Enlightened Conflict

being open minded

October 26th, 2012

“By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.” – Richard Dawkins, in “Science, Delusion and the Appetite for Wonder”

Richard Dawkins may be the most articulate nutjob of our generation <by the way … simply being a nutjob doesn’t mean you cannot be brilliantly smart>.

Anyway.

This is an awesome thoughtful non-nutjob quote.

I believe the entire discussion of close minded versus open minded is a great one.

Look.

I believe we all know that being close minded is not a good thing but the whole idea of being open minded as being a bad thing is a really enlightening thought.

Open or closed … once again, as with most things in life, it is about balance. To me it is about leaving enough open in your mind to absorb additional information and leaving enough opening to let out <throw out the useless garbage> the ‘unnecessary’ or maybe better said ‘the information that has now become obsolete’ as you gain new knowledge.

All at the same time keeping your mind closed enough that all that knowledge <your brains as Richard so aptly calls it> don’t fall out.

In other words … don’t lose your perspective just because you received some new, hopefully good, information and knowledge.

This whole topic brought to mind another relevant quote:

“We are not retreating – we are advancing in another Direction.” - General Douglas MacArthur

We all gather information.

Okay. Only <regretfully> some people do.

And we also tend to redirect, or advance in another direction, given what we have learned. Or maybe you don’t even have to redirect because you can stay on the same path but maybe slow down a little or speed up a little.

But not everyone does, or can, do this.

I tend to believe no one actually wants to be close minded … they possibly just find it more comfortable. I also tend to believe not everyone knows HOW to be open minded.

Well. Maybe not effectively open minded.

You can try and listen. And try and be open minded. But it all really comes down to WHAT you do with having been open minded.

I say that because maybe, me being an asshole <on occasion>, tend to want to say “so frickin’ what?” when someone says “I will be open minded.”

Who cares? Because people who actually have to say those words tend to be the least open minded people. Sorry folks … while that is a generalization I will take that bet every time <and become a rich man>. Yup. Trust me on this … the kiss of death in a business discussion is .. “okay, I will be open minded.” <translation: ‘you talk, I will pretend to listen, nod on occasion, and then we will do what I said we would do.”>

What really matters is the eventual action not the self proclamation.

In other words … what do you actually DO with the information you gained by being ‘open minded.’

- Did your brains spill out and you vapidly followed the new information ? <which shows a lack of fortitude with regard to the initial preferred point of view/opinion/direction>

- Did you simply nod and move on as if you didn’t hear a frickin’ think? <which shows lack of integrity/sincerity by claiming to be open minded and yet you didn’t>

Being open minded is a skill. A skill to absorb … and the skill to not always open so far your brains spill out.

now

October 8th, 2012

“… I see NOW is my moment. Taking the time to listen for the answers to my questions. I guess NOW is always our moment even if it is only etching out one little piece of the bigger picture.”

Mindy Smith

People are always reflecting. I guess we do it because we are … well … human. We do it not because we second guess or just want to beat the crap out of ourselves but more likely with the intent to improve ourselves in some form or fashion. We reflect to move forward better.

I came across this quote from musician Mindy Smith.

While musicians are always reflecting upon their creativity with an eye to “what comes next” I imagine all of us do this thought, and thinking, in our own way. It is not just a creative process thing. It is a Life thing. But this thought really stood out for me because it is about now, and listening, and questioning … and a recognition that now is ALWAYS our moment … if we elect it to be.

This doesn’t mean every moment is a ‘NOW’ moment but rather you can make any moment a ‘NOW’ moment of you choose to <I hope that makes sense>.

That is a really really big thought.

I know many people struggle with the concept of maximizing each moment. I know I do. You kind of want to but kind of also believe it is not very practical. And then you also wonder if you are choosing the ‘right’ moments to maximize. It can be a tiring process especially in reflection.

