Posts tagged doubt something

the silence lie

“just because you didn’t speak the facts out loud didn’t erase their existence. silence was just a quieter way to lie.” – unknown

I am fairly sure I found these words in some tween blog.  I don’t remember the frame of reference but I wrote down the words because … well … I don’t really give a shit about the frame of reference because it defines the ‘silent lie’ better than anything else I have ever seen.

“silence was just a quieter way to lie.”

Boy oh boy.

That is a powerful thought.

I guess the funny thing is truth is truth … whether it is spoken or silent.  So why wouldn’t a lie be exactly the same?

A lie’s existence is not defined by words or lack of words … it is defined by whether it exists or not.

Maybe I say this because anything that exists can take on a life of its own.

It breathes and lives and, well, it actually eats.  It eats away at your thoughts and, if you are unfortunate, it eats away at your soul.

And if a lie exists then it does all that.

Frankly, I am not sure you can ever kill a lie. Even by eventually speaking the truth. I believe even in that case it doesn’t cease to exist but maybe by speaking it … it attains a more tangible form.  And maybe that makes it easier to accept … ok, well … maybe not accept.  Maybe it’s just live with it.

So if I believe that, when does a lie stop existing? When does it take its last breath?

Well.

I actually believe they take their last breath the same time you do. Yup. I believe lies are things you carry with you until the end of your days. You cannot erase their existence by ‘speaking the facts out loud.’ They are one of Life’s burdens.

I imagine we all lie at some point or another.

A white lie.  A lie of omission. A lie of silence. A lie of words. I personally don’t believe Life weighs lies … like there are ‘big lies’ and ‘little lies’ … I just believe Life counts them all simply as lies.

So.

Maybe the measure of our life is … how many lies take their last breath when we do at the end.

lie and truth


This is the natural partner to my optimistically cynical of truth post.

Or.

Maybe let’s think of this as the adult version follow up to the wonderful teen version of Beauty is Truth I posted.

I won’t do that teen’s thought justice. But I may take a more serious note.

Maybe this is the ‘ugly is truth’ version.

“A lie can fly halfway around the world before the truth can get its pants on.” Winston Churchill.

I am sure we have all heard versions of this quote before.

And chuckle.

But have you ever wondered why we actually take this kind of sad and sobering thought at face value – kind of as a … well … truth? A teen wrote this on their site:

Sobering.

Sad.

And true?

Even we adults looking at this take a moment and a part of us, maybe even a large part of us, agrees.

We believe somewhere inside us that all people lie.

And what may be worse?

Even when we hear ‘the truth’? We doubt.

And even more worse?

The more emphatic on their belief in the truth (as they state it)?

The more we disbelieve.

It’s kind of crazy if you think about it.

It seems often the “absolute truth” leads to some confusion on our part.

Confused on ‘how can they be so sure’?

And the conclusion of confusion is “someone has lied.”

What a downward spiral we have encountered in discussing truth.

I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you. “

— ~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Truth is tricky.

The beauty in truth is that it creates boundaries. Or maybe more playfully … fences within you can find comfort to play with others and be free to say and do without thought.

And discuss ‘truth.’

But within those boundaries are shades of gray.

Truth is complex.

And there is an ugly enemy to truth.

The ugly enemy is doubt.

It is because of doubt in truth that a lie can sweep its way around the world while good ole truth is stuck behind dealing with doubt.

A lie is unhindered by the burden of proof. It flies free of such weight.

While truth carries the burden of debate, discussion and understanding.

Now. Let’s be clear. Debate is good. It clarifies. It communicates. It clears the mind of clutter.

But, oddly, nowadays truth’s slowness (in debate and discussion) only enhances an implication of ‘non-true’ and slows down even more with the weight of added burden.

Do we ever wonder why truth takes eons to get around the world while a lie circles endlessly?

Not when you think about it this way.

Sadly, if I am actually right about something for once, I guess the way you can tell a lie from a truth now is that the first is always the lie and the last is always the truth.

In the end the turtle wins I guess.

optimistically cynical of truth


“Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.”

André Gide

(warning: I get to talk about conflict & truth in one post … something I love)

I am always wary of those who come out blazing by claiming to speak “the truth.”

Mostly because I believe rarely are things black & white.

In fact I have been called optimistically cynical.

I imagine I am a contrarian (up to a point).

I would also imagine it’s because in today’s world I see too much lazy thinking (or possibly lazy sloppy communication) … or maybe it’s just people are quick to select the facts they want to use and ignore others and then pontificate on “the truth.”

Anyway.

I question everything upfront (or maybe one would hope as I have become older I can judge what to question and what to accept upfront) but always believe great things can come of it (rather than use the cynicism to drag things down).

In old times (like really really old) this questioning would be a version of Socratic questioning (because I am not as smart as good ole Socrates).

