Enlightened Conflict

why women get aggravated by men

October 7th, 2016





I had no real reason for posting this thought today other than:


<1> I saw these two gifs posted, and


<2> it reminds me how stupid condescending sexist assholes like this make my Life more difficult, and


<3> it reminds me how far we still have to go with regard to some fairly stupid masculine attitudes.



And just because I do think far too many guys don’t think about gender equality/inequality enough nor do they think about it thru a woman’s eyes <as best they can> if they do think about it … every guy should read the following from For the Men Who Still Don’t Get It <Carol Diehl> and just take a minute to reflect upon it:



“What if
all women were bigger and stronger than you
And thought they were smarter


What if
women were the ones who started wars


What if
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly


What if
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun


What if
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs


What if
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis


What if
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands


What if
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes


What if
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
In a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons


What if
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
with socks
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
“The truth about impotence”


What if
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”


What if
You had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job


What if
You couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running


thinker thumbtack

…… just think about it ………

And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.


For the Men Who Still Don’t Get It – Carol Diehl



hatred of boredom

June 26th, 2016

 hatred of boredom f scott quote



“I’m a slave to my hatred of boredom.”




F. Scott Fitzgerald










Far too often I think we confuse a lack of attention, attention spans, or attention in general, with a hatred of boredom.


I imagine I could say that this is simply about discussing two sides of the same coin.


look bored blink

One side is boredom.


One side is attention span.



Regardless of my imaginary coin … attention spans, in general, are certainly one of the main “topic du jours” a shitload of people, and ‘experts’, pontificate on espousing on “a generation borne of short attention spans” <the infamous … “we have attention spans of a goldfish” — note: we do not>.


I have always said we do not have significantly shorter attention spans today than we have had in the past and that technology isn’t make us a society with an attention deficit.


And I have a post coming up soon discussing the important, and responsibility, of getting someone’s attention.


But why doesn’t anyone ever discuss WHY our attention wavers?




Many people, I included, have discussed relevance matters in gaining attention and maintaining attention  and many people, I included, have discussed how interest and attention are inextricably linked … but why don’t we just simply talk about boredom?


Because if I am bored I will not pay attention.boredom structure boredom





If a goldfish is bored they will not pay attention.




If you are bored enough <as the chart “structure of boredom” suggests you attain “demonic boredom” – this is the type of boredom which can make you say stupid things out loud>





Here is the flipside of the coin.


If you can keep me from being bored? You have my attention.


Personally … I hate being bored.


Some people confuse this with a lack of ability to pay attention. They are wrong.


People have my undivided attention and focus … if I am not bored with what is being said or shown.


I don’t think I am particularly unique n this.


I do know because of my hatred of boredom that I have quasi-mastered the art of ‘surface attention.’


Surface attention?


What this is … is … well … let’s say you are in a meeting. And some bonehead is engenders boredom speaking too muchdemanding you sit through a 75 page PowerPoint presentation.

I can guarantee you that I am gonna feel some hate <some boredom> within those 75 pages <and the 75+ words that must be said accompanying every page>.

But that hate will not keep me from perking up on … well … say … page 51 where … well … you aren’t boring me.


And I have to admit. It is good that I have mastered this particular skill because F. Scott and I have something in common … I am a slave to my hatred of boredom.


Because outside of a meeting or some environment constricting my ability to flee my boredom … not only do I not pay attention but I move on. I actually will get away, if not actually flee, from boredom.

I hate being bored so much I have been chastised for being rude <and sometimes it can also mistakenly be construed as some version of ‘self superiority’>.


I am neither rude nor do I believe I am smarter, or superior or better in any way … I am simply a slave to my hatred of boredom. In fact … as a parallel point … I will actively search out ‘non-boring.’ So … its not like I don’t want to hear what people have to say and i actually highly value other’s opinions, especially of they are contrarian views., but just as i am active n my pursuit for non-boredom i am also quite active in avoiding, and fleeing, actual boredom.


Maybe I don’t handle it as well as many other people but, once again, I just don’t think I am that unique.  Given the opportunity I believe most of us schmucks would haul ass when bored by someone or something.


In most cases it isn’t rooted in any thought that someone is ‘dumb’ or ‘an asshole/asshat’ … we are just fucking bored.


I imagine my real point <and this would be great advice to professional marketers> is … well … if you want my attention don’t bore me.




This doesn’t mean ‘entertain me’ or ‘make me laugh’ or … well … any simplistic tripe many experts spout. Don’t overthink it. There is no formula. And there is no ‘one thing’ to do.


Just don’t bore me.


I don’t care how you do it.

engage me bore interest listen

You can engage me intellectually.


You can engage me by … well … being engaging.


You can engage me by making me smile.


You can engage me by tapping into my inner altruism.


You can engage me by tapping into my sense of responsibility.


The list of how to engage someone is relatively infinite.


But one thing circumvents the infinite list of possibilities … boredom.


I am a slave to my hatred of boredom.


And while I may hate boredom a little more than the average everyday schmuck … in general … I tend to believe most everyone hates being bored.


Well.boredom dog bored attention



There is some professional advice.


