Enlightened Conflict

waiting versus the battle (and managing moments)

June 13th, 2013

Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.

Fry: And then the battle is not so bad?

Soldier: Oh, right. I forgot about the battle

- from a Futurama episode

So.

I chuckled when I read this.

And I am guilty of saying something similar <the calm before the battle part>.

One of my favorite quotes comes from a midshipman’s diary entry on Collingwood’s flagship before the battle of Trafalgar:

“… we await glory in silence. Oh, let the din of battle begin.”

Waiting can suck.

It can be uncomfortable.

It can be tense.

It can actually drive you a little crazy.

Oh.

Yeah.

Then there is the battle.

Oops.

Talk about being uncomfortable & tense.

I imagine I could suggest something wise here like ‘doing is better than not doing’ or even ‘Life is nothing without action’ … but I will not.

Instead I will say <after sagely pondering this philosophical question>

Parts are parts & pieces are pieces.

Aw.

Let me explain.

Prior to any actual moment … the moment you are within is simply a prelude to what is to come as well as past the actual moment is simply another moment that has arrived in its own time.

Say what?

The worst part is the calm before the battle.

The worst part is the battle itself.

The worst part is the aftermath of the battle.

But.

The best parts are also found within each of those moments.

Each moment is the best of times … and the worst of times.

Well.

At least you can find pieces and parts of both within every moment.

Best or worst?

Glass half full or half empty?

Optimist of pessimist?

Aw. Who cares?

All I can really suggest is that we can see the best and the worst of what lies within each of us in every moment associated with a battle … whether that ‘battle’ be within everyday life or a business situation or an athletic event or even a real battle.

Within those moments we are challenged to be the best we can be.

Our lives are often defined by these moments.

Ok.

Maybe not our lives but certainly our character.

Character as in how we are seen … by others … and most importantly … by the person we see in the mirror.

I imagine my real point here <beyond using a silly but insightful Futurama quote> is that character can be defined in parts & pieces of moments not always by big things <or an entire moment>.

We each have our little demons that cannot wait to diminish our character.

They lurk in the parts & pieces of the moments.

Is it within the waiting?

Is it within the battle?

Is it within how we manage after the battle?

They exist everywhere & nowhere. And in that same everywhere & nowhere our character awaits.

Character manages to deal with the parts & pieces of moments … the moments which contain both the best of times & the worst of time … and … well … all these parts & pieces define our character.

Every moment is a battle in itself. There is always a waiting before as well as the battle itself. They all overlap. We may hate it … but it is simply the worst … and best … and it is Life.

turn over a new leaf

July 5th, 2012

turn over a new leaf <figure of speech>:

To begin again, fresh; to reform and begin again (on turning to a fresh page <The leaf is a page—a fresh, clean page>)

I thought about the graduation day at the college near me. Seeing all the caps and gowns and proud parents and friends hugging each other (some for the last time) made me think about ‘turning over a new leaf’ and the opportunities life gives you to … well … turn the page and leave the other pages behind.

Look. Life gives you a number of opportunities to start fresh.

Oh. Starting fresh is different than making changes. It may be semantics but I say that because we often talk about making changes in our life and maybe just begin doing things differently.

And I will admit … making changes … that is tough.

It is like trying to get your personal train to jump off the tracks and get on another set of tracks.

Is it possible? Sure it is. Lots of people do it. I am just saying it is tough.

But. Sometimes you don’t have to ‘jump the tracks’ because life turns a page … it, well, gives you an opportunity to turn over a new leaf. To start behaving in a different way. To be a different type of person. To … well … start anew with a clean page.

College graduation is one.

I also tell graduating high school students that they have the opportunity to be whoever they want to be the moment they leave high school … in college or in their first real job.

It is a truth that who you were in high school does not have to be who you are … from that day on.

The cool people are no longer cool. The geeks are no longer geeks. The popular are no longer popular. The losers are no longer losers.

I tell them “you can be whatever type of person you want to be as soon as you step into a new environment.” And I purposefully say “new environment” because it is a life lesson … not just a high school lesson. Something they can keep with them for the rest of their life.

And while turning over a new leaf typically suggests an improvement in behavior … I suggest it is simply an opportunity to begin writing a new chapter in your life. Yup. Sometimes a new leaf has nothing to do with improvement <in the typical sense> … sometimes it just has to do with doing something you have wanted to do but were scared to do (for any variety of good, or bad, reasons).

Now. Not everyone wants to do this. Nor should they. I am simply pointing out that it represents an opportunity. An opportunity to move forward in maybe a small way … or even a big way. Up to you. Because I do believe it is very very <very> rare for someone’s life to stay on track … on course … all the time. In fact I believe almost everyone’s life goes off course at some point.

“There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.” – Lucas Scott

Life has a nasty habit of turning on a side road and quickly gaining momentum without giving you the steering wheel. If you believe that every life does go off course at some point you gotta figure out how to get it back on course.