Socratic questioning focuses on the importance of questioning in learning (Socrates actually thought that questioning was the only real form of teaching). Simplistically Socratic questioning highlights the difference between systematic and fragmented thinking. It teaches us to dig beneath the surface of ideas. It teaches us the value of developing questioning minds in cultivating deep learning.

(now. In my global generation 9 ‘about critical thinking’ I will actually use this in discussing elements of teaching in the global education initiative)

So.

I guess the point is that questioning (a version of conflict) actually helps us get closer to the truth.

The art of Socratic questioning is tightly aligned to the idea of critical thinking.  Mostly because it ties the art of questioning to excellence of thought. To summarize this thought … “Socratic” means a systematic approach in the interest in assessing truth or plausibility of things.

Both critical thinking and Socratic questioning share a common end.

Seeking meaning and truth.

Critical thinking provides the conceptual tools for understanding how the mind functions in its pursuit of meaning and truth.

Socratic questioning employs those tools in framing questions essential to the pursuit of meaning and truth.

The beauty of critical thinking skills is that it establishes an additional level of thinking to our thinking, an inner voice of reason, that monitors, assesses, and reforms our idea/opinions/thoughts (in a more rational direction) and affects our feelings and actions. Socratic discussion cultivates that inner voice through an explicit focus on using the “outer voice” with directed, disciplined questioning.

So.

As for those who adamantly state ‘the truth’ (and we seem to hear a lot of these people on radio shows and talk shows and “advocates” of some special interest) I would suggest they are lying.

(ouch. big claim there).

Ok. that lying thought.

Maybe better said is that they aren’t stating truth but rather opinion under the guise of truth (and duping a significant amount of people along the way).

Some of the people we have to listen to (claiming to say the truth) have made a choice … a choice to state truth when it is simply opinion (and shame on them for that … particularly if they do it under the ‘freedom of speech’ heading as well as if they have some ability to impact people).

The truth behind the truth is that it does come with choice.

Try this on for size.

With awareness of some truths comes choice, and with choice freedom or chaos or crisis.

This comes from a 19th Century philosopher – a guy called G. W. F. Hegel.

Discarding an absolute notion of truth, he saw today’s “truth” merely as a passing “bloom” in an evolving process of new “blooms”.

(let’s just call these stupid blooms ‘ideas’)

Ideas and truth advance, he believed, only as ideas come into conflict.

This occurs when a counter idea (the antithesis) arises to challenge the status quo (the thesis). It was this “conflict” or “crisis” which brought about the “higher idea” (the synthesis).

Now.

Be clear. The Hegelian Dialectic is more of an observation of the way thought systems evolve than it is a call to direct action in creating such an evolution (so crisis is not an action but part of thought … think of it as maybe a Plato would … someone states a belief or ‘perceived truth’ and the debate is the ‘crisis’ – or when an antithesis point of view is articulated- of which synthesis occurs and, hopefully, truth emerges).

I make that point so we don’t start running around being crazy trying to drive “crisis” into every frickin’ conversation we have.

But. Marx and Darwin applied this notion to the social and biological realm.

Marx and Communism stood on a pillar of crisis (just called revolution). The higher social order could only arise from the “crisis” of conflict—the proletariat arising to battle the bourgeoisie.

Darwin and Neo-Darwinian theory see the higher biological order arising only from a life and death struggle—survival of the fittest.

So.

What this suggests is that truth can only arise from crisis (or in a dialectic world) through debate and discussion. And I don’t know that I dislike this thought.

As long as we don’t start thinking there is something “magical” in the crisis. While theoretically it is a critical piece to achieve the “synthesis” hat shouldn’t mean we should begin to create a crisis if it doesn’t exist. Or even misjudge “crisis” when it really is just a natural down slope of the curve.

Anyway.

Crisis is a big word. And easily misunderstood (at least by someone with a pea like brain like me)

I don’t believe we need crisis to create change.

Simply some conflict. Simply some debate for god’s sake.

Maybe some questioning of people who state “the truth.”

(then that debate within conflicting point of views could be construed as a ‘crisis’ and Hegel can sleep at night)

Anyway.

I guess the other fear in this questioning construct is the concept of never ending debate.

Or how about “unresolved conflict” because diametrically opposed opinions are locked in “absolute truths” and are unwilling to accept anything otherwise.

In other words  … we never leave “crisis” mode.

That is bad.

And useless.

And dangerous.

But.

The entire idea of “thought” to ‘crisis in debate’ to ‘clearer truth’ is a viable thought.

So when someone states “absolute truth’ without debate or discussion I think its kinda nuts.

Oh.

And one last important thought ( a REALLY important one in this entire discussion).

We are as much at fault as the “liar” if we remain silent.

Silence is the death of debate. The death of the search for truth. No questioning = no truth.

Think about that the next time you hear something that’s sounds … well … wrong. And you remain silent.

Anyway.

