Posts tagged california
the sleeping aardvark
Apr 24th
So. I drive by a high school here in San Francisco that has aardvarks wandering its sports fields.
And while it is always a little disconcerting to see aardvarks strolling around the fields of the local high school suddenly seeing one of them on their side snoozing is … well .. you slow down and look a little closer. Why? A snoozing aardvark looks an awful like road kill. But in the middle of a field instead of the middle of the road.
Let me start over. I guess I figured this being California instead of using safe chemicals to solve pest and ant problems on the soccer and football and baseball fields at a local high school they have rented/bought/leased (???) a squad of aardvarks (anteaters) to cleanse the fields.
Oh.
No.
The high school mascot is not an aardvark (that is actually UC Irvine). They are the Red Tailed Hawks. Anyway. The aardvarks. They randomly wander (well, actually, I have never seen them move … we will get back to that) the fields in their ambling pachydermish way like little tanks in search of ants. It makes it a little interest during baseball practice (I would imagine the cruel kids treat the aardvarks like the ball sweeping cart at the golfing range) and the outfielders learn to navigate the obstacles while tracking down fly balls.
So. After seeing the sleeping aardvark I went online to see what the deal was exactly (I mean how do you decide to actually bring aardvarks in?).
To my dismay I found out that the aardvarks I had been spotting as I drove by the high school were actually fake coyotes.
Huh? Did I feel stupid or what?
(but, hey … compare the pictures and tell me from a distance you wouldn’t have been confused!).
So the reason this whole thing happened (the fake coyotes) was the geese tended to outnumber the athletes on Mill Valley’s Tamalpais High School athletic fields so the school officials came up with the novel idea to bring in fake coyotes.
Apparently the coyote lookalikes work extremely well, scaring off birds that look good but seem to do nothing but eat and poop. To make me not appear as stupid as this post may make it seem, According a local paper, a whole bunch of the faux predators looked so lifelike that people even reported the “coyotes” thinking they were real (so. I have that going for me.)
On a separate note there is a very cool retail design shop in Dayton Ohio that actually has a pair of border collies that alternate sitting in front of the building to scare away their geese (I like that option better than the fake aardvark/coyote idea).
So. While I feel a little stupid, and the idea sounds stupid, at least it’s working for the high school.
And maybe I should drop a note to some of the local supermarkets and businesses because a whole bunch of them have been putting these fake owls (and yes … in this case I not only identified them properly as owls but I also recognized they were fake) to scare off the pigeons.
Oddly enough they seem to attract pigeons as I see lots of them crowding around the fake owl (boy. that was an effective tactic, huh?).
Maybe if they put some of these fake coyotes up there instead of the owls not only would geese stay away but maybe the pigeons would too.
That’s my free idea of the day. Anyone who wants to use it can.
more signs apocalypse is upon us
Apr 3rd
Yesterday just gave me one more (ok. several more) sign the apocalypse is upon us.
- My balcony view is now impeded by a crane
- My mother was semi suicidal over the fact she had to move her top level 4×4 storage unit to a lower level 4×4 storage unit
- I wrote an easter post about chocolate eggs.
So. A couple months ago I wrote about the bluffs less than a mile away dropping off into the great blue sea. Well. The bluffs have officially left my complex. The 
edge of the parking lot now has attained an excellent cliff diving platform status to the Pacific. Oddly enough, the crane in the picture is working on the bluffs on the other side of my complex. Needless to say the note I receive on my front door explaining that is … well … a little complex. And a lot puzzling. But needless to say my 3rd floor view is dead center between the non crumbling bluffs the crane is working on and the crumbling bluffs which no one is working on. oh. And i have lost what used to be a pretty awesome view to a crane swinging outside my bedroom and balcony. My next update should be from the surf.
And then my mother calls. In a slight panic. Ok. Major panic. When she moved in and received an upper level 4 foot by 4 foot storage space she immediately requested a lower level storage space (easier to access for her). Now. That was maybe 5 months ago. And she knew she was going to get a lower one as soon as it became available. Well. It became available. And then my mother became semi suicidal with angst over how she was going to move everything into her new storage space (even though the maintenance guy said he would do it). Have you ever received a phone call where you had absolutely no idea what to say in response to what you hear? Well. I tried “ok.” (on a multiple choice that one may have been d. none of the above). Needless to say. She didn’t commit suicide. The storage unit stuff did get moved. And in hindsight I still couldn’t think of what the right thing to say was.
