Enlightened Conflict

deciding what it means to be a successful human being

May 26th, 2015

keys to success

“To paraphrase someone smarter than me, who still knows nothing, the philosophical task of our age is for each of us to decide what it means to be a successful human being.

I don’t know the answer to that, but I would like to find out.

=

Ottmer <the futurist>

—–

trying human being

 

Ok.

 

 

Being a successful human being.

 

 

I don’t know the answer to that and I would like to find out.

 

 

What do I like about this?

 

 

It isn’t necessarily a positive statement … just a hopeful one.

 

With a dash of ‘realistic’.

 

 

Yet.

 

Absolutely aspirational.

 

 

It is about seeking without being overtly motivational.  It is almost acerbic … but truthful and openly honest in its regard to ‘self.’

 

 

This also brings to mind something called ‘mental contrasting. ‘

 

 

Mental contrasting is contrary to positive thinking.

 

 

In fact … the research suggests convincing yourself <… all that positive psychological mumbo jumbo> is suggesting to yourself that life is meant to be easy … uh oh … which just makes it appreciably harder.

 

 

As I have pointed out in past articles … the best way to make personal progress is to balance optimism with some pessimism. Please note … that is different than ‘realism’ in that in the balancing you take some fairly risky steps based on optimism and the pessimism keeps you focused on some practicality. Realism is just some mumbo jumbo for deciding to reside in the wretched hollow of what is in between optimism and pessimism <doing nothing and taking no chances>.

 

 

 

In discussing ‘being a successful human being’ this actually means the whole idea that picturing the future you desire makes it more likely you’ll attain it … is wrong.

 

 

Again and again research has shown that making a fantasy of something you want can make it harder to achieve in reality.

stupid son of a bitch

 

 

Imagine yourself having a productive week … and you’ll accomplish less.

 

 

Imagine receiving a windfall of cash … and you’ll be less motivated to engage in the kinds of activities that might bring you money.

 

 

 

Now.

 

There’s nothing wrong with a bit of positive daydreaming if it makes you feel good as long as you don’t expect anything more than feeling good.

 

 

But the search for the answer of what it takes to be a successful human being is way more complicated than some trite soundbite.

 

 

It’s not passion.

 

It’s not happiness.

 

 

It’s not really any one word known in the human language.

 

 

It’s a feeling.

 

And maybe that’s where I struggle with all the trite ‘self-help’ and motivational and Life coaching stuff.

 

 

Because here is all I really know about becoming a successful human being.

 

 

Sometimes you come to a place where there are no right decisions and all paths lead to bad ends.

 

It sucks.

 

But … there you are.

 

wood path stone steps

And you still must choose your way.

 

 

 

Now.

 

You may not think you know how to make that choice but you do. Often you think you don’t know how because you look at it all in the wrong way.

 

 

The question is rarely “what should I do? … but rather ‘who do you want to be.’

 

 

And , in fact, you do know how to choose because when you think about it a little … really hard <maybe in the harsh light> you recognize you cannot control everything that will result from your actions … you can only control the actions themselves.

 

Therefore you shove all the other crap off to the side and ask maybe the only question you need to ask at this ‘make a choice’ point:

 

 

If you died down one chosen path … how would you want to be remembered?

 

 

 

Now.

 

It is here I offer an odd thought.

 

 

Ok.

 

 

Maybe something not really mainstream type thinking.

 

 

Realistically many times part of choosing a path is ultimately having to walk down a path you have never walked before.

 

 

And hoping the shit you will face … you will face well.

Uhm.

 

But you cannot be sure because … well … you have never faced it before.

 

 

Therefore I bring up a version of dreaming.

 

 

Back to that thing called mental contrasting.

 

 

Mental contrasting actually seems to retain the most useful part of positive fantasizing. Mental contrasting helps you envision and clarify what you want by mentally reminding you how good it can feel to attain something.

 

 

But it also builds upon the motivating power of knowing what you have not yet attained … that you have some serious ground to cover.

