Posts tagged embellishment
contemporary dance music (sort of)
Feb 10th
Well.
I have always loved good dance music. Club, house, electronica … not sure what you call it but something with a good hook (it could just be smooth refrain or a looped backbeat) with a slightly below frenetic pace but fast enough beat that it gets the heart pumping and you drive a little faster (and do some bad but fun dancing).
And I know music is trendy but there seems like a bunch of new good dance-like stuff coming out. And here is the twist (today). They seem to be taking already upbeat pop songs (which invariably are built around a great hook) and juicing them up with a dance electronica sound.
Ok.
Let me call it electronic pop … or how about global pop (just because it seems to be more of a global ‘movement’ in music) and move on.
Well thanks to David Guetta, Pitbull, Taio Cruz and a growing list of cross over pop stars there is a swirling mass of really good fun stuff … combined with a bunch of mindless drivel encompassing intensely bad electronically produced music that is so alarmingly awful you not only wonder how it made it on the radio but how it was made at all.
How can you discern the drivel from the good? The hook. Always the hook. That is why some pretty good pop & hip hop artists are making some pretty good stuff in this quasi-new genre.
And you know it is truly becoming a trend when you hear a sleepy ole Adele song being spruced up for the dance floor. I sense Taylor Swift is not far behind on the dance floor remix scene.
Anyway.
To me it all began sliding into my listening vision maybe with Jason Derulo … probably only because he did an amazing job of sampling an Imogene Heap song.
And then Taio Cruz came along with Dynamite which was just fun to listen to.
It is global empowerment … Davide Guetta Ft. Usher
It is sexually driven … In the Dark and Juicebox
It is pop .. Jason Derulo sampling Imogene Heap … We found Love by rihanna … Katy Perry (almost anything she has done) and Maroon 5’s Adam Levine is building a new career off this genre
It is rap/hip hop pop … Flo Rida Feel Good and Gym Class Rejects with Maroon 5
It is just fun .. LMFAO (not ‘sexy and you now it’ which is a complete waste of airtime but their first song) and Usher ft. Pitbull as well as Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull
My best of the best (at the moment) and some of these are great driving songs and most are great dance club songs:
Pitbull
In the Dark by Dev http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgEixhE3Oms
Stereo Hearts by Gym class Heros ft. maroon 5/Adam Levine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T3E9Wjbq44E
We found Love by Rihanna ft. Calvin Harris http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg00YEETFzg&ob=av2e
DJ got Us Fallin’ in Love by Usher ft. pitbull http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-dvTjK_07c&ob=av2e
Moves like Jagger by Maroon 5 ft. Christina Alguilera http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEPTlhBmwRg&ob=av2e
Give me Everything by Pitbull ft. NeYo (awesome song) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPo5wWmKEaI&feature=related
Watcha At by Jason Derulo ft. Imgene Heap (sample) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBI3lc18k8Q&ob=av2e
On the Floor by Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4H_Zoh7G5A&feature=related
Juicebox by Sexoflex (so NTSW you won’t hear it on mainstream and I wish I could just upoad the song because the video is nasty) http://vimeo.com/33340940
Got a Feeling by Flo Rida ft. Etta James (which is awesome he used her all in its own right) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OnnDqH6Wj8&feature=related
Break your Heart by Taio Cruz ft. Ludracis (Ludacris may be one of the best hip hop rappers out there) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_SI2EDM6Lo&ob=av2e
Without You By David Guetta ft. Usher http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUe8uoKdHao&feature=related
Turn me On by David Guetta ft. Nicki Minaj (but may be one of the worst videos of all time … and is extremely aggravating if heard over & over) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVw7eJ0vGfM&feature=branded
Dynamite by Taio Cruz (older song but still sounds good) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUjdiDeJ0xg&ob=av2e
Firework by Katy Perry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw&ob=av2e
And I just heard an old school which reminded me I loved this remake … Coolio doing Fantastic Voyage (excellent remake). http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbhkuu4e0iw
Anyway.
It is always interesting how new music genre evolves. This has always been around (mainly in Europe) but it seems to be going mainstream.
rat girl thoughts
Jan 27th
So.
I wrote about Rat Girl (Kristen Hersh) awhile back … and have been meaning to come back to the book and some quotable/comment-able thoughts from Kristen and her book.
Let me say this upfront.
Rarely have I found so many quotable thoughts from one book.
Anyway.
There is no particular order for these thoughts & quotes. I simply wrote them down as I read Rat Girl. So there is some spontaneous nonlinear thinking to be shared (and several other posts will follow using specific quotes).
With that … it seems appropriate to start with this following quote because I love music and I tend to believe it is one of the few global forms of communication with the ability to cross cultures and actually bend cultures …
“They <songs> don’t commit to linear time – they whiz around all your memories collecting them into a goofy pile that somehow seems less goofy because it’s set to music. Songs are weird. They tell the future and they tell the past but they can’t seem to tell the difference.” - K. Hersh
Well.
I am not sure I have ever heard a better explanation for why music is so powerful, oh, and timeless. Great songs & songwriters have the ability to capture moments & thoughts in a way that they become timeless …’ or maybe better said they become ‘a relevant time’ to the listener.
And there are really two thoughts here.
Some songs inspire timelessness on things you are experiencing now … they just express eternal ‘truth.’
And the some songs are, well, not timeless.
What do I mean?
Well.
Not timeless is easy to describe. They are of a genre and style and wording that may make it a hit today but quickly slips away into that irrelevance space that most tepid shit ends up in.
