Enlightened Conflict

attitude & the impossible

March 21st, 2013

 

“They say Rome wasn’t built in a day but I wasn’t on that particular job.” – Brian Cloughimpossible mad hatter

 

So.

I am not one of those people that believes nothing is impossible. Because some things are simply impossible. No ifs and or buts.

In addition … some things may actually be possible … but they take impossible amount of effort that doesn’t bear a viable return on that effort.

However. All that said.

More things are possible than most people believe. And sometimes being unreasonable in your expectations … and in intent … can lead to some amazingly reasonable outcomes.

Now.

The outcomes may not be the exact things you were aiming for … but they are pretty darn good … amazing in fact. And with this initial unreasonableness you began with … you end up attaining some aspect of what some people may have suggested was impossible.

Here is where I struggle with some results based performance assessment.

If your objective was 100 yards further than what anyone conceived as possible … and you attained somewhere maybe 50 yards short of your objective <but 50 yards farther than what was deemed possible> … how are you judged?

 

-          On your unreasonableness? <someone suggests you should set a more reasonable goal next time>

-          On the fact you didn’t achieve the objective? <someone suggests you were not successful because you didn’t get to where you aimed for … and told people what you would achieve … maybe they even suggest you promised it and therefore did not fulfill what was promised>

-          On the belief you only were 50% successful? <someone suggests you only got half way toward your ultimate objective>

Or.

Does someone point out you did the impossible?

That maybe by being a little unreasonable in your expectations you were able to do something that no one else was willing to attempt and actually go do.

 

Any and all are a possible outcome.

 

A Life truth?

Being an unreasonable person is difficult.

 

Now.

I am not suggesting this is about blindly setting impossible goal after impossible goal assuming at some point the odds are with you that you will attain one of them. Those people are, frankly, dangerous to have around. They waste time & energy and expend volumes of false optimism that ultimately burns people out … and breeds pessimism even on the possible <because they begin to make it difficult to discern between the possible and impossible>.

This is about the selectively unreasonable person.

This is about the person who has the attitude of pragmatic cynicism whenever that person hears “that is impossible.” Their unreasonable radar perks up and they focus a little more. You can almost hear their mind flipping through all the ways that the impossible could become possible. It is that attitude of “I wasn’t on that Rome built in a day” job. They seek options to beat what others say cannot be done.

Now. These people don’t always speak up.

Why? Because they are good at assessing the impossible. They are actually reasonably good at assessing the unreasonable. They don’t always get it right <and frankly I do not want them to> but they get it right often enough that you think about reassessing what is construed as impossible.

Well.

I worry in today’s world of milestones and objectives <and worse … ‘attainable objectives’> achieved attitude … that we lose sight of reaching for the impossible. We are becoming quite comfortable, in business and in life, of playing it safe.

Setting reasonable and “attainable” goals.

I admit … I am getting quite tired of hearing “let’s be realistic” in business meetings.

Real success … and I mean big success … typically comes from “I may be unrealistic … but” type discussions.

Please.

Once again … let me state that I am not suggesting careless unrealistic behavior.  I am simply suggesting that the balance in today’s business world <which leaks into the everyday Life world> is out of whack.

There are a variety of reasons why culturally we are becoming a people of “safe, realistic behavior” but rather than type out a diatribe on that I will simply suggest we should embrace the great unreasonable people in our lives. They will shake us up a little. They will shake the Life etch-a-sketch a lot. But they will be the ones who spur us out of the economic and societal doldrums we seem to be facing these days.

trying is first step to failure

“Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world. Unreasonable people attempt to adapt the world to themselves. All progress, therefore, depends on unreasonable people.” – George Bernard Shaw

 

Unreasonable people, when they are good, make life and business interesting.

Interesting is good, isn’t it? <yes>

I agree with George.

All progress depends on unreasonable people.

Just my opinion … but we should encourage more unreasonable thinking these days.

To paraphrase Alice in Wonderland … we could do worse than think 6 impossible things before breakfast at least once a week. Given the right attitude sometimes even Rome can be built in a day.

But you have to try … even if it is sometimes the first step toward some version of failure.

nothing beats flying

February 1st, 2013

 

“Come to the edge,” he said.

 

“We are afraid,” they said.

 

“Come to the edge,” he said.

 

They came and he pushed.

And they flew.

-          Appollainare

Ah.

The edge.

There is a lightning rod word.

Edge is … risky … dangerous … uncertain … for the fearless … <insert your own word here>

Because of all those words … some people fear nearing the edge.

Oh.

Of anything.

They like to remain solidly in the middle. Some call it ‘the safe ground.’ On the other hand … other people don’t consider it safe but rather they simply want to keep their feet on the ground. It is nice and solid. It is a place where even if a stiff wind catches you unaware you do not even come close to teetering near the edge.

Now.

Some people like living near the edge. Of everything.

They dance on the balance beam of life. They are really only safe when not moving and steadying themselves but never stopping any longer than to contemplate the next move on the balance beam … the edge … of life. They find comfort in the instability offered by the edge.

Regardless of how you may feel about the edge … to fly you must not only near the edge … you must step off the edge.

Now.

Some people fear flying.

Some people want to fly.

Ok.

Let me take that last one back. I guess I know that all people want to fly <in some way even if it is just in their dreams or ‘what ifs’>.

It’s just that some people are better than others at getting near the edge.

And an even fewer ‘some people’ are better at actually taking that step over the edge.

Now.

To give people a break … stepping off the edge is a big step.

That big scary step … the one where you not only go to the edge … but you step off.

It is truly one small step for a person and one giant leap for who you will be as a person (sorry Neil … I paraphrased ya …).

Some truths about this whole edge and flying thing.

Truth <part 1>?

Sometimes you do not fly … you fall. And you … well … crash. And it sucks <and hurts really really bad>. Yup. Not everyone flies when they go to the edge and take that step.

That is Life.

Just don’t beat yourself up if you fall instead of flying. The fall hurts enough <I know from experience>. But … just because you crashed that time doesn’t mean you can’t eventually learn to fly.

Which leads me to Truth part 2.

Truth <part 2>?

