Enlightened Conflict

defining serial philanderer versus serial creep

October 14th, 2016

yes no hand statement 

 

Well.

 

Let me say this about Trump … because of this asshat I have had to have more conversations about guys, what we do and what we say, and don’t say, and why we do the things we do, or don’t do, then I have in years.

 

 

trump-not-all-men-are-like-thatOn October 9th I had to walk through what guys really don’t say in a locker room.

 

And what guys do say <and they don’t say any of the shit that Trump senior & junior imply we do>.

 

Today I felt the need to define the difference between a serial philanderer and a serial creep.

 

Now.

 

The Trump campaign is gonna do their damndest to blur the distinction the best they can.

 

Ignore the blurring.

 

I am gonna make it simple.

 

A father, husband, or any adult man knows the one guy you don’t trust around your wife, girlfriend/partner or … well … any woman. They are on constant low level “flirt status’ trolling for anyone who expresses even one iota of interest.

They are the ‘dogs’ who just want to sleep with any woman they can.

That guy is a serial philanderer.

 

 

A father, husband, or any adult man knows the one guy you don’t trust around your daughter.

That guy is a serial creep.

 

That was, and is, simple.

 

Now.

 

There is going to be a bunch of crap being thrown around to blur the discussion and to attempt to create some random equivalencies in order to attach Hillary to Bill <and inevitably> to Trump on this issue.

 

As Trump would say … “disaster” of a plan. ‘Poor judgement.’

 

A wife is a victim of a husband’s infidelity. Period.

 

A woman, all women, are victims of a creep. Period.

 

thinking inside head possibilities finiteBill. If we were to judge him thru a 2016 lens, versus whatever year lens we are trying to go back to, yes … he is guilty of .. well … I am not sure what he is guilty of.

He has faced allegations of which none have been proven in court <and the women , I believe, have had their day in court>. He had sex with a consenting adult <that is infidelity and not a crime>. So I guess in 2016 lens he would be viewed as a serial philanderer. But I also don’t remember him ever using the words Trump does nor do I ever remember him treating women in general as Trump does. Nor … which everyone seems to forget … do I remember Bill showing the overall pattern of disdain for people beyond women.

Regardless.

Adultery is adultery. On that issue both Trump and Bill were adulterers and philanderers.

Not a crime. Just a moral crime.

 

Trump. Here is Trump’s problem. He has been a bragging hyperbole driven lying asshole throughout this entire campaign. For the most part … everyone knows that he exaggerates everything. But. When you listen to the bus “grab & touch anyone I want” tape. And listen to what he says. And you combine it with everything else you have seen and heard … well … you sit back and go … whoa … that’s not exaggeration or sexist stupidity … I believe he actually does, and did, that.

 

Bill didn’t paw at women. He slept with them as an adulterer.

Trump not only was an adulterer but he took advantage of his position to touch, kiss and non consensually paw at women <while verbally demeaning them>.

That makes him a creep.

 

 

Hillary.

I don’t think she can say this <because she would be crucified> but I think she would say thru a 2016 culture lens she would have acted differently back in business context young old thinking smarterwhatever year that was. We view sexual assault <as well as many things culturally> differently now versus then <thankfully I may add>.

But that is a guess.

What I do know is that it is only hearsay that she did anything to the women. She stood by her husband as her husband lied to her. She stopped standing by her husband <speaking out against allegations against her husband> after he told her the truth. That’s kind of what wives do.

They are the last ones to know, the last ones to believe and the last ones left out there feeling & looking stupid. And that is why trying to tie her to her husband’s infidelity is a losing strategy. Women know that.

 

And to suggest she is an “enabler”? geez. That suggests she was the Madam for Bill’s whorehouse. On so many levels, mostly by simply viewing Hillary through a brainiac thought leader lens, that seems incredibly unlikely.

 

The biggest problem for Trump continues to be actually his biggest most effective strategy.

False equivalence.

 

As he did in the debate the other night he tried to diminish his sexist asshatedness by … well … comparing it to ISIS. Well, yes, he looks good in that equivalence.

 

Next.

 

What he does is to suggest that “well, he did it too” as an equivalence. That may work in 2nd grade but in the adult world individuals are responsible for their actions.

Period.

 

 

The last thing he, and his rabid surrogates, are masters at is ‘isolating an incident’ to create equivalence. He treats each asshat incident as a solitary event and finds an equivalence to diminish its importance <or heinousness>.

And you know what? If it were just one incident most of us would sit back and go “okay, you really aren’t an asshat … you just showed a moment of poor judgement.” But if you unbundle his isolation techniques and rebundle everything that he does, and has done, he shows an overall pattern of … well … being a heinous self-serving asshole bully who believes he deserves anything he wants … and if he doesn’t get it becomes a petulant rich kid focused on some revenge.

 

<the latter does not reflect anything I want in a president>

 

Bill was a good president who was an adulterer. He also seems like he was a public servant to, and of, the citizens of America <and not sexist>. Oh. And he married a headstrong independent smart woman.

