Posts tagged managing perceptions
lines
Apr 16th
Posted by Bruce in Favorite Quotes
“Americans believe in straight lines. They believe that all you have to do is get out there and get the job done one step after another.
If you don’t do that, you are either lazy or incompetent. American people seem to think that life is like a mission. That’s how they approach sports and war and sex – even love. That’s what they think when someone’s credit goes bad or there is an accident on the road. Somebody veered off the straight and narrow. Remember Einstein. He said the connection between A and B was questionable at best and there is no such thing as a straight line.” – Craig Johnson
Life is neither straight nor narrow (although it sure is a lot easier to think that way).
I think we all know this.
But I think we all forget it as we judge others.
Sometimes you can be hard working and extremely competent … and still have a ‘life’ accident. And be hurt. And be hurt bad enough that it becomes difficult to get back on the road.
Sorry folks but that is true.
Also. Because life isn’t always a straight line having an objective & a mission & a goal isn’t always a guarantee of success.
Nor is it always a measurement of success.
And maybe more importantly it isn’t a measurement of failure.
Boy. Thinking about that … it sure does make life tough doesn’t it.
Seems to make a lot of ‘extenuating circumstances’ in measuring life.
Yup.
Sorry folks <again>. But that is life.
Add in the fact that your own straight line you envision just may not be the only line to follow … oops … actually … it is NOT the only line you could follow. Well … what else can I say.
Life isn’t a mission. And it is rarely a straight line.
Nor should we always judge failure, or success, on whether someone hit some goal or objective.
Or whether they fulfilled a mission.
Oh. And not all missions are equal.
And … well … and bad things do happen to good people.
There are no straight lines to success or in life.
Maybe the real thought here is that all those curvy winding roads may be more difficult to navigate … and you obviously cannot go as fast as a straight line … but they can be far more interesting.
Getting from A to B is rarely a straight and narrow line.
If Albert thought that … well … he sure seemed a smart guy.
what will become of us?
Apr 13th
Posted by Bruce in Favorite Quotes
“because of you the days to come will be better than the days before this one.”
So.
I have been participating in another TED discussion with regard to the youth and education and a distressingly pessimistic view of who they will be and what they will become <a post/rant/observation is forthcoming on that soon>. That discussion has certainly made me sit back and think. And much of it has also clearly brought to the forefront why the project global generation web based education initiative has not gained traction.
Anyway. All the pessimism reminded me of something I had read.
Because sometimes you read something that is almost so perfect that you want to store it away and use yourself at some later date.
Thankfully I have a blog where I can write them down and post them so when I want to use it I can just send someone a link.
This is about telling a child what they can expect from life.
What will become of us? (asked the children to her mother) …
—-
“What I imagine is that you will live magnificent lives.
And that you will live lives of quiet disappointment.
You won’t be able to explain why. But there will always be some failure. You will strive for greatness and justice and you will help to make our nation wondrous.
You will be great but you will also fail at many of the things dearest to you.
And people – even ones you love – will disappoint you.
You will know great loves and you will have dear friends and you will be part of something bigger than you.
You will never be alone. And yet some of those you hold dearest will betray you, envy you over things they perceive you have that they do not. At times – even within a crowd and noise – you will feel strangely lost.
You will find gifts that are special to you but you will never understand why such things were thrust upon you.
You may curse the world for always spinning never pausing and yet this motion will be the music to which you dance.
In the end, I hope, you will come to feel that none of the life you lead could have been any different, any better or worse. You will find meaning in accepting many things you cannot understand or change. And if you live a long life you will grow tired and that will be alright because you will have done the best you can do during your lives.
You will take into the future all that has ever been for us. Because of you the days to come will be better than the days before this one.” – Mena Akaran
Can you ever imagine telling a child anything better?
“because of you the days to come will be better than the days before this one.”
Every child should hear this.
And, frankly, I wish more people would feel this way about our youth rather than bitching about what they are not or what they cannot do.
integrity: the 99 or the 1?
Apr 12th
Posted by Bruce in Rants and Observations
So.
I am fortunate enough to be part of TED (who I respect). And I have been involved in several discussion threads which are going to inspire some posts.
Lately I have been participating in a maddening discussion thread on “Do you think living by values and having integrity is a thing of the past?”
It’s mostly maddening because we sound old. Heck. The question sounds old.
I know every generation as they get older always thinks it was better “before.”
Another maddening part is what I call <as a generalization> the “1 perspective”.
In that the actions of 1% create a perception that they are bigger than they are <note: 1% is a generalization, possibly hyperbole, and absolutely not research-driven>.
By the way … I do not believe values/integrity are a thing of the past. I also do not believe that there is a massive downward spiraling of values/integrity taking place. I also do not believe it is the end of the world as we know it <from a values & integrity standpoint … or any standpoint I may add>.