But timeless? Whew. That stuff speaks to you forever. Because, as Kristen suggests, they live concurrently in the past, present & future in what they say and how they make you feel.
You hear it and it can make you think of something that was. And you ache, or think or just laugh a little.
You hear it and it can make you think of something that is. And you ache, or think or just laugh a little.
You hear it and it cam make you think of something that could be. And you are hopeful, fearful … or just think.
That goofy pile of thoughts is less goofy set to music … and by being less goofy it makes you think … think about something.
And that is what makes a great song great.
It doesn’t have to be great grandiose type thinking … it is just thinking.
Once again … if you ever need to explain to someone what makes music the thing that is universal globally … just pull this quote out.
It is a timeless quote.
Next.
“Play a grown up ‘til you grow up.” – K. Hersh
Ok.
Let’s think about this one a little.
This was written by a 19 year old. Bi polar. Pregnant. Fronting one of the most avante garde bands of the time. And she is often thrown into environments where she was expected to be a grown up … and make grown up decisions (or maybe think like a grown up).
Putting this quote into perspective … all she really wants to do is be a musician … to create and play what was in her head.
What did she do?
Play a grown up.
I like this one for a variety of reasons.
Mainly because it was written by a 19 year old. And one who embraced her originality (which would almost presume she would balk at being “grown up”).
But I also like it because in its simplicity it is a Life truth.
I think a lot of teens understand this (play a grown up). And will do it … that is if they are permitted to and it is nurtured.
All teens contain originality. That is what youth is all about.
Some young people are strong enough to “play grown up” on their own (see Kristen Hersh as an example).
But most young people aren’t strong enough … okay … maybe ‘resilient enough’ is a better way to phrase it. They seek to fit in first and foremost. It’s the safest path. And, therefore, true originality is few and far between (being part of a flock isn’t conducive to originality).
So. She reminds us that even those teens who are grown up – are simply acting like it … that is until they actually become a grown up.
Ok. I say all this to make a point.
We adults can either nurture it or destroy it. And destruction is a lot easier than nurturing. Destruction can happen in the smallest word or action.
We adults need to remember this. Not all teens are as strong as Kristen Hersh. Most are more fragile. Does this mean we should pamper our youth? Absolutely not. But be cognizant of repercussions of our actions as we nurture.
Also.
There is a business side to life, yeah, I said life. By business I mean there are rules of the road we all have to follow on how we are supposed to act, what is appropriate or not, all that stuff we need to do and are supposed to do … if we want to get what we want. And this is true regardless of your age. and to make it trickier it all varies depending on the situation.
What do I mean? If you are 19 but put in a situation surrounded by 40 year olds you have one of 2 choices …
(1) act like a 19 year old and get nothing
(2) or act like a 40something and get what you want.
Simple to do? Nope.
But if you don’t even try and act like a grown up and you are 19 in this situation I can promise you one thing, unequivocally, you won’t get shit.
In the end? Play a grown up until you are a grownup.
Another awesome quote in its simplicity.
Next.
This one is mindboggling as she, in her own words, defines passion in life.
“I think you need something in your life that is both beautiful and necessary. A person or a mission or a place. Beautiful might not be pretty and necessary may not be understood, but, still … I think caring, not death, is the passport to heaven.” – K. Hersh
Ok.
I have been tempted to have this quote framed.
And, once again, from the mouth of a 19 year old.
“beautiful may not be pretty and necessary may not be understood.”
Whew.
That is chill bump type stuff.
Not all passion is shared. And what is necessary to you may not be necessary to someone else.
Frankly that thought may be one of the most difficult for people to grasp.
We so often set a ‘standard’ for what is good, acceptable or the ‘best’ for people.
So what happens to the people who don’t ‘fit ‘within the guardrails? They are oddballs … out of the norm or mainstream … and are forced to swim upstream.
Shit. So what about the majority who do go easily within the guardrails? Maybe they never get to see what is beautiful and necessary (what a fucking shame).
Regardless.
This quote is a big thought. A thoughtful thought. And rather that have me define it or explain it I just posted it so everyone could read it … and all I ask is for everyone to think about it.
Because, honestly, I cannot stop thinking about it.
Next.
“If you play too many wimpy chords you’re just asking for wimpy scales. Play colors.” – K. Hersh
This one is awesome for not just for musicians but for anyone in the creative business.
Shit.
This is actually awesome for anyone.
A lot of people are really successful playing it safe. Or doing what others have done. And then there are the few … those who play colors.
I am not suggesting, using her words, that it is bad to be ‘wimpy.’ Because in this case wimpy isn’t bad … it’s just … well … maybe not aspirational. And that’s okay because not everyone does aspirational stuff. And not everyone SHOULD do aspirational stuff. Not everyone s wired for that.
But.
Boy.
“Play colors.”
If you are even closed to being wired this way this simple quote is pretty powerful.
Me?
If I could have one thing in my obituary it would be “we saw colors when he was there.”
Do I believe I deserve that now? Nope.
But that is surely what I am aiming for.
Ok.
This is the last quote I will use from the book.
“Everything about Betty is huge, bigger than life. I’m smaller than life – so unremarkable that I’m practically invisible.” – K. Hersh
So.
I lied.
There was an order in the quotes … at least I that I purposefully put this one last.
For a variety of reasons this one really struck me.
And, no, you don’t need to know who Betty is to think about this and understand it.
But.
Think about this as you read this quote … fact here was one of the most talented songwriters and singers of her generation … and she thought herself unremarkable.
And small.
And it got me thinking.
