the decision and the effect of the decision — within a finite period of time. The weakest leaders try and tie “that was out of my control” or “I wasn’t there for that” as soon as they can to a decision they make.

 

The strongest leaders worry less about any carnage that has been left behind but rather start worrying about any carnage the decisions & actions could possibly create for the future.

 

The truth is that business leaders should take a moment and remember the wise words of … well … an American Indian.

 

Red Cloud, an Oglala Lakota leader who led his people against the U.S. Army and later as his people transitioned from life on the plains to the reservation, stressed that when Indian people made a decision, it should be done with the welfare of the next seven generations in mind.

 

Whew.

world is yours ours share life

In a short term world where most business leaders are trying to make quarterly goals and just try and keep their job … thinking with the welfare of the next 7 generations seems … well … impossible.

 

I imagine the real point is that most good business leaders assume some responsibility for the generations to come.  Some people may call this ‘long term strategy’ and some others will call it ‘keeping your eye on the horizon’ or even ‘having a vision’ … well … I am no Harvard Business guru and all that high falutin’ stuff seems unnecessary. To me it is much more simple.

You make decisions accepting the burden of responsibility for what will come … and may arise from your decision.

 

You share the responsibility for what will, or may, come.

 

And if you do that? Damn. You will do good and be good.

 

And if you do not do that? Damn. You may get a shitload of attention and applause in the moment and a shitload of attention and anger in the future.

 

 

Why do I say that?

 

Because if you don’t really believe in shared responsibility and flit from one decision to the next in a transactional “responsible only to the moment” way you will end up rushing from issue to issue, reacting without a plan or a strategy or <worse> no care of longer term affect, creating carnage yet to be seen <because that type of leader tends to seek only the cheers in the moment>.

 

Uhm.

 

Innovative solution plan as a pencil trying to find way out of maze breaking through the labyrinth as a business concept and creative metaphor for strategy success and planning achievement.

Just to point it out … with no plan that means anything can happen and a leader can justify anything. Because with no plan to measure a decision against anything can look right … and unpredictable can be touted as ‘flexible to the situation.’

 

All of this fits a short term leader in a short term world.

 

The people are few and far between these days who weigh their responses and assess long term affects. In today’s world it almost seems a race to be the first to judge or comment on a decision or action and far too many leaders actually manage to the public race to comment rather than the longer term assessment.

 

This is scary stuff for anyone to do but a business leader? Dangerous.

Even the best short term decision makers, if forced into a gauntlet of short term decisions, will struggle to insure at the end of the gauntlet they have kept walking northwards as they had been looking down the entire time. More often than not North will not be the direction you are facing nor will you have actually moved any closer to the North star.

 

I am not suggesting this longer term shared responsibility attitude is easy.

In fact .. it is really really hard.

In fact … it almost means you have to embrace a little “impossible” into what you actually make possible.

 

Huh?

 

 

In general I have always liked logical thinking <no matter how random the logic may be> but I always love it when someone combines some unexpected logic.

Generally speaking the best unexpected logic actually comes from those who do the impossible … thinking of the impossible and seeing possibilities — the impossible being “knowing for sure what will happen in the future.” They make the spectacular leaps/chances, accepting responsibility and sharing responsibility, so that business can make the needed changes or just do the semi-risky things that keep a good business doing good things <things that may push against the borders of the status quo>.

 

Yeah.

Spectacular errors can only happen if you take spectacular chances. I am not fond of irresponsible risk taking and decision-making, but I am fond of doing ‘the right thing’ even when it may appear to be going against the stream. Sometimes that means a spectacular success, sometimes a spectacular error. But always something spectacular.

 

And I will tell you … what more could you want to say about your life as a leader but that you have done something spectacular? Especially if that ‘spectacular’ actually happens a generation later which permits you to sit back and say “I did the impossible … I viewed the future well.’

 

Anyway.

 

Shared responsibility is the burden of any good leader. They tend to be the leaders who understand they cannot really be sure what is going to happen to them over time, they weigh the risks to the best of their ability and let the chips fall as they may.