How? Yes, I do believe every morning you choose to move forward or give up.

And, no, I don’t believe that each day is a new page in your life … that pop psychology banal drivel that each night you go to sleep that life is turning a new page.

It’s not that simple. And I think ‘turning the page’ is just not that easy. Except when life steps in … you move, you graduate, you get a new job … each represents a new leaf to turn over.

But.

Life does give you opportunities for new beginnings.

And at those times … those “new beginnings” … it becomes a time to write whatever you want. To change things. To change ‘your story’ as it may be.

And I think we need to take advantage of those opportunities as often as we can. Maybe think of it this way … what makes a book interesting is reading how the hero makes a transition, has an epiphany, or reinvents themselves in some way <reinventing in terms of ‘bettering’>.

Simplistically some event in life provides the opportunity to re-create yourself.

These events are important, really important, because while popular wisdom has it that human life is short and most of us have a ‘this is the person I want to be’ idea before we go to the ‘happy place in the great beyond’ most of us don’t really wrap our heads around ‘life is short’ nor do most of us have the wisdom to know ‘this is the person who I want to be.’ We figure it out as we go along. Hey. This isn’t about your bucket list or some type of adventure this is just about a sense of self.

Yeah, it is difficult because we all have a shitgob of stuff going on in life and it becomes easy to become stagnant … hmmmmmmmmmmmmm … but then life disturbs the stagnation in some way.

This disturbance will generate new possibilities and cause a ripple effect that will change the ground and build new momentum in a different direction. And in that moment, that very moment, you have an opportunity to grab the proverbial bull by the horns and do something that maybe gets your life back on course … or get you a little closer toward the ‘person you want to be.’

Anyway.

All those graduates, some securely happy with a well-defined path and some insecurely content with graduating because of the step into the unknown, reminded me they are all turning a new leaf.

An opportunity to write their story on a fresh page.

“There is only one failure in life possible, and that is not to be true to the best one knows.” – George Eliot

I think everyone begins with the thought of being true to the best one can be. Its just that life confuses you … with job responsibilities and family responsibilities and any ‘ility’ you can think of. So you can lose your way.

Oh.

He also said …

It is never too late to be who you might have been.”

When life provides an opportunity to turn over a new leaf make sure you remember it is never too late to begin anew. Because in that moment, in that opportunity, you have the opportunity to take a step toward making “who you might have been” into “who you are trying to be.”

iacta alea est

February 29th, 2012

“the die is cast” (iacta alea est) – Julius Caesar

die is cast by HotWheeler deviantart

I was tempted to call this ‘now or never part 2.”

For this is all about post choice/decision.

And the fact there is no turning back.

The fact that “we have made our choice … and the die is cast.”

Julius Caesar said this as he crossed the Rubicon, defying the Roman Senate, and starting civil war.

Caesar was stating that he was making an irrevocable decision.

And, as dice is a game of chance, he will have to play them as they are cast.

I think more people should think this way with regard to choices. Too often I feel people think a choice is simply but of a moment. And the next moment they can make another choice.

And that may be the case … sometimes … but as noted in ‘now or never’ … not all the time.

Some choices are truly forks in the road where you cannot go back and start over.

And I believe most of us would be better off if we thought more of our choices should be thought of this way. As ‘the die have been cast.’

But, hey, that’s me.

Ok.

One more thing.

Let me take a minute to discuss an “irrevocable decision.”

“It is always thus, impelled by a state of mind which is destined not to last, that we make our irrevocable decisions.” - In Search of Lost Time, Volume II: Within a Budding Grove

Now or never is a state of mind which is but a window in time. It is there … and gone. And it is within those windows in which irrevocable decisions are made.

To use the quote … it is within this window you throw the dice.

Now.

“Irrevocable” is a lot like “forever” or maybe “never.” I mean that big, all encompassing, fraught with peril, audacious-type thoughts are captured in those little words.

And that is why many people do nothing in now or never moments. You just hold the dice.

Because it is scary to make an irrevocable decision.

It is kind of scary to know you will have thrown the dice … and will never get to throw them again. And have to play them as they lay. Regardless how they lay.

Yup. That the die have been cast.

But know this.

If you do nothing when it is now or never … Life will cast the die.

And Life will make the irrevocable decision.

Personally?

I would rather cast my own dice.

Nothing against Life but <I am sure he is a great guy or gal> … but I do not know it well enough to trust it with my fate.

now or never

February 28th, 2012

“Sometimes there is no next time, no time-outs, no second chances; sometimes it’s now or never.” – Alan Bennett

Life is tricky.

While there often seems to be unending line of second chances standing outside your door sometimes … well … you look outside one morning and they have all gone to have a scone at starbucks.

And you are alone.

And you can’t play the ‘next time’ card or ask the next second chance to come on in. Or say … uhm … can you wait a minute? <until one of the second chances comes back from the bathroom>

Nope.

Its now or never.