In order to learn to fly you need to overcome fear.

Let’s face it. That first step with just about everything in life contains, at minimum, a sliver of fear and, at maximum, crushing fear.

That’s not bad … in fact it has a natural characteristic of caution … but fear can also be debilitating.

And fear can also create stagnancy.

And fear can exponentially increase in size if you actually crash.

Truth <part 3>?

Please note that I believe flying, or learning to fly, is not about living Life without regrets. While I am a big ‘no regret’ guy this is not about regrets. Because Life is tricky in that it is rarely a straight line. It zigs & zags and whether you have chosen to stand as far away from an edge as you can in Life or you choose to dangle your mind off the edge … Life will place an edge in front of you whether you chose it or not.

I believe the edge is not about regrets but rather the battle between Fear and Curiosity. Because we have both in all of us. And I suggest this is not about regrets because … well … regrets can reside in both Fear & Curiosity therefore simply a derivative of your choice between Fear & Curiosity.

So. All that said.

Here is what Life forces you to balance out.

The dichotomy.

Fear versus Curiosity.

Curiosity stimulates the energy to move. Curiosity, when outweighing Fear, can not only wrestle Fear out of the way to get you to the edge … but actually get you to step off even if you cannot see a landing place. Curiosity is a pretty powerful energy.

And it is powerful because Curiosity offers a prize <where Fear doesn’t really offer any added value … at best Fear offers ‘maintained value’>.

Knowledge <or ‘what is not known’> … that is the tantalizing prize.

So what do I say?

Keep your eye on the prize.

do your best boyAnd step off the edge <or at least an edge … or 2 … in your lifetime>.

You may fly.

You may not <this time>.

Scary?

Sure.

But, let me tell you, once you have done it … nothing beats flying.

no mas

November 28th, 2012

“No mas, no mas …no more box.” – Roberto Duran 1980

So.

This is about winning … and deciding how important … ‘how you win’ is to you … versus ‘the win’ itself.

Well.

The quote. Nothing much was happening in the eighth round of the Roberto Duran – Sugar Ray Leonard boxing match on November 25th in 1980 when Roberto Duran turned away from Sugar Ray Leonard and waved a glove at the referee in a signal he wanted to stop.

Interestingly … Leonard, only aware that the current champ wasn’t defending himself, hit Duran … and Duran did not respond.

“No mas, no mas,” Roberto told the referee.

“No more box.”

And he walked to his corner,

Now.

As a boxer Roberto Duran was known as the most dedicated, intense warrior in the ring. His nickname was Hands of Stone <Manos de Piedra>. He was the lightweight champ and had lost only one decision in 72 bouts <or something close to that>.

It was said that he never thought he could ever lose.

And, yet, he walked away … and in the win/loss column he lost.

But.

Here is the deal.

No mas” didn’t mean ‘I quit.’ It just meant ‘fuck this.’

It was purely a comment made in disgust.

Yup.

Duran wasn’t hurt … he was just disgusted.

Once Duran realized Leonard wouldn’t play ‘quien es mas macho’ he just walked away.

Winning … if he couldn’t fight the way he thought a fight should be fought … well … it just wasn’t a fight to him.

Was he right or wrong? In his head … right.

In may other people’s heads? Wrong decision … it made him a quitter in their eyes.

But this is all about winning the way you want to win.

His way of fighting? …

“Getting hit motivates me. It makes me punish the guy more. A fighter takes a punch, hits back with three punches.”- Roberto Duran

Duran was the champ. He probably was smart enough to figure out a way to win the way Sugar Ray was fighting the fight <which wasn’t fighting it was avoiding> but that wasn’t the win he wanted. He wanted to know who the best fighter was. He wanted to be hit and see if he could take it. He wanted to see if Sugar Ray could take his best hits. When Sugar Ray decided he wasn’t going to allow that to happen Duran just said … not only do I not want to play this game but I don’t want to win this way … “no mas.”

Now.

To us <because most of us are not world class boxers> we will all at some point have to make this same type of decision … in sports, in Life, in relationships, in business. We all have to decide how important how we win is to us.

Look. How you win, or play the game, is a very personal decision.

It really ends up being your choice with regard to your attitude <which ultimately influences your own behavior … even when that behavior is within a group or business organization>.

Oh. And when it isn’t your choice how to play <i.e., someone else is dictating how you play> … and you really do not want to play that way … well … there is trouble <in River City my friends>.

Ok.

Please note I am going to make some generalizations soon to make some points and I fully understand there are degrees within each generalization.

Regardless. Let’s say there are three types of wins and winners:

-          A ‘whatever it takes to win’ win

-          An intellectual win

-          An ability win

And while this is probably relevant to Life, in general, as well as sports <obviously> and personal … I am going to discuss this idea in a business environment.

Why?

Because I tend to believe this is one of the most difficult attitude & behavior decisions someone has to make in business.

Organizations ask, and demand, many things of you … and you have to reconcile all of it with your own attitude … and inevitably your actions <behavior>.  As a junior person this is very difficult to manage but my suggestion is that you get things set <with the best knowledge you have> in your own head … and then look to the leaders behavior. Watch the senior people and how they treat going after a win, the process in win decision making and then how they define & evaluate the win. Make sure it matches up with what you have decided attitudinally. If you do not, you run the risk of being constantly put in positions where you do not like what you are not only being asked to do … but what you are doing.

Senior people have no excuses. No if, ands or buts. How they win defines them as a business person. All I can say to them is … well … accept it <whichever type you are>. I know what I like in my head but that doesn’t make it the only right. The only point I have to really make to leaders is that once you accept how you go after a win … then begin recruiting people who think as you do. If you do not then you will be forcing your attitudes & behavior upon others who probably do not want to, let alone like to, do it that way. And I can also promise you when it comes to evaluation time , as a leader, you will be continuously disappointed in their performance.

Anyway.

The three wins <my perspective> and how they are different aspects of ‘adept, adapt & adopt.”

A whatever it takes to win.

I actually refer to this as an empty win.

This is typically the type of win done by someone who says afterwards … “all that matters is the result” … or … “it’s not the journey it is the destination” … or “winning is everything.”