I tend to believe their attitude is one of “you don’t want to act more fearfully than you have to.”

 

Good leaders have a tendency to hold themselves accountable for anything, everything and everyone … in varying degrees depending on the anything, everything and everyone. And, maybe most importantly, I tend to believe they understand that there is a relationship between shared responsibility and personal responsibility.

 

And, practically speaking, you will never be viewed as a true leader if you do not.

 

Well.my life is my message duty

 

You know what?

 

To end this thing today … let me offer two other words, typically associated with responsibility, obligation and duty.

 

Obligation refers general to something you are compelled to do by regulation, law, promise or morality. I think good leaders feel obligated to assume shared responsibility.

 

Duty, more so than obligation, springs from an internal moral or ethical impulse rather than from external demands.

I think good leaders feel a duty to assume shared responsibility.

 

Shared responsibility … not only do I believe we should discuss it more often <because it will foster better value in personal responsibility> but I also believe we should be demanding it of our leaders more often.

that we contain our own future

March 26th, 2017

 look-to-the-future-principles-telescope-view-past-older

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“Life, too, is like that. You live it forward, but understand it backward.”

 

—-

Abraham Verghese

 

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“It’s the one thing we never quite get over: that we contain our own future.”

 

 

Barbara Kingsolver

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So.

 

Thinking about what legacy you want to leave behind can make you start thinking a little bit about what you may want to stubbornly stand for and demand of Life … and what you may decide to compromise with Life to insure you have something … some progress to show at the end.

 

A significant part of this grand bargain we negotiate with Life is how we decide to compromise with those around us and those who affect the arc of our lives.

 

Ah.

 

That word “compromise.”

 

Therein lies maybe one of the most difficult topics of the current generation.

 

The topic is that the concept of compromise … meeting someone half way … is now a nebulous concept.

death of compromise

Why?

 

Because I am not sure I know where the hell half way is.

 

And I tend to believe a shitload of people are standing with me, on one side or the other, not really sure where the hell half way is.

 

And if you cannot even see the middle ground how the hell can you figure out how to make a stand on it?

 

Now.

 

This gets compounded by a massive online communal world in which we all live side by side where even the marginalized people <real or perceived> who now have a place to gather into likeminded groups, share as much a space as mainstream views.

For good, or for bad, online any group of people can organize & mobilize & challenge the status quo … or pick & choose which status quo fits their view.

 

The internet amplifies discourses critical of … well … any status quo you can think of.  And, as anyone could expect, all the critical discourse triggers a corresponding equal backlash from those who fear an uprooting of their beliefs the nature of compromise miserable<and the self identities that are inevitably attached to these beliefs>.

 

It just becomes one huge mosh pit of criticism and cocooning of likeminded people.

 

People … all who are angry.

 

Within all of this situation & anger … it seems like no one is civil to one another. And maybe worse is the fact there is this ‘digging in’ aspect where we refuse to see any merit in other people’s opinions.

 

Sadly, I can only conclude that we have lost the ability to converse, discuss, debate and have a dialogue with one another.

 

It seems obvious <at least to me> but if we could figure out how to come together and compromise, that we could go a long way toward not only creating a better version of society in general … but it may give me, and all of us, at least a fighting chance with regard to where we make our own personal stand … and where we compromise … and how we attain the future that we contain.

 

As long as people cling to unbending attitudes & beliefs, the divides between us will not deepen … but will remain an unbridgeable divide.

 

I tend to believe most of us want better that that.

I tend to believe most of us would be willing to work to make this a better and more civil world to live in.

 

And if you do not embrace this thinking?

 

I would remind everyone that America is representative of a great compromise. The U.S. Constitution is possibly the greatest Compromise ever negotiated <it created a nation>.

 

 

But as a first step to bettering this entire situation we need to figure out how to better define Compromise.

 

compromise not an act weaknessFar too many loudmouthed people have ripped the meaning out of the word,  twisted the value of the word making it seem valueless, and ultimately created an environment in which  we demonize the entire process of trying to reach compromise.

Compromise no longer means understanding your differences and working together toward a common goal but now it seems to represent weakness, losing and not being strong enough to get what you want.