Anyway. All that said.
I am fairly sure I didn’t make many friends in this thread when I suggested integrity is about accountability and not words (or philosophical thoughts). I said something along these lines.
Ok. The original question specifically asks “are values & integrity of the past.” And this conversation is weaving its way through economics (capitalism/materialism destroys morals/values). Religion (a religious laissez faire attitude undermines traditional values). Generational (kids today are all about “me”). Anthropological (some Rappaille reptilian brain driving actions). A beautiful “ignorance is the enemy” thought (higher knowledge & understanding will develop integrity). Even some ‘crisis’ type thoughts (we have never been through anything like this before).
Here are just some random thoughts given all I have read.
All older people believe younger generations don’t have the same values they have (had). Every generation feels that way. They are correct. Integrity is integrity but each generation will implement it in a different voice.
But that’s not really the point.
Here is what I know (in my heart of hearts).
I could put 12 15 year olds from 15 different countries on a panel and show them a 5 minute video on a variety of corruption, inhumane actions, killing or some relatively despicable bullying-like activity from around the world and I will guarantee you that all will know what is wrong. And while they may not know the right words they will say it is some form of value lacking activity or lack of integrity. In other words they certainly know what “right” behavior is. Inevitably they will ask of us, our generation, “don’t you recognize it is wrong?”
And then … “You do?” Well. “Then why don’t you do something about it?”
Now. Make that panel 22 year olds and it will go exactly the same way with one additional question to our generation … “if you aren’t going to do anything about it get the hell out of the way so we can do something about it.”
Every ‘old’ generation thinks about what is lost.
Every new generation aims toward what is to be gained.
That is the beauty of generations. Maddening at times but beautiful.
Now.
The only thing that has changed over time is transparency. Because of the internet we don’t have more social revolutions or social anything … we just have more transparency. No more or no less values or integrity.
But. The transparency dials up accountability and responsibility.
Because now that 1% (or so), who don’t exhibit the behavior or ‘integrity of actions’ that attitudinally we know is wrong, not only can’t get away with it but their transgressions get communicated over that megaphone called the internet, therefore, those responsible for stopping it are held more accountable than ever.
That means we are responsible for the actions of our peers. And our actions reflect upon what future generation’s think (maybe not what they actually do).
Think about that.
Accountability.
Isn’t it possible that our generation’s integrity will be judged by how we respond and lead toward ‘what is right’?”
Maybe before we wonder about whether it is something of the past (which I think we all know isn’t really true) we should be accountable for our present. And who is going to lead (because while it is absolutely about the individuals even ‘individuals’ need leaders)?
Yeah.
Well.
I now have a small group of passionately pro bruce TED fans.
And a bunch of grumpy old folk who are anti-bruce.
And a bunch of really philosophical mumbo jumbo I had to delete because it made my head hurt.
The funny thing? (or sad I guess). I am an old folk. Ok. Before someone jumps on that … let me say I am “of an older generation.” And I cannot believe I am in such a small minority.
Regardless.
I do feel a growing sense of responsibility toward the actions of my peers in my generation.
<hence the reason I write ad nausea about it>
Anyway.
One comment said ignorance is the enemy. Of course there are multiple levels to that comment. But most importantly to this topic we can’t use ignorance as an excuse anymore.
We see lack of integrity more than ever before – not because there is necessarily more of it just that what there is cannot be hidden as well as it may have been in the past.
We will be judged by what we do, or don’t do, with this transparency.
And we are accountable not only for our generation but also the message, and example, we set for future generations.
But here is the good news.
Young people know what is right. And if we do nothing they will just shove our butts out of the way and deal with it themselves.
I continue to believe we don’t have diminished values or integrity overall. Although I tend to believe some generations have a skewed perspective, or tainted perspectives, yet our youth is still good to go if we adults give them some direction.
And I do believe globally we are going through some issues <crisis?> that makes us question overall value & integrity. Some thoughts just because I have seen what people have been discussing:
- Web. Just my opinion. The web is simply a facilitator. The web doesn’t create anything. People create. The web simply disseminates what people say and think. I could argue that the web hasn’t facilitated any crisis but rather has grinded us down into inaction through information overload. Regardless. That is a different discussion. Let’s just say I don’t believe the web is degrading our values or integrity.
- We have seen all of this before. These aren’t really unprecedented times. The web is new but the world had the same values discussions in the 1920’s (and there was a world wide depression). The world had the same values discussion in 1521 with Martin Luther. And all of these same values discussions went worldwide even without the web. Strauss & Howe have argued we are a historically generation cyclical civilization … doomed to make similar mistakes as generations cycle through and experiences change which affects our ability to solve the problems.