 

Trump was an adulterer. A creep with regard to women overall. Sexist. And , in general, the worst type of soulless capitalist you can imagine.

 

Hillary will be a good president who was not an adulterer, did not divorce her husband despite his flaws, has shown no signs of being anything but an ambitious public servant woman … and married an incredibly smart articulate flawed man.

 

All flawed.

 

But not all flaws are equal.

 

Anyway.

 

As Michelle Obama just said in a fabulous speech yesterday … “Enough is enough.”

 

================

 

“We live in the real world, with real problems that need real solutions.

We need someone with pragmatic approaches that include patience and compassion. That is Hillary Clinton.”

 

Idaho Statesman, the state’s most widely circulated newspaper, criticized Trump as insufficiently reliable on conservative issues, or unreliable, period.

===========

 

A presidential candidate can’t say anything, and I truly mean ‘anything’, if its creepy <because no adult wants their son or daughter to be confused in thinking serial-obama-michelle-not-politics-as-usual-1of it as “wow, the guy who is running our country can say it … and think it … so why the fuck can’t I ??!!??”>.

That’s why a presidential debate is … uhm … well … there is no age limit to view it because they are supposed to represent what is the best of us <not the worst>. That’s why words matter.

 

This horrible Donald Trump event is much bigger than a political event. This is a cultural “education level event.”

Someone on twitter called this election ‘the Sweet Meteor of Death’ but I disagree.

 

Our first black president changed America. Anyone would be silly to not think that.

Our first female president will also change America. Anyone would be silly to not think that.

 

And the change occurs in some horrible public ways.

 

But not all change is equal.

 

Obama ran against decent human beings who competed based on ideas and hopes … not racism.

Clinton, a woman, is faced with a non-decent individual who is competing not on ideas … and certainly not positivism or hope … but instead is plucking every misogynist and xenophobic and sexist string anyone anywhere could play.

 

I read somewhere … we are witnessing what Obama’s 2008 campaign would have been like if Obama had been running against a George Wallace.

 

In this case we are witnessing the Mad Men masculinity campaign against the woman of the future.

 

This will define who and what we are as people.

 

I listened to Michelle Obama in New Hampshire on 10/13 <and I am truly speak the truthhonored Michelle Obama is our First Lady>.

 

“Trump’s comments about women have shaken me to my core in a way that I couldn’t have predicted.”

“This was a powerful individual speaking openly about sexually predatory behavior.”

 

“This is certainly beyond the basic standards of human decency.”

 

    This is not normal, this is not politics as usual. This is disgraceful, it is intolerable, and it doesn’t matter what party you belong to… No woman deserves to be treated this way – none of us deserves this kind of abuse.

 

“If Trump is elected we’re telling our sons it’s ok to humiliate women.” 

 

Me.

 

I do not like how Trump conducts his businesses competitively or organizationally … and I do not like how he conducts himself personally.

I do not believe this is who we are as decent people nor do I believe he represents who we are as a country.

And … paraphrasing our FLOTUS … I will not let anyone tell us differently.

the conversation that took place yesterday between almost every man and woman

October 9th, 2016

 

bar talk

 

The Trump video created a conversation that I believe happened between 99% of every male-female relationship across America <be it partners, married or friends>.

 

 

Woman:

Do men really say things like that when they are together?

 

I can guarantee you that question reverberated through some room in almost every living abode and bar/restaurant across America.

 

Here is how my conversation went.

 

I can honestly say that I have never heard anything like the things Trump said in his 2005 video within any discussion i have ever had with any group of my  friends in any city or state I have lived in … nor at any age <and I am close to the age Trump was in that video and I cannot fathom a 59 year old man saying those things>.

 

That said.

 

I wanted her to know this is not how men talk when they’re together.

 

Mostly we talk about sports, our work or just end up laughing at other people.

 

But.

 

We sometimes tell dirty jokes.

 

We sometimes say some fairly nasty things about people.

 

We really do not often talk about our sex lives <other than, of course, we have sex … because no guy would ever admit they were not having lots of sex>.

 

 

We never talk about grabbing women by any part of their body.

 

We never talk about sexual assault <doing anything sexually with a woman with no consent> … unless it is to point out that any male who has to actually assault a woman to have sex not only doesn’t deserve ‘to get laid’ … but should have their balls cut off.

 

Are our conversations ‘politically correct’? Of course not. We are guys shooting the shit unfiltered.

 

Is there always one guy who can make us play in the conversation a little ‘lower’ than we are typically comfortable with? Sure. On occasion.

I think it sometimes lets us play in some ‘taboo’ space which we know is bad but we sense it is harmless to see what it feels like.

 

<note … most of us will admit it doesn’t feel that great>

 

Is there a limit to the ‘low’? Absolutely. It is actually like a rubber band. Most of us are willing to get stretched a little within a guy group dynamic … but only so gun control guyfar.

There is sometimes that one guy who takes it too far and you will actually see everyone else pull back and go way back into the safe zone.

Most of us actually get creeped out when it gets too low.

Most of us recognize when harmless discomfort turns into dangerous discussion wherein we become complicit in accepting the unacceptable simply by permitting the discussion to continue.