Oh. Although I did laugh very hard when trying to tell about being semi suicidal over a 4×4 storage unit. I think he laughed more at me then the story.
And then at the end of the day I wrote a post for easter about chocolate eggs. WTF. And I wasn’t even drinking.
March Madness Part 2
Mar 20th
I love college sports. And this time of the year is awesome. It’s not just the basketball tournament but also the NFL draft and spring break (oops. different post). It’s the time of the year when we have mock drafts, mock brackets and mockingbirds.
My pool got thrown a loop when I picked Tim Tebow to beat New Mexico State but other than that things are rocking along. Here are some things I am lovin’ about this year’s March madness:
Freaks of nature
Taylor Mays. Height: 6’3″, weight: 230 lbs., 40 yard dash: 4.43 (4.24 unofficial was one of the highlights of the combine), Bench Reps of 225 pounds: 24
I am not sure I need to say anything more other than maybe don’t let him get a 40 yard head of steam before he runs into you.
Bruce Campbell. Height: 6’6″, weight: 314 lbs., 40 yard dash: 4.85, Bench Reps of 225 pounds: 34
Look. This 314 lb guy who looked like he didn’t have an ounce of fat on his 6’6” frame ran a fucking 4.85 40. Oh. And he benched a tremendous 34 reps of 225 pounds. No matter how drunk you are I recommend not picking a fight with him if he asks to dance with your date.
The Big East
One of the things I love about the tournament is it becomes conference put up or shut up time. For years we have always heard “ACC is the best tournament” and it seems every other year their middle tier teams get crushed too early in the tournament. This year it looks like it’s the Big East conference’s turn. Doesn’t mean their top teams won’t end up in the final four just that maybe the rest of their teams weren’t as good as we thought. Oh. And maybe the Pac10 teams weren’t as bad as everyone thought.
The state of New Mexico
Whoda thunk New Mexico had two universities let alone two basketball teams worthy of making the NCAA tournament (and winning). The only thing I know about New Mexico teams are one is the Lobos (which is an awesome nickname), one of them must play in Albuquerque (the only city I know in New Mexico) and I love that city and Geronimo had an awesome crossover move but couldn’t keep his grades up and lost his eligibility. I also love the fact one of the teams figured out how to beat Montana who cheated by having two huge rock trolls (Lord of the Rings reference) who trundled up and down the court bashing everyone out of the way and missing layups.
Tim Tebow
Tim Tebow this. Tim Tebow that. He shouldn’t even be drafted in the first 3 rounds (despite the fact he is a first round media story every frickin day). But. The NFL draft is so tough to predict because there are just way too many stupid teams in the league. I guarantee two things. 1. Someone will be stupid enough to draft him in the first 2 rounds. 2. That same someone will look 2 years from now at someone they passed on they should have picked playing in the Pro Bowl.
Bob Huggins
I don’t know Bob Huggins personally but for some reason I haven’t really liked him. His style of coaching or his attitude or maybe just how he handles himself when he actually has an opportunity to talk. Anyway. The guy can coach. Doesn’t matter where he is and what kind of team he has he figures out how to coach them to win. And he makes his teams tough. That I appreciate.
Baseball
The University of Texas is the favorite to capture the 2010 College World Series. Look. Their pitching staff had a team ERA of 2.95 last year. That is good enough for Cy Young consideration. And this is college baseball. And this is the ENTIRE staff ERA. They have a bunch of other players but that is gonna make them tough to beat.
A look at the current poll:
- Texas
- LSU
- Virginia
- Cal. St. Fullerton
- Arizona St.
Oh. Just in case you weren’t paying attention. Something to note. The ACC. 6 teams in top 16. Doesn’t seem that long ago the west coast had a stranglehold on college baseball. No more.
Lastly. Two names for you. South Dakota State and Dallas Baptist. They are predicted to be in the college baseball 64 team tournament. Awesome. Where else would that happen?
The West Coast
Finally. Finally I have found the true benefit of moving to the West Coast. An extra 2 to 3 hours of NCAA tournament. 9 a.m. and there is a game on. Awesome.
The Over 50 Flu epidemic, the Ass Concussion and Dong Bang Shin
Mar 13th
So. What a weird day. And it started so uneventfully. A little rain. A little wind. A phone interview and writing a couple of posts.