Which leads me to …
- Crisis and facilitating change. A lot of smart people in TED wonder if we are destined to face a crisis if we don’t do ‘something.’ Well. this is a chicken or egg discussion. As a civilization, large populations of people, do we need a crisis to create change or do we facilitate the change to resolve a crisis (which inevitably will need to be resolved).
We people are pretty consistent. It typically takes a pretty big problem <crisis> before we step up to the plate and make the big changes in behavior needed to resolve it. And there is a cycle in that also.
People see crisis looming.
People talk.
Some people do.
There is a lot of angst <and gnashing of teeth>.
A larger group steps up and takes control and solves the crisis.
In the end? The world will not cease to exist. It just may cease to exist as we know it today.
And you know what? That’s okay. The majority of people will still value human life and choice and conduct themselves with integrity. A minority will always do the opposite.
Schumpeter called all this Creative Destruction.
All I know is this. There will be a crisis. There will be a solution. And life will go on <changed or not>.
Next.
The tough majority or minority discussion where values & integrity plays a role.
- Economic inequality. Or Capitalism (or greed).
<note: I am not going to suggest socialism or even economic equality … just fairness>
Any time historically economic equality (or maybe better said … at least a realm of believability between the haves and have nots) has gone out of whack people have:
- Bitched, and
- Did something.
There are so many types of capitalism out there but suffice it to say I think unmanaged capitalism will always lead to inequality. Those who have … want to have more. And those who don’t have … want what they don’t have. That inevitably leads to crisis when it is clearly out of whack. And, once again, history has shown this again and again … on a country by country basis as well as globally.
What is going to happen (no … I do not have a crystal ball).
- Leadership. Ah. Crisis leads to leadership. Inevitably we need someone (or a small group of people) to guide us through the crisis. And maybe that is where his whole values & integrity discussion circles back to. Can we find leaders who are pragmatic enough … with integrity we can hold onto … to guide us through to whatever the next phase is. And that is where I get jammed up. I don’t doubt that there are leaders out there with our best interests in mind … I struggle to see how they can fight their way through the ones who use “values” to forward their own agenda.
But. I have faith … and I have hope. I have the belief that someone who is a shitload smarter than I am who has the same good intentions that I have will step up to the plate and lead.
Anyway.
In the end … this whole thing really is about integrity.
(defintion): Integrity is a concept of consistency (lack of contradiction) of actions, values, methods, measures, principles, expectations and outcomes. In western ethics, integrity is regarded as the quality of having an intuitive sense of honesty and truthfulness in regard to the motivations for one’s actions. The word “integrity” stems from the Latin adjective integer (whole, complete). In this context, integrity is the inner sense of “wholeness” deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character.
99%, by in large, do act with integrity.
That 1% just looks huge.
And, no, I do not think we’ve turned into a nation, or world, based on nothing but greed <or “what’s in it for me”>.
I do believe many of us have gone into a defensive mode … meaning “I need to protect my interests” but that is much much different than “what’s in it for me” mentality.
We may need to take a radically different approach.
But I tend to believe we just need a radically good leader.
The 99% will diminish the 1% if led correctly.
I am not absolving the 99% of doing something … for even in their own actions they can affect what will happen … and even where we end up going.
The road will be long and slow and will take the commitment of everyone not just leaders.
By the way … that last thought is a biggie.
There is a big danger in wanting too much, of asking too much, too fast. This is not in the immediate gratification category.
We often criticize our leaders for not doing enough or for not solving the problems.
We refuse to accept the complexity of the world and the somewhat limited power of leaders to have an immediate effect.
One of the biggest issues we need to face is the simplification of reality and believing that simple solutions will solve the problems.
Yes. Some things can be handled simply. But most are pretty compex issues that need to be untangled.
As one TED commenter said … “
“The reality is that this world is muddling along in the right direction. Of course if 7 billion people are willing to do the right thing it will go a lot faster.”
unicorns & rainbows
Apr 5th
Posted by Bruce in Favorite Quotes
“The unicorn is a lonely, solitary creature that symbolizes hope.” – Ally McBeal
So. This is about unicorns.
And I guess about people who see unicorns.
Crazy? Sure. Sounds it.
But hopefully it also makes you think about the people who seem to keep a vision of hope … and use it, however they elect to keep that hope at hand, to help them through the days and weeks.
So. This thought all began after watching this Ally McBeal episode the other day. I felt compelled to write about hope and, well, unicorns and how sometimes people go to some extreme, if not bizarre, ways to hold on to some light in seemingly dark days.
And while the episode was about the holidays I thought it was pretty relevant for any day (these days).
What do I mean?
Well.
I was going to try and right some whizbang words but instead I found something that someone wrote on their blog (sorry .. forgot who) that seemed to create the perfect reason for why seeing unicorns is perfectly acceptable …
What has made it challenging for me to write this is the darkness that I experience through the world’s anguish at this time. I am not living in days of light—I am living in days in need of light. I need to remember in this time of darkness that there are many who are seeking light.
