Enlightened Conflict

normality is a paved road

December 15th, 2016

 

pretending-to-be-normal

 

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“Normality is a paved road: It’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.”

 

Vincent van Gogh

 

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mener une vie normale <French>

to lead a normal life

 

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Benjamin Franklin:

 

“Human happiness comes not from infrequent pieces of good fortune, but from the small improvements to daily life.”

 

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“When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.”

 

 —–

Sigmund Freud

 

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normal-not-fun

Well.

 

Let’s just say “normal” gets a really bad rap.

 

It constantly has to fight off “boring” and “same as” and “routine” and … well … let’s just say a shitload of ‘not-so-positive’ sounding words.

 

I mean … c’mon. Is normal really that frickin’ bad?

And what hell is ‘normal’ … as in a normal life … anyway?

 

Anyway.

 

I imagine, as with most things in Life, normal is about balance.

 

Yeah, yeah, yeah … I know a shitload of people will suggest that ‘normal’ is defined by the individual and how they view life … but, in general, at one end of the  ‘how to live your life’ spectrum is wacko eccentric person and the other end is bland milquetoast boring to tears person.

 

Most of us reside somewhere in the middle of all that.

 

I tend to believe the problem is in how we most often have this discussion.

 

When we talk about living a ‘normal’ life it almost seems destined for some boredom and certainly when you decide to sit back with some self-reflection … uhm … it will most likely be generously dipped in some disappointment.

 

And then, on the other hand, it seems like a choice to live an ‘anything but normal’ life it almost seems destined for some sanity challenges and certainly what-is-normal-youth-advicesome self-reflection generously dipped in some discouragement.

 

Yikes … so your choice is either disappointment or discouragement.

 

Look.

 

None of us really want to be normal all the time. We want to spice it up a little and maybe do something not so normal for us <albeit … it could be fairly tame, or absurdly reckless, in other people’s eyes>. And it is that little choice … that ‘step away from what we normally do and think’ that kind of gets us in trouble.

 

Why?

Because most times we ‘step away’ by ‘being spontaneous.’

 

<note: spontaneous has a dubious relationship with ‘something different than the normal’>

 

Whew.

 

Truth be told … spontaneity sounds awesome <in concept> but more often than not disappointing. Not many people point this out but spontaneity actually sucks because anything “abnormal” or “not normal” is a great concept but has a nasty habit of creating more problems than it is worth.

 

Truth be told … routines <which is a characteristic of ‘normal life’> do a shitload to help establish our day-to-day ‘normal’ with a nice side benefit that it encourages us to believe we do have some self-discipline  <because the alternative is that we start thinking we live a completely chaotic undisciplined life>.

 

normal-life-break-rules-paved-with-decisionsYeah. a lot of these routines look really minor and really mundane if you sit down and think them through.

My advice? Don’t.

Just let them occur as naturally as breathing because these stupid little things tend to create a larger sense of rhythm or normalcy in your life.

 

And, yeah, even eccentric nutjobs incorporate some ‘normal’ routines in their daily Life.

 

But here is where balance enters the discussion.

Because we want both <although in today’s world it seems like there is no in between.

 

It may seem weird but I tend to believe no one’s sole ambition in Life is to be viewed solely as ‘normal.’

 

And, yet, we can live a pretty frickin’ good Life ‘normally.’ And, in fact, our normal most likely incorporates some fairly ‘abnormal’ … or let’s call them ‘unique features’ … aspects.

 

Most of us actually incorporate some unique shit into our lives which are simply reflections of our personality uniqueness. But because they are extensions of who we are we overlook them a being ‘normal.’

 

Let’s face it.

normal-worst-2

Normal has a shitty reputation.

 

And it should not.

 

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“I don’t really want to become normal, average, standard. I want merely to gain in strength, in the courage to live out my life more fully, enjoy more, experience more.

I want to develop even more original and more unconventional traits.”

Anaïs Nin

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This isn’t about ‘fitting in’ or marinating some rigid code of conduct or even seeking approval in what you do. this is about doing shit that makes you happy … and I assume that ‘happy’ means you haven’t been <a> laughed at as a fool – just laughed at for having fun, <b> stared at as if you belong in some loony bin – just stared at because they know you are enjoying yourself  or <c> doing something insanely stupid just to gain some attention.

 

Yeah.

Sometimes this shit may be out of the mainstream but 99% of the time it is not unacceptable to everyone. It is just is not … well … the normal everyday 100% of the time shit people see or hear.

 

Whether you like it or not … suggesting ‘normal’ is completely self defined is … well … stupid.

 

Yes.

You should have your own way of seeing the world and the life you’re living.

 

Yes.

You should feel it is normal <as long as it is not a ‘statement’ but rather an natural extension of your ‘self’>.

 

Yes.

You should accept the idea that other people may feel differently about your version of normal.

 

All that said … here is where I think normal and abnormal go into conflict.

 

 

Yes.

