Posts tagged follow the truth
what is management?
May 21st
“Responsibility for one’s impacts is the oldest principle of the law” – Peter Drucker (New Realities, 1989, p. 87)
To me, in today’s business, manager management training is woefully lacking. Training simply equals “results” <with an additional emphasis on doing it while being politically correct and appropriately sensitive – to avoid litigation>.
And, no, I don’t believe this is a generational ‘thing.’
In other words I hear a lot of people suggest this upcoming generation of managers always needs to be told exactly what to do and what expectations are …well … in general I don’t agree. But even if I did those people are being told “results.”
It is the easiest (laziest) way to outline expectations.
To be fair to the lazy guidance organizations (or enterprises as Drucker calls them) … the enterprise also focuses on “results.” That ultimately translates into the fact you can be the biggest jerk manager in the world, the most anti social manager, one who exhibits gobs of poor management (team leadership skills) … but if you generate the enterprise holy grail <results> … well…then you are an “effective manager.”
And the fallback statement is almost always “not everyone is going to like you” as justification to answer the question of whether that person is ‘good manager material’ as everyone immediately points to ‘results achieved.’
Ok.
It’s bullshit.
And I know its bullshit.
And when your television and internet is lost for 4 days, and even though you may not be a heavy tv viewer, you end up having time to think and do things. So I ended up pulling a book off the shelf I haven’t read in a while. Peter Drucker’s “the new realities” from 1989. I have another post coming up inspired from the rereading but Drucker does a great job of simply outlining “what is management.”. And I have to tell you that a lot of us managers would do well to reread this book. And reread all early Drucker while you are at it. Oh. And company owners should too (by the way …they are also Management in case they have forgotten).
As P. Druddy <as Drucker was called by his closest friends> said:
Management has to be accountable for performance. But how is performance defined? How is it to be measured? How should it be enforced? And to whom should management be accountable? Management needs to face the fact they represent power and power has to be accountable … and it has to be legitimate <he means to a greater social good>. Management has to face up to the fact that they matter <in a societal responsibility way>.
What is management?
Is it a bag of techniques and tricks? A bundle of analytical tools like those taught n business schools? There are important as a thermometer and anatomy is important to a physician. But the evolution and history of management, its successes as well as its problems, teach that management is above all else a very few essential principles:
- Management is about human beings. The task is to make people capable of join performance, to make their strengths effective and their weaknesses irrelevant. We depend upon management for our livelihoods. And our ability to contribute to society also depends on management of the organizations in which we work as it does on our own skills, dedication and effort.
- Because management deals with the integration of people in a common venture it is deeply embedded in culture. What managers do in Germany, United Kingdom, United states, Japan or Brazil is exactly the same. How they do it may be quite different. This one of the basic challenges managers face is to find and identify those parts of their own tradition, history and culture that can be used as management building blocks. Every enterprise requires commitment to common goals and shared values. Without such commitment there is no enterprise, there is only a mob. The enterprise must have simple clear and unifying objectives. The mission of the organization has to be clear enough and big enough to provide common vision. The goals that embody it have to be clear, public and constantly reaffirmed. Management’s first job is to think through, set, and exemplify those objectives, values and goals.
- Management must enable the enterprise and each of its members to grow and develop as needs and opportunities change. Every enterprise is a learning and teaching institution. Training and development must be built into it on all levels – training and development that never stop. 
- Every enterprise is composed of people with different skills and knowledge doing many different toes of work. It must be built on communication and on individual responsibility All members need to think through what they aim to accomplish and make sure their associates know and understand that aim. All have to think through what they owe others and make sure that others understand. All have to think through what they need from others and make sure that others know what is expected of them.
- Neither the quantity of output not the ‘bottom line’ is by itself an adequate measure of the performance of management and enterprise. Market standing (brand & reputation), innovation, production, development of people, quality, financial results are all crucial to an organizations performance and to its survival. Just as a human being needs a diversity of measures to assess his or her health and performance an organization needs a diversity of measures to assess its health and performance.
- Finally, the single most important thing to remember about any enterprise is that results exist only on the outside. The result f a business is a satisfied customer. The result of a healthy organization is a contribution to society. The result of a hospital is a healthy patient. The result of a school is a student who has learned something and puts it into practice at some later date. Inside an enterprise there are only costs.
Some thoughts <from me>.
While there are some gems I may come back to at some point … like “without such a commitment you only have a mob” and “make their strengths effective and their weaknesses irrelevant” … here are my rant-like thoughts:
• “individual responsibility.” Hmmmmmmmmmmmm it seems like we abuse this in today’s business world. We want to “empower employees” and expect them to assume “proactive individual responsibility” and yet we are not fulfilling some of Drucker’s other principles. Where is our responsibility to them? Where is the training? Where is the development? It seems to me that responsibility goes both ways <and, no, it is not just a paycheck from management side> and to ask one without offering the other is a medieval serf mentality.
• Organization ‘health’ …. When is the last time you heard this discussed in in anything other than financials (or some derivative of financials)? I cannot remember the last time anyone discussed culture and/or people’s true happiness as a measure of organization health … well … at least until maybe ‘we have hit the numbers.’
That said. “Management is about human beings.” Ok. Nowhere in that sentence do I see “numbers,” “results” or “profitability”. Am I foolish enough to believe that those three things aren’t important? Nope <I am foolish in other ways>. But his point is subtle. Maybe too subtle. If you manage the human beings well, effectively and they are happy, those three little words he excluded from that sentence will happen. THAT is why the sentence reads “management is about human beings.”
And.
I love the last thought.
The truly important problems managers face do not come from technology or politics; they do not originate outside of management and enterprise. Think about that …
“They are problems caused by the very success of the management itself.”
Drucker is actually suggesting that success breeds problems. How about that? What a great point. A point I am relatively sure that today’s managers do not think of. Today it seems like success breeds “process everyone should follow.”
Anyway.
Ignore my comments if you would like.
But don’t ignore Drucker’s comments.
life formulas
May 9th
Life is not as simple as it seems. Or maybe it isn’t as complicated as it seems.
Shit.
Maybe its both … at exactly the same time.