I listen to the rantings of politicians who seem far more caught up in ideology and party positioning than they do in honestly meeting the deep challenges of our economy, the needs of our people, and caring for our planet. I witness the kindest of people being too busy to adequately separate their own food waste and recycling from their trash to reduce the build-up of what is becoming our planetary garbage dump. I witness fires and weather destroying lives and property and then reflect on the consequence of our priorities when we are unable to respond adequately. In this season of cold, I see the homeless in our own community seeking shelter from the wet and the winter.
And even, perhaps, more sharply, I returned from Israel more aware than ever of the incredibly wide divide between the humanity we perceive and the inhumanity shown by the actions of the leaders in that troubled region.
Right here at home, I am troubled by the inaction of so many of us who speak words of reconciliation, words of peace, words of promise, yet continue to find enemies who need to be stopped rather than people who need to be invited into the dialogue.
Yes, all that is true, yet I need to remember in this time of darkness that there are many who are seeking light.
Look. That sounds … well … dark. But I elect to focus on the ‘light’ or the refusal to give up on hope portion.
I don’t know if it’s the economy or the news or a general feeling of unrest but I do believe a lot of people just seem to be more empty these days. Well. Certainly less full of hope if they aren’t completely empty.
And in this Ally McBeal episode someone was fired for saying he saw a unicorn.
Well. I would imagine all of us would take this with a grain of salt (if not believe the person had completely lost their mind).
Yet the judge in the episode suggests “there are a lot of lonely people out there, looking for hope in strange places.”
In the end the judge decides that those people can keep their unicorns.
You know? It sounds a little crazy … and Whipper (the judge on Ally McBeal) was a quasi-nutcase on a show full of nutcases … but … you know what? I agree.
Some people need to believe that they have seen a unicorn. It doesn’t mean they are nuts … people need to find hope however they can … some people just see the unicorn as hope.
And, frankly, (and one of the characters says this also) … why should anyone have any say in where a person may look for that hope?
For god’s sake … all people want to be happy … and different people just get there in different ways. And if someone elects to use a unicorn? Well, geez, it could be worse, couldn’t it?
One of the characters in the episode says … “who’s to say the ones who dream of unicorns aren’t the lucky ones these days.”
I know … I know … this sounds nuts … but think about it.
Supposedly people who see them share some of the unicorn’s traits … they may be lonely but with virtuous hearts.
Mythology also suggests that only pure spirits can approach the unicorn.
In the Ally McBeal episode Ally recalls one time when she touched a unicorn and the character who saw it said he didn’t get close to the unicorn … but (here is the part that maybe makes you think a little) … “but he won’t have another chance if he stops believing in the unicorn.”
Ok. That is a bigger thought than just a wacky tv show.
If we ask all people to stop “believing in unicorns” do people lose any chance of reaching what they hope for?
Whew.
C’mon.
The unicorn is a symbol of innocence and purity.
I know all of this sounds crazy (and it even looks crazy as I type it) … but … don’t we really want more of these people in today’s world?
In fact … chinese mythology says the fact that a unicorn has not been seen in many centuries suggests that we are living in “bad” times. It will appear once again when the time is right and when goodness reigns.
So maybe the people who see unicorns are actually the hope for the rest of us. Maybe they are the ones “where goodness reigns.”
Regardless.
If it isn’t that “big” … maybe someone who sees a unicorn somehow just feels safer. And I have no right to not allow someone that right in today’s world.
Also (and … boy … coming from a realist like me … this is gonna sound really odd) … I don’t know if I can explain it, but knowing that maybe someone out there can actually see a unicorn … well … maybe in a weird way they give me hope.
Now that I have typed that … it reminds me of something else another character said …
And, I’m afraid say it out loud because maybe if life finds out it’ll try to beat it out of them and that will be a shame.
Because, we all can use a little hope sometimes, you know. That feeling that everything’s going to be okay and that there’s going to be someone there to help make sure of that.
There are people who can make you believe in things you can’t see. and I think we miss that these days.
Look.
It’s a hard time for everyone these days but it is a particularly hard time for dreamers these days.
We all tend to think of dreams as a big, fluffy cloud that is surrounded by rainbows and unicorns.
So instead of ‘unicorns & rainbows’ we tend to focus on a mission … that everything in our lives would instantly be perfect if only we could have ABC, or do XYZ.
Well.
Maybe that the mission is really the fantasy … or, at minimum, part of the problem.
Maybe all those ‘missions’ are cramming up all our space that would have held dreams. And, really, this isn’t about going after your dreams but rather dreaming … and having hope … for something good and big and … well … maybe something that isn’t always tangible but intangible that lifts the heart and spirit.