Don’t be boring and don’t bore people you have an interest in communicating with.

functional nutjobs

June 14th, 2016


evil good hands



“Religious wars are not caused by the fact that there is more than one religion, but by the spirit of intolerance … the spread of which can only be regarded as the total eclipse of human reason.”




Charles de Secondat





Hate crime.


Religious intolerance


Extreme intolerance, in general, of other views.




Let’s just say some level of extreme self loathing.


thou art a wack job nutjobI don’t really care about the label we may, or may not; put on the killing spree some nutjob went on in Orlando.


But here is what I thought about as I listened what was being said about the killer … functional nutjob.



He was an abusive husband, he showed some questionable enough behavior to be questioned by the FBI, he expressed extreme intolerance for gays … and he has had a steady full time job with a security firm.


A steady job.


And a steady job where he carried a gun.


And a steady job in which you assume day in and day out he went to work, did his job, got along for the most part with his fellow workers and left at the end of the day most likely after shooting the shit with some fellow workers.


And a steady job in which I will assume if we scanned his annual reviews he was … well … steady. Not the best employee, not the worst employee but most likely the type of employee most organizations have … the ones who show up, do their work, have some friends in the office, doesn’t really make any waves and get the steady evaluation grades which the standard employee receives.


But he was a functional nutjob.




I am not suggesting that all my points on a steady employee equals “functional nutjob” because most of those steady employees are good hard working people carrying around the normal everyday foibles all of us every day schmucks have.




Within that steady employee group there are spouse abusers, some who harbor extreme intolerant views, some deviant behavior and … well … pick your poison.

There will be some who you are pretty happy you don’t know all the details in their personal life.

There will be some who give you a glimpse of some extreme intolerance for something or an extreme non mainstream point of view.


But day in and day out they function, in general rub elbows with coworkers in a reasonable way and the rest of the people know they can count on them to show up and get shit done.see what we look for


What I am trying to say is that while these functional nutjobs do not represent the majority of the work force … there is most likely a meaningful minority scattered among the daily work force.


If I had to offer a number … lets maybe say 14% … that’s kinda close to the % of people who voted for Trump <I am not suggesting his voters are all functional nutjobs>. Regardless of the % populating our world … 99% of them remain functional nutjobs.


I can honestly say I have only worked with one co-worker who I truly believed was capable of going out to his car and coming back in with a gun when he got fired <he was mostly functional but clearly a nutjob>.


But he was the only one I noticed. I assume that while I worked with some functional alcoholics, some functional drug addicts … I most likely also worked with some functional nutjobs.


For the most part nutjobs keep their true nuttiness to themselves <they most likely recognize it isn’t really a mainstream perspective>. But whether they share it or not … it travels with them wherever they go.

And I would assume nuttiness is just like any strong real mental belief system … some days when it gets challenged you kinda get grumpy. We, the rest of us, don’t get worried <hell … we may not even notice> until the nutjob gets angry.


And that is where motivation for the anger matters.





Perception of being marginalized.




Self loathing.



Pick the motivation.

self regulation motivation

The nuttiness of the nutjob means that the mind is already fertile ground for some mentally disturbing thoughts & voices.


It, ultimately, becomes a problem regardless of motivation.


It’s a problem [when] a young man who walked into a church in South Carolina and murdered nine people who offered to pray with him. It’s a problem when an angry young man on a college campus decides to shoot people because he feels like he’s disrespected. It’s certainly a problem when you have organizations like Isil or al-Qaida trying to actively promote violence.”


President Obama



I imagine it reaches a point where this voice cannot be reasoned with. The voice is immune to listening and immune to any rational dialogue. Evidence seemingly is only found I what is already believed, and perceived, therefore the unthinkable action becomes a viable option.


Some may call it being pushed over the edge.


I don’t.


I just think it is a functional nutjob who has found the motivation to make some statement about what they believe.


Regardless. It was a horrible act. Done by a horrible nutjob.



Politics drives me nuts.


Political rhetoric drives me nuts.



Was he Muslim? Yes.


Did he have a military type assault weapon? Yes.


Was this terrorism? I don’t know under the real definition … but it clearly terrorized.


Did he commit a hate crime? On this one … Clearly yes.


Was he mentally ill? I don’t know … but listening to his ex-wife he surely had some mental issues.


Was he an immigrant? No. he was an American citizen.


Was he a nutjob? Absolutely.


In a country in which there are over 320 million people I think it is fairly triumph over fear evilrational to suggest there are functional nutjobs scattered throughout the country.


The entire idea that we can eliminate all nuthobs is … well … silly. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be strident in our pursuit of safety for all in society. But it cannot, and should not, come at the expense of the liberties & freedoms which make USA who and what it is.


I imagine I am saying … we cannot let nutjobs win. We cannot let nutjobs dictate what makes America great.


I imagine I am also suggesting … stop calling it radical Islam, stop calling it terrorism, stop putting any label on this other than “nutjob who shifted from be functional to dysfunctional.”


And that is the bottom line.


This loser, this once upon a time functional nutjob, went out and delivered an immoral act killing innocent people acting as a dysfunctional nutjob.


Enlightened Conflict