 

 

Does this prepare you for the ‘who you want to be’ hard choices? Shit. Nothing truly prepares you for that but at least you have thought about it and hopefully that eliminates some of the more unpleasant surprises.

 

 

Mental contrasting also is a very individualistic dreaming type exercise. Putting you <mentally> in positions and clarifying what you need to do.

 

 

I say that because being a successful human being is an “I” thing … not an external thing.

 

“I don’t need anyone to hold me, I can hold my own.”

=

Ani DiFranco

Anyway.

 

 

In the end.

 

 

Having a discussion on what it means to be a successful person pretty much means we try and find words for something indescribable.

 

 

Yup.

 

Indescribable.

 

 

And there is a Russian word for that:

===

Ничто́

It means … well … nothing, not a thing, (not) anything <pronounced: [neesh-TOH]

===

There are no words to describe a successful human being.

 

 

Yeah, yeah, yeah … we toss around a lot of words but they all seem ‘less than’ they should. Why? Well. Because the concept of deciding what it means to be a successful human being is an indescribable thing.

 

 

We try and put words to it so that people have something to aim for.

 

Some words that at the end of the day they can hold up and point to.

 

 

Aw.

 

 

Nuts.

 

 

 

Yeah … I say ‘nuts’ to that.

 

 

Let’s stop trying to describe what is indescribable.

 

stars and shrinking human

Being a successful human being is defined by you, with no words, because it is made up of choices & character.

And while we would LOVE to label it with a nice simple word … these are the type of things that are bigger than any word you can find in a dictionary.

 

 

And, in the end, you just gotta make the choice … and choices … in your search for that undefinable thing called ‘success as a human being.’

 

 

Do I know the answer to what it takes to be a successful human being?

Shit no.

 

But I surely would like to find out.

an act of solidarity

April 9th, 2015

goth tv ad alone sit

“Even if the entire world is against you, I’m on your side.”

what you hope a parent says

====

Ok.

 

goth tv ad magazine
This is an older tv ad, 2014, and a foreign ad – German.

 

But I just saw it for the first time as I searched for something else.

 

 

Fabulous.

 

Frickin’ fabulous.

 

 

Charming with a great message <and it is home improvement for gods sake>.

 

 

 

First.

 

 

The execution itself.

 

 

In this 2014 TV ad from German DIY store Hornbach, a dad surprises his goth daughter with a home makeover to show his support.

 

==

Say it with Your Project:

 

 

==

Second.

 

 

If it only takes some black paint to make your child smile on a bad day, wouldn’t you do it?
But how many of us would actually think of doing something like this?

 

A room.
Sure.

 

A house?
No frickin’ way.
Third.

 

 

Ok.

 

 

So maybe none of us guys would actually ‘nut-up’ and paint an entire house … but the underlying message … saying “even if the entire world is against you, I’m on your side” is something we all have the kahones, or backbone, to do – assuming we elect to do it.

 

 

This is more than ‘verbal support’ … this is a vivid demonstration of support.
What a powerfully important message for a kid to know.

 

 

 

Let’s face it … the father is so perfect in the commercial because you unequivocally understand just by looking at him that there is no frickin’ way he understands his child and what she is thinking and why she is doing what she is doing.

 

 

Uhm.

 

Doesn’t that actually reflect most of us adults?

 

 

 

Anyway.

 

 

No bullying the child to conform. No suggestion she is taking the wrong path. No statement that ‘being yourself needs to be rethought.’ Not even “maybe you should dress differently.”

 

 

He only sees his beautiful daughter … one who has elected to rebel against ‘blandly white world.’

 

By the way … that includes her blandly normal father.

 

 

Everyone around her … classmates, teachers, and people on the street look with disapproval, confusion, and scorn.

 

 

What happens?

 

 

The bland father who doesn’t understand … makes a stand. In a vivid demonstration of support, without words but rather actions, he supports her fully and completely.you matter care

 

 

This ad may be about home improvement from a business standpoint but it is about growing up & kids more importantly.

 

 

It is about … you matter <a lot>.

 

 

 

I love this ad.

 

 

I love this message.

Enlightened Conflict