 

This unwillingness to work together has wrought havoc to society where the unwavering stance seems to be “don’t compromise, stick to your guns, don’t give in to the other side”.

 

Sigh.

 

Look.

 

I find it hard to believe that the majority of America is really that selfish and that stubborn.

 

Sure. I know the people most passionate about any issue tend to be the ones less willing to compromise on them.

And, yeah, I would guess most of us are fairly passionate about ourselves – what we decide to stand for … as well as what we will decide to sacrifice within compromise to attain some progress.

 

But within this wacky world where no one seems to want to compromise anything on anything … well … shit … some of us are trying to think a little bit about what you may want to stubbornly stand for and demand of Life … and what you may decide to compromise with Life to insure you have something … some progress to show at the end.

 

It seems like the situation we are in has arisen because we have permitted the stubborn voices of the radical marginalized <real and perceived> to drown out the pragmatic voices of realistic positive compromise.

 

If we want society to start working again we need to embrace compromise — and let it retain the positive definition which has served it well through time.

 

To end this I will go back to the beginning.

 

The “I” aspect.

 

I tend to believe all of us, with the intent of finding the best version of ourselves from which our ultimate legacy will be defined, will seek to find the balance of being stubborn and demand that Life bend to us and our principles and compromise where we make a grand bargain with Life in order to continue progressing.

 

Uhm.

 

If we believe this … then why wouldn’t we want this in Life and in business and in politics and in … well … everything.

 

There was a book that discussed this. In The Spirit of Compromise <Amy Gutsman and Dennis Thomson> they note that Americans support general compromise as an idea and like the idea of ‘other people’ working together to get stuff done <statistics support this in a variety of studies & polls>.

 

Oh shit.

 

However.

 

The authors then note that support for compromise breaks down when it addresses specific issues <Americans are much less likely to support a compromise life good want you theycompromise on a specific issue>. As with most things in Life we enthusiastically embrace the conceptual behavior and balk at the actual behavior.

 

Compromise is complex … and simple.

 

What I do know is that we contain our own future and building that future demands that we will have to make some compromises.  That is simple.

Making the specific choices is complex.

And while I am mostly interested in my own future and making my own compromise choices … I tend to believe we would all find the better version of ourself contained within … if the society as a whole were more willing to refind the value in compromise.

 

pushing thru it

September 15th, 2016

pushing-thru-it-exercise

 

 

“It just wasn’t a big deal to me.

 

This was an ailment that many people just power through and that’s what I thought I would do as well. I didn’t want to stop, I didn’t want to quit campaigning, I certainly didn’t want to miss the 9/11 memorial.

 

It didn’t work out so well.

 

So I got the antibiotics up and going, got the rest that I needed, and we’re going on from there.”

 

Hillary Clinton and her pneumonia

 

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I admit.

 

push-through-bad-daysI am slightly baffled by the huge kerfuffle over Hillary Clinton’s pneumonia.

 

Isn’t what she did … well … basically what you & I and every working person in the world does? We push thru whatever is ailing us until what ails us forces us to stop <or it goes away magically which is what most of us hope for>.

 

Now.

 

Clinton, or how any of us act, <disregarding doctor advice & pushing thru it> must be maddening to doctors.

 

In fact … the numbers I found suggest doctors must live a life of constant frustration.

 

Patient noncompliance is an epidemic, estimated to affect 20% to 30% of short-term therapies, 50% to 60% of long-term medication and 70% to 80% of advice about lifestyle changes. Over 50% of the 3.8 billion prescriptions written annually in the United States are taken incorrectly or not at all.

 

 

I imagine with all the online “doctors” it seems like we have all become given the massive accessibility to medical information online – much of it complex, sometimes contradictory <due to medical nuances> and often downright wrong – many people believe they can diagnose and treat all on our own.

flowers-pushing-through-the-process

And given the absurd online medical conspiracy blathering over Clinton’s health I tend to believe 90% of people somehow believe they are qualified medical professionals due to their online research <despite much of it looks a lot like ‘quackery’>.