It is empty because the person runs a very large risk that how you actually got to the win is ignored and everything gets measured <in their personal character measurement> on a scorecard.

I admit. I don’t like these types of wins.

But there is a personality type out there, and some very successful people, who take pride in how many checks are in the win column and could care less how they got to them. To these people … all wins are quality wins because … well … it is a win.

Typically really competitive people fall into this group.

I call this “adept” winning. You compete because you are adept at reading what it takes to win … and doing it.

This person isn’t adapting because they understand winning is about lining up the necessary variables … each time. So they aren’t adapting but rather simply building each time to win.

And they aren’t adopting anything because while some things can be reused it is mostly one time usage winning.

These types of winners are very difficult to replicate through training. and these types of winners have to be very careful in how far they will go to win. They have bigger boundaries of accepted behavior because of the adept attitude … and because of that they can stray to the boundary margins of character.

But it is the win numbers in this group that is most satisfying. Out of all three groups I have listed this one probably will chalk up the most quantity of wins in the end.

An intellectual win.

You truly outsmart someone. You outthink or tear apart the challenge in such an innovative way that your competition can just look afterwards and say … “wow … that was smart.”

This is as good as a physical <ability> win … but unfortunately many people do not evaluate it that way. In fact many of the intellectual winners kind of wish they had some other tangible contribution because thinking is … well … intangible.

This type of winning is ‘adapt & adopt” winning. You compete by adapting your thinking to the situation and adopting new ideas/thinking.

These types of winners I tend to believe are just born this way. Yes. Some aspects can be trained but these types of winners just seem to have an innate ability to see things … assess what matters versus what doesn’t matter … and assimilate the “what matters” information into either unique, or refreshingly different, ideas and thoughts.

This is a very satisfying win because you out thought someone.

An ability win.

This is ‘mano y mano.’ You bring your best and I will bring my best and let the best win.

Here is the deal.

Sometimes your best isn’t the better. And you lose. Oh. But what a loss.

This one is near & dear to my heart.

And I admit that I got really really lucky early in my career in that I was encouraged to go for this kind of ‘no frills’ winning and use losses to make my best better … so that each consecutive ‘game’ I was able to stay true to what I was good at … and it got better and better. Maybe it was partially I was stubborn on my definition of best or maybe I figured out what I was good at <even if it wasn’t the best of the best … just good while still being my personal best> early on and figured that if this was what I was good at … well … then I would only rise as high as my ‘best’ would take me.

This type of continuous winning is “adopt & adapt” winning. You compete … learn … adopt some new skills <skill level or new skill> and then adapt within your existing skill set to the next challenge. This means your muscle group gets stronger and stronger <albeit it is just one muscle group>.

This type of win is extremely satisfying. I also envision this group has the lowest actual total wins. They are the highest quality wins just not a shitload of them.

Well.

That is, of course, unless you are as good a fighter as Roberto Duran.

And that is the real differentiator in quality wins … how good you really are.

And I guess that is going to be my point having used one of the best boxers of all time.

He was one of the best.

“Manos de Piedra”, is true, Hands of Stone. Every punch, and I’m not exaggerating, every punch that he hit me with, from the body to the head, felt like bricks, stone, rocks”. – Sugar Ray Leonard

And not all of us are of that level of ‘best.’ In fact … not many people are.

So you have to figure what is most important to you in the win. The numbers? The intellectual win? The ability win? And embrace that is what makes you … well … you … in the business world.

And know when to say “no mas.”

Know when to say ‘fuck this.’

Look.

Do I give Sugar Ray credit for figuring out how to win by avoiding the Hands of Stone?

Sure.

Would I have done it that way?

Nope <and I probably would have lost>.

Do I give Duran credit for just saying ‘no mas’ after 8 frustrating rounds?

Yup.

He was the champ. He cared more about how he won the championship than the championship itself.

Now that, my friends, is a lesson that many of us should take to heart in business.

Figure out what you want … and how you want to do it … and find your place in the business world doing it.

conscience & psychopaths & cynicism … or naiveté

November 5th, 2012

Dysfunctional Management at the Bar

So.

This is actually about business organizations and how the sometimes “less competent” <sometimes dysfunctional> people get promoted into leadership roles … oh … and how a group of well educated people, a large group by the way, maintained  in an unequivocal stance that there were a bunch of psychopaths rising to leadership positions <and are ‘the dysfunctional>. That relatively large group of people are TED members.

On a side note … I recognize that you always have to be careful when discussing “how do such idiots <incompetents> get promoted?” to weed out the envious, the blind and the ignorant.

But in the end … it is true there are a shitload of “less competent” people, and certainly some quite dysfunctional people, who get promoted into some very important roles in business organizations.

Notice I didn’t say ‘incompetent’ but rather ‘less competent.’ I did so because when really putting organizations under a microscope the real issue is not the surprisingly less than competent people who get promoted but rather the truly competent who are dwelling somewhere in the depths of the organization who have NOT been promoted.

This all began for me within a very disturbing discussion among some TED members. I was being faced with an overriding belief that “psychopaths” <or sometimes called ‘predators’> were increasingly becoming this generation’s business leaders. Leaders driven by greed, lack of values and ego doing whatever it takes to maneuver their way to leadership.

Well. I didn’t agree … but I was in a minority.

And until I read a post/discussion comment <from a Dr. Gupta> I had begun thinking I was either naïve, working on a different planet, oblivious to the greed and lack of values surrounding me … or actually one of the psychopaths and was so good at hiding it from others I was hiding it from myself <now … there is an interesting thought to ponder as I look in the mirror>.

Let me posit two things to outline my disagreement:

-          It is most often not any predator trait but rather an ability, and desire, to manipulate, or manage, the system that gets a ‘less competent’ person into a leadership role.

-          Organizations play a significant role in how their employees decide how to behave to attain ambition/self-objectives even if it means a ‘bending’ of traditional ‘what is right’ conscience.

Anyway.