I cannot remember where I found all these awesome “life formulas” but I love the way they take complex life things and simplify them into basic equations (note: I apologize to the creator for not being able to source).
And in their incredibly obvious simplicity there is a nuanced complexity that makes you think about the truth they contain.
The first one I ever saw was the truth equation.
Truth. What I think happened divided by what really happened.
Brilliant.
It got to the core truth behind … well … truth. And it makes you wonder a little why there isn’t a class somewhere in maybe high school where they teach you stuff like this. Or at least make you think like this. It may seem silly at first glance but it is a really interesting exercise.
And back to truth?
What you think divided by what really happened.
By dividing it can equal, diminish what you think or actually be bigger by such a margin it actually marginalizes what you originally thought.
Awesome.
And when I see Life defined by formulas like this I begin to think about what makes 100%.
Well.
It actually made me begin by thinking about “giving 110%.” Which is actually kind of silly when you think about it. Is it really possible to actually give more than 100%? <no>
And what the hell is more than 100%? (unless you are bionic you cannot answer that)
I do know as I think about this 110% thing it makes some want to bring one of these formulas along with me to a meeting and if someone suggests you to give over 100% (that infamous 110%) maybe I would force them to show us how to do just that mathematically.
When someone does say that … aren’t they really saying “give me 100% <because I know you are juggling things and I need you to focus on this>.”
So why can’t we just tell the truth and say “c’mon … its not extra effort … its just focus. Focus 100% on this.” <albeit it doesn’t sound as inspiring or leader like or gung ho-ish … yeah … I just typed ‘ho-ish’>.
Anyway.
From there I actually began thinking about the whole 100% we are supposed to give in life.
100% is tricky. Is it defined by effort, focus, the best of our abilities or the best we can do <at that time>?
Whew. Now THERE are some choices for ya.
Life is a constant juggling game <or a balancing act>. There’s always balancing that needs to be done. And there are always tradeoffs.
Ah.
But.
I think there is a difference between juggling and balancing.
Juggling is all about keeping track of a bunch of things … all up in the air.
Balancing is all about … well … balancing … evening things out.
It seems to me that is one is more controlled chaos-like <juggling> … and the other is a more prioritizing of actions <balancing>.
Wow. Makes me think of whether I am a juggler or a balancer. And that makes my head hurt.
Regardless.
Aw. Anyway <quit babbling Bruce>.
There is a simplicity that these formulas give us in thinking about life.
Disappointment being expectation divided by reality.
- Which suggests it is our own inability to manage our expectations that create a sense of disappointment. Makes you think a little, huh?
Shock being expectation minus expectation.
- The unequivocalness <that isn’t really a word> of this is brilliant.
Modern art being the belief you could do it plus the fact you didn’t.
- The formula nicely builds, instead of divides or subtracts, to heighten the value
The slight cynicism built into diamonds being forever … balanced by whether you are a jewel thief (awesome)
Oh.
And obligation.
This one is fabulous.
Starts with do. Just the action itself. Add on “the right thing” so value increases by doing the right thing … and then plus or minus the amount of guilt.
Very very nice.
I actually see a great class session for young people somewhere in this life formula idea. The ability to simplify the challenges, the decisions, the actions in life into equations. It is a nice way to be able to point out some complex critical thinking in life.
In the end, while it may seem silly, I think it is a good and interesting exercise.
Particularly if you are juggling, or balancing, a bunch of crap and making so many judgment calls your head seem like it is going to explode … these simple formulas, in a really weird way, provide perspective.
Maybe you have an obligation to give this a shot if you feel overwhelmed with life.
Because maybe, in their simplicity, maybe you find more balance.
And that … I am pretty sure in my pea like brain … is a good thing.
finagle’s Law
Apr 30th
Well. I imagine I am way behind the rest of the cool people <who already know what finagle’s law is> but I just discovered it. Maybe because I had always known it as Murphy’s Law.
The generalized or `folk’ version of Murphy’s Law, fully named “Finagle’s Law of Dynamic Negatives” and usually rendered “Anything that can go wrong, will” (source: Urban Dictionary)
Finagle’s Law comes from science fiction author Larry Niven who, in several stories, depicted a frontier culture which celebrated a religion <or a running joke> which involved the worship of the dread god Finagle … and his mad prophet Murphy <hence the source of ‘murphy’s law’>.
Ok. About Finagles ´Law <before I get to the point of this little writeup>. It is an amazingly cool extraordinary mixture of cruel logic … as well as somewhat scarily indicative of everyday life. Just in case you didn’t know here is Finagle’s logic:
- What we have is not what we need.
- What we want is not what we need.
- What we need is impossible to get.
- You can get hold of this information for a much higher price then you are prepared to pay.
Ok. Here is the coolest thought. One of my favorite blogs, 50topmodels, actually wondered if Finagle´s Law got it all wrong and reexamined it as … Yhprum´s Law (Yhprum is Murphy backwards).
They actually analyzed it under the theory that ‘everything that can work, will work’ quoting Richard Zeckhauser <Harvard> “sometimes systems that should not work, work nevertheless.“
Ok. It is that last thought that made me sit up and think and decide to write.
Why?
Well. “Systems that should not work …do.” How often do people design perfect systems in the workplace, under the guise of ‘this is the way its done’ and, ultimately, it is just another inefficient process & system? Or maybe it is easy to do so everyone just does things going through the motions? Or the perfect system is <gasp> measured on its efficiency and therefore everyone simply tries to ‘hit the measurement numbers”?
On the other hand.
Someone else builds a system and has everyone working within this system that has those ‘people who designed perfect systems’ scratching their heads and saying that will never work … and, uh oh, it does work.
Yhprum´s Law. Huh? Well. Organizations are living organisms.
And just as placebos can work (lets call that the power of the mind) … a system that should not work … well … does. Why?
Because whether things work or not is often up to the people. And people are inconsistent in that they consistently do unexpectedly great things. In addition sometimes mistakes become stepping stones to blinding success. Oh. And the systems that shouldn’t work gain significant improvements thru some trial & error while the perfect systems remain … well … stagnant – never improving. Maybe it is that last thought that is so controversial in my thinking.