That word unremarkable.
It’s a big word.
Maybe even an immense word when referring to oneself.
Maybe I like this quote not because I am as talented as Kristen Hersh … but rather because I feel unremarkable.
Not in a bad way. Just that in comparison to some pretty remarkable people I have been fortunate to have known.
Frankly … I tend to believe a lot of people feel the same way. They feel unremarkable. And maybe not invisible but … well … not remarkably visible to the broader world.
And yet I, just as most people I imagine, would like to do something remarkable.
C’mon.
We all want to leave something behind… but how do we do that when we are so small in life.
So few of us actually make an impact … well … a really big impact.
The kind of impact that makes you remarkable.
And I do think the majority of us feel small and insignificant on occasion (if not the majority of the time). I know I do.
And once again that’s not bad. It just is.
But I want to make a difference.
Is it “making people see colors?”
Or implementing the global education initiative?
Or something else?
Heck. I don’t know.
What I do know is Kristen captured the essence of our smallness in a way that was clear and concise and thought provoking.
And it made me want to be sure I at least tried to do something that, in the end, was visible.
So.
You may not like the book (Rat Girl).
And you may not like Kristen Hersh’s music.
But, boy, you gotta like how she takes some really complex thoughts and breaks them down into some really simple words.
Thank you Kristen.
to be yourself or nobody
Jan 26th
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”
- ee cummings
Just when I think the battle to be yourself ends when you have gained a certain maturity and finding a place in time when you are “comfortable in your own skin” and whatever success you have attained (which creates at least some affirmation that “yourself’ has some merit) I am reminded that good ole ee was right … it is the hardest battle and you never have to stop fighting a world doing its best to make you like everyone else.
Ok.
To be clear. I am not talking about doubting yourself.
This is about being distinct as an individual … and facing those who maybe don’t want you to be like everybody else … they just want you to be like them.
Here’s the deal.
ee never worked in an organization (as a poet he worked for himself).
So maybe he missed out on the business organization aspect. Because, sure, the world does its best to make you like everybody else but in the business world you often face leaders who try and wear you down seeking to ‘do it my way.’
Well.
Sometimes that is okay (I am not suggesting it is always wrong).
But I sometimes see organizations do their best to take their best & brightest (who are often the most distinct) and constantly do their best to recreate them in a likeness of themselves.
For young people this is often what I caution them to be cognizant of:
Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep. ~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, 1750
Applause is a tantalizing mistress.
And sure. On occasion you may be able to walk in someone else’s shoes and be comfortable … but the most comfortable will always be your own.
And just as each day you put your shoes on and head out we all need to learn to put “yourself” on and head out every day.
And be comfortable.
Oh. And put on a personality & character Kevlar vest.
Because this is a tricky one in the business world.
And I do believe it matters what age/experience you are. Well. At least in terms of what issues your Kevlar vest is trying to deflect.
Younger people are still being molded as well as molding/shaping themselves. So, in general, they are protecting their soul as well as some core of distinctness that kind of makes them who they are (they may get confused at times by mistaking external – how I dress and how I speak – as core distinctness but that is a different post for another day).
But older people have a more solid ‘mold’ and have to be more careful when choosing who to work for, work with and the culture of the organization.
I am not sure this is the best advice to give anyone but I tend to like ‘black & white’ thoughts more because … well … they draw a clear line you can see when considering where to step:
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not. ~Andre Gide
In the end I guess what I am saying is … if you cannot be yourself, who you truly are, day in and day out … at work and not at work … you really kind of become … well … nobody. Harsh thought? Well, yeah. But sometimes truth is harsh. Oh. And sometimes truth is enlightening … and freeing.
So. Maybe I should end this way …. at minimum … choose to at least know who ‘yourself’ is. Then at least you know what choice you end up making between what you are and what you are not.
fearless work
Jan 19th
Creativity is a tricky thing.
Having been involved in the creativity business in some form for over 20 years I recognize that the best of the creative best are … well … part insecure … and part fearless.
And it’s the fearless part that I am going to write about because I saw this quote somewhere.
“I seek fearless work that challenges me”
- choreographer Martha Graham
This is good stuff.
This is the kind of stuff not for the faint of heart.
And, frankly, this is the kind of stuff for few people.
Because this quote is indicative of someone whose heart lies in doing fearless work.
Oh.
Fearless work means being fearless of failure.
Fearless work does NOT mean doing something wacky just for wacky sake.
Oh. But that is the first thing people who condone fearless work bring up.
You hear words like “stupid” or “what were they thinking” or “I could have told them it wouldn’t work <or be popular or be liked>.”
In my mind those are words of people who fear work that looks fearless. This fear can be disguised as a variety of things … discomfort in something new … misunderstanding … lack of ability to recognize something.
Whatever.
This is about people who actually DO the fearless work. Because people who seek to do fearless work recognize several things:
- how difficult it is (even though it may seem simple to the creators)
- how unpopular it may be
- when to stop being unpopular (the guard rails in fearless creativity)
in fact. I am going to use someone else who pursued fearless work to make the point. Kristen Hersh. The Rat Girl. One of the founding members of The Throwing Muses.
A teen I may add (just to make another point that teens can often be wiser beyond their years).
Here is what she said about the difficulty of pursuing fearless work:
“do you know how hard it is to not know how to sound like other bands? There aren’t any lessons to teach you how to do this and no one can help us figure out what <to play>. It’s hard to learn something that no one can teach you.” – Kristen Hersh
Actually.