The over 50 flu epidemic. I should have known the day would unravel when my mother calls and leaves a voice mail saying “well, we are in shutdown mode.” The senior complex has had a number of people come down with the flu. They closed down communal gathering areas. And then I receive this email:
Re: Report from Cell Block 8
The building is currently in lock down mode. It is a good thing that you came to visit last week. Several people have become ill with deep chest colds and two ladies have been sent to the hospital. As a result the management has decided to close down the building to visitors and there will be no communal eating until further notice. I think it is a prudent move on their part to stop this bug before it gets out of control. This has just begun today so let’s see how perky I am after a few days of lock down. It may bring back bad memories of when I was “in the Slammer on the Rock”. My daughter asked if I had a tin cup to run across the bars to get the warden’s attention. I think I sold it at my estate sale. Please write but the fuzz reads all incoming and outgoing mail and checks all lumpy pizza deliveries.
Prisoner #000 a.k.a. Ginger Snap
It kind of freaked me out a little how much my mother was enjoying this (only to realize everyone in the frickin’ complex was alive with the buzz of the possibility of the black plague attacking the complex). She has already asked if I could (1) sneak a file into her diabetic cake when I come and visit, (2) eat all the chocolate chip cookies from everyone on the floor who received them but didn’t want them (think maybe 150 cookies per day) and (3) figure out what gmail was because now that everyone is afraid to leave their rooms there is a run on senior citizen emailing (I was tempted to tell her about g-strings but didn’t think it would go over well).
Then. The Ass concussion. I was coming back from an evening run I stopped to talk with someone and found out I know someone who had an ass concussion. For real. Let’s file this one away in the category of “you learn something new every day.” So. Here’s the deal. This guy who was probably too old to be skateboarding anyway wipes out and falls on his ass. Gets back up … staggers .. and passes out. At the hospital they say “well, you have a concussion.” He says, “but I fell on my ass.” They say, “Oh, there is a vein that goes from your ass to your brain and you probably jammed it.” Me. “ok.”
Therefore. He had an ass concussion. (many comments about where his brain resides are rattling thru my head but I was so stunned you could get a concussion landing on your ass I said nothing)
This is the kind of story you can’t make up. Me? Gosh. I would have maybe suggested he fell so hard his brain bounced around enough to get a concussion.
But. An ass concussion!?! Awesome.
But it gets better. Still pondering the ass concussion and wondering whether my mother has stirred up the senior troops so much they have put her in solitary confinement I ended my day with a fine plate of pasta with a light dusting of Virgin Olive Oil and some parmesan and had MYX music channel on.
Then. I see the stupidest video I have ever seen. Ever.
It’s this South Korean band called TVXQ, an acronym for Tong Vfang Xien Qi (for some reason it gets translated as Dong Bang Shin Gi …. Or maybe they just decided to spell their name phonetically for us stupid western civilization folk). Anyway. They are a horrible boy band quintet. And this video for a song called Balloons was fantastically idiotic. So idiotic I watched the whole shitty thing. They all dressed like cats but not like the show Cats just paws and ears and acted goofy.
While I wanted it to be hilariously stupid this was boy band idiotic. I almost lost my appetite but instead laughed my ass off. All I could think of was what the fuck are their children think when they see this fucking video years from now. I mean, c’mon, how do you explain that?
On the edge of extinction: Adopt a Blob (fish) Campaign
Mar 11th
Let’s save the dodo. Oops. Too late.
Let’s save the red tailed frog. Uh. Let’s find one first.
It’s time to save the blob.
Blobfish that is.
The Blobfish lives deep in the waters off Australia and Tasmania and is rarely seen by humans.
With a face only a mother could love this Jabba the Hut of fish is becoming extinct.
The Blobfish is cunning in that it has no use as food (it’s not edible) or does it have any known defense mechanism.
Yet it may be one of the most terrifying fish in the world.
Why?
It is butt ugly.
No. butt ugly doesn’t even suggest half how ugly it is.
Its hideously deformed body is quite boneless, simply a gelatinous orb which hovers in the deep waters covered in slime and mucus.
Oh. But there is more. Even worse.
Its face.
Most fish don’t really have faces. You’ve heard people refer to “fish eyes” or “fish lips,” or “a face only a fish could love.” (I made that last one up)
But the Blobfish actually has a face. Not a fish face, but a human face, complete with lips and a big, bulbous nose. This Jabba the Hut of fish is on the edge of extinction.
So gather round one and all and adopt a Blobfish as a pet.
Below see Bob the Blobfish. Poster child for the adoption campaign.