-          Why I believe it is not a predator/psychopathic trait:

I have met and worked with dozens of leaders and I can maybe think of one as having such a poor moral compass that I would place them in the true predator/psychopathic category. Afterwards I knew that one situation couldn’t be solved but I did know one thing … that company would ultimately fail. Not that day but that type of personality inevitably creates a larger dysfunctional company that just cannot compete (in the end). Just as an organism metaphor can be used … the organism dies because it has a bacterium that can’t be cured. I imagine my real point here is that is a natural evolution of companies, i.e., the truly sick die all on their own.

Regardless.

About dysfunctional/less competent people in leadership roles. Let’s be honest … the true psychopaths are few.

Maybe I just have been lucky in the organizations and leaders I have met but while all leaders want to make a profit I haven’t seen boundless moral-less greed. In fact, when interviewed most leaders have a huge desire to increase the wealth of the “head, heart and wallet” of their employees.

All aspects of employee benefit.

But practically speaking most leaders would admit “managing the balance sheet is much easier than the people management.” The typical quote you hear …

“I am more rewarded by the people but I don’t believe I am as good at it (or it is just too difficult).”

So, what happens? As good managers do … they delegate.

They delegate to someone (or someones) who they perceive, or believe, is better at maximizing the heads and hearts portion.

<by the way … if you want to work on corporate dynamics for this aspect that is the gatekeeper to find>.

Is there a way to weed out the dysfunctional? Or, at minimum, identify the harmful incompetent?

Sure. I know I have suggested to HR departments, or the keepers of the culture and staff, that no organism/organization is flawless (unless it is made up of robots, maybe has less than 5 employees or is somewhere in corporate utopia, i.e., a different planet). Therefore their job isn’t to eliminate all the bacteria just be sure you have systems set up to identify the bacteria that could kill the organism.

There are varieties of methods.

I would suggest pattern tracking over time (because even good employees are infamous for doing something bad, or questionable, to get to where they want to go and exhibiting different /better/behavior once there). In other words … one time behavior is completely different than ongoing patterned behavior.

Pattern tracking actually is effective because no matter how sneaky or talented at hiding predator/psychopathic-like behavior that employee does give clues which when tracked uncover the underlying flaw.

Obviously this falls apart once someone shifts companies but you gotta start somewhere.

But. The truth is that most less competent leaders didn’t elevate because of any ‘lack of conscience/predator’ trait but more likely because they knew how to manipulate, or manage, the system. Sure. There can be some less-than-desirable characteristics exhibited when managing the system but the majority of the time it is all about taking advantage of other’s mistakes and taking advantage of the opportunities.

-          Why I believe it can be driven by an organization:

Ok. How can an organization contribute to encouraging a thread of predator behavior?

Before I get specifically to that point let me share the premise behind the thought.

Research has shown us several things.

-          All people are born with a conscience <or a sense of right or wrong>

-          And even true psychopaths have a conscience <they just do not act upon it>

“In the end, we found that six- and ten-month-old infants overwhelmingly preferred the helpful individual to the hindering individual. This wasn’t a subtle statistical trend; just about all the babies reached for the good guy.” – Professor Bloom

So.

In my mind the research and information is clear. Children are born knowing inherently what is moral and ethical … and that over time as they experience the real world their natural born tendencies are shifted into whatever spot their experiences put them in.

I purposefully wrote it that way.

This isn’t “children are born good and the world is evil.”

We now have intriguing scientific evidence pointing to that inherent human faculty.

-          At the age of six months babies can barely sit up – let along take their first tottering steps, crawl or talk. But, according to psychologists, they have already developed a sense of moral code – and can tell the difference between good and evil.

An astonishing series of experiments is challenging the views of many psychologists and social scientists that human beings are born as ‘blank slates’ – and that our morality is shaped by our parents and experiences. Instead, they suggest that the difference between good and bad may be hardwired into the brain at birth.

In one experiment involving puppets, babies aged six months old showed a strong preference to ‘good’ helpful characters – and rejected unhelpful, ‘naughty’ ones. In another, they even acted as judge and jury. When asked to take away treats from a ‘naughty’ puppet, some babies went further – and dished out their own punishment with a smack on its head.

Professor Paul Bloom, a psychologist at Yale University in Connecticut, whose department has studied morality in babies for years, said: ‘A growing body of evidence suggests that humans do have a rudimentary moral sense from the very start of life. “With the help of well designed experiments, you can see glimmers of moral thought, moral judgment and moral feeling even in the first year of life. Some sense of good and evil seems to be bred in the bones.”

This is simply the fact children have a relatively blank experience slate on which the first words are not necessarily ‘self interest’ but rather ‘interest in feeling good’ … which can be a social or individual thing.

now. I know that is all about children but let me use it moving into the discussion on ‘psychopaths in the workplace’ (surrounding the discussion on why so many crappy people end up in management positions) and adults entering into the workplace.

So.

Most people understand social contracts intuitively. They don’t have to reason them out. Ordinary people are also similarly attuned to questions of risk.

Interestingly psychopaths typically exhibit similar levels of intelligence to the norm. Nor does their lack of guilt and shame seem to spring from a deficient grasp of right or wrong.

Ask a psychopath what he is supposed to do in a particular situation and he/she can usually give you what non psychopaths would regard as the correct answer. <by the way … this is all pulled from research>

So what goes wrong?

It is just that he/she does not seem bound to act upon that knowledge. They understand the rules of social contracts … just do not believe they are defined by the rules.

<please remember that last thought because I will use it again … but this time within a business organization framework>

This is the life of a true psychopath:

- “Imagine – if you can – not having a conscience, none at all, no feelings of guilt or remorse no matter what you do, no limiting sense of concern of the well-being of strangers, friends, or even family members.  Imagine no struggles with shame, not a single one in your whole life, no matter what kind of selfish, lazy, harmful, or immoral action you had taken.  And pretend that the concept of responsibility is unknown to you, except as a burden others seem to accept without question, like gullible fools.  Now add to this strange fantasy the ability to conceal from other people that your psychological makeup is radically different from theirs.  Since everyone simply assumes that conscience is universal among human beings, hiding the fact that you are conscience-free is nearly effortless.  You are not held back from any of your desires by guilt or shame, and you are never confronted by others for your cold-bloodedness.  The ice water in your veins is so bizarre, so completely outside of their personal experience that they seldom even guess at your condition.” – Martha Stout Ph.D.