I say all of this knowing that some readers will think this is wacky … but I also hope that people realize there is no right or wrong answer.
Being in the hope business is tricky these days and, as I said earlier, it’s tough being a dreamer these days.
But.
In fact I almost wish I was in the used rainbow business. I think people would be willing to buy discount dreams and discounted rainbows. What I mean by that is people would be willing to set aside the ‘big’ dreams and maybe pick up someone else’s that have been discarded … and they still look pretty good to reality.
In the meantime … maybe I should look for some people who make wishes on rainbows and see unicorns.
Cause I know it’s not really in my personal DNA to see unicorns.
And maybe that means I am not one of the lucky ones.
Maybe we need more rainbows (used or not).
Maybe we need more people who can see unicorns.
Here is what I am absolutely sure we need.
I do know is that hope is a must.
If you don’t have it, you’ve got to find it … lapses in hope happen and are okay … but you have to find it however you must … and maybe that is why I agree with the judge in Ally McBeal … let those people have their unicorns … who am I to judge on how someone holds on to hope.
Regardless.
Ally McBeal was an odd tv show.
But several episodes are must see for everyone.
This is one.
It may just remind you that seeing unicorns isn’t as wacky as you thought it was.
the lost art of sportsmanship
Apr 1st
Posted by Bruce in Rants and Observations
“The grace of the gesture is as important as the victories” – Rene Lacoste
Well.
The Guardian, as part of their spectacular “Joy of Six” series, recently wrote one on sportsmanship. And it made me think about the lost art of sportsmanship.
Why?
First. Take a look at the 6 ‘sportsmanship’ moments. http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/blog/2012/feb/10/joy-of-six-sportsmanship?INTCMP=SRCH
Second.
Try and imagine any of the happening today (because the most recent highlighted is almost 40 years ago).
You can’t. Well. If you can you have been smoking too much weed.
Anyway.
Beyond the weed comment … I will admit upfront that despite playing competitive sports at some good levels I have never had that killer instinct competitive muscle. It’s there … but it wasn’t there all the time … it needed to be triggered (and, maddeningly on occasion, it was difficult to uncover the trigger). I say that to put what I am going to write into some perspective.
Because winning has never meant everything to me. I loved the game. And I loved playing the game well. And a good outcome was just the icing on the cake.
Regardless of my personal attitude … there is a weird dichotomy taking place in the sports world today.
At the youngest youth level it all begins with a “no one wins or loses” perspective.
And then, oddly, young people are encouraged to specialize (in my youth we played every sport any season and just shifted). Today? Find what you have an aptitude for and then excel (max out) on that one.
And then when you specialize there seems to be an overall “win at all cost” mentality built into the competitiveness. So it isn’t just being competitive … it is win at all costs.
I could find a story every day showcasing incidents displaying the loss of sportsmanship and respect for authority and opponents.
Refs, umpires and coaches are verbally and physically assaulted.
Parents are sometimes excessive in the way they push their kids to be the best.
Coaches are demanding perfection from their players and punish them when they give anything less.
Children learn by example.
So what examples do they find when it comes to sports?
Turn on any college basketball game to discover how easy it is to read the lips some irate college coach dropping an F-bomb while screaming at the refs and players.
Or a tennis tournament where players are yelling at umpires and line judges.
The list goes on and on.
It is kind of sad.
The one place we don’t really see this? The Olympics.
The Olympic motto: “The important thing in the Games is not winning but taking part. The essential thing is not conquering but fighting well.”
We need more of that attitude … everywhere in sports. Not just the Olympics.
Maybe athletes just need to remember while they are getting paid … it is a game (for god’s sake).
“Do you know what my favorite part of the game is? The opportunity to play.” -Mike Singletary
Some remember.
And what Mike said? That is why we play sports–or at least why we’re supposed to.
That is what we need to remember ourselves and teach our children.
Being the best hitter, running back, three-point shooter or goalie is nice … but it’s not what it’s all about.
Sports are supposed to be about being the best we are capable of.
And respecting our own abilities as well as respecting others … regardless of whether their best is better than our best.
Oh.
And respecting everyone … teammates, opponents, coaches, refs and spectators.
Yes.
Sports are inherently competitive (hence the reason there is a winner and a loser).
And competition brings out the best … and worst … in everyone.
Competition, and sportsmanship, inevitably is about character.
competition makes a person’s real character come out.
And, I hate to break the news to everyone, it takes work and training and shaping and thoughtfulness.
Sportsmanship SHOULD be simple. But its not.
Kids get mixed messages from mentors and role models.
You can teach principles of good sportsmanship to anyone but, in the end, it’s about each person.
Cheating, lying, badmouthing, complaining to officials are all reflections of someone’s character.
More people need to take responsibility (and not blame “the game” or “the moment”).