Perfection is often a thief. It steals fresh thinking.
Business, in general, like life, is messy. Sure. We seek perfection. It is kind of like the holy grail of ‘job well done.’
Here is the funny thing about attaining perfection.
Realistically we should be seeking to immediately change, rather than replicate, if we actually stumble upon it. ‘Doing it right’ is simply a level. And attaining levels of ‘perfection’ is good but also breeds an aspect of complacency or rote. And unless you are putting together a car, or a bomb <as an example>, in my mind we should always be aware the process is a means to an end.
Another sad thing about perfection. Nothing is ever really perfect. So when we put the label on something we are already in a bad place. As noted in alternative phrases for Finagle’s Law … let’s maybe call it “not quite the right thing.” It seems to me that systems & process reside most often closest to that phrase. And to a perfectionist that is bad and to others it is just not quite the right thing.
Ok. As for systems that shouldn’t work? the imperfect systems? The power of the mind suggest that everything that can work will work … sometimes better than others.
Oh.
And if you have that attitude .. an attitude to, rather than finding the flaws, instead focusing on the mistakes made … in my mind you end up seeking to better the system.
Ok. Moving on.
There is another aspect to Murphy’s Law … “If there are two or more ways to do something, and one of those ways can result in a catastrophe, then someone will do it.”
Now. If you think about that from a logic perspective … this suggests <for example> that if someone plugs in a toaster backwards and it fries itself, the problem isn’t just that some idiot plugged it in backward, but that it was able to be plugged in backwards in the first place.
In other words … the flaw isn’t in the person … but rather the design. And people just make mistakes <and are not flawed>.
If you believe that … then maybe when mistakes are made we shouldn’t be blaming people but rather seeking to design a better system. Not ‘perfect’ systems but systems with the minimum opportunity for flaws. Call it constant improvement.
If you don’t believe that then you end up simply assuming people will make mistakes, some big … some small … some stupid <or some derivative of stupid> … some smart <yeah … you can still do something really smart and make a mistake>. As I stated earlier … systems are a means to an end therefore using Finagle’s Law everyone should be focusing more on the people aspect. And not in a “you suck” perspective but rather a deeper understanding for why and how mistakes are made.
Mistakes are part of life.
I actually believe more managers should have the chart above in their offices and when mistakes are made identify which aspect the mistake characterizes. It may make us better managers and it may make for better systems (and certainly better managers of people).
Anyway.
The true Finagle’s Law is much more twisted than “anything that can go wrong will go wrong.” The Law also allows for things going well. It’s like as if the universe is merely lulling you into a false sense of security before proceeding to screw you. It also allows for things that can’t go wrong … going wrong <and within Finagle’s Law this counts as Gone Horribly Right.>
Regardless.To end this I wanted to share some last thoughts on Finagle’s Law. The law owes its existence more or less entirely to the Rule of Drama, and is especially common in Crapsack Worlds where things that do go wrong tend to go wrong in the worst possible way.
Finagle’s Law also suggests that Life has a pretty warped sense of humor in that it is obsessed with making your life as difficult and humiliating as possible.
On a slightly serious note … I imagine the potential for danger in everyday Life, within the Law, can do one of two things:
- make you scared to do anything
- make you assume that you cannot ever do anything right
I could write gobs about both of those but instead I am hoping that what I have written about Finagle’s Law suggests that successfully navigating Life takes some flexibility. If perfection is your thing … well … Finagle will be your constant companion and friend.
Take Life with a grain of salt. Things go wrong. Even when they aren’t supposed to. And things go right. Even when they aren’t supposed to.
Last. And just so you are fully aware of ‘the Law’ here are optional expressions of Finagle’s Law <so you recognize them>:
- A Simple Plan
- Butterfly of Doom
- Consolation Backfire
- Cosmic Plaything
- Disaster Dominoes
- Destructive Saviour
- Deus Angst Machina when taken Up to Eleven
- Everything Trying to Kill You in videogames
- Failsafe Failure
- Failure Is the Only Option
- The Fun in Funeral
- Gave Up Too Soon
- Law of Disproportionate Response
- Inverse Law of Utility and Lethality
- It Got Worse
- Magnum Opus Dissonance
- Mistimed Revival
- Murphy’s Bed
- Murphy’s Bullet
- My Car Hates Me
- Not Quite The Right Thing
- Out with a Bang
- Phlebotinum Breakdown
- Ashes to Crashes
- Doomed New Clothes
- Watch the Paint Job
- The Precious, Precious Car
- Random Number God
- Retirony
- Springtime for Hitler
- Tempting Fate
- Unspoken Plan Guarantee
- Useless Superpowers
- What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
- You Can’t Thwart Stage One
- Your Princess is in Another Castle
Anyway.
Finagle’s Law. Murphy’s Law. Or. My favorite? “Not quite the right thing.” Life is perfectly imperfect. You can either accept it or end up in a loony bin some day.
lighting the way
Apr 24th
“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Nelson Mandela
So.
I began with this quote and then kind of got pretty passionate about this topic the more I thought about it (that is a warning).
We all have things that matter to us.
A big or small issue that kinda gets the heart pumping a little bit.
The difference between people is that even though we all have something that gets us ‘going’ (heart pumping, anger, heartache, whatever) some remain silent, some speak softly and some speak loudly (or shine a light as it were) on what matters to them.
And while I abhor loud bombastic people … what I do give many of them credit for is the fact that by shining their own light (albeit a frickin’ spotlight) they have unconsciously liberated the rest of us to take whatever wattage our light is and bring it forth against some pretty dark things (if we elect to).
There is no shortage of issues that deserve some light.
- Statistics show that a woman is battered every 15 seconds in the United States by an “intimate.” That’s two million women annually who are battered or abused by their partners. Even more frightening is that every day (yeah … I just typed every day) 4 women lose their lives to violence … an estimated 1/3 of the women who are abused. Oh. And those 4 women are murdered by a husband or a boyfriend (not some stranger).
One in four women who commit suicide is a victim of domestic violence.