In other words, a psychopath is completely free of internal restraints with an unhampered liberty to do just as you please with no pangs of conscience.  You can do anything at all, and still your strange advantage over the majority of people, who are kept in line by their consciences, will most likely remain undiscovered.

Many mental health professionals refer to the condition of little or no conscience as “anti-social personality disorder,” a non-correctable disfigurement of character that is now thought to be present in about 4 percent of the population – that is to say, one in twenty-five people.  This condition of missing conscience is called by other names, too, most often “sociopathy,” or the somewhat more familiar term psychopathy.  Guiltlessness was in fact the first personality disorder to be recognized by psychiatry, and terms that have been used at times over the past century include manie sans délire, psychopathic inferiority, moral insanity, and moral imbecility.

All that said … do I personally believe a true psychopath can rise to any significant leadership role in any viable company? Nope.

Do I believe an organization can unburden some of the typical ‘conscience’ restraints a normal person has? Yes.

You bet.

Absolutely.

Remember what I said before about psychopaths … ‘They understand the rules of social contracts … just do not believe they are defined by the rules.’

Similar to a child, an employee entering an organization has the ability to discern right from wrong which tells me that we not only believe there is a difference but that our natural inclination would be to do right <versus wrong>.

Are there people born who do not have consciences? Whew. I doubt it. Or they are few and far between. As a corollary … do I believe there are people who enter a business organization who do no have a conscience? once again … I doubt it.

So what happens? Most likely the organization, through its rewards & promoting behavior, create a new conscience framework in which it so dulls their conscience senses that they no longer believe in the traditional ‘right versus wrong’ behavior <or guides their senses in a different direction> and thus, those who elect to follow the new framework, appear to have no consciences <or have a more expanded view of what is conscientiously acceptable>.

Let me be clear. The employee understands the traditional rules of social contracts but the organization has defined a different set of rules they believe they can play by.

So.

If you believe that then, in general, the really competent people who don’t get promoted have decided, in some form or fashion, to maintain their sense of ‘right versus wrong’ framework. They just decide to not play by the different set of rules.

And, let’s be clear, I am not suggesting they are better people because of this decision but rather each person makes their own decision. And each should feel comfortable with their decision because both are playing by the rules.

I have never begrudged the ‘less competent’ rising to a leadership role as long as they didn’t exhibit the nasty predator-like characteristics. Because if they didn’t, than they just managed the system better than others did.

Last thought.

Maybe we should think of businesses as microcosms of Life itself.

There is something called the concept of Natural Law <I did not make this up>.

The concept of Natural Law implies that human beings inherently know what is ‘good from evil’ and what is ‘right from wrong’ <our conscience compass>. It refers to our belief that inherent in nature itself is a moral law that has validity everywhere for everybody, regardless of race and culture. Human beings can use our reason to discern that natural moral law so as to derive binding rules of moral behavior which we make into our everyday positive law.

I believe that when a new employee enters an organization they begin with Natural Law embedded.

Any changes to the natural law are created by experience within the organization itself.

Think about it.

Because you almost have to believe that … or you have to believe that a disproportionate percentage of the true Pyschopath population <like all of the 4% they represent> end up in business instead of hanging out in strip clubs & low income housing.

Maybe I am naive.

But I think I would rather believe even the ‘less competent’ leaders have a conscience and a sense of ‘right versus wrong’ than believe a bunch of psychopaths have run amok in leadership within organizations.

intelligere

August 20th, 2012

Do you know the origin of the word ‘intelligence’? <because I did not>

Well. It’s derived from the latin verb intelligere … which actually means “to choose among.’

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm … so that means an intelligent person isn’t a smart <high iq> person or one who has reams and reams of knowledge and factoids stored away in their pea-like brains <although I envision it could increase the likelihood of actually being intelligere>.

It actually suggests that the ‘intelligent’ are those who can discriminate fact from fiction, truth from lies, which half of a half-truth is the important half … and I imagine those who can discriminate … even if only between the bad and the worse.

Oh.

And, of course, that means intelligere is founded upon the concept of choice.

The character, and fortitude, and smarts … to actually make choices.

The curiosity to have at hand that which is needed to actually create, and have, ‘the among’ available.

Uhm. The ability to ‘choose among.’

I don’t know that I really have a point to make here today. I simply found this interesting. It made me think about what I perceive as ‘intelligence’ in people.

I know I had always simply thought people who were smart were intelligent. And frankly I didn’t think much beyond that.

But.

Assessing intelligence not just as being smart but rather what you do with those smarts? I like that.

coin of your life

August 9th, 2012

“Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.” – Carl Sandburg

In a world where we so often talk about time being money I am surprised we don’t see this quote more often.

Oh.

Sorry.

I know why. Because it suggests you control your time and popular wisdom suggests that our time is out of our hands (and that there is not enough of it).

Carl suggests a different perspective.

Time is currency in your wallet and just like that ten dollar bill you have a choice how and where and when to spend it.

I am sure there has been a book written suggesting this but suffice it to say thinking about time as money in your own wallet that you have to spend (and earn) is actually a useful thought.

It’s bigger than “time management” and closer to “time budgeting.”

Anyway.

A similar thought <which I liked> is time spent is not distance covered. I don’t know who wrote this, or said this, but it seemed appropriate here.

How we use our time is a discussion I am fairly sure we will never tire of.

Well. We may tire of it but we will never stop discussing.

Mostly because we worry whether we are using it wisely, or efficiently or whether we even have any control of our own time at all. In addition many of us assess our time investment by ‘distance covered’ <distance being defined by any variety of something tangible so that we can have some type of ‘measurement>.

Look. I see many <many> people spending the coins of their life … not flippantly for sure … but I question whether they do so wisely. There is more time spent on … well … time … than almost anything else I can think of. People telling you how you should spend your time … on what and how and for what. So many people being told HOW to invest their time.

But it’s your money. Do you really want others spending it?

Sure.