Mindy <I think> is suggesting you just find ‘now’ moments. And in that moment, for that brief time, it is an important moment because YOU stopped, and took the time to listen for answers to your questions. The moment was important because you made it so.

That is an inspiring thought. It is a free-ing thought. And a hopeful thought.

But. Here is where she really inspires.

I believe a lot of people diminish a reflective moment as unimportant because they are … well … simply reflective <and not active or ‘action-oriented>. You didn’t really ‘do’ something tangible.

She suggests each moment etches, one little piece at a time, the bigger picture.

This is a really really nice quote.

But it is an even nicer thought.

I have always liked her music <and loved her voice> but this thought she shares is spectacular.

This quote comes from a wonderfully articulated, very personal, thought on her new song “Closer”:

“Many times in life’s journey, we find ourselves disoriented. For me, I make destructive decisions that can distract me from my ultimate goal. I think I am making the right choices and staying close to my agenda but I just run off course. In ‘Closer,’ I see the North Star as the prize. One that I am always getting so close to but unable to grab a hold of and then it eludes me. Personally this song paints a picture of how I see my musical career and that I see NOW is my moment. Taking the time to listen for the answers to my questions. I guess NOW is always our moment even if it is only etching out one little piece of the bigger picture.”

I think it is a thought all of us could relate to.

(note: I am going to write about it but her new cd, called Mindy Smith, is a wonderful compilation of music and song writing)

trivial and important events

September 17th, 2010

“The most important events are often determined by very trivial causes.”

Cicero

So. As a self proclaimed “collector of moments” I lined up all these quotes with a couple thoughts in mind.

Life is not as big as we make it out to be. It is actually a collection of smaller more trivial looking moments. The struggle is that life moves so frickin’ fast sometimes that you have to figure out how to do what I call “slow down the moment.” I don’t care if its work, or family or a relationship. You have to seek out the small to make sure the big turns out the way you want it to be. Or maybe better said the way it should be
The small gesture in the trivial looking moment. Okay. Yes. It does matter what you do with the seemingly trivial moment. If you collect all the moments you took a moment and made a gesture in a seemingly trivial moment you will probably get a good gauge on your character.

Life is not as big as we make it out to be.

Sure. Life is a big event. And we have a habit of focusing on the big events that make up life.

Mostly because they are … well … big.

It is only when pushed we remember the moment before the moment. The seemingly trivial event that triggered the “big event.”

And then there are the trivial moments that don’t really impact “larger events” but rather simply let us enjoy the bigness of life through their smallness.

Like if we pay close enough attention we can also see even more trivial moments …. moments in daily life when we are suddenly caught by a seemingly trivial moment. Think of it maybe as the way an artist can focus an eye on everyday scenes or moments or becomes involved in a seemingly different dimension of an ordinary moment and is able to capture something important from something seemingly trivial. In life we are all artists (using this description).

Life just seems bigger because it I so easy to get caught up in the muddy Mississippi River of your life running its course with tugboats running back & forth pushing shit up and down it.

Ah. Those small gestures in trivial looking moments.

It really can matter what you do with a moment.

Now. I am a words guy. So sometimes a gesture can certainly be a word. Or a small group of words.

But in this case I tend to believe actions speak louder than words.

Coleridge (who, if he were still alive, would be posting shit like this on his blog) says it well:

“The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions-the little soon-forgotten charities of a kiss, a smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment in the disguise of a playful raillery, and the countless other infinitesimals of pleasurable thought and genial feeling.”

~Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Now. Coleridge was alive in the late 1700’s . I guess I mention this to show that the more things change the more they stay the same.

Oh. I love that word “infinitesimals.” Limitless. Infinite. Everlasting. It has a component of all these.

Anyway.

In today’s world it seems we prefer using short and fast ways of communication.

Texting, the quick email, some non face to face minute fractions gestures.

Happiness in life runs the risk of being overwhelmed in a cacophony of constant uninterrupted noise (where trivial moments are more difficult to not only find but cram in-between everything else).