And. If that bothers you think about this … there are 3 times more animal shelters (approximately 4300) than battered women shelters (approximately 1500). <and I like pets but this seems kind of insane>
Here is a staggering number.
1 in 4 women will fall victim to Domestic Violence in their lifetime. 1 in 4.
Uhm. How about I make this personal.
That means that 1 of 4 of your female friends/relatives/neighbors is a potential victim.
Or.
- 115+ million kids globally not in school. More important than domestic violence? Yikes. It is all important stuff.
Or.
- In 2009, US child abuse involved an estimated 6 million children.
One in 4 girls will be sexually abused.
One in 6 boys will be sexually abused.
The numbers are stunning.
Stunningly horrible.
Dark numbers.
Or.
- There are 1.4 billion people globally living in poverty – under $1.25 a day.
Or.
- 925 million people are hungry. Every day, almost 16000 children die from hunger-related causes. That’s one child every five seconds. Hunger and malnutrition are the underlying cause of more than half of all child deaths, killing nearly 5.8+ million children each year.
Or.
- Women’s rights (which isn’t just about ‘the glass ceiling’ gentlemen). Women’s rights around the world are an important indicator to understand global well-being. Despite the fact a major global women’s rights treaty was ratified by the majority of the world’s nations a few decades ago … numerous issues still exist in all areas of life, ranging from the cultural, political to the economic. For example, women often work more than men, yet are paid less; gender discrimination affects girls and women throughout their lifetime; and women and girls are often are the ones that suffer the most poverty.
Gender equality furthers the cause of child survival and development for all of society, so the importance of women’s rights and gender equality should not be underestimated.
Or.
- Contaminated water. Bad water is still the primary cause of death in the world today. Each year, it leads to deadly illnesses like cholera, typhoid, malaria, etc., in some 8 million people, including 1.5 million children.
Ok.
I could go on but if you have any hesitation with regard to where you shine your light I suggest you begin here … with the UN The Universal Declaration of Human Rights which begins with these words:
Whereas recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world,
Whereas disregard and contempt for human rights have resulted in barbarous acts which have outraged the conscience of mankind, and the advent of a world in which human beings shall enjoy freedom of speech and belief and freedom from fear and want has been proclaimed as the highest aspiration of the common people,
http://www.un.org/en/documents/udhr/index.shtml
Pick any article & issue from the Declaration and think about it. You don’t have to address it globally … it could be locally or it could be in your community.
Unfortunately … I can guarantee you one thing … while you will be tempted to think “oh, that’s not an issue we have ..” … well … do not fall into that trap.
Every issue resides in your community and in your neighborhood. Things like this are sneaky. And hide in dark corners.
Hence people need to step up and shine a light on these things.
Me?
I use words.
Others use pictures.
There is no one way to shine a light …
I call it enlightened conflict.
Frankly I don’t care what I call it, you call it or what anyone calls it.
Everyone can make an impact.
Even if you only carry a 15watt bulb. It is light.
In the end maybe think about it this way … by lighting the way you are removing some darkness … the darkness of ignorance … the darkness that maybe stops someone from seeing a way out of their situation … the darkness of hopelessness.
Yep.
Anyone one of us can provide some light if we choose to.
So.
This is one of the few times you will ever hear me recommend speaking out – being vocal. I typically don’t like people on a mission with a cause. I tend to believe if you speak softer more people will actually listen – and believe. But in this case I will err on the side of I don’t care if you whisper .. croak .. or shout.
Speak. Each word is a light shining on a dark spot in humanity (or the shadows that are a reflection of lack of humanity).
Choose to speak out.
Think of it as shining a light on some darkness.
And maybe, if you are really really lucky, it will light the way for someone out of the darkness.
I fail, you fail, we all fail. Here is our tale.
Mar 14th
So.
I wanted to write something on failure and started … stopped … started again … stopped.
Well. I don’t know why but it was hard for some reason.
Harshly? I failed.
I failed at something I wanted to do. But. If creating a blog has taught me one thing <if that is at least one criteria of failing> that I fail constantly.
Little failures? Sure.
But a failure nonetheless.
Oh. And if you are not careful little failures are like dying a death of a thousand cuts.
Regardless.
That REALLY got me thinking about several things … the word failure (and how little it seems to be used these days) and failing itself & lessons and all that crap.
So I went hunting.
Hunting for some inspiration for the right words to say about failing and failure.
My first hunt.
Choose the Right Word by Hayakawa (almost my bible of word descriptions).
It didn’t fail me here.
“Failing” fell under Flaw <wow … I could write an entire book over that little insight>.
Flaw has a variety of aspects … blemish, defect, failing, fault, foible, imperfection, mar, shortcoming.
Regardless.
Failure is a reflection of a flaw.
An imperfection (which seems okay).
A defect (which seems not okay).
Is failure a reflection of a defective product <product being … well … us … a human … a person>?
That seems harsh. Ok. Maybe extreme.
But.
In terms of “truth to oneself” think about this … ‘imperfection’ points more often to a lack that may be a matter of opinion (Hayakawa).
Well. THAT certainly makes it easier to say “I am imperfect … I have failed.” Because, well, it is on a basis of opinion (and everyone has opinions).
Failure, on the other and, suggests a more severe shortcoming that has more severe consequences.
How ‘bout that?
There is some tough love.
The word failure is tough love.
A severe shortcoming.
And if you have a shortcoming … well … there are consequences. In fact … more severe consequences.
And maybe in this politically correct world we want to soften up things a little … and we don’t ‘fail’ but rather we made a mistake or took a step on the path to success or whatever.
Maybe it is better to just say we failed at something.
I don’t know.
But I do believe we should be better at admitting failure. I believe it should be more acceptable to say “you failed” <without it being construed in a negative way>.
I do believe we should be better at understanding we have failings … and they have consequences.
Now. Notice. Hayakawa never, anywhere, attached “negative” or “bad” adjectives to consequences. He simply points out that failures suggest shortcomings leading to consequences.
And that, my friends, is a Life truth … and more people <in my eyes> should just step up to the plate and accept that truth without all the suggestions that they keep you from being a successful or ‘whole’ person.