I wish I could share this with anyone who is critical of any original idea so they could think about the fact someone is doing something that was self taught … because here was no one to teach).
Sometimes doing fearless work is difficult because you are forging your own path. There are no lessons. There are no rules. There are no guardrails. In fact. The real difficulty is knowing when to put up your own guard rails. Knowing when to stop innovating and just be … well .. creative with fearless work.
Kristen, as a 19 year old teen, pursued fearless work and did some amazing stuff (along with her fellow teen and musical genius in her own right … Tonya Donnelly).
Anyway. I think the fearless ones tend to hear and see things the rest of us don’t. In simplistic terms it is only popular in their own heads.
And unfortunately for the fearless there is only a minority who truly understands what they are doing:
(Kristen Hersh) … “but we play unpopular music.”
(producer) …
“that’s exactly what you play because you’re inventing something. You’re gonna be hugely influential.”
I do believe the best of the fearless best recognize that what they do is unpopular to the majority.
They may not like it. They may not embrace it. But they understand it. And fight their way through it.
Because it is a fact.
All the truly influential fearless creators didn’t have it easy early on. They were creating something … inventing something.
In their fearless work they were paving the way for people to think differently, see differently … just experience something different. Yeah, I know, that is what being influential is all about. But that doesn’t make it any easier.
Fearless work is often unpopular initially.
But there is a difference between bad unpopular and influential unpopular.
Good fearless is about understanding the guardrails.
Oh. Yeah. Those guard rails.
So how do the fearless know when to stop innovating?
“when you start to suck, stop” – Kristen Hersh
Sounds simple … but I believe the best of the fearless best have an internal quality control. In the mind’s of the ‘less mature’ innovative thinking maybe the guard rails are less defined. But. In the best of the fearless best they have that inner barometer to recognize what sucks and what doesn’t suck.
Oh.
And before we start putting too much weight on ‘less mature’ and associating it with age I would like to remind you that Kristen said this last quote when she was 19 (oh, these smart teens as I like to remind those wise stodgy adults).
Like I just said.
The best of the fearless best have an inner barometer. They are born with it. They are born with the guardrails.
But this doesn’t mean there isn’t fear.
Even the fearless creative people have fear.
Everyone has fear (lest we forget).
“We fear the idea of something more than the thing itself.” Steve Chandler
Fearless work means loving the idea of something more than fearing the thing itself. I imagine that thought encapsulates most good things in life. But in this case those who pursue fearless work have overcome their fear in pursuit of what is good fearless work.
Martha Graham.
Kristen Hersh.
A number of other people whose quotes I just didn’t use.
All pursued fearless work.
And created beautiful things.
And influenced how the rest of us looked at things and listened to things.
As for you & i?
All we can do is …
Act.
Do.
Create.
And seek our own version of fearless work.
And in the end maybe we are lucky enough to positively influence people.
And, at its best, maybe we actually be influential.
if your reason for being is big enough
Dec 14th
Ok. This is a simple idea in concept but fraught with peril in implementation.
The concept.
If your reason for being is big enough you will get noticed.
I will state the obvious behind this thought just to get it out of the way.
If your reason for being is big enough there is …
- no need to stand in the middle of a room and shout for attention.
- no need to do cartwheels in the middle of a mall.
- no need to run naked in the middle of a soccer match (thank god).
- no need to wear a clown suit (unless you are a clown for a living).
And best of all …
- no need for a dozen jelly donuts (or bagels) or any food bribery when you go to meetings.
If all that interests you then keep reading.
Let me begin by defining ‘reason for being.’
I mean what you stand for and what you say and what you do day in and day out. What you want to be seen as and ultimately known for (not something tangible … something intangible).
And while this could be about companies and business (and I may try a word replace just to see if that is true) I am gonna keep this one focused on you and I and us (as individuals).
Ok.
Whether we admit it or not we all want to be noticed.
We don’t want to be overlooked or underappreciated (for either a talent or just as a person).
That is normal. And has nothing to do with ego or ‘humbleness’ or any of that type of stuff.
This is just good ole self esteem and such. This is just about receiving some confirmation that your existence matters (in normal words … ‘you matter’) and some positive reinforcement for self being.
And I decided to write about this not only because I hate (abhor) the things on the ‘no need’ list I typed but I also believe getting noticed is one of the biggest challenges people face.
It is a fact that Not being noticed is an obstacle to a lot of things that truly matter.
It makes it harder to communicate what you want to say.
It makes it more difficult to make an impact.
And it makes it nearly impossible to change the world (change meaning small, medium, large or extra large in impact).
I say this to make the point that getting noticed does matter. It matters a shitload.
And, once again, getting noticed (in the right way) has never been about being outrageous.
Getting noticed, like any other incredibly difficult challenge, is all about who you are.
It’s about your attitude.
It’s about becoming some color when everything else is black & white.
Its about finding your own way of being distinct.
And mostly it is about finding out what you are good at and being comfortable with who you are as a person.
And if you do all of that … people will naturally gravitate to you (the corollary to that is if people do not gravitate to you then rather than bitch about why they don’t maybe you should begin to reflect upon yourself first).
So.
Some thoughts about being comfortable with who you are (the core to being distinct individually and ultimately noticed the ‘right way’):
- Be comfortable doing what everyone else thinks is wrong.
Now. I don’t mean all of the time. I simply mean on things that matter. Why? Because accomplishing anything that truly matters starts with the belief that you may have to be different … and its okay to be different. Oh. And not just “shades of gray” different. You have to be completely different.