We all have responsibilities but at some point, I admit this may be a selfish perspective, if I only have ten dollars of time I sure as hell do not want to let someone spend all ten dollars for me.

Ok. Whether I really know what I am talking about what I do know for sure is that Carl makes a valid point.

One which I believe is worth thinking about.

songgaar and burungaar

July 31st, 2012

These two words are Tuvan.

songgaar means “go back” or “the future” in the tuvan language.

burungaar means “go forward” or “the past” in the tuvan langaue.

Yes.

I typed that correctly.

Tuvans believe the past is ahead of them while the future lies behind.

The thought? They constantly look to the future but it’s behind them … not yet seen.

To most of us this is confusing. Aw shit. Thinking about the past, present and future is confusing anyway.

We are told to not live in the past. Yet we are also told to learn from the past. We are told to treat the present, each moment, like it is the last. And yet we are told to plan for the future.

We save money for future needs while sacrificing some present needs <or wants>. We look to the past with an eye toward how we could improve ourselves in the future while doing things in the present that will inevitably confuse people around us, most likely have a number of people be hesitant to accept whatever changes we are attempting to sincerely attempt and ultimately make us unhappy, in some form or fashion, with ourselves in the present.

Well.

Now that I have typed that, frankly, I am not sure that we are ever going to be happy attempting to do all that we are supposed to do with regard to the past, present and future.

Heck. I am not sure if I am being selfish focusing on the present, dumb for ignoring the past and irresponsible for not investing energy planning for the future. In addition I fear that while I had a thought in the present by the time I typed it I had stepped into the future and the thought remained in the past.

<my head hurts>

Ok.

I do not know any Tuvans <the Republic of Tuva is located in southern Siberia on the edge of Mongolia>.  So they can probably truly explain the thought. My attempt will be … well … mine.

I like the concept of what they believe.

I imagine, unlike many of us, the future to them doesn’t have all the trappings of ‘better’ and ‘more’ and ‘personal improvement.’  I hesitate to say that their view of life is simpler because it implies we have a more complicated life. And we do not. Nope. We only make it so … by worrying about status and how other people view us and what our title is and what type of car we drive. Oh. And retirement. I imagine they don’t worry about planning for their retirement.

Anyway. Maybe their lives are more focused on the present and doing the best that they can within some frame of time they call “now” <which may not be a speck of time but rather a longer living moment>. It permits them to say that their future needs, yes, needs to contain elements of the past. In addition … by focusing too much on the future they are sliding backwards.

Now. There is a thought, huh? Investing energy, or too much of it, on ‘future thinking’ could possibly be detrimental to moving forward?

Wow. Love it.

Ok.

Here is a thought.

Most of us are smarter than we think. Not maybe in terms of sheer brain power but rather with regard to “making decisions in the present that will benefit us in the future.” We spend so much time planning for the future and assessing decisions yet to be made that all that time <which I would suggest could be called ‘the present’> just slip on by. In general I tend to believe most of us know how to assess ‘now decisions’ and their possible effect on our future. That doesn’t mean we will always make the right decision. In addition some of us may get suckered into making similar wrong decisions more often than others <not having had that statistics class that taught us that each decision is mutually exclusive therefore the odds do not increase in your favor as time goes on>. Time teaches you that <by the way … that is called ‘the past”>.

Well. That was complicated.

So try this.

To move forward you must look to the past.

Simple as that.

No more. No less.

Chew on that thought.

Ok.

About Tuva.

The Republic of Tuva is the former Tannu Tuva, a country in south Siberia first annexed by Russia in 1914 and then absorbed by the former USSR in 1944.

Tuva extends from the coniferous forests of the taiga in the north to the rolling steppe of the south. 82% of the lands of the country is hilly and the rest 18% are covered with savannas. Tuva has a lot of variety within its geography containing grassy meadows, boundless steppe, medicinal springs, beautiful lakes, mountain rivers fed in spring by melting snows, dusty semi-deserts and snowy chains of mountains. Tuva is near the geographic center of Asia and Tuvans are historically nomadic herders, moving their aal—an encampment of yurts—and their sheep and cows and reindeer from pasture to pasture as the seasons progress.

Regardless.

When I saw these two words I wanted to share. Interesting how different cultures view different aspects of the past & future. And maybe we can learn something from their view.

turn over a new leaf

July 5th, 2012

turn over a new leaf <figure of speech>:

To begin again, fresh; to reform and begin again (on turning to a fresh page <The leaf is a page—a fresh, clean page>)

I thought about the graduation day at the college near me. Seeing all the caps and gowns and proud parents and friends hugging each other (some for the last time) made me think about ‘turning over a new leaf’ and the opportunities life gives you to … well … turn the page and leave the other pages behind.

Look. Life gives you a number of opportunities to start fresh.

Oh. Starting fresh is different than making changes. It may be semantics but I say that because we often talk about making changes in our life and maybe just begin doing things differently.

And I will admit … making changes … that is tough.

It is like trying to get your personal train to jump off the tracks and get on another set of tracks.

Is it possible? Sure it is. Lots of people do it. I am just saying it is tough.

But. Sometimes you don’t have to ‘jump the tracks’ because life turns a page … it, well, gives you an opportunity to turn over a new leaf. To start behaving in a different way. To be a different type of person. To … well … start anew with a clean page.

College graduation is one.

I also tell graduating high school students that they have the opportunity to be whoever they want to be the moment they leave high school … in college or in their first real job.

It is a truth that who you were in high school does not have to be who you are … from that day on.

The cool people are no longer cool. The geeks are no longer geeks. The popular are no longer popular. The losers are no longer losers.

I tell them “you can be whatever type of person you want to be as soon as you step into a new environment.” And I purposefully say “new environment” because it is a life lesson … not just a high school lesson. Something they can keep with them for the rest of their life.

And while turning over a new leaf typically suggests an improvement in behavior … I suggest it is simply an opportunity to begin writing a new chapter in your life. Yup. Sometimes a new leaf has nothing to do with improvement <in the typical sense> … sometimes it just has to do with doing something you have wanted to do but were scared to do (for any variety of good, or bad, reasons).