 

And while research shows that “pushing thru” or ignoring real advice has serious repercussions – Consumer Reports showed that noncompliance with advice or treatment recommendations is the top complaint that primary care physicians have about patients and most believe it affects their ability to provide optimal care, and one in three says it does so a lot – the reality is that this is just what we people do.

 

Hillary Clinton included.

 

Frankly, we shouldn’t be surprised she didn’t tell anyone nor should we be surprised she failed to follow her doctor’s advice … because we all have done it.

And we all certainly have done it when under the pressure of some deadline we knew we were working against <a big meeting, a project deadline, a promise to a client, an election>.

 

So … that said … the whole kerfuffle baffles me.

 

It makes me scratch my head.

 

Do I believe there is some sexism riddled through this entire absurd dialogue?

Yeah. Maybe a thread.

 

Clinton has always been dogged by ‘ambitious professional versus homemaker’ questions combined with a subtle push back that a woman cannot do this particular man’s job <whatever that job may be>.

And I could argue almost every professional woman is nodding their head in agreement with what I just said as they think about their own situation.

 

But I actually believe it hits at the core of America’s gestalt.

america just do it

Our “just do it” attitude.

 

Our “we are not quitters” attitude.

 

Why do you think Americans take less vacation days and work sick more than any country? An aspect of our behavior is our attitude that we are expected to not succumb to ‘what everyday people do’ and push thru to some aspect of exceptional.

 

Is pushing thru sickness exceptional?

Well. Maybe not.

But it seems like the basic bar for who and what we are culturally.

 

And the bar gets raised even higher for workaholics and people who like what they do.

 

Anyway.

 

She’s had pneumonia, she campaigned and had a security meeting and … well … a bunch of shit before she actually went to the doctor <similar to what we all do> … she kept going despite doctor advice until it floored her <similar to what we all do> and then gets up less than a week later and starts going back to work <similar to what we all do>.

 

I could suggest that this is the sort of determination which sounds fairly presidential to me but instead I will point out that this is what 90% of Americans do when they get sick.

 

And, actually, it sounds like every mother I know … except most mothers don’t get a whole 4 days off when they’re sick.push-thru-can-will-do

 

Most women I know amaze me with their stamina and their general “no quit” attitude when getting shit done.

 

It seems to me that Hillary Clinton just represented what women do day in and day out pretty well. She wasn’t just representative of what we may desire in a presidential candidate but also representative of almost every working mother out there as well as maybe 90% of all the ‘anyones’, male or female, who goes to work every day.

.

backward glancing daydream

August 12th, 2016

life choices imperfect time moves away

 

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“I was surprised, I was happy for a day in 1975 / I was puzzled by a dream, stayed with me all day in 1995.”

 

opening couplet to The State I Am In <Belle & Sebastian>

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“ … the softly creaking door into their sweet, strange, drolly funny and not a little sinister world, where it’s always a backwards-glancing daydream.”

 

—–

 

writer in the Guardian about Belle & Sebastian

 

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    you:

 

let it go & move on

 

    me:

<with my fingers tightly curled around a subject, nails buried deep in it>

 

I Have

 

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So.

 

finding themselves as they go backwards forwardI tend to believe we all look back on occasion.

 

Ok.

 

We look back incessantly.

 

Especially on the good stuff.

 

Ok.

 

Especially on the bad stuff.

 

Ok.

 

Suffice it to say … good or bad … we backward glance incessantly.

 

Heck.

 

And we are creative in our backwards looking. It can be after decades, after years, after months, and … yeah … even after minutes.

 

“I always say the perfect words, five minutes after the conversation has ended.”

 

The world we look back at is a sinister little world.

 

Sinister in that the view looking backwards more often than not is rebuilt in our heads to reflect some utopian feeling moment.

 

Sinister in that we view some moment as if we were in control everything or, maybe conversely, the universe had controlled everything to occur at that moment in time <some would call this destiny or fate>.

 

Simplistically … this means backward glancing has a very uncomfortable relationship with “perfection.”

 

Yeah.

 

Perfection.

