Posts tagged fashion
All Dollop-ed up with No Place to Go
Sep 27th
Well.
(this is how Bruce starts a lot of his posts, and I didn’t want to startle anyone since I’m just “guest-ing”)
Is it just me, or are women’s magazines really just ONE magazine with different covers? Granted, there are a few exceptions out there (Oprah readers, just stand down…), but after a week cooped up with the world’s worst sinus infection and every magazine I could find, I can confirm that many, many, MANY women’s magazines are indeed little clones of each other.
Let’s run down the list. Health news: same. Beauty news: same. Fashion highlights: same. Diet news: same. Pick up any June issue and I bet you find a “summer beach read” list. With the same books! Try November’s “stay on your diet for the holidays and gift giving guide” or January’s “get your life organized for pete’s sake” double jumbo issue. And don’t get me started on the “get ready for your summer bikini” madness.
Another weird thing: They use the same pep-talk-y happy/upbeat vibe, the same choppy sentence structure, the same weird words — seriously, when was the last time you used “dollop” in a sentence?
It’s bugging me. Are these insanely narrow topics truly the only things women are interested in hearing about (month after month after month)? Is my brain degenerating, insisting I consume magazine “junk food” to keep up with my cheddar cheese Goldfish habit?
So.
(another Bruce-ism to keep you comfy…)
In the true spirit of American protest, let’s send a letter:
Dear Clueless Editor People,
As loyal readers who (for reasons unknown to herself or others) continues to plunk down $5 every month to read the EXACT SAME THING in every women’s magazine (seriously, how do you DO that?), and who are slightly ashamed to admit they read enough of your publications to make this request, we nevertheless hereby request an immediate BAN on the following:
ALL WEIRD WORDS
Slather, dollop, scrunch, quench, toss, slick, slake, frazzle, tresses (also “mane”), pop-of-color, sparkle, glide, frizz, spritz, dust, glam, smooth, sprinkle, glow, silky, drench, stress-busting, sun-kissed, (clearly this is a partial list…)
SNOOZER TOPICS
- Lose weight (in a second, a minute, whatever)
- Dress slimmer (in case the previous topic doesn’t work?)
- Just 5 minutes a day for “instant” results (for smooth skin, brighter eyes, better health, blah blah)
- Best beauty products (strange how the list CHANGES every month)
- Have better sex (well…maybe this one is ok…)
- How to attract a boyfriend/spouse
- How to relate to your boyfriend/spouse
- How to break up with your boyfriend/spouse
- How to relate to your ex-boyfriend/ex-spouse
- Look younger now (!)
- Be happy now (!)
- Be friends with the mom/dad/family/in-law/children/best friend you hate
- Buy these crazy clothes in non-matching combinations no one would ever, ever wear out of the house.
- Pair the crazy clothes with shoes no sane, life-loving person would put on her feet
- Identify with all the 16 year old, size 0 models who do NOT look like any version of you who ever lived outside some alcohol-induced delusion.
- Etc. (you KNOW what we’re talking about!)
We realize this involves re-thinking 90% of your content, but zillions of women will thank you for not considering them lemmings headed toward the cliff whose happiness and self-confidence depends on losing 10 pounds in a day, looking 10 years younger right now, or having their thirst “slaked”, their moisturizer “slathered”, and their lip gloss “slicked”.
Sincerely,
The Women of America
And there you have it people.
You know, I really could be a modern day crusader — fighting for the right of smart women everywhere to choose and enjoy well-written, intelligent content. I’m thinking I’m that one sheep in the Far Side cartoon, shouting out to the flock, “Wait! Wait! Listen to me!… We don’t HAVE to be just sheep…”
On the other hand, I gotta go finish reading “Walk off your Jiggle” now. Plus the Fall apple pie recipes are out and my cheddar cheese Goldfish just might make a nice crust.
moloko on Jools Holland and the song “Forever More”
Mar 3rd
Forever More is on the CD Statues by Moloko.
Later…with Jools Holland is one of those random shows that appears on Ovation and has five bands on at the same time (kind of like a concert in the round) and each of the bands crank out two or three songs during the hour long show).
The show I just saw was older but it opened with a band I had never heard of before Moloko. Wow. They were good. Very good. They opened with this song Forever More which is almost a jazz fusion hip hop techno disco song. The lead singer, Róisín Murphy, has some of the Natalie Merchant gypsy energy on stage and a husky voice and is now solo because Moloko broke up in 2003 or so.
Anyway. Moloko is a high energy group with a nifty sound.
And now Róisín Murphy is back with a solo career. She not only has a great voice and sound but she is also a fashionista changing outfits onstage between songs in concert (some random flunky – who probably earns more than you & I) appearing every now and then to grab discarded accessories and bring out some new stuff).
And her hats. Like Slash she may be the only person out there with a hat roadie. As a fashionista she says “I don’t wear clothes thoughtlessly. I like them to have meaning.”
This link showcases Roisin in all her fashion glory.
Musically she keeps getting compared to Kylie Minogue (which really pisses her off). Where the Australian princess fizzes with showgirl affability in disco spangles, Dublin born Róisín, is a more aloof figure, languidly androgynous in sculpted Viktor & Rolf fashion clothes. Kylie sings songs about chocolate and cotton candy. Róisín sings songs about Oxycontin (the neurotransmitter said to be responsible for love she says).
Nevertheless, I can see why industry people make comparisons, because when it comes to crowd-pleasing club tunes and anthemic disco, Róisín’s new album proves she can match Kylie.
Her second solo electronic CD, Overpowered, is catchy and commercial and a far cry from her first solo album, Ruby Blue, released in 2005 and was widely described as “bizarre”. It was promoted using a picture of Róisín dressed in armor milking a cow in the Alps, and by her own admission she “would go into the studio and grunt and then we’d do a great song around it.”
It certainly earned her a reputation for willful eccentricity.
“I’m eccentric maybe, but not willful, and I wish people would stop calling me an edgy, avant-garde, left-field icon as if that were a bad thing,” Róisín says.
When performing, one moment she’s cultivating the untouchable aura of a Hitchcock blonde, the next she’s stage-diving into the audience in a Vivienne Westwood ball gown.
“Am I contradictory? No,” she says. Then, contradicting herself, “Yes. Maybe I compartmentalize myself.” (I love this woman and the whole contradiction thing)
She is a really interesting woman. Róisín, who has a history of philosophy from Aristotle to Alan Turing on her iPod, seldom does anything thoughtlessly. She’s fascinated by science, and says it feeds her songwriting imagination.
“You have to keep your mind open to ideas.” “It’s like taking a pile of vegetables and fruit: when you put them in the juicer all you get is a dribble out of the other end, but it’s rich and potent.”
Awesome stuff. Who thinks of crap like this to say? Reports must love her.
Anyway. Let Me Know is the song to listen to from her second solo album, Overpowered ( a 2007 album). It is also cool because the album was written and produced by Murphy and Andy Cato of Groove Armada <a cool sound all on their own>.
Watch Jools Holland on Ovation.
Every once in awhile you catch a new band that captures your interest and you can be sure you will catch a familiar band and they sound awesome.