We fail. And maybe it is because of some shortcoming and absolutely I am assuming that shortcoming will create at least one dead end in your life (toward some success). But it doesn’t mean that it keeps you from some other path to success.
It does not mean you are a failure. It just may mean you have failed, and you may fail consistently, if you pursue that path.
Ok.
Next.
And when I went hunting I found a blog focused solely on failure. And it wasn’t bad or negative or even totally depressing.
Now. It certainly wasn’t uplifting by any stretch of the imagination but it was kind of an interesting glimpse into what I assume was a normal every day woman kind of getting a grip on life.
And this blog is her way of doing it … by embracing failure (she actually has a post called “why have a blog about failure?”: http://soyoufailed.wordpress.com/2010/08/31/why-have-a-blog-about-failure/)
As she says in her ‘about me’ section:
Who am I?
- I am female
- I’m in my mid 30′s
- I live in the Bay Area, California
- My day job is as a User Experience Designer (my 24 hour/day job is “failure” 
)
- I am a mother of 2 beautiful boys
- My “other” interests besides failure are photography, learning to play the guitar, and user experience design.
I loved it.
“my other interests beyond failure …” Nice perspective.
The site has glimpses of insight <albeit I wonder if writing nonstop about failure is completely healthy>. And while absolutely focused on failure, which I equate to a songwriter trying to write every song about a falling star <or God>, there are truly some nice perspectives on failing.
And all written from an everyday perspective.
Anyway.
About a failure <she says as one of 5 things> …
5. You learned something.
And that’s what life is all about. Learning something. In failing you probably learned something about yourself, about someone else, about a situation, about how to do something better next time. Failing is so valuable. Don’t focus on the failure. Focus on what you got from that failure.
So go ahead, fail on!
(nice closing line by the way)
Life is about learning.
Life is about failure.
I imagine the corollary thought would be “how boring would life be if we never failed?” there is such a stigma attached to failure … and the word itself. In fact, to be politically correct, I probably shouldn’t use the word failure.
It would be “trial & error” (what a bunch of bullhockey).
Look.
We fail.
And it’s okay to fail.
And it’s even okay to fail on some of the really Big things in life. Not that you try to … just that … well … we do.
It is called Life.
- Marriages fall apart even when you don’t really want them to.
- You try to win a game but you don’t.
- You try and lose those 10 pounds and you don’t.
- You try and be the best friend you can but miss when a good friend needs you.
Some are big things. Some are small things.
But all ‘things’ examples of failing at something.
And, once again, that’s okay. It’s cool.
You aren’t a failure just because you failed.
And that is a big, no HUGE, distinction.
You aren’t a failure … unless … you don’t pay attention to #5 (you learned something). You just failed.
Because, in fact, some failures are just part of life.
Maybe these are “failings” rather than failures but … well … whatever. Semantics.
I guess my point here is don’t aim to fail <as if any of us actually would, huh?> but recognize you do fail. And accept it IS failing.
Lastly.
Here is a great example of how failure … well … happens. And we (who are perfect of course) looking at failure happening right before our eyes … need to be very very <very> careful in our judgement with regard to failings and failure.
Let me give you a really big example … a really good one … which was part of this whole ‘failure’ blog:
… my crisis started. I had reached a point where I just could not figure out what to do. I was crying and weeping and just could not calm myself down. I got to the point when I had to ask myself, “What will make you sane and get you through this moment? What will keep you from killing yourself right now?” And to me, and it is a different thing for everybody, smoking had always been the thing that I turned to when I got to such a low point. It was what got me to calm down and take a moment and just be present. For some it could be a stiff drink, a dozen donuts, or a shopping spree. For me it was smoking. So I did it. I failed my abstinence. I went to the closest Walgreens, bought a pack, and smoked a cigarette.
And I admit, I failed even more and bought two more packs to get me through lower lows these past few months. I gave myself a break. I thought, it is better to have a crutch to get through these horrible days, than to be perfect and not have a crutch and go crazy. I took it easy on myself, I “failed” myself. Or more like I let myself have what I needed. I think at some point in our lives, when we need to, we should give in to ourselves. In our darkest times, we need to stop and think about what we need to get us through it. If you need to spend $1000 on clothing to save yourself, do it.
But know when it is time to stop. Know when the break needs to be over. Know when the fail needs to stop. For me that break is over now. I need to stop smoking now, before it becomes a full blown addiction again. Before it spirals out of control. Now it is becoming less helpful and is on the brink of being harmful. And so, while it is still easy to stop, I have stopped. I no longer need my crutch. It has done its job. It has gotten me through my darkest times.
I hope that for you, when you are going through a tough time, that you are able to stop and think about what crutch you need to get you through, and that you let yourself have that and let yourself fail. But I also hope that at some point, when you are healed, you are able to gracefully lay the crutch down.
Big thought in there.
“In our darkest times, we need to stop and think about what we need to get us through it. If you need to spend $1000 on clothing to save yourself, do it.
But know when it is time to stop. Know when the break needs to be over. Know when the fail needs to stop.”
Failing always needs context.
No. It doesn’t need excuses … just context.
I wrote about this kind of thing over a year ago … I stated there and then I was wrong … wrong in a way that this blogger said it best.
Here is what I said: http://brucemctague.com/doubt-part-3-crushed-between-internal-and-external-doubt
(the key words from that post)
Do what it takes to keep it alive. Keep your sense of I and don’t lose it.
Whatever it takes.
Let me repeat.
Whatever it takes.
In the past I have judged people who have leaned on religion. Leaned on prescription drugs. Leaned on self help books. Leaned on betterment programs.
Well. I have been a fool.
And ignorant.
A stupid ignorant fool.
For whatever path one chooses to maintain their flame is the right path. And a good path. And a path well taken.
You do whatever it takes to keep the flame alive and don’t get crushed by doubt. That’s it. Bottom line.
I didn’t know better words at that time but in my head I saw some things as “failings”, or failure, in people and was making my own judgments on their actions.
Look.
We have rules. We have guidelines. We have distinctions between what is right and wrong. And if we don’t meet them we ‘fail.’