 

Because we ‘still’ time <make it stop in our viewing> this creates a wacky perception that everything was actually still in that moment. And that stillness implies control and alignment.

 

This is flawed thinking.

 

Flawed because this utopian backwards moment is great conceptually but does not even come close to reflecting the reality.reality persistent one

 

Why?

 

Well.

 

Several reasons but let me focus on our imperfection.

 

What we view backwards looking as perfect is more likely a reflection of our imperfection in the moment <or imperfections in general>.

 

Let’s maybe call those imperfections “a confluence of uncontrollable factors.”

 

And what makes that idea even worse for us is … well … we hold on to the beautifully imperfect moments with fingernails dug in.

 

To be clear … this can go both toward incredibly good memories and incredibly bad memories. Both reflections of imperfect reality which in the rear view mirror look perfectly aligned with us … or against us.  what I mean by this is that backwards looking is a completely  warped view in our heads.

 

  • The moment is made up of imperfections yet we see it perfectly.

 

  • The moment is most likely a confluence of uncontrollable factors yet we view all the factors as controllable <or we should have controlled>

 

That said.

 

This means backwards glancing is more often than not grounded in what I often call “if only thinking.”

 

I coulda, shoulda, woulda things.

 

Backwards glancing far far <far> too often glances off of several thoughts which can steer our current view in the wrong direction:

 

  • Not being good at something <or in a moment>

 

  • Not being good enough <in the moment>

 

  • Fucking something up <or a moment>

 

  • Leaving when it got too hard <or leaving in a moment>

 

Yeah.

 

As for “if only” … we can certainly change ourselves and our circumstances to some extent. I have written about this numerous times. However backwards glancing generates flawed perceptions of change.  It implies “well, if I had done this” or “if I had only been paying attention to” … you would have done the ‘right’ thing <whatever right truly is> and all would have been good.

 

Flawed thinking.

 

All that would have guaranteed is a different ourcome and  different experience. Neither of which is guaranteed to be the ‘prefect’ scenario you envision.

 

Look.

 

I believe that the past can be a great place to learn from. The past offers us the opportunity to see glimpses of who we truly are in a variety of different situations. It does provide some opportunities to gain some valuable self backwards glance where i am going stay here life pathwisdom.

 

But at the exact same time it takes some fortitude to not let the past dictate your future or even to let the past get in the way of living in the present.

 

Simplistically … backward glancing can freeze you.

Freeze you stuck in the wretched middle of the past, present and future.

 

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“And Lot’s wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been.

 But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human.

 

So she was turned to a pillar of salt.

So it goes.

 

People aren’t supposed to look back.

I’m certainly not going to do it anymore.”

 

 

Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

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In the end.

 

Here is what I believe most of us learn by looking backwards.

 

Looking backwards it can seem quite easy to think everything would have explained itself if you had only stopped interrupting.

Looking backwards it can be difficult to discern what you should miss and what you shouldn’t miss as well as what you actually missed and what you didn’t miss.

 

 

“Do you ever catch yourself missing the things that you shouldn’t?

The people you shouldn’t?

Do you find yourself wanting them back but you know that you shouldn’t?

You suddenly remember the million reasons that you shouldn’t want them back in your life but all you can focus on is the one reason you should take them back.”

 

i think that’s a hard lesson to learn. that it’s okay to miss something but not get it back

 

/// the-homie-sexual

 

 

Unfortunately Life is not so easily explained.

 

I can pretty much promise you one thing … you missed some things you shouldn’t have, you miss some things you shouldn’t and you didn’t miss some things you should have and you don’t miss some things which you should miss.

universe backwards imagination watch

Back in 2013 I wrote about how most people either get trapped in past or trapped in the future as they live Life. I called it ‘forward without looking over your shoulder. Life is tricky. Always has been and always will. And both the past has its attractiveness <learning> as well as the future <possibilities>. And there is only balance and not perfection.

 

And maybe that is the thought of the day.

 

In the end if all we try is to make this life perfect we will fail and make ourselves miserable in the process.

And backwards glancing is a key components to making ourselves miserable.

 

 

Enlightened Conflict