You even hear it on radio and television where announcers are cramming more words into a minute then you would ever think are possible. It shows up in our language choice and our actions (when is the last time someone took a second to say thank you when they are rushing to get from one task to another). This has nothing to do with some genetic change in us but rather the way life seems to be running us (rather than us running life).

I did laugh about his one a little because just the other night I tried to use a text message to communicate a relatively important thing. After several emails I caught myself and realized ‘short and fast’ was probably not the most effective way … and picked up the phone.

So gestures, simple gestures, are ways of making somewhat seemingly trivial moments more important. Because, well, some moments deserve to be pulled out of trivial status and put into the important pile.

Small gestures can do wonders. And in today’s hectic life it is difficult to have time to make grand gestures. I am going to use an extreme example here but, realistically, as we look around our days and lives how often do we really have to do something big … like really big … like Shah Jahan who built Taj Mahal for his beloved. Not many of us have the time (or the resources) for something that big but we certainly have time to ‘stop’ a seemingly trivial moment and make a gesture (but if you have plans to build a Taj type thing for someone I would plan on getting started now).

But the gesture. Ah. Gestures. Even a small gesture can show the moment bears a value far beyond the trivial. And in a way it can give life permission to invest full energy down a road of possibilities.

But in the end?

There really isn’t such a thing as a trivial moment. Think about this a little before you scoff.

Think about it by working backwards. Important events don’t just happen. They are typically triggered by something.

uhm.

Something that seems trivial at the moment but looking backwards was something that started the dominoes falling.

Look. I know we cannot treat every moment as ‘important.’ It’s just not possible.

But. Each moment is like a brick in the foundation of your life. As you place each brick in its place recognize that each represents one small effort that can impact the total effort. That’s it.

Oh. And one last thought from a woman who thought nothing was trivial:

“”People say, ‘What is the sense of our small effort?’ They cannot see that we must lay one brick at a time, take one step at a time. A pebble cast into a pond causes ripples that spread in all directions. Each one of our thoughts, words and deeds is like that. No one has a right to sit down and feel hopeless. There’s too much work to do.” Dorothy Day

the art of observation and listening

August 12th, 2010

“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”

- Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh was a pretty smart bear for a bear with only fluff in his head.

Listening is an underrated skill.

Mostly because nowadays it seems we teach our younger generation to speak up when they have an opinion and that “everyone has good ideas so don’t hesitate to speak up.”

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm … what happened to speak when spoken to?

Or “if you don’t have something good to say don’t say anything at all”?

Or “think before you speak”?

Of course (because I love contradictions) I am a huge proponent of patient quickness.

I have used this term a number of times when debating with people about “retail speed” or the “speed of retail.” Retail business isn’t about just doing things fast. It’s about moving quickly smartly. It doesn’t mean moving quickly all the time. Being great in retail business is like being a great running back.

Patient. Patient. See opening. Quick to the opening.

That is patient quickness.

You can be quick and still not be moving.

And observation and listening is exactly the same thing.

Patient quickness.

Understanding the value of doing nothing with the intent to do something when it matters (versus doing lots of somethings of which a small percentage really matter).

Of course this gives me an excuse to mention border collies. Probably the epitome of patient quickness. Masters of stillness. Masters of quickness. Masters of unwasted movement.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm …. good business lessons one might suggest.

And people would be well served to remind themselves of this.

Particularly in the business environment these days.

Along those lines (of saying things that matter).

When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.
– Winnie the Pooh

Whew. Smart bear.

Sometimes that ‘thing’ in your head is less of a thing when spoken.

And that is why pooh was a bear of little words.

And while I would love to write something here about young people learning to be more careful when they open their mouths in business I find to my dismay … I cannot.

Why?

Well. These days it seems senior people are as much at fault as younger less experienced. And probably even more so because there should be higher expectations tied to their words.