Look.
I am not using this following as an example to pick on Serena … because I just think it is indicative of an overarching sportsmanship thing.
So. In 2009 Serena Williams threatened to shove a racket down a referee’s throat during a semifinal. Here is the deal.
With higher salaries and more on the line, it’s not surprising that more and more athletes are making headlines for unsportsmanlike conduct.
“I think there’s so much pressure on players today. The average player makes close to three million — they’re making so much money that they have a lot self-imposed pressure and they need a scapegoat. Sometimes that becomes the umpire.” – Jim Evans (Academy of Professional Umpiring)
But.
And this is a big but.
I don’t think it is an excuse.
Sportsmanship isn’t really about sportsmanship … it’s about personal character.
“Sportsmanship for me is when a guy walks off the court and you really can’t tell whether he won or lost, when he carries himself with pride either way.” – Jim Courier
Here is the hard part to some people.
Cheaters do win. Maybe not philosophically but in the win/loss column.
And that is where I like to point out to people … that is why this is about winning or losing from a character standpoint.
There are a couple of scoreboards for people who play sports.
One is the win loss record.
And one is a life scoreboard.
Sportsmanship shows up on the life scoreboard.
And I wish more people playing sports would pay attention to that scoreboard.
How do I now they don’t?
Go back to the Joy of Six article.
How often do you believe that would happen today?
We are losing the art of sportsmanship.
lightbulbs die people depart
Mar 22nd
Posted by Bruce in Favorite Quotes
“Light bulbs die, my sweet. I will depart.” – Mr. Magorium
I enjoy truly good movies in that they take metaphorical characters to the extremes to make a point. And I love it when they do so to make a point about life … and living life.
Mr. Margorium’s Wonder Emporium. It’s an odd movie.
But it is an odd delightful movie.
And metaphorically speaking they box you in with the characters …
- the cynical practical responsible ‘grown up’ (lovingly called Mutant) who has lost the joy of imagination (let’s call it the magic in life) …
- the child who represents the joy that can be found when you are open to life’s magic …
- the mystical adult (Magorium) who lives in an adult world with a decidedly un-adult view (and is slightly an outcast) …
- and … well … the hopeful future (Mahoney) … entering the adult world with the spark of magic within but has trouble seeing how that spark fits in an adult world (lets call her ‘hope eternal for that which is magical in life’). <I bet I use that phrase again some day>
Let me begin with the ‘hopeful future’ and the resistance Life has a habit of those maturing into adulthood. As Mr. Magorium suggests to Mahoney … “you have a sparkle” … something reflective of something bigger trying to get out.
His advice?
You have to live … “I have.” – Mr. Magorium
Short line. Big thought. And maybe the biggest tipping point decision one has to make moving from youth to adulthood. And it is a biggie of a decision.
Anyway.
Between these 4 characters you wander through pretty much every aspect you have in your own pea-like brain.
And while the movie is meant for kids it is also fun for adults … and it is thoughtful for adults.
This movie is a wonderful little film with Natalie Portman and Dustin Hoffman. Hoffman is Magorium who has decided it is time for him to leave this world and let Portman’s character run the shop <symbolic for youth to adulthood>. Magorium is awesome. He is a man with crazy eyebrows and a pet zebra and has owned his toy store for over 113 years. Obviously this isn’t an ordinary toy store (oh … is any really good toystore anywhere truly ordinary?). This is a magical toy store that has a temper tantrum when it hears the bad news Magorium is dying. The problem is that only Magorium knows that he’s dying. He’s not sick or weak, and he doesn’t foresee some violent or accidental death. He just knows <and his may be one of the best parts> because he once found the perfect pair of shoes and fell in love with them so entirely that he bought enough to last his whole life.
And now he is on his last pair.
Therefore … his life is over.
And with that … he states ‘light bulbs die … he is simply departing’.
What a wonderful thought.
He is departing ‘a whole life.’
Don’t we all wish we could end that way? And maybe there is a part of us who like the concept of departing rather than dying.
And maybe make us think a little, through this incredibly strange character, why is his life whole (that is pretty much what the movie is about … and showing how others can also live a whole life)?
The easy lessons (kind of). He does not judge but sees things with fresh and open eyes. He doesn’t condemn actions simply encourages to act & think differently.
He treats time as a gift of freedom to think and remember and understand that which was, that which is and is willing to recreate that which is … well … impossible … to transform time.
Its not just having an imagination … it is an attitude.
“you have to believe it to see it.”
<how awesome is that thought>
And when I heard that I went back into my files and pulled this out … “seeing-is-believing is a blind spot in man’s vision”- bucky fuller.
Boy. I agree with that. It is a failure of imagination if you solely believe something must be seen to be believed. Ok. Maybe not even a failure of imagination … something worse. It is almost a belief that nothing new, nothing seemingly impossible, is possible.