Yes. All of that is true.
Yet.
In dark times … you have to do whatever you have to do to cross that dark bridge.
Whatever. Even if it means ‘failing’ in some form or fashion. Even if it means that it LOOKS like failure in someone else’s eyes.
The blogger is right.
It is okay to fail.
Failing does not make you a failure.
By the way …. Here is the site:
I fail, you fail, we all fail. Here is our tale.
the silence lie
Jan 18th
“just because you didn’t speak the facts out loud didn’t erase their existence. silence was just a quieter way to lie.” – unknown 
I am fairly sure I found these words in some tween blog. I don’t remember the frame of reference but I wrote down the words because … well … I don’t really give a shit about the frame of reference because it defines the ‘silent lie’ better than anything else I have ever seen.
“silence was just a quieter way to lie.”
Boy oh boy.
That is a powerful thought.
I guess the funny thing is truth is truth … whether it is spoken or silent. So why wouldn’t a lie be exactly the same?
A lie’s existence is not defined by words or lack of words … it is defined by whether it exists or not.
Maybe I say this because anything that exists can take on a life of its own.
It breathes and lives and, well, it actually eats. It eats away at your thoughts and, if you are unfortunate, it eats away at your soul.
And if a lie exists then it does all that.
Frankly, I am not sure you can ever kill a lie. Even by eventually speaking the truth. I believe even in that case it doesn’t cease to exist but maybe by speaking it … it attains a more tangible form. And maybe that makes it easier to accept … ok, well … maybe not accept. Maybe it’s just live with it.
So if I believe that, when does a lie stop existing? When does it take its last breath?
Well.
I actually believe they take their last breath the same time you do. Yup. I believe lies are things you carry with you until the end of your days. You cannot erase their existence by ‘speaking the facts out loud.’ They are one of Life’s burdens.
I imagine we all lie at some point or another.
A white lie. A lie of omission. A lie of silence. A lie of words. I personally don’t believe Life weighs lies … like there are ‘big lies’ and ‘little lies’ … I just believe Life counts them all simply as lies.
So.
Maybe the measure of our life is … how many lies take their last breath when we do at the end.
black white and gray
Jan 15th
“In the course of your education you’ve always been taught to look for the right answer but you must also know that in life sometimes the right answer is that there isn’t one.”
- Mr. Feeny, Boy Meets World.
So.
I do know for sure, having been in the business world for too many years to count, that rarely is there one answer to the question … or challenge … or whatever.
There are multiple “right” answers to just about everything.
And I guess, if I want to get philosophical, that makes me wonder if anything is certain or concrete anymore.
Maybe I really am getting old … but black & white seemed clearer to me years ago.
In fact, some of my past team members may remember the “McTague good – bad scale.”
I would often simply sum up something by saying “well, on the McTague good – bad scale, well, that would be good.”
(or bad when appropriate)
These days I almost feel like I would have to shift the scale to a rating instead of an unequivocal good or bad.
Is there truly an unequivocal non debatable good and bad?
Or a right and wrong?
How about truth or lies? (where omission can be deemed a ‘lie’)
Or is it just mixed together and upon us to decide for ourselves?
Oh.
And say we decide for ourselves … judge our own actions … but the other person has a different judging scale. What happens then? Who is right or wrong?
(hey. maybe there is a new business idea here where everyone carries a little card they can hand someone before speaking which outlines the boundaries of their ‘persona right & wrong’ scale.)
Anyway.
Does the end really justify the means when it comes to good or bad or right or wrong?
And is it your end or ‘their end’ that really matters in your own black or white judgment?
It kind of makes you question the whole concept of ‘Is everything either black and white’ or even worse is anything black or white?
Or is everything somewhere in the middle, in the gray?
Wow.
Sadly this make you start believing the world is built in shades of gray. Everything becomes negotiable, flexible or left to interpretation.
Maybe that is life.
Because the reality in day to day life is sometimes we are forced to bend the truth or sometimes transform it because we’re faced with things that we did not choose to happen but are demanded to deal with it.
And sometimes ‘bending the truth’ simply catches up to us.
And it makes me wonder if this is right.
So.
If there is anything that is ethical in our day, where is the line drawn?
Is it simply if what we feel is right … well … then it really is.
And if we are forced to do what we think is wrong, should we do it anyway or reap the consequences that come with refusal to go along with the way life pushes us?
Ok.
All of that makes my head hurt.
I know one thing for sure … I would like to be certain of one thing.
That somewhere there really is an absolute truth.
Somewhere.
Tricky to find but there.
Maybe that is the truth.
That it is a journey for truth.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm … I like that (although that is a gray answer isn’t it?).
Maybe the best way to think about black, white and gray is this way:
“Dawn and sunset are the times when Nature herself is unstable and in flux. The nocturnal world and the daytime world are meeting, and for a brief time coexisting. It’s not a neat hard cut, but a blurred, irregular dissolve. These moments are the seams in existence through which we can get a glimpse of the deeper, fundamentally random, chance workings of a system in which we are only a small, insignificant player.” Bill Viola
Is it possible we can find solace in this question through some poetic thought like this?
Shit. I don’t know. Most of us would seek to find some more clarity then this.
But maybe he is right. Maybe truth coexists in day and night.
Blurred by the edges of right and wrong.
I do know no one will ever get “black & white” right all the time.
But I imagine that is not a reason I shouldn’t try for the absolute at all times by constantly seeking ‘truth’ whatever that may be.
Make the attempt to find the black or the white.
Avoid the grey.
And maybe this is the best reason of all:
“There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil.” - Ayn Rand
Avoid gray because it is evil.
when truth is not the truth
Dec 1st
Rodrigo, an enlightened reader, inspired this one.
I have “seek truth” in my office.
I believe in speaking the truth.
I believe the truth is the only path to a clear conscience.
I believe truth has consequences … just as non-truth can have consequences.
And then a reader on enlightened conflict reminded me that even the truth can be twisted.
Rodrigo commented the following on my site:
While reading this part: “And to some extent he is saying all the correct things. But he is not correct.” I remembered one of the best ads I have ever seen.