Now. Not everyone wants to do this. Nor should they. I am simply pointing out that it represents an opportunity. An opportunity to move forward in maybe a small way … or even a big way. Up to you. Because I do believe it is very very <very> rare for someone’s life to stay on track … on course … all the time. In fact I believe almost everyone’s life goes off course at some point.

“There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.” – Lucas Scott

Life has a nasty habit of turning on a side road and quickly gaining momentum without giving you the steering wheel. If you believe that every life does go off course at some point you gotta figure out how to get it back on course.

How? Yes, I do believe every morning you choose to move forward or give up.

And, no, I don’t believe that each day is a new page in your life … that pop psychology banal drivel that each night you go to sleep that life is turning a new page.

It’s not that simple. And I think ‘turning the page’ is just not that easy. Except when life steps in … you move, you graduate, you get a new job … each represents a new leaf to turn over.

But.

Life does give you opportunities for new beginnings.

And at those times … those “new beginnings” … it becomes a time to write whatever you want. To change things. To change ‘your story’ as it may be.

And I think we need to take advantage of those opportunities as often as we can.  Maybe think of it this way … what makes a book interesting is reading how the hero makes a transition, has an epiphany, or reinvents themselves in some way <reinventing in terms of ‘bettering’>.

Simplistically some event in life provides the opportunity to re-create yourself.

These events are important, really important, because while popular wisdom has it that human life is short and most of us have a ‘this is the person I want to be’ idea before we go to the ‘happy place in the great beyond’ most of us don’t really wrap our heads around ‘life is short’ nor do most of us have the wisdom to know ‘this is the person who I want to be.’ We figure it out as we go along. Hey. This isn’t about your bucket list or some type of adventure this is just about a sense of self.

Yeah, it is difficult  because we all have a shitgob of stuff going on in life and it becomes easy to become stagnant … hmmmmmmmmmmmmm … but then life disturbs the stagnation in some way.

This disturbance will generate new possibilities and cause a ripple effect that will change the ground and build new momentum in a different direction. And in that moment, that very moment, you have an opportunity to grab the proverbial bull by the horns and do something that maybe gets your life back on course … or get you a little closer toward the ‘person you want to be.’

Anyway.

All those graduates, some securely happy with a well-defined path and some insecurely content with graduating because of the step into the unknown, reminded me they are all turning a new leaf.

An opportunity to write their story on a fresh page.

“There is only one failure in life possible, and that is not to be true to the best one knows.” – George Eliot

I think everyone begins with the thought of being true to the best one can be. Its just that life confuses you … with job responsibilities and family responsibilities and any ‘ility’ you can think of. So you can lose your way.

Oh.

He also said …

It is never too late to be who you might have been.”

When life provides an opportunity to turn over a new leaf make sure you remember it is never too late to begin anew. Because in that moment, in that opportunity, you have the opportunity to take a step toward making “who you might have been” into “who you are trying to be.”

character & tough love

July 2nd, 2012

“clearly, the moral decline among our young people affects all of society.” - anonymous

The quote was stated from someone at TED.

Note: I don’t subscribe to the depths of that depressing thought. Well. I do believe a moral decline in our young people would affect society but I don’t believe there is a moral decline in young people.

But.

I do believe in a world where … well … it is a world and not an American society or Brazilian society or an Egyptian society … anyway … where individual character will be tested in ways never tested before parents <or adults in general … because it is a shared responsibility where actions within the home and actions outside the home need to be aligned within a moral behavior compass> need to build the character of children more now than ever before.

I guess I am suggesting that rather than make apocalyptic statements with regard to the moral decay of our young people we should be taking steps to insure their moral compass remains true.

So.

In the 1950’s a guy <ok. A sociologist> named Gorer did a study on character. Kind of a sweeping assessment of how large groups/countries evolved to a more orderly society (which I assume he believed was a reflection of a society’s character).

While he identified two overarching keys … the first being the creation of a citizen constables force <call it a judgment of a peer like force> and the second was a curbing of aggression by “guilt.” Ultimately, what I cared most about, was actually a sub-assessment that has been highlighted as of late … tough love style of parenting.

Ok. This tough love thing. Great Britain actually cited ‘tough love’ in a study on the effects of child poverty <called The Foundation Years>. And before anyone suggests this a tenuous link I will draw similar findings came from a think tank study called Building Character.

The conclusion? The gap between the respective life chances of a poor child and a rich child all but vanishes when a child is reared by “confident and able” parents offering “tough love” <that is a direct pull from the report>.

Now.

I am not suggesting poverty, or material inequality, doesn’t matter. It does. Actually poverty and character both matter. And as the report indicates they are often linked in that bad choices can make poverty worse and it is more difficult to make good choices when faced with a dire material situation.

But, I would tend to believe we all like to think that strong character can be attained regardless of your economic situation (and I would imagine we have seen enough examples to believe this). And with that thought we should always be examining the development of character and the formative, or foundation, years.

And while data can be conflicting, in general, character is less affected by an “unstable family structure” then we would like to blame. In other words it is less relevant to have both a mother & father in the household than it is to have clear “tough love” direction from whomever is actually in the household family structure. Yup. Divorce and parent gender and single parent households is less relevant than what actually happens within the household.

Oh.

And let me define tough love. The study assessed tough love by ‘sharp prods’ and not nudges.

Now.

‘Sharp prods’ doesn’t mean kicking the shit out of the kid or smacking them … Gorer summed the parenting style as “see what Johnny is doing and tell him to stop it.” And the most favored parental action was actually deprivation – take away toys, treats and/or liberty. While I am not sure how this would play in today’s world … one mother said it was “a day locked up in his bedroom for a day with only bread & water” curbed bad behavior … I sense that, political correctness aside, there is a lot of common sense understanding in this.

I wrote many months back that I believed we were raising a generation of ‘non-losers.’ In a politically correct world we are showing children that it doesn’t matter whether you win or lose … and therefore deprive them of the learning of “how to be a winner” and “how to lose.” Part of tough love is showing that life is about balance … as in a balance sheet. You can lose things and losing things sucks. Oh. And rather than whine and pout and throw a tantrum … the child learns to deal with ‘loss’ as well as manage Life decisions to minimize ‘loss.’