So. This sometimes silly movie makes you think about all of this is and about learning to … well … unlearn. To free yourself from all the things that you ‘know’ and the things which may keep you from undiscovered roads.
And that sometimes believing in something is more important than anything else. And asking you to remember that all things which happen to you endlessly beget new thoughts that could change your life (and it’s a never ending process).
And if you do that?
Well. life is magical. It’s kind of like a magical … toy store … as it is.
And with that thought … you hear the best advice of all …
“Your life is an occasion. Rise to it.” – Mr. Magorium
Life is an occasion.
In the end that is what the movie makes you think about … the magic within you, within any of us … that we need to rise to … or lose it.
And that is the point for Molly Mahoney who also represents “hope eternal” for all adults (the metaphor).
“What Mahoney needed was the opportunity to prove to herself that she was something more than she believed.”
Silly movie with a non-silly lesson.
You need to believe in you. And, I guess, believe that you have some magic somewhere inside you.
It is a neat lesson.
And a lesson provided in a pretty magical way.
I fail, you fail, we all fail. Here is our tale.
Mar 14th
Posted by Bruce in Rants and Observations
I wanted to write something on failure and started … stopped … started again … stopped.
Well. I don’t know why but it was hard for some reason.
Harshly? I failed.
I failed at something I wanted to do. But. If creating a blog has taught me one thing <if that is at least one criteria of failing> that I fail constantly.
Little failures? Sure.
But a failure nonetheless.
Oh. And if you are not careful little failures are like dying a death of a thousand cuts.
Regardless.
That REALLY got me thinking about several things … the word failure (and how little it seems to be used these days) and failing itself & lessons and all that crap.
So I went hunting.
Hunting for some inspiration for the right words to say about failing and failure.
My first hunt.
Choose the Right Word by Hayakawa (almost my bible of word descriptions).
It didn’t fail me here.
“Failing” fell under Flaw <wow … I could write an entire book over that little insight>.
Flaw has a variety of aspects … blemish, defect, failing, fault, foible, imperfection, mar, shortcoming.
Regardless.
Failure is a reflection of a flaw.
An imperfection (which seems okay).
A defect (which seems not okay).
Is failure a reflection of a defective product <product being … well … us … a human … a person>?
That seems harsh. Ok. Maybe extreme.
But.
In terms of “truth to oneself” think about this … ‘imperfection’ points more often to a lack that may be a matter of opinion (Hayakawa).
Well. THAT certainly makes it easier to say “I am imperfect … I have failed.” Because, well, it is on a basis of opinion (and everyone has opinions).
Failure, on the other and, suggests a more severe shortcoming that has more severe consequences.
How ‘bout that?
There is some tough love.
The word failure is tough love.
A severe shortcoming.
And if you have a shortcoming … well … there are consequences. In fact … more severe consequences.
And maybe in this politically correct world we want to soften up things a little … and we don’t ‘fail’ but rather we made a mistake or took a step on the path to success or whatever.
Maybe it is better to just say we failed at something.
I don’t know.
But I do believe we should be better at admitting failure. I believe it should be more acceptable to say “you failed” <without it being construed in a negative way>.
I do believe we should be better at understanding we have failings … and they have consequences.
Now. Notice. Hayakawa never, anywhere, attached “negative” or “bad” adjectives to consequences. He simply points out that failures suggest shortcomings leading to consequences.
And that, my friends, is a Life truth … and more people <in my eyes> should just step up to the plate and accept that truth without all the suggestions that they keep you from being a successful or ‘whole’ person.
We fail. And maybe it is because of some shortcoming and absolutely I am assuming that shortcoming will create at least one dead end in your life (toward some success). But it doesn’t mean that it keeps you from some other path to success.
It does not mean you are a failure. It just may mean you have failed, and you may fail consistently, if you pursue that path.
Ok.
Next.
And when I went hunting I found a blog focused solely on failure. And it wasn’t bad or negative or even totally depressing.
Now. It certainly wasn’t uplifting by any stretch of the imagination but it was kind of an interesting glimpse into what I assume was a normal every day woman kind of getting a grip on life.
And this blog is her way of doing it … by embracing failure (she actually has a post called “why have a blog about failure?”: http://soyoufailed.wordpress.com/2010/08/31/why-have-a-blog-about-failure/)
As she says in her ‘about me’ section:
Who am I?
- I am female
- I’m in my mid 30′s
- I live in the Bay Area, California
- My day job is as a User Experience Designer (my 24 hour/day job is “failure”
)
- I am a mother of 2 beautiful boys
- My “other” interests besides failure are photography, learning to play the guitar, and user experience design.
I loved it.
“my other interests beyond failure …” Nice perspective.