Yup. Sometimes for people to know that something new is occurring (and want to be involved) you have to commit as a person to capture the essence of the ‘difference’ in what you say and how you present yourself. Oh. And “new” most often comes to life by having the ability to point out things that make people feel uncomfortable (because you are debating the status quo).
In the business world this is called ‘disruption.’ BUT. At its core disruption only is effective if it is relevant.
Being different for different sake is wrong. That is making an empty statement. Be comfortable in insightful relevant disruption.
Next.
- Be candid. Be truthful.
There are ridiculous things happening everywhere. People’s behavior, attitudes and perceptions.
And it is easy to overlook these things because … well … it is easier (and it is ridiculous).
If you want to change the conversation and get people talking with you (as well as about you), start talking about all this ridiculous stuff. Spend the time to create intellectual arguments that get people thinking.
Next.
- Understand effort matters.
Oh. And, in particular, effort for the moments that really matter … well … really matter.
Get it in your head now (no ifs, and or buts) that there are truly no easy get rich schemes. Believe it deep in your soul. Etch it somewhere on your body if you have to. One of the most debilitating things that can happen is a choice to make personal investments in shortcuts.
No shortcut can replace effort. The same thing applies to vision and how you manage details. There is nothing to do but “DO”. That’s the attitude that you need to have. And if by expending massive amounts of effort on things that matter you happen to gain success, then absolutely enjoy it. You will get noticed for the effort on what matters.
Is this true all the time? Nope. But consistency wins this particular game. You will be tempted by the short cuts (we all are) but deliver the effort on the things that truly matter on a consistent basis and you will get noticed. I guarantee it. And you will be noticed for the right reasons.
Next (and last).
- embrace (some) vulnerability.
This is the last one and the most difficult one.
Maybe I could have just written, “be human” but vulnerability is a much more powerful concept. And it takes some real kahones to embrace this one.
Why is this important to getting noticed? Well. People are flawed. And people like people who are flawed. Perfection scares people. And, honestly, no one is perfect.
We all have things that impact us so emotionally they, well, bring us to tears. And those are things that you need to be talking about. You need to be passionate. You need to show you actually care about something. Care so much that you are open to getting hurt. Care so much you become vulnerable in some way. It shows that you live your life, willing to get hurt on things that matter, and are honest about what matters most to you.
So. In the end?
It all starts with you.
If your reason is big enough, your cause worth it enough, being noticed will be the least of your worries.
your soul’s value
Nov 21st
ok.
This isn’t a religious post.
Nor is this about selling your soul to the devil.
Its nothing really that deep.
Ok.
Maybe its deep just not that kind of deep.
This is simply about how far someone is willing to go to sell. Or maybe better said how far someone will go to get money, or fame or power or something they desire.
What got me thinking about this?
if you ever want to learn what your soul is worth go work at a smaller to mid sized advertising agency (although I envision a lot of people in sales also face the question at some point or another).
Oh.
That reminds me of a Mark Twain quote:
“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.”- Mark Twain
While I chuckled when I read this it was admittedly a painful chuckle.
Painful because I cannot tell you how many times (suffice it to say … too many for fingers and toes) I have been in new business meetings when it was painfully obvious that whatever new business we were discussing was so wrong for us as a client. And yet the conversation kept rolling around and rolling around under the guise of “they would be a good client” (because they have money).
Don’t get me wrong.
I like money.
But not all money is the same.
Some money fills your soul and some empties your soul.
And by soul I mean your inner value compass.
People who are defined solely by money can argue this until they are blue in the face. In fact there is even a selling “event” called selling your soul.
“The live Selling Your Soul event in NYC is over, and we’re all rolling on a wave of vivid business-building bliss. It was a high-gloss experience, where we intimately unpacked Burning Questions on messaging, marketing + online money-making, the myth of work-life “balance,” fearless price-raising, prosperous collaborating, and getting Witnessed for what you’re worth.”
Attitudinally one of the owners summarizes it by “I make my own economy.” (I actually kind of like that thought … philosophically)
And (to be fair).
That same owner uses money to balance her moral compass: “I kicked off GirlUp with their first substantial donation, proving once again that lots of cash can = lots of impact. Philanthropy is the bottom line.”
Yet. Here is my struggle with her philanthropic angle.
I would argue with the owner in that philanthropy is not her bottom line. Her bottom line is money. And she uses her money to create her balance (note: although … their website is strewn with words & thoughts that their soul is defined by a combination of fame & fortune).
Regardless. I wish it were that easy for me. Because it is not.
Look … I recognize the issue … who wouldn’t want to be recognized or have a generous income or a dream vacation home?
Face it. We all do.
But at what price? And does the end justify the means? And, obviously, WHICH end justifies the means?
And that is what I mean by emptying your soul or filling your soul. Because in the end (whether that be mid life or at ‘the big finish’) you are judging your actions not by tangible things but the intangible balance of self worth (I purposefully chose ‘worth’ because it is some combination of fruits of labor and self esteem).
It is interesting because I have seen a variety of ways people justify how they sell their soul:
winning
To these people its all about winning. Winning at any cost. Or just being able to say “I won.”
But (here is the news). winning is not always good. There IS such a thing as a bad win. But people who define their soul by winning don’t see that (or they may but justify their actions based on “we won”). Am I suggesting this aspect should be about fair play? No. not really. This is about playing by your moral compass.
money
The thought that everything leads to some magical pot of money that will erase all of their problems. These people believe that fancy cars, designer clothes and big houses will make life better. This person may try to balance it with some philanthropic aspect (typically toward the end of their lives – see Andrew Carnegie as prime example) but they are consistently willing to ignore any moral compass within their pursuit for money.
fame
Yes. The spotlight is a dazzling temptation. And that same spotlight can blind you as to the wreckage around you. But to the one seeking fame maybe that is the beauty of being in the spotlight – the only thing you can see under that glaring light is yourself. What can I say more than that? I guess if you really want someone to worship you maybe consider becoming a benevolent dictator instead.