The whole idea of “thinking out loud” or “just throwing an idea out there” seems to have given senior people permission to not think. Or let others do the thinking for them.

This is lazy thinking.

Using “collaboration” as an excuse for speaking poorly thought out thoughts is unforgiveable to a senior manager.

They, in particular, should be attempting that their ‘things’ are more ‘thingish’ when it gets out in the open. In business we should never confuse quantity with quality. Even when it comes to sharing ideas and meetings and “ideation sessions” (which are rarely idea generators but more a mosh pit of egos).

Now. Most senior people wouldn’t look to Pooh for advice.

They may suggest “that’s not my thing.”

Well.

Those who speak should beware.

Thingish things are more valuable to everyone then non-thingish things.

Pooh was an expert on “patient quickness.”

He made moving slowly and thoughtfully but completing shit an art.

And all because he didn’t waste words.

That is the lesson here.

Not bad for someone with just fluff for brains (Pooh, not me).

speaking & silence

June 17th, 2010

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

- teen blogger Taychyka

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

- Winston Churchill

I have an upcoming post on ‘effective communication’ or maybe better said ‘the art of rhetoric.’ But that is one side of the equation in communication. The actual speaking and what to say.

The other side of the equation is silence.

And I wanted to begin my thinking with a 16 year old quote and a Winston Churchill quote. Huh? Yup. Sometimes teens really do get it.

The funny thing is I believe all of us know, especially when we are younger, that there is a time to ‘not talk.’ Then.

School makes “filling space with words” a competitive arena and starts making us believe it is a way of life.

And in the business world this competition for words and ‘speaking your ideas to get credit’ goes to an entirely new level … it’s on steroids.

It takes courage to not speak.

It is often leaving something unsaid that is the most difficult thing to do in conversations and dialogue.

Silence is a funky thing to most of us.

Most young speakers appear to have a deadly fear of silence. And as they proceed into ‘not so young’ their behavior continues and become aggravating non stop talking machines.

Unless someone says “pause and think.”

But. It seems we are becoming a people who if for even a fraction of a second nothing is coming out of their mouth they feel that something is wrong.

The result? Well.

Actually two things:

1. The ever aggravating “uh,” “um,” “eh”, “ah”, “you know” and other useless things that dot the monologue (all barriers to an actual dialogue by the way).

We employ these unnecessary noises seemingly because we dread the “sound of silence.” It’s as if someone has told us that that something must always be coming out of their mouth, at all times, under all conditions, no matter what.

We all know, in fact, that is not true. Even the non stop talking machines understand this (in whatever quiet moments they may have with themselves assuming they aren’t talking to themselves in the mirror). We all know that silence is a natural and necessary part of any good presentation of whatever you are talking about.

2. The wrong thing. It is quite possible we all need a lesson in what saying the wrong thing means versus silence. I often believe we forget that (thanks for reminding us teen blogger).

Saying the wrong thing, especially at the wrong time, kills ideas, kills conversation, kills relationships … it just kills. I just don’t believe we teach this enough. I just don’t believe we think about this enough. And, this may be funny in this post, I just don’t think we speak about this enough. We discuss “silence versus missed opportunity to say the right thing” all the time. “Speak up if you have something to say” is the message we start teaching early on in life. Balance. We need to teach balance.

Anyway.

I try and keep it simple in my own head. “Don’t fill empty space simply because it is empty.”

In a non-stop world, we have become non-stop speakers. For this reason alone, silence is a powerful tool. Think about beginning a presentation with silence. It takes courage. But it gives your audience time to breathe as well. We live in a crazy world where silence is not easy to find. And, frankly, it’s just not that easy to use either.

Silence. Don’t shun silence. Embrace it.

One of the most poetic thoughtful thoughts I can think of with regard to silence comes from lyrical wordsmiths Simon and Garfunkel:

- “People talking without speaking, people hearing without listening. No one dared disturb the sound of silence. Hear my words that I might teach you, take my arms that I might reach you. My words like silent raindrops, fell and echoed in the wells of silence.”