You should understand that normal is actually defined by some standard operating procedures of the people, society & culture as a whole.

normal-slaves-of-ordinary-be-daring-different-assert

And, no, I am not suggesting some of the wacky crap society thrusts upon an individual <society tells me how I should be stuff> but rather the fact cultures, civilizations in a broader perspective, define some accepted rules of behavior – some “what I should do” stuff.

 

Let’s call them ‘core life action basics.’

These are some normal things which everyone should do and think in a normal day and a normal life.

 

Here is the good news for people who balk at ‘normal.’

 

The great thing about culture is it tends to give an individual a lot of room to expand upon these things. You can go about your life wearing whatever clothes you want and saying a bunch of different words as personal expression beyond the core. I call that ‘window dressing stuff.’ In other words I can dress up my core ‘normality crap’ in pretty much anything I want and express it with almost any words I want.

 

The trouble mostly revolves around the fact that some individuals infringe upon the core, change the core and sometimes do things which do not meet what most people would accepts as accepted normal behavior.

 

Here is not just a Life truth … but a civilization truth … a culture cannot permit that ‘abnormal normal’ to become normalized.

And while we often suggest it takes courage to express yourself in some ‘not-so-normal’ ways it actually takes even more courage to defend core normality.

 

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“My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue?

 

It rather denotes a lack of courage.”

Practical Magic

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Anyway.

 

When it comes to this topic the bravest people in the world are not the ones who dont flinch_by_peacelovemusicstand out through self-expression of self-identity even if that identity is ‘not the normal’ but rather the people who unflinchingly defend normal core beliefs & behaviors and unflinchingly express it in whatever personal identity way they want.

 

Far too often we slot people on one side or the other where, in truth, we should be also slotting people into the third more significant slot.

I imagine the problem with that is that those people are not interesting enough to make splashy headlines nor are they boring enough to be masticated for being milquetoast.

 

And, yet, they were the bravest of us all. They chose to be normal & not-so-normal and fought relentlessly for both.

 

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just-shower-thoughts:

 

On my headstone, I think I want, “No one deserved death more.” That way, people will research my life and find nothing interesting, then actually think that for wasting their time.

protesting for yourself

February 21st, 2016

saving yourself

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“It’s okay to care about yourself the most. It’s okay to do what’s healthy for YOU. When someone hits you, it’s okay to hit back and then ask them what the hell they expected.

It’s okay.

 

You are not obligated to sit there and smile and swallow every bit of shit everyone heaps on you. You are more than furniture, you’re more than window dressing, you’re not their shiny toy.

 

You’re human, and you have the right to say “That was shitty of you”.

You have a right to say “Let me feed that back to you; tell me, how does it taste?”

You have a right to protest your own mistreatment and set boundaries for respectful interactions.

 

The rest of the world doesn’t realize you have this right, and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours.”

 

SonneillonV

 

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Let me begin with the controversial thought.

 

do it for yourself

It is okay to be selfish.

 

Particularly when it comes to who you are and what you believe and what you stand for.

 

 

Some people may suggest what I am discussing is having & maintaining conviction.

 

You can.

 

I will not.

 

 

I like to think of it as selfishly maintaining what is mine and no one else’s. And I kind of like being selfish in this case.

 

 

This also means you have a right to protect your selfish decision.

 

 

That may mean just as my opening quote says … “that was shitty of you” and not only do I protest … I refuse it.

“Keep your shit.”

 

Yeah.

 

 

It isn’t a popularity building type of thought I am sharing.

 

And I am certainly not suggesting it as something to do 24/7.

 

 

What I AM suggesting is you have a right to be selfish. On a variety of things but mostly with regard to self, character and beliefs <not opinions>.

 

 

And you do have a right to be selfish with regard to how people, and the world, treat your space, your thinking, your self and any character attacking interactions.

 

Maybe the reason I am purposefully using selfish is because it conveys clear, hard, well defined boundaries. And not a shell like boundary but rather a ‘cross this line’ type boundary.

 

 

Personally I believe we need to first and foremost teach young people what is important to have inside the boundaries and why a boundary is important.

 

 

Personally I believe we need to be a little less compromising when someone disrespectfully crosses our boundary.

 

 

Selfish is one of those harsh negative-implying words. But I would also suggest that in a sometimes harsh world you need to implement some harsh measures to insure you do not get treated harshly.

 

This type of selfishness is actually one of strength, one from strength … the strength of self.

 

And within this type of selfishness you have the power, the right, to protest mistreatment of your boundaries.

dont fool yourself reminder

Yeah.

 

Some people may be appalled by your push back, maybe some offended and maybe some don’t even believe you have the right.

 

They are wrong.

 

 

The world doesn’t demand you always ‘play nice’ when it hurts.

 

The world only encourages you to be respectful when you protest for yourself.

 

 

But you always … always … have the right to protest for yourself.  Any time with any one.

Enlightened Conflict