Oh.
And the worst of all?
being liked
This is a sneaky one. Maybe its you want people to like you … so you sell your soul to the highest bidder. (again, especially IF they are someone who holds a prominent position, this is an action leading to personal moral decay … if not total destruction). This one is insidious in that it creates self definition by having NO self definition. You may as well have sold your soul to the highest bidder … just make sure it isn’t the devil.
Anyway.
In the end I know the decision I have made. And that is always to be true to myself. Tell the truth. And seek good wins (not any win).
And I have found I cannot work places that don’t feel the same way. Not really just because of me … but because I find that companies that sell their soul doesn’t create a corporate culture which I like nor a culture which I ultimately believe is healthy.
And lastly. And maybe most importantly to me. I don’t believe it teaches young people growing up in business the right thing. The senior ‘leaders’ (and I use that term loosely in this situation) simply do not recognize the repercussions of their decision to ‘sell out.’ And that is a shame.
The hell to be endured hereafter, of which theology tells, is no worse than the hell we make for ourselves in this world by habitually fashioned our characters in the wrong way.” -William James
“Habitually fashioned our characters in the wrong way” as the hell we make for ourselves.
Whew.
That is good. Really good words to think about.
I do not believe ‘what is the value of our soul’ or describing being directed by your inner values compass could ever be articulated better.
Selling your soul, even in business, just to get something to have it (regardless of the practical or unpractical reason) is making your own hell you will have to live in. And when you get to that hell maybe you can convince yourself you are a warm weather person and enjoy living where it is always hot … but … you are in your own personal hell.
I know I cannot convince all leaders of organizations to recognize this (because when a leader is in a personal hell it reaches out and encompasses his/her organization and poisons it … either slowly or quickly).
But I do know we can make personal decisions about this.
Be yourself.
Say no and mean it.
Subdue that which tries to destroy you.
Avoid the temptation to do what you know is wrong.
Face the truth that you are doing nothing but being untrue to yourself if you get blinded by money or fame.
In the end … in every decision … each person has to hold on to the core value of what defines themselves at their soul.
Because every decision either diminishes or grows your personal purpose.
And, yes, these decisions in organizations also unify or separate a group of people … even more strongly than a similar language or history (at least in my eyes).
When people live by their core values and convictions the “center” is stronger.
And.
If you don’t have a center, don’t you just fall apart as being just parts?
So.
I am not a big self reflection guy … but I do believe it is worth a minute or two to identify what is your soul, or your core if you don’t want to get hung up on the word soul.
Because if you don’t you may end up selling something you don’t want to. Oh. Like your soul.
slippery slopes
Sep 14th
“Sliding down the slippery slope of mediocrity.” – david olgilvy
Ok.
I believe he actually said “the slippery surface of irrelevant brilliance” but I thought I saw somewhere he said what I wrote above.
Regardless.
A great thought from a great writer and what I would call a great leader (even though he may not have been the most flexible of leaders).
But. This isn’t just a business lesson but also a life lesson. Because it is about compromise and “half-truths” and a whole bunch of things.
It is absolutely so easy to compromise – in business and in life.
“Just this once” you say to yourself when you are tired. Whatever the decision or action it may be to you in the moment it is mentally “an exception”.
“Just this once” when you are asked a question. Maybe you embellish.
“Just this once” you say to yourself when you put off that thing you wanted to do. A workout. A chore. A diet. A phone call you wanted to make.
And before you know it (after some “just this onces”) you are on that slippery slope.
Life is funny that way.
Think of it maybe this way.
In that incomparable (and totally underrated) movie The Replacements there is a scene where Keanu Reeves talks about it as “quicksand”.
It’s the same thing.
You get in it. And you fight hard but you just can’t stop sliding down. In fact the harder you try the worse it seems to get.
And it is a truly helpless feeling. That’s quicksand in life.
That is the slippery slope.
Oh.
Maybe the worst thing about the slippery slope is that most people don’t realize they have started sliding until it is too late. Because the slope is tricky. Sly in fact. It teases you with some easy low consequence decisions upfront. You are on a diet and just have one dessert. On occasion (some people are tempted to call this “reward for good behavior” which is simply another trick the slippery slope plays upon you).
Maybe the slope even tempts you with permitting a small embellishment. Just a small addition at the end of a thought. Just a couple of words you wish you hadn’t said but didn’t seem to be that big. And the next time it becomes a few more words. And then before you know t the embellishment has taken on a life of its own.
Anyway.
It is one of my quests in life to find good people who have mistakenly started the slide and lend a hand to pull them back up.
Professionally and personally.
Does that mean I am better than mediocrity? Shit no.
I just recognize that sense of helplessness and I like people to have hope – for something better.
And I also believe there are a shitload of really good people … and I mean good as in talented and good as in heart & soul … who just get caught on the slope and life makes it even more difficult to figure out a way to get off the fucking slope.
Anyway. This quote reminds me of two things.