Yes. This not so pretty ocean occupant, the blob fish, is on the edge of extinction.
Kinda makes you hungry for mashed potatoes doesn’t it?
On a separate note The president of the “adopt the blob fish” foundation has petitioned to change the name of the blob fish (believing the name as not only politically incorrect but also creating negative perceptions on the possibly svelte friendly fish) and is seeking to rename it the “Pudding” fish and seeking sponsor From the tapioca pudding brand manager at Jell-O.
Gorilla BBQ – A Study in Successful Entrepreneurship
Feb 9th
Note: Click here for my earlier post on Gorilla Barbecue and their amazing ribs.
As I walked into Gorilla BBQ for my Sunday beef brisket and the most awesome ribs in San Francisco, I had a moment to reflect on their success model. Plus. Gorilla (the co-owner) and I actually had a minute to talk.
They always have a line. Sometimes very long. I would say 2 weekends out of every month they run out of at least two items on their 4 item menu list before closing.
He loves it. No hassles of sit down – it’s all take out. He sells what he makes every day. He slowly expands how much he makes as his “running out” drives customers to come earlier and he feeds the new later ones. He is thinking about maybe having a second location but he has reservations because he is concerned about replicating how he makes his food elsewhere.
Quality is numero uno to Gorilla.
I have worked with a number of extensive franchise organizations and I have lived through how difficult expansion planning can be.
The pursuit of profit is enticing. And sometimes the overwhelming sense of “I have to do it before someone else gets there” is difficult to stave off. ‘How much is enough’ can be a facts and figures discussion or it can be a philosophical discussion.
What Gorilla understands is the charisma or mystique factor. His stuff is good. Unfailingly good. But his business’s reputation outstrips his stuff. He is constantly reaching out to more sales rather than excess capacity.
So. Expansion in retail is tricky. Heck. Any expansion is tricky.
Do organizations make it a science? Sure they do (analysis of geography and consumption and possible customers and ticket size and all that crap – albeit useful crap). I have seen multi-page spreadsheets and maps and revenue analysis information presentations and binders that would make your head spin.
I am sure Starbucks had numbers out the wazoo for location growth plan. What I personally believe they missed was the mystique quotient (never seen that number in an analysis). That, I believe, is more a gut thing. It is also a philosophical vision decision. I personally wouldn’t have expanded Starbucks that fast and I would have tried to maintain some mystique. But, yeah, I could be using hindsight (as they run into some struggles).
Yeah. I know (and like) their “third location” strategy (home, work, starbucks). It’s just that maximizing that location strategy threatened what made them so popular in the beginning.
Hey. Starbucks isn’t going to crash. But their over expansion has created issues they may not have had to deal with had they been a little less aggressive in store openings.
Hey (again). Many businesses cross that line in expansion. It is a line that is difficult to see. Especially when it becomes about money.
But. Back to my man Gorilla and his business. He has two huge things going for him:
- He understands exactly what makes him successful: His food. While maybe he is conservative about expanding at the risk of that standard, he fully understands why he has lines and a profitable business.
- He understands his priorities. I am sure he likes money but he hasn’t let it overwhelm his direction.
Once again, having worked with dozens of companies and expansion, I don’t doubt for one minute all those companies who expanded beyond what now seems unreasonable fully understood #1. In fact I think they sometimes fool themselves a little into believing that expanding is a formula (at one or a small group of locations) that can be easily replicated (replicating quality is a tricky thing too).
It is number 2 that really gets people in trouble. Money is an evil thing. Greed is good (for the economy). Greed is bad for a great business guy’s head. It leads thinking astray.
What Gorilla has going for him is he isn’t greedy. And he likes to like his stuff (and won’t compromise that).
Will he be a millionaire? Maybe. I doubt it.
Will he make money? Sure. No, let me take that back and say, absolutely.
Will he be happy? In no uncertain terms. Unequivocally. Yes.
What more could you ask for?
Renovations from Mother Nature in Pacifica
Jan 27th
I recently contacted Mother Nature inquiring as to her costs for renovation. She has been doing some nice work right down the street from me. On Thursday night (apparently she works overtime) she made some changes to the view at the complex nearby. Unfortunately she forgot to warn the owners.
“It was this ‘pow-pow-pow,’ then ‘crash!’ and I dashed into the living room to have a look,” said a resident. “And what I saw was this.” She pointed out her back door to where a stub of what used to be her concrete patio stuck out sharply into the air.