Oh.

One last, kind of odd, thought on speaking and silence.

Think about this. This is a legal thing.

Legally you must speak out in order to benefit from your right to remain silent.

No shit.

So. In a narrowly split decision the Supreme Court recently expanded the Miranda rights limits. The decision reflects that suspects must break their silence and tell police they are going to remain quiet to stop an interrogation (just as I guess they must actually speak out to tell police they want a lawyer).

What this means is you still have the right to remain silent, but if you want questioning to stop you need to invoke it by first speaking. The goal here is not to protect the constitutional right to silence, but to tell the police when questioning must stop.

I am not sure what to do with this information but maybe if you get arrested silence isn’t such a good thing (I think).

20something perspective thought for the day

April 25th, 2010

Sometimes young people see things a lot more clearly than adults and certainly have a great way of articulating things. And possibly give us some perspective. This made me laugh. So for all you ole folk who bemoan the fact that kids are spending too much time inside playing video games here you go:

It is ridiculous claiming that video games influence children.
For instance, if Pac-man affected kids born in the eighties,
we should by now have a bunch of teenagers who run around in darkened rooms
and eat pills while listening to monotonous electronic music.

(courtesy of young 20something taychyka)

a Recommendation For professionals: Teach a High School Class

January 20th, 2010

Teach a high school class.

This is something I recommend for everyone.

I try to donate a couple days of my time every year to the high school I graduated from as well as accept as many other opportunities to teach kids as I am able to fit into my schedule. Many people ask what I teach (and I will tell you below) but frankly it doesn’t really matter that much. High school teachers are typically so overworked and time challenged, if you can absorb even some of their daily commitment, you are helping. In addition, the kids love access to some non-teacher, real world access to break up their school life.

But. Specific topics I have presented and discussed in school:

Ethics in communication
Ethics in business.
Entrepreneurship (or starting your own business)
Effective presenting – presentations
Evaluating ideas
What history can teach us about today
It’s ok if you don’t know what you want to be when you grow up
Collecting moments (or learning from people and experiences)
Listening and responding
What it takes to succeed

But I have also helped with history, social studies, business and English (although my grammar is spotty at best).

There are two reasons I do this as often as I can (you find your own reasons). One is selfish. One is less selfish.

1. Selfishly the experience hones my presentation and listening/responding skills. High school kids have incredibly short attention spans. There is no continuity or linearness to the line of questions you receive. Questions range from incredibly insightful to seemingly pedantic (but often there is a not so obvious insightful thought buried in the question to be mined and explored). They make me better. And selfishly I use them to become better.

2. Non selfishly … well … kids don’t know what they don’t know and, fortunately, most know that. And they are sponges for information at this age. Even the most cynical in the back row has something he/she wants to know. Teachers do the best they can (and they do a great job) but even they are sponges for additional information and perspective. I love teaching (but I am fairly confident I couldn’t do what our teachers do). So. If I can be a relief pitcher for a couple of innings so the starter can keep their arm fresh then I am willing to play that role. And hopefully some kid comes out of the room that day with a slightly more hopeful look at the world around them.

Lastly.

I teach as many high school classes as I can because I think kids today should be as prepared for the real world as possible. I talk with them about what it takes to be successful in a career (and life). One thing I discuss is “character.” I describe it as a fork in the road. A moment, or moments, where you have a choice which helps define who you will be moving forward in life. I don’t mean to suggest I know “the right path” all I mean I that we all have choices to do “the right thing” or “the wrong thing” and those types of decisions go a long way to defining “once and for all who you are.” The other thing I happen to mention which I oddly enough learned in the advertising world…each moment matters. If you find an excuse to not do what is best one moment the next moment is even easier to not do the right thing – and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Go do it.

I guarantee you will be more tired at the end of the day than you have in a very very long time. But you will also feel better than you have in a very very long time.