1. Pay attention to everything. It’s the only way to insure mediocrity can’t gain momentum (because we all have to compromise on occasion)
2. Help those who have that look of “how the hell did I get so far down this slope” by grabbing their hand and pulling them back up whenever you have a chance. There are some incredible people and some incredible talent out there that just got caught on life’s slippery slope. It doesn’t mean they are mediocre by any stretch of the imagination.
It is simply that they got caught on the slippery slope and didn’t know how to get off.
Ok.
Because I used a Replacements scene as an example of the slippery slope (and a really good scene in the overall perspective of the movie with a good message about second chances and shit like that) I want to end with one more Replacements reference.
“Greatness, no matter how short, stays with a person forever.” – gene hackman (replacements)
For some of us greatness will never be a lifetime tag. In fact for many of us (me for sure).
But.
A great moment? A great action? A great thing? Yeah. We all have it in us. We shouldn’t dwell on it (for a life is never defined by one moment of greatness). But a short moment of greatness … when someone who has been stuck on the slippery slope and is struggling to get off and just can’t see how … well … remind them of their moment of greatness and point out what made it happen and what they are capable of .. and … in a great way …. You may also have achieved your own moment of greatness.
And, that … is what makes life pretty awesome.
Being Yourself
Apr 25th
I have always kind of lived my life to the beat of my own drum. Probably because I always in some way understood I would never be one of the cool kids. But even with that desire for individuality the game changes when you get in the business world and it becomes about your career. It’s kind of like getting moved into the pro ranks. Everything is faster. The “be yourself” choices get a lot tougher. The mistakes are bigger.
Early on in your career everyone is feeling this whole thing out. Inevitably in youth you seem to gravitate to one of the two extremes:
- fuck the world I am who I am, or,
- I am going to wear the same underwear as everyone else to show how well I fit in.
Of course neither extreme is right if you want to be part of the team and make sure you can look at yourself in the mirror at night with some self esteem.
I was pretty fortunate relatively early in my career to not only get some great advice from some great bosses but I also got a glimpse of a world which kind of opened my eyes a little and made my own path a little clearer.
(here is some background on who taught me the lesson) When I worked in Dallas I had a good friend Puff. (Puff was a family nickname from her childhood). Puff was extraordinarily attractive. She often disappeared for periods of time to do runway modeling in Europe. And she was outrageous personally. Funny. Expressive. Just big in life.
She once made me exit a highway and go back around because she thought the guy driving the car broken down on the side of the highway was cute and she wanted to meet him (it was “misidentification” error on her part – her words – but we did end up getting him to a garage so he could get some help so all was not wasted).
Next example. She was tall and naturally thin (but was also athletic and liked to run). We would always stop in Highland Park after a run and get ice cream. Once – maybe in a hangover induced outrageous moment – she bought two ice cream cones and then proceeded to slap one immediately onto her thigh proclaiming to the crowded place “What the heck. May as well get a head start. Its gonna end up there anyway”. Note: several boyfriends in attendance were resoundly smacked by their companions for looking a little too closely at the melting ice cream.
Anyway. That was life with my friend Puff.
(here is the lesson stuff) Okay. That was fun to relive but here is where I learned the lesson. As her eternally single guy friend I also became her surrogate date for a variety of different functions she was invited to. I just went ahead and bought a tux we went to so many black tie events.
It was there I met my friend Puff in a non friend environment. She was no longer outrageous. She was demure. She didn’t go off in a conversation about some random environment issue passionately. She was quiet and choiceful. I didn’t really know how she did it. It was kind of like a switch flipped. Be sure. She never lied. She never compromised her beliefs or values. She simply blended in. Maybe in another world that stillness would have made her standout but in that calm ocean of branded cocktails and white capped waves of pearls surrounded by the black tie ships roaming sternly about (sorry. I kinda got into the poetic metaphor) she didn’t stand out. She simply blended in as one of the beautiful people. (Of course she could always count on the fishing trawler to swing by and dance with her every once in awhile so I helped her stand out on occasion).
It did make me look at my own workplace a little more closely. And it did make me think about me in the workplace. Did I make the right choice? For myself absolutely. I know I can look back on my career and probably count on one hand the compromises I rue. Career wise? Sure. It limited some windows of opportunity for me. Doesn’t mean I didn’t have windows open just that some others were shut.
Everything we do in life has tradeoffs. And some of these choices will truly affect your success (whether you like to admit that or not). Sure. Of course you always have the opportunity in the work world to seek an environment to be ‘more of yourself naturally. The struggle comes when your passion and what you are good at (see Puff example) almost demands a ‘way to be.’ Choices and tradeoffs. That is what you need to be thinking about ‘being yourself at work.’ (yeah. It sucks a little. One would think you wouldn’t have to invest any time thinking about it but you do.)
Puff was a performer. And I guess my decision was I didn’t really want to be a performer in any way at work. I just wanted to perform. And be judged on that. Unfortunately as we all know that isn’t the way the world works. Puff got it. And she was comfortable with it. She probably overcompensated slightly in her personal world in order to feel a little better about it but she kept the really important “yourself” stuff safe (values, beliefs, stuff like that).
We were friends because we enjoyed such a variety of things as well as being comfortable together. I sometimes believe I was a touch of normalcy and that made us work a little. oh. To be fair. I did like invading that weird modeling/beautiful people life on occasion. Maybe that was my side of it. (one neat benefit of being involved in Puffs life I was able to see Herschel walker in white tights at his debut with the Dallas ballet – note – I haven’t been to ballet since and to be honest I am a little leery of the NFL also). But I didn’t fit into this world … and I couldn’t even really put the effort into trying.
I think we remained good friends during this time because I watched and listened (and we did talk about it) and I never judged.