A 60-foot chunk of soil, fencing and the patios of three apartments had plummeted into the churning ocean waves 85 feet below.
Thursday was the second time in two months that cliff erosion shuttered apartments in the series of complexes lining the fragile coastline that sits on Pacifica’s Esplanade. (uh, anyone reading this, I am on the “fragile coastline”… so…if the blog stops you know why)
And though city officials said they have no fear that the building affected Thursday will fall into the ocean, they are considering ordering the rest of the residents in the complex evacuated.
“It’s a pretty bad situation, very confusing for people,” said Doug Rider, Pacifica’s chief building inspector. “They can all sleep there tonight (Thursday), but we are assessing whether it would be wise to shut off the gas lines to protect them from breaking.”
Ok. Maybe it’s just me but
1. I am not sure I would be staying in a place where the patio just fell into the ocean and my living room has become the patio.
2. I am pleased they are allowing me to stay some place where they have disconnected the electricity and gas.
But. The residents should be reassured by confident officials who say “That building’s not going to fall, but we do have to take a good look at everything.”
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…my translation of this is “hey, we think it’s not going to fall into the ocean but it may.”
On a side note. My mother is relatively sure the Apocalypse is now upon us, and my sister hopes it has only targeted me.
A Quasi-Apocalypse: California is falling into the sea
Dec 19th
It’s not quite the apocalypse but a 30 foot chunk of California fell into the Pacific
(and it was REALLY close to where I live)
So. Here’s what happened within a good throw (ok, I would have to be able to throw like maybe Roger Clemens juiced up) away from where I live. Waves crashing into a piece of land caused a chunk of earth near an apartment complex to fall into the Pacific Ocean early Thursday morning. That apartment complex is now…oh…with only 10 feet of land (some people call it a bluff I call it a cliff) between it and the Pacific Ocean (yeah. that would be one of the big, really deep, and cold on this coast, oceans). Thank God my complex has a good maybe 50 feet between me and the ocean.
I only bring this whole thing up because…well…we are heading into the winter season and with some high winds and maybe some more of those good ole waves crashing into the bluffs…and…well…if one day you happen to see the posts on my site come to a crashing halt it may simply be that Tigger (my border collie) and I have gone for an unexpected swim.
Have to say. It certainly hasn’t been dull here since I moved to the San Andreas Fault…oops…I mean California.
Best Ribs Everywhere
Dec 4th
Everywhere has a “best ribs” claim (I bet even somewhere in Alaska some Eskimo is smoking some amazing pork ribs). And, you know, people are right. Every place does have a great rib joint. It is difficult to compare best to best.
I have lived in 11 different states. Everywhere I have lived has claimed the best ribs (and locations include Dallas, Georgia, Ohio and North Carolina…although rib connoisseurs seem to gravitate to the south).
I will admit, if I had to vote once I would vote with a memory (because it has been decades since I tasted them) of “the best” residing in Owensboro Kentucky (don’t laugh but I was there for business). Even better for the memory is I ate them with a great business friend named Pike (who wore something like a 58 regular jacket his shoulders were so big) and the ribs were awesome.
Anyway. Don’t ask me technical things like dry or wet or whatever. They just tasted great (that is my dining rating system – tastes).
OK. I digress. Most places in America (except maybe Hawaii I guess) have a great rib place. But I may now have a new one for you.
In a little beach town of Pacifica in Northern California there is a place called Gorilla BBQ. It is in a train car. Take out only. The guy who sits behind the register is Gorilla (needless to say he is a big guy with outstanding chin hair). Big personality. Remembered my name the second time I came in a week later. Traded random quips with my kooky mother. But that is not the reason you should stop there.
Walking in there are 4 items. Ribs. Chicken. Beef brisket and some other meat I can’t remember but not relevant to this. I was tempted to order brisket (mom did and it had a wonderfully smoky tasty and so moist you could have it melt in your mouth).
I asked Gorilla what he recommended.
He didn’t say a word.
Put down the pencil and showed me two fists where PORK RIBS was tattooed on his knuckles.
(Think he’s passionate about this? Gosh. Hope he doesn’t leave this and become a sushi chef).
The recommendation was dead on … amazing ribs. Meat falling off the bone. Plus. How can you not make great ribs if you’ve tattooed yourself with the promise?
Gorilla BBQ and pork ribs (although anything is good there). While to me there is no one "best ribs" gorilla is worth stopping by. Even if it is just to meet Gorilla.
