“They can betray me, but I choose not to betray my peace of mind.”
I can honestly say I have never been betrayed by anyone.
Well. Okay. Maybe.
Some people have disappointed me in their choices & actions … but … either I have never done anything bad enough that was worth being betrayed for <… uhm … I am fairly sure I have some betrayable items I have done strewn throughout my past so that’s not it> or I haven’t considered what someone has done as ‘betrayal’ … or worthy enough to be truly deemed “betrayal worthy.”
It is quite possible I define betrayal differently than a lot of other people.
Because <part 1> I would guess I could go back to high school and examine some ‘friendship betrayal’ thing … which … well … in viewing as an adult would probably look fairly absurd <even though it may have felt like betrayal at the time>.
Because <part 2> I imagine I could examine some past relationship and assess “betrayal” upon it … which … well … in viewing honestly & realistically was simply an act within a relationship that wasn’t what it was cracked up to be anyway <and inevitably doomed regardless>.
Because <part 3> maybe I refuse to hold a grudge, if even for a short amount of time, because someone has disappointed me.
“I’m all about unforgiving and hating and holding grudges because it keeps me safe and mentally healthy and I don’t care about your stupid feel-good quotes about forgiving everyone everywhere always so you can take your feel-good emotionally manipulative apologist bullshit and shove it”
This isn’t because I believe in any of the stupid feel good quotes <because I have gone on record publicly on my blog that I believe it is mostly bullshit>.
This isn’t because I believe in any feel good emotionally manipulative apologist bullshit <also have gone on record publicly about this>.
It is because … well … people are people … people are human … and there are two sides to any story.
Here is what I know for sure.
If you give anyone ample opportunity they will sometimes disappoint you.
If you give anyone ample opportunity they will sometimes surprise you.
Suffice it to say … people, in your Life, are no better or any worse than people somewhere in someone else’s life.
And betrayal is tossed around far too flippantly.
People are not monsters nor do they constantly seek to disappoint or ‘betray.’
I could argue that if you stopped for just one second … and maybe think about the fact that each and every one of those same people you are disappointed in are all heroes in their own story … a story that they write every day … well … it’s kind of hard to attach “betray” on someone unless you are pretty selfish.
Selfish in that your story is more important than their story.
And, yet, we all see betrayal come to Life in a variety of ways dependent upon our age and where we are in life.
High school in friends we trusted.
Business in coworkers we trusted.
Relationships in partners we trusted.
Betrayal, in almost all forms or fashion, seems to reside in some unstated contract – a contract with Life.
Almost everyone wakes up every day with a … well … contract with the day in front of them. The contract consist of being concerned about their own drama and their own ‘things’ rather than whether they should become involved, or not involved, in anything else.
Does that make them someone a betrayer because in doing so they disappoint you?
Yes and no.
Yes in that people do have contracts with other people. It is not solely an “I” world.
And, yet, no … no in that even at their worst of worst “I” behavior … even monsters don’t see monsters reflected in the mirror.
I try and remember all of that every day.
In my mind betrayal is inevitably a very personal thing … personal in that it is about having a piece of you either broken or sliced away.
Yeah. It can sting a little.
But it is just a piece and the piece does not define the whole.
“I decided, enough pain …. I was not the woman who breaks into pieces under the blows of abandonment and absence, who goes mad, who dies.
Only a few fragments had splintered off, for the rest I was well. I was whole, whole I would remain. To those who hurt me, I react giving back in kind.
I am the queen of spades, I am the wasp that stings, I am the dark serpent. I am the invulnerable animal who passes through fire and is not burned.”
Maybe someone has betrayed me at some point in my Life.
Maybe I would see it as such if I viewed it as many people would traditionally view betrayed and betrayal.
That is my peace of mind.
I have passed through any and all fires of betrayal and not been burned.
Sure seems like a shitload of people would be happier in Life if they could say that.
But that’s me.