I don’t know what Puff is doing now. I think we were good friends for the time and place. All I hope for her is that at some point she got to be the outrageous friend I knew and loved but in a work environment. Because I could have guaranteed her a great second career being that person whatever she decided to do after her first career.
But. At that time and place. She consciously made a decision as to how to act in her workplace without compromising her own personal character and you have to give her credit for that. For it is certainly something I could never figure out how to manage in my own career.
Good luck with your own decisions. Just be sure you recognize it is about your choice.
To be Nobody but Yourself
Apr 5th
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”
e.e. cummings
Being yourself is tough. Not because you don’t want to be yourself or because you don’t know what you want to be as yourself but because the world around you is constantly suggesting you should be something else. That doesn’t mean that the world is always wrong. Growing up means learning that some things about yourself should change. But I think if I had been there when e.e. wrote this I would have suggested he be more specific for the hardest battle you are fighting is one of character. Life and other people are constantly trying to put some thick clouds up in the sky so that north star of “what is right versus wrong” gets more difficult to locate. And that is where it gets tough in the battle for self. Sometimes you just have to know where that star is even if you cannot see it all the time. And you just have to wait for the clouds to depart. And waiting is tough. That to me is sometimes the battle.
So. If you would like to get a glimpse of the battle from a 20something perspective click here to see what Jamie has to say.
The Slippery Slope of Embellishment
Mar 27th
Well. I added a couple of 20something written links to my site to remind myself of a non normal perspective on life. And a post the other day struck a chord that I would imagine a number of us would take pause over. I have attached the link and I think it is worthwhile for any parent who reads my stuff to take a minute to read it. It is a glimpse into the mind of a child whether it is a 20something or not. And the comments under his post are enlightening also.
The Rest is Still Unwritten: Embellished Truth
So. David wrote about hero worship and his father and encountering the truth of a father’s embellishment.
I commented on his post as “the slippery slope of embellishment.”
While not knowing the details of his situation I still pointed out a lot of good people, with good hearts and good intentions get trapped on the slippery slope. And I envision fathers, or parents in general, if they are not very very careful can step onto this slope early on in their children’s lives and if they are not careful to nip the embellishment in the bud at a key point that little nugget of ‘not exactly truth’ has become a seed that will grow in their child’s minds. And that seed gets nourished by the sheer desire to look up to their father as they grow up. That little embellishment takes on a life of its own in the child’s mind. Here is what I wrote in response to his post:
“Ah. Lie? Embellishment? Life is tricky. It gives us the appearance of solid ground yet we are surrounded by a variety of slippery slopes. Embellishments are one such slippery slope. The first step your father took may have been a harmless embellished facet of a larger truth given in a harmless reactive response. Or it could have been a conscious small lie. Either way it placed a foot on the slippery slope. Depending on that first embellishment things could have gained some momentum or it became a little easier to offer another. Either way you slide further down the slippery slope. Suffice it to say a lot of very good people get stuck on the slippery slope and cannot get back up. They are not bad people just simply people who cannot figure out how to stop the slide (they can slow it) nor can they get back on solid ground.
So. let’s say your father was simply a good man who got stuck on the slippery slope and you reached down and pulled him back up to solid ground (albeit a painful act for you … and him I may add). You have achieved two good things. You were good enough to save someone from the slippery slope. You allowed a good person a second chance on solid ground.
And, hopefully, you will have learned the dangers of the slippery slope and can avoid it in your own life.”
Anyway. I am not a parent.
The best I can do is with this embellishment thing is to think about it like a transition with anything. As a parent at some point you will be faced with looking to manage the transition from ‘looking up to’ to an ‘eye to eye’ respect relationship.
Listen. Regardless of whether you can look back and honestly say you didn’t embellish or lie at some point you need to prepare to become human in the eyes of someone who expected you to maybe more than human (at least on occasion). Because whether you like it or not that type of relationship (as ‘the parent’) does take on some superhuman characteristics. Children don’t realize that sometimes while they expect you to have all the answers you are making it up as you go. Sometimes that is what leadership is made up of. You know this but they don’t. So what you may be “winging” becomes stamped somewhere in their lives or memories as a ‘thoughtful action.’
Let’s face it. You are screwed if they have a great memory.
So. When you become a human to your child I would imagine while you are hoping for a variety of things a couple of ‘hopes’ stand out:
- Strength of character.
You have embodied the character needed in them to see through your flaws as a parent and see you as a good person doing the best they could.
- A recognition of perspective.
Being a grownup means choices. And recognizing choices. And not that someone didn’t make 100 percent good choices but that in the end they made enough good choices.
And while I am not a parent … I am a child to my mother and here is what I do know.
Time + Silence = Miscellaneous Memories
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
Sir Winston Churchill
Time is a tricky thing with memories. I had a crappy communication relationship with my parents. During my teens I didn’t tell them shit. Once I left home at about 18 for college through maybe 38 or so I didn’t just tell them shit I just didn’t tell them anything. Oh. And I didn’t really get much from them either.
This isn’t a complaint it’s just a case study.
Now that I am near my mother and we actually talk it is amazing the different memories we have. What she chooses to remember and what I choose to remember are often like night and day.
Here is where I link it back to David’s post on embellishment. I am not sure my parents embellished things (I have never asked) but I am sure I did (mostly to cover my ass) but regardless really little things which were of no consequence to one of us has over the years taken on a monumental life of its own.
Nice reminder from David in his post on the repercussions of our actions – whether they are conscious actions or not.