I would like to believe I am one of those people who are constantly seeking truth.

I may not be but it is certainly a good objective to try to attain. I do know that I believe as long as you are ‘seeking’ you are being persistently curious and there are worse things to be.

But, yes, I am cynical of those espousing truth all the time.

But maybe Dill said it best:

“I ain’t cynical, Miss Alexandra. Tellin’ the truth’s not cynical, is it?” ~Dill, To Kill a Mockingbird

So.

I will not remain silent in my search as an optimistically cynical view of truth

to do or not to do

“most agencies are in the same boat — from big ones to two man shops. They’re in it for the money and they’re scared. Scared the client’s going to walk. And because they are afraid they compromise their principles. They are so scared of losing the business they give the customer what they think they want rather than what they know he needs. And sometimes it works — for a while. But in the end it always backfires. You lose the business anyway and you wake up one day to find you’re a prostitute. So, in the end, stick to your principles. ‘to thine ownself be true.’ 0ver 200 years old but still good advice.”

-          Stephen Hawley Martin (founder of The Martin Agency)

Anyone in the service industry will read this and understand exactly what Mr. Martin is saying.

When in service business you are always trapped by “doing whatever it takes to make the customer happy” (which seems to be an insane mantra seeping through business these days) versus “what is going to make me happy” (as a business, business person, business owner).

This is not an easy answer.

I am not suggesting ignoring customers (although I do believe the tired “customer is king/queen” mantra is going a little bit too far) but at some point you draw a line.

You need to draw a line or you will go nuts.

Or just become a prostitute.

Look. Sure sometimes lines can fence you in but sometimes lines can neaten life.

Someone who draws a great line yet is focused on the customer?

Ritz Carlton.

“Ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentleman.” You see that everywhere in the back rooms and over back-to-front entryways at Ritz Carltons. It is their culture and their attitude and their mantra.

So.

What is the line? The moment a Ritz guest no longer acts like a ‘ladies or gentleman.’ That is their line.

Anyway.

I imagine drawing a line is about making boundaries.

And it is probably one of the hardest things in the world to do. With anything I may add.

In business? Yikes. I have been in those meetings. Especially now with the internet where one ‘declined’ customer (they don’t even have to be mistreated in any way) can reach out and impact hundreds because they weren’t allowed to join the club. How to grow your business? Whew. Of course in a recession passing on a dollar in hand is tough (heck. even in good times it is) but do you really want them as a customer?.

Think about government. Regardless of whether it is government policy on dealing with terrorists or rules of warfare. What is acceptable and what isn’t? Tough tough questions.

Personal? Personal time off in a business. Your kids and their activities. Job searches and type of job you want. Time commitments. Personal behavior.

Anyway.

Where do you draw the line?

I know I struggle with people who want it all spelled out upfront (or maybe people who live only by ‘rules’). Mostly because you invest a lot of energy and time thinking about every possibility (which could be time doing more productive things) and then lo and behold something you couldn’t have foreseen pops up. And you start discussing ‘exceptions’ (which really aren’t exceptions other than the fact someone demanded you draw a line … or a boundary).

And where does it fall on the line you have drawn. Some things are black and white but they seem to be far and few between.

The one thing that remains black & white?

Being true to thineself.

Draw the line somewhere where you can sleep well at night.

That’s the line.

when certainty becomes uncertainty

“One of the worst feelings in the world is having to doubt something that you once thought was unquestionable.” - unknown teen blogger

I am a contradiction guy. Meaning that I believe the strongest emotions and interest and attention are applied when two contradictory ‘things’ stand side by side as truth.

Doubt. Doubt resides squarely between certainty and uncertainty. In the quote above the teen blogger is talking about a person. So, typical of our own teen years, someone who they were unequivocally certain was  one thing (lets suggest a BFF … gosh .. who would have ever thought i would type that in something I wrote)  and then something happens, say that person does something that firmly places them on the uncertainty pedestal, and all of a sudden doubt, who has been standing in the background idly watching, steps forward front and center.

Oh. And once doubt has stepped into this space it almost always takes on geometric proportions. That is what happens when you start questioning the unquestionable.

I personally believe consistency is underrated. And I say that clearly being a ‘change is my constant companion and friend’ kind of guy. So. Let’s call this consistency of character. Consistency of values (or ethics).

Well. Let me take that back. It is simply consistency.

Anyway. When something happens that makes you question what was once unquestionable it isn’t just one of the worst feelings. It’s like getting kicked in the gut.

Not because you are disappointed in them or what happened. You are disappointed in yourself. And, as noted earlier, if you aren’t really really careful that disappointment (which lead to uncertainty of yourself) can take on geometric proportions.

And that may be the worst feeling in the world.

But.

The best feeling in the world (to try and end on a positive note).

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
“Pooh!” he whispered.
“Yes, Piglet?”
“Nothing”, said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw.
“I just wanted to be sure of you.”