Regardless of how you elect to address this topic it is all about building character.

And I imagine we all, those with children and those without, are concerned that children obtain good character traits. I also believe we understand that much of the character in a person is learned as a young child. They are taught right from wrong, as well as attitudes toward dealing with challenges and other people. Character lessons should be provided on a consistent basis.

In my own research on this topic I read an incredibly depressing book called “The Death of Character: Moral Education in an Age Without Good or Evil” which suggests that this youth generation is completely devoid of the character necessary to evolve the moral fortitude of the world <and it will increasingly create issues of conflict>.

Wow.

That was a depressing read. And I don’t buy what they are selling.

Now. I do believe we have issues that need to be addressed.

A survey conducted in 1992 by the Joseph and Edna Josephson Institute of Ethics found that:

-          33% of all high school students admitted they had stolen merchandise from a store within the past year

-          61% of the students admitted cheating on an examination during that year

-          83% said they had lied to their parents

-          33% of students said they were willing to lie on a resume or job application or during an interview to get a job <16% said they had already done so>.

In addition, in a 1997 survey of teachers conducted by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, more than half of the respondents reported perceiving a decline in student morality since they began teaching. Even among those teaching 5 years or less, 44% said they have seen a decline in ethical values and an increase in illegal drug use among their students.

Issues? Yes. Death of Character? No.

Because I believe no matter how cynical an adult or parent … they are all trying to teach children how to be caring, confident, self-aware and respectful of those around them.

Researchers at The Institute for Global Ethics report that five core values — truth, compassion, fairness, responsibility, and respect — consistently cut across cultural, religious, and socioeconomic lines. Another foundation suggests the core ethical values of caring, fairness, trustworthiness, citizenship, responsibility, and respect for self and others, calling them “values that form the basis of good character” and “principles that are common to all cultures and religions” are the keys to building character.

I cannot argue with any of them. In fact I actually like both lists. All things children should, at minimum, recognize as choices <in terms of actions> and at maximum actually applying in life.

Ok. Back to what we adults can do.

Tough love & respect.

I know the world has changed but growing up I do not remember idolizing anyone in particular. There wasn’t a celebrity, or anyone really, that stands out to me that I really wanted to be like.  I learned character traits from the adults around me … my parents, aunts & uncles and grandparents. They were not perfect but they offered a lot of good qualities that I inevitably evaluated my own behavior later in life.

Sure. Some lessons were tough. And some lessons I still resent today. But this isn’t about me or my parents … this is about the fact a study suggests that tough love in youth builds character.

And something as simple as that could insure no one states the quote I began this post with ever again. And maybe it is as simple, and complicated, as that.

sometimes they change

June 25th, 2012

“At the end of the day, everything is extremely complex. I guess I’m an idealist… I don’t have clear-cut positions. I get baffled by things. I have viewpoints. Sometimes they change.” – Annie Lennox

News flash: Sometimes people change their minds.

And people’s points of view will certainly change.

And, yes, sometimes when you change your point of view it is contradictory to what you may have said, and possibly even stated fairly strongly, in the past.

I say this because a lot of people get their panties (or boxers/briefs) in a proverbial wad when someone changes their mind.

Me?

I say ‘so what’.

Now.

I am not suggesting that your position on things should be shifting like a windmill in a hurricane but, in general, changing your position is okay.

Okay.

Not just okay … but good.

It shows you are maybe listening.

Shows maybe you are adapting.

Shows maybe that you are not so opinionated that you are stuck with an unchanging perspective in a constantly changing complex world.

Oh.

Maybe even shows you are … well … human.

Why do I say all this <beyond the fact I am just being a contrarian>. As Annie, a smarter person than I, said upfront … it is easy to get baffled by things … it is easy to get baffled because life is complex. Oh. In addition to the fact that there are … well … a shitload of facts on a shitload of issues floating around in the every day world. My point? Keeping track of everything, and knowing what you should know <on everything> is difficult even if not impossible.

In addition.

Let me make a point of a ‘position.’ Nowadays everyone seems to have an opinion <or position> on every decision or action anyone is making, thinking of making or is even in the realm of possibility of making. And every decision and action is actually like a pebble in a pond. The difficulty is many people focus on the pebble. And create their position/opinion based on the pebble (ignoring the ripples). But that is probably a different post for another day.

Anyway.

Back to changing your mind.

Sure. Some things shouldn’t  change … stealing is bad, killing is bad, stuff like that. But that is kind of obvious.

I tend to believe the key to this discussion is ‘an unchanging core’ versus ‘changing perspective’.

People <I included> like some consistency. Especially consistency in character and actions. It’s the kind of thing that engenders trust.

On the other hand … changing one’s perspectives is … well … is about changing attitudes. And it makes people more interesting. Heck. It may even lead to changed behavior. And that makes life more interesting.

And you know what?

It is the same in business.

I believe many people in business are scared to change their position because it may show some sense of not standing for something. And, yes, I wrote scared.

If you ever want to see a bunch of people freeze, deer in frickin’ headlights freezing, watch when someone says something in a meeting like … “but you said this before” … or “when I look at some of your past work I don’t see what you are talking about.”

People are scared to say “that was then and this is now.”

For some reason people are scared to say “I know more today than I did yesterday.”

Why? Because the fear that it doesn’t show consistency.

And, yet, in today’s business world constant change <some would call it inconsistency in actions> is imperative for success. And, frankly, it is imperative if we ever want to move away from the same old shit.

Anyway.

Business, politics and even sitting at the bar with friends … doesn’t matter … we all change our positions … and it is silly to not do so for fear of looking silly … or the fact someone may not think we are consistent … or for any reason for that matter.

If you have any doubts about what I say read the following from Walt Whitman.

“Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)”

~ Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

Maybe the people who are willing to change their positions and points of view are larger than people who don’t?

Maybe it is just the fact that each one of us contains a multitude within.

Maybe it is just being self aware enough to know you don’t know everything.

Maybe it is being strong enough to understand that changing your perspective will change people’s perspective of you … and that is okay.

Maybe it is … well … being enlightened.

Enlightened Conflict