It is from a major brazillian news paper (Folha de São Paulo). I found one with english subtitles… it gives me goosebumps everytime I see. I am sure you will like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDqA6HcxgcY
First.
It is a fabulous ad. But maybe more important is the lesson that lies within.
He is saying all the correct things …. But he is not correct.
Second.
Truth is sometimes not the whole truth.
Context and perspective is needed to share “real & absolute truth.”
Truth is the sum of accurate information … not just some of the accurate information:
“I was brought up to believe that the only thing worth doing was to add to the sum of accurate information in the world.” ~ Margaret Mead
It is a tricky world we live in.
And Rodrigo’s ad reminds us it has ALWAYS been a tricky world.
Discerning the real truth among the seeming truth takes work.
A lot of work.
And I sometimes believe we people are lazy when it comes to truth.
Because we are just too lazy to attach facts to the soundbite truth we latch on to.
And, once again, I do not believe it is simply a present issue (albeit that is the one we should be most concerned with) it is a lifelong human issue.
Truth and facts.
“The national argument right now is, one, who’s got the truth and, two, who’s got the facts… Until we can manage to get the two of them back together again, we’re not going to make much progress.”
- Michael Adams, lexicology professor at North Carolina State University, discussing the neologism “truthiness”, defined as “the quality of stating concepts one wishes or believes to be true, rather than the facts” in “Linguists Vote ‘Truthiness’ Word of 2005″, AP via Yahoo! News, (6 January 2006)]
Here is a fact. A truth I may add.
We all need truth goggles.
Because we all want to hear what we all want to hear.
And it is easy to take the ‘easy truth.’
But truth takes a discerning ear.
And it takes some work … by using a filter.
From Buffy the Vampire Slayer (who thought I would ever use a quote from there, huh?)
What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.
Simplistic but a good lesson for all of us.
The good guys are difficult to discern from the bad guys.
Therefore truth is difficult to discern.
And if we cannot discern the difference between the good guys truth and the bad guys truth how the hell can we discern the difference between 2 good guys truth.
What do I mean?
Well. Think about the current American politics. Shit. Or Brazilian politics. Or European politics.
Are these “bad guys”? Certainly not. They mean well. They want good things (mostly). So how the hell do we discern the truth as they give us soundbite after soundbite.
There is even a website called politifacts.com which is all about “sorting out the truth.”
Ok.
In some warped way this bothers me. We need someone to “sort out the truth” for us? Is it supposed to be this complicated? Isn’t ‘truth’ supposed to be simple?
Sorry Bruce, but it isn’t.
And maybe that just bothered me … but here is what scares me.
The majority doesn’t care to learn the real truth.
I just heard this today … 47% of US population could not name a Republican candidate.
If we don’t care, if we are this apathetic … how the hell can we ever discern the truth?
So … let me tell you what scares me the most when I think about this factoid (among others).
Rodrigo’s ad.
And where truth and ignorance collide.
If we cannot discern good guys from bad guys.
If we don’t even put the effort forth to learn who the good guys are from the bad guys.
If we cannot discern real truth.
If we don’t even put forth the effort to discern the real truth.
If we allow ignorance to overcome truth.
And if we allow someone who says all the correct things but is not correct to become a leader?
Well. Shame on us. All of us. We have permitted ignorance & indolence to win over truth.
I say all this because truth is important.
Not just in terms of self. But in terms of the world all of our ‘selves’ reside in. it impacts how we live and where we live and what kind of world we live in.
Take the time to attach real facts to spoken ‘truth.’
Become invested in truth.
For ‘not being invested in truth’ has consequences.
Yeah.
I will say it again.
Truth takes work … but seek truth … it leads to goodness & better things.
Truth. As Taoism will remind you … you have a choice. Which will you choose?
” … choosing to be one who just wants to live to be old or instead being true.” – Lao Tze
lie and truth
Mar 27th
This is the natural partner to my optimistically cynical of truth post.
Or.
Maybe let’s think of this as the adult version follow up to the wonderful teen version of Beauty is Truth I posted.
I won’t do that teen’s thought justice. But I may take a more serious note.
Maybe this is the ‘ugly is truth’ version.
“A lie can fly halfway around the world before the truth can get its pants on.” Winston Churchill.
I am sure we have all heard versions of this quote before.
And chuckle.
But have you ever wondered why we actually take this kind of sad and sobering thought at face value – kind of as a … well … truth? A teen wrote this on their site:
Sobering.
Sad.
And true?
Even we adults looking at this take a moment and a part of us, maybe even a large part of us, agrees.
We believe somewhere inside us that all people lie.
And what may be worse?
Even when we hear ‘the truth’? We doubt.
And even more worse?
The more emphatic on their belief in the truth (as they state it)?
The more we disbelieve.
It’s kind of crazy if you think about it.
It seems often the “absolute truth” leads to some confusion on our part.
Confused on ‘how can they be so sure’?
And the conclusion of confusion is “someone has lied.”
What a downward spiral we have encountered in discussing truth.
I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you. “
— ~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Truth is tricky.
The beauty in truth is that it creates boundaries. Or maybe more playfully … fences within you can find comfort to play with others and be free to say and do without thought.
And discuss ‘truth.’
But within those boundaries are shades of gray.
Truth is complex.
And there is an ugly enemy to truth.
The ugly enemy is doubt.
It is because of doubt in truth that a lie can sweep its way around the world while good ole truth is stuck behind dealing with doubt.
A lie is unhindered by the burden of proof. It flies free of such weight.
While truth carries the burden of debate, discussion and understanding.
Now. Let’s be clear. Debate is good. It clarifies. It communicates. It clears the mind of clutter.
But, oddly, nowadays truth’s slowness (in debate and discussion) only enhances an implication of ‘non-true’ and slows down even more with the weight of added burden.
Do we ever wonder why truth takes eons to get around the world while a lie circles endlessly?
Not when you think about it this way.
Sadly, if I am actually right about something for once, I guess the way you can tell a lie from a truth now is that the first is always the lie and the last is always the truth.
In the end the turtle wins I guess.
optimistically cynical of truth
Feb 6th
“Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.”