And this gets even trickier.

Because while I suggested a line of second chances typically hangs out outside your door they don’t really stand around. You just kind of envision, and hope, they are hanging around.

What that means is this is a judgment call on your part.

Now.

If it helps … the odds are with you.

Life DOES give you a shitload of second chances and timeouts and next times. Probably more than you could ever use in a lifetime as a matter of fact.

But that’s not the point.

This is about the moment when the odds say … oops … none of them available.

Now or never.

Life walks right on up to you and says … ‘what’s your call?’

And this is actually the judgment call.

Life doesn’t say (in an aside whisper) … “Hey, just so you know, this is one of those no time out, no second chance, no next time moments.”

(sorry about that)

You just gotta know.

I guess the point of this is to remind everyone that while Life is extremely generous in giving time outs and second chances … there are going to be now or never moments.

And you have to be prepared for them.

And do your best to recognize them.

And make a call.

Oh.

And, I imagine, it is also important to recognize afterwards, if you fucked up and didn’t see it, that it was a ‘now or never’ moment.

And that is important because … well … you cannot undo or go back or ask for a second chance.

Because, well, it was a now or never moment.

And you are done with it.

It is gone.

Move on.

Don’t beat yourself up (wasted energy).

Don’t try and fix it.

Live & learn.

It sucks but, trust me, you will get another ‘now or never’ opportunity again one day <whether you want it or not>

And … at that moment … remember … “sometimes there is no next time.”

festina lente

September 14th, 2010

Ah. festina lente … latin for … “make haste slowly” – Emperor Augustus

First.

About Augustus.

Augustus was born with the name Octavian. Well educated in philosophy, rhetoric, and military skills as a boy, he was adopted by his uncle Julius Caesar and became his heir. When Caesar was assassinated, Octavian raised an army to claim his inheritance and avenge his uncle’s murder. At the battle of Actium in 31 BC, he defeated the last of his opponents, Mark Anthony, and took control of Rome.

Second.

Good ole Augustus said a number of smart things but this quote is a humdinger.

Haste and slow.

Patient quickness?

Anyway.

It’s all about being choiceful in movement rather than just scurrying around.

So often we are hasty in our lives.

And by being hasty we often miss opportunities to take advantage of the moment.

This quote by Augustus tells us to do as much as possible, but while managing your time as well.

Maybe in other words … try and enjoy all of the aspects of your life and moments in your life but don’t dawdle (I love typing that word) over the meaningless.

The challenge is that it is equally important to take in the moment, make a moment meaningful, and find the best way to make it last … and still make sure you get going ‘with haste’ to make the next meaningful moment.

But.

I do know I chose this quote because it could be applied to all of our lives.

We have all seen it (and depending on your own personality you live it up and down the scale of “all the time” to “some of the time”) where something needs to be done in a hurry and you go so fast you make mistakes.

Learning to pace yourself and find the optimum speed is not easy.

Controlled speed. Whew. It is difficult as the list of things to do grows and life around you seems to be going a zillion miles an hour.

I actually suggest this is like when you were a kid and the old playground merry-go-round thing is spinning and you are judging when to jump on (or jump off I guess).

You aren’t running around it in circles and then jumping on … you wait … maybe take a couple of steps to get some speed and jump on.

For girls? That jump rope thingy thing they always did (which I couldn’t do because every time I tried to jump into the spinning jump ropes I simply got tangled up like a fly I a spider web). Wait. Patient. Choose your moment. Make haste (or end up like I did all the time on that jump rope thing).

Okay.

Making haste slowly though isn’t about standing still.

Doing nothing and waiting for matters to right themselves will only make things worse. On the other hand rushing into hasty decisions is equally bad.

Even though we might need to get from one place to another quickly, we can still maintain a mindful awareness of our actions.

It’s funny.

Being hasty sometimes doesn’t mean you get more of your to do list done and instead sometimes actually backs you into a corner timewise.

If you aren’t careful you find yourself sprinting from one place to another inevitably dropping things, forgetting things, or making mistakes that you would normally not make if I were moving more slowly.

Haste often makes us believe the world is conspiring against us with the intent to make time seem never-ending yet never enough.

The computer takes forever to shut down. The car keys mysteriously misplace themselves. That one phone number disappears into thin air.

Oh. And maybe you find your haste costs you more time when you realize after leaving home that you’ve forgotten something and have to double back.
So.

When the urge to ‘make haste’ takes over?

Try to remember to slow things down, be patient and then make haste.

I do call this patient quickness. The balance between haste and patience.

If you are lucky enough to find that balance you seem to get into a flow of things and things just seem to move more easily.

Anyway.

In the end?

The “need for speed” is a myth.

Being fast is not something to be admired (unless maybe you are an Olympic runner or NASCAR race car driver).

In the end, everyone will remember how well you did something and not how fast you did it.

Life (in particular) is meant to be lived … so … stay thirsty my friends … and … make haste slowly.