 

Suffice it to say … there is no complicit culture of misogyny running rampant through the bars across America where men coalesce to talk about the shit we guys talk about.

 

Most of us have sisters, mothers, nieces, female friends and loved ones who we would not only be horrified if they ever heard us say these things … we would be horrified if someone said these things about them.

 

Yes.

Some guys, fewer than you may think, have no filter and have no sense of what is right versus wrong <and, yet, they are neither a psychopath nor a criminal>.

 

Do we let these guys show up and have a beer with us and joke around some? Sure.

 

Do we let these guys play with is on our teams? Sure.

 

Do we let these guys around any female we like or respect? Never.

trump talk brain

Trump does not represent 99% of males … morally or behavior wise.

 

And while it was probably good that this conversation took place across America between men and the women they care about I absolutely hate that asshat Trump for suggesting that what he said was ‘typical locker room banter.’

 

I would suggest that other than some posh golf course locker room he has padded through, on his chubby little feet, toward some urinal so he can fondle his dick … he hasn’t visited a real locker room … well … ever.

 

We men are certainly not saints when we get together and some of the things we say would make an angel blush … but we do not represent the kind of sin Trump just laid upon us all in that video.

life is too short to be angry with yourself for being human

October 8th, 2016

 chuck-it-in-the-fuck-it-budket-move-on-stop-beating-yourslef

=========

 

“Some days you just have to say ‘fuck it, I did what I could today’ and just let go of all the stuff you wanted to do.

Life is too short to be angry with yourself for being human. “

 

 

(via thissadghost)

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“Compassion directed toward oneself is true humility.”

 

Simone Weil

 

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“Honestly, you just take a deep breath and say fuck it.”

 

Johnny Knoxvill

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tug of war jonothan marsh

Perfection, or the pursuit of perfection, may be one of the biggest mental challenges that anyone – business or in Life – we face psychologically.

 

 

It is a tug of war mind game between wanting to do your best and measuring what your best looked like. this tug of war brings out the absolute fucking worst in managers. Leaders, businesses and individuals.

Suffice it to say … this is the absolute worst game in Life & business.

 

While I think about this often, as I think most people do, I can say it reared its truly ugly head again as I read a sadly insipid article on Ted Ideas written in some pseudo intellectual vein with regard to cause & affect <in that a negative action will have negative ripples you are responsible for … even if it is not immediate> and that more people should do and think positive thoughts because it causes more positive ‘effects’ <ripples> which you will also be responsible for.

 

Yeah … the ‘net net’ is be positive and you will be responsible for positive things.

 

Well.

 

That is certainly … bullshit.

 

Our actions ripple.

 

And the whole idea that if we have a positive intent and think positive thoughts that all the ripples will impact people positively is … well … absurd. Maybe even a little nuts.

 

Many of our actions do not have an immediate effect.

 

And, frankly, encouraging people to invest gobs of energy suggesting ‘positive intent has some positive affect you cannot even imagine’ makes the whole pursuit of perfection take on an additional level of absurdity <which will inevitably only encourage non positive thoughts with regard to self and peals of laughter in hallways of businesses around the world>.

 

Look.

I am all for being positive.

And I am absolutely all for positive intent.

 

Unfortunately Life and business is more likely to judge me on … well … outcome.

 

So encouraging people to think that approaching everything positively means you need not worry or even think twice about the action you took ,or are about to take, is stupid.

 

This absolutely crazy article blamed a systemic lack of awareness with regard to action & reaction as the reason they … well … “we want you to know, that we are all being affected by these actions, whether it is you who has made the decision or not, because the actions that they take are so negative, the reactions will be extremely negative and far reaching. You will be affected, directly.”

 

Good god almighty. People actually believe this crap?

 

Negativity and negative reactions are far more likely to occur if you have a smile on your face and say positive things and take a stupid action which creates a bad affect.

 

It is absolutely correct to state that every action, no matter how small, has an effect.

It is absolutely correct to state that the effect may not be immediate <but inevitable>.

 

But, as with everything, not all actions – little or small — are created equal.

 

And this is where that whole fucking perfection comes into play.

Pursuit of perfection more often than not adds on a layer of ‘fear’ to choices <and the inevitable actions>.

 

I would suggest that how we manage our ‘fear choices’ have a larger impact in general as they ripple out.

I say this because our fear choices can often represent the best, and the worst, in us from a behavior standpoint, a character standpoint and even a skill standpoint.

 

I will also suggest that attaching “be positive” to “fear choices/moments’ is a task of fools.

 

Anyway.

 

Pursuit of perfection, even if you are absurdly positive, makes the effect of your action almost one big frickin’ lottery.

 

Suffice it to say that even the most well thought mature choices may go awry.

 

That doesn’t make you any less perfect.

That doesn’t make you any less positive <or more negative>.

That simply makes you human.

 

You control what you can and recognize that most of it all is out of your control.damage-control

 

Yet.

 

You make your choices.

You endure the consequences.

You move on.

 

Life is too short to be angry with yourself for being human.

Enlightened Conflict