André Gide
(warning: I get to talk about conflict & truth in one post … something I love)
I am always wary of those who come out blazing by claiming to speak “the truth.”
Mostly because I believe rarely are things black & white.
In fact I have been called optimistically cynical.
I imagine I am a contrarian (up to a point).
I would also imagine it’s because in today’s world I see too much lazy thinking (or possibly lazy sloppy communication) … or maybe it’s just people are quick to select the facts they want to use and ignore others and then pontificate on “the truth.”
Anyway.
I question everything upfront (or maybe one would hope as I have become older I can judge what to question and what to accept upfront) but always believe great things can come of it (rather than use the cynicism to drag things down).
In old times (like really really old) this questioning would be a version of Socratic questioning (because I am not as smart as good ole Socrates).
Socratic questioning focuses on the importance of questioning in learning (Socrates actually thought that questioning was the only real form of teaching). Simplistically Socratic questioning highlights the difference between systematic and fragmented thinking. It teaches us to dig beneath the surface of ideas. It teaches us the value of developing questioning minds in cultivating deep learning.
(now. In my global generation 9 ‘about critical thinking’ I will actually use this in discussing elements of teaching in the global education initiative)
So.
I guess the point is that questioning (a version of conflict) actually helps us get closer to the truth.
The art of Socratic questioning is tightly aligned to the idea of critical thinking. Mostly because it ties the art of questioning to excellence of thought. To summarize this thought … “Socratic” means a systematic approach in the interest in assessing truth or plausibility of things.
Both critical thinking and Socratic questioning share a common end.
Seeking meaning and truth.
Critical thinking provides the conceptual tools for understanding how the mind functions in its pursuit of meaning and truth.
Socratic questioning employs those tools in framing questions essential to the pursuit of meaning and truth.
The beauty of critical thinking skills is that it establishes an additional level of thinking to our thinking, an inner voice of reason, that monitors, assesses, and reforms our idea/opinions/thoughts (in a more rational direction) and affects our feelings and actions. Socratic discussion cultivates that inner voice through an explicit focus on using the “outer voice” with directed, disciplined questioning.
So.
As for those who adamantly state ‘the truth’ (and we seem to hear a lot of these people on radio shows and talk shows and “advocates” of some special interest) I would suggest they are lying.
(ouch. big claim there).
Ok. that lying thought.
Maybe better said is that they aren’t stating truth but rather opinion under the guise of truth (and duping a significant amount of people along the way).
Some of the people we have to listen to (claiming to say the truth) have made a choice … a choice to state truth when it is simply opinion (and shame on them for that … particularly if they do it under the ‘freedom of speech’ heading as well as if they have some ability to impact people).
The truth behind the truth is that it does come with choice.
Try this on for size.
With awareness of some truths comes choice, and with choice freedom or chaos or crisis.
This comes from a 19th Century philosopher – a guy called G. W. F. Hegel.
Discarding an absolute notion of truth, he saw today’s “truth” merely as a passing “bloom” in an evolving process of new “blooms”.
(let’s just call these stupid blooms ‘ideas’)
Ideas and truth advance, he believed, only as ideas come into conflict.
This occurs when a counter idea (the antithesis) arises to challenge the status quo (the thesis). It was this “conflict” or “crisis” which brought about the “higher idea” (the synthesis).
Now.
Be clear. The Hegelian Dialectic is more of an observation of the way thought systems evolve than it is a call to direct action in creating such an evolution (so crisis is not an action but part of thought … think of it as maybe a Plato would … someone states a belief or ‘perceived truth’ and the debate is the ‘crisis’ – or when an antithesis point of view is articulated- of which synthesis occurs and, hopefully, truth emerges).
I make that point so we don’t start running around being crazy trying to drive “crisis” into every frickin’ conversation we have.
But. Marx and Darwin applied this notion to the social and biological realm.
Marx and Communism stood on a pillar of crisis (just called revolution). The higher social order could only arise from the “crisis” of conflict—the proletariat arising to battle the bourgeoisie.
Darwin and Neo-Darwinian theory see the higher biological order arising only from a life and death struggle—survival of the fittest.
So.
What this suggests is that truth can only arise from crisis (or in a dialectic world) through debate and discussion. And I don’t know that I dislike this thought.
As long as we don’t start thinking there is something “magical” in the crisis. While theoretically it is a critical piece to achieve the “synthesis” hat shouldn’t mean we should begin to create a crisis if it doesn’t exist. Or even misjudge “crisis” when it really is just a natural down slope of the curve.
Anyway.
Crisis is a big word. And easily misunderstood (at least by someone with a pea like brain like me)
I don’t believe we need crisis to create change.
Simply some conflict. Simply some debate for god’s sake.
Maybe some questioning of people who state “the truth.”
(then that debate within conflicting point of views could be construed as a ‘crisis’ and Hegel can sleep at night)
Anyway.
I guess the other fear in this questioning construct is the concept of never ending debate.
Or how about “unresolved conflict” because diametrically opposed opinions are locked in “absolute truths” and are unwilling to accept anything otherwise.
In other words … we never leave “crisis” mode.
That is bad.
And useless.
And dangerous.
But.
The entire idea of “thought” to ‘crisis in debate’ to ‘clearer truth’ is a viable thought.
So when someone states “absolute truth’ without debate or discussion I think its kinda nuts.
Oh.
And one last important thought ( a REALLY important one in this entire discussion).
We are as much at fault as the “liar” if we remain silent.
Silence is the death of debate. The death of the search for truth. No questioning = no truth.
Think about that the next time you hear something that’s sounds … well … wrong. And you remain silent.
Anyway.
I would like to believe I am one of those people who are constantly seeking truth.
I may not be but it is certainly a good objective to try to attain. I do know that I believe as long as you are ‘seeking’ you are being persistently curious and there are worse things to be.
But, yes, I am cynical of those espousing truth all the time.
But maybe Dill said it best:
“I ain’t cynical, Miss Alexandra. Tellin’ the truth’s not cynical, is it?” ~Dill, To Kill a Mockingbird
So.
I will not remain silent in my search as an optimistically cynical view of truth
