“There is always a ‘but’ in this imperfect world.”
I sat back and wondered why.
I have a theory.
‘Buts’ are created by a never ending doom-looped “it’s your perspective versus someone else’s perspective” world.
Think about it.
What you see as normal looks maybe not exactly normal to someone else. To you, your normal is a solid unequivocal fact and because of that belief, naturally, you say it is ‘so’. It is your normal.
Uh oh. You receive … “but” in response.
“Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.”
Now. This doesn’t mean your normal is abnormal or un-normal or even weird, just that it receives a caveat from someone else because it doesn’t sinc up exactly with their normal. Yeah. It receives a “but.”
To be clear. This is significantly different than the infamous “yes, but” issue <what I call “but debating”> because that suggests you are wrong.
This ‘but’ is simply a reflection that the world is imperfect <and you are doing just fine>. All this ‘but’ does is to suggest that we normal people normally view the world through so many different eyes that perfection is impossible. It suggests a reality in which normal has a number of rich & royal hues to it depending on what eyes you view it with.
And you know what? That’s okay.
Sure. That makes clarity between people and ‘alignment’ of people a little trickier. But the truth is that if we don’t get too hung up on the ‘but’ aspects we all pretty much agree on the core normality of everyday life, what people think and what people do.
Ah. And maybe that is where we run into trouble. How do we stop getting hung up on the ‘but’?
We inherently like no ‘buts’ when it comes to something like ‘normal.’ We inherently think of normal maybe not as perfect, but certainly something smoother & a little less ragged edgy.
I cannot figure out if we, as people, just haven’t figured out how to accept two diametrically different thoughts – individuals are individuals <and we should celebrate that> which is not smoothing in interactions versus things go a shitload more smoothly if we think and act a little more like each other.
If it is we conceptually understand that the world is imperfect and that people will not fit perfectly together with regard to beliefs & attitudes, but that realistically we believe we have hammered out ‘normal’ in our own heads so well that we just think that the other people just have not rigorously hammered away on their own beliefs and thoughts enough to get to where we are.
Either way. Both thoughts I just shared can only have one destination — a ‘but.’
Well. Full disclosure: I tend to believe I am a little unusual in that I like hearing a ‘but.’
I tend to believe most people would much rather that the other people just nod their heads wisely, agree or just say nothing, and everyone moves along happily unaware that there was actually a ‘but’ left unsaid.
A ‘but’ makes me cock my head a little.
Makes me think.
I like to think my view of normal has some chinks in it. Has some flaws. Some imperfections.
In other words. My normal has some places that it can be improved. I am not sure 90% of people like to think something like “normal” can be improved. I mean … what the hell … normal is supposed to be normal, right?
Kind of some standard upon which 90% of people kind of stand on, right?
And you know what? They are correct. 90% of normal truly is normal.
The ‘but’ resides in one of two places:
1) in a crack within the 90% which actually may be improvable in some way <let’s call that the natural imperfections within normal>, or
If you look at it that way, a ‘but’ doesn’t seem so frickin’ bad. It kind of seems to make sense… not as aggravating.
Anyway. That’s just my theory. And maybe that’s why I just don’t think a ‘but’ is that bad. I would argue ‘but’ has a tough time in today’s world because it seems to grapple with an unhealthy relationship with perfection. My guess is my theory falls apart if everyone would embrace imperfection a little more. Ponder that before you say ‘but.’