The site has glimpses of insight <albeit I wonder if writing nonstop about failure is completely healthy>. And while absolutely focused on failure, which I equate to a songwriter trying to write every song about a falling star <or God>, there are truly some nice perspectives on failing.
And all written from an everyday perspective.
Anyway.
About a failure <she says as one of 5 things> …
5. You learned something.
And that’s what life is all about. Learning something. In failing you probably learned something about yourself, about someone else, about a situation, about how to do something better next time. Failing is so valuable. Don’t focus on the failure. Focus on what you got from that failure.
So go ahead, fail on!
(nice closing line by the way)
Life is about learning.
Life is about failure.
I imagine the corollary thought would be “how boring would life be if we never failed?” there is such a stigma attached to failure … and the word itself. In fact, to be politically correct, I probably shouldn’t use the word failure.
It would be “trial & error” (what a bunch of bullhockey).
Look.
We fail.
And it’s okay to fail.
And it’s even okay to fail on some of the really Big things in life. Not that you try to … just that … well … we do.
It is called Life.
- Marriages fall apart even when you don’t really want them to.
- You try to win a game but you don’t.
- You try and lose those 10 pounds and you don’t.
- You try and be the best friend you can but miss when a good friend needs you.
Some are big things. Some are small things.
But all ‘things’ examples of failing at something.
And, once again, that’s okay. It’s cool.
You aren’t a failure just because you failed.
And that is a big, no HUGE, distinction.
You aren’t a failure … unless … you don’t pay attention to #5 (you learned something). You just failed.
Because, in fact, some failures are just part of life.
Maybe these are “failings” rather than failures but … well … whatever. Semantics.
I guess my point here is don’t aim to fail <as if any of us actually would, huh?> but recognize you do fail. And accept it IS failing.
Lastly.
Here is a great example of how failure … well … happens. And we (who are perfect of course) looking at failure happening right before our eyes … need to be very very <very> careful in our judgement with regard to failings and failure.
Let me give you a really big example … a really good one … which was part of this whole ‘failure’ blog:
… my crisis started. I had reached a point where I just could not figure out what to do. I was crying and weeping and just could not calm myself down. I got to the point when I had to ask myself, “What will make you sane and get you through this moment? What will keep you from killing yourself right now?” And to me, and it is a different thing for everybody, smoking had always been the thing that I turned to when I got to such a low point. It was what got me to calm down and take a moment and just be present. For some it could be a stiff drink, a dozen donuts, or a shopping spree. For me it was smoking. So I did it. I failed my abstinence. I went to the closest Walgreens, bought a pack, and smoked a cigarette.
And I admit, I failed even more and bought two more packs to get me through lower lows these past few months. I gave myself a break. I thought, it is better to have a crutch to get through these horrible days, than to be perfect and not have a crutch and go crazy. I took it easy on myself, I “failed” myself. Or more like I let myself have what I needed. I think at some point in our lives, when we need to, we should give in to ourselves. In our darkest times, we need to stop and think about what we need to get us through it. If you need to spend $1000 on clothing to save yourself, do it.
But know when it is time to stop. Know when the break needs to be over. Know when the fail needs to stop. For me that break is over now. I need to stop smoking now, before it becomes a full blown addiction again. Before it spirals out of control. Now it is becoming less helpful and is on the brink of being harmful. And so, while it is still easy to stop, I have stopped. I no longer need my crutch. It has done its job. It has gotten me through my darkest times.
I hope that for you, when you are going through a tough time, that you are able to stop and think about what crutch you need to get you through, and that you let yourself have that and let yourself fail. But I also hope that at some point, when you are healed, you are able to gracefully lay the crutch down.
Big thought in there.
“In our darkest times, we need to stop and think about what we need to get us through it. If you need to spend $1000 on clothing to save yourself, do it.
But know when it is time to stop. Know when the break needs to be over. Know when the fail needs to stop.”
Failing always needs context.
No. It doesn’t need excuses … just context.
I wrote about this kind of thing over a year ago … I stated there and then I was wrong … wrong in a way that this blogger said it best.
Here is what I said: http://brucemctague.com/doubt-part-3-crushed-between-internal-and-external-doubt
(the key words from that post)
Do what it takes to keep it alive. Keep your sense of I and don’t lose it.
Whatever it takes.
Let me repeat.
Whatever it takes.
In the past I have judged people who have leaned on religion. Leaned on prescription drugs. Leaned on self help books. Leaned on betterment programs.
Well. I have been a fool.
And ignorant.
A stupid ignorant fool.
For whatever path one chooses to maintain their flame is the right path. And a good path. And a path well taken.
You do whatever it takes to keep the flame alive and don’t get crushed by doubt. That’s it. Bottom line.
I didn’t know better words at that time but in my head I saw some things as “failings”, or failure, in people and was making my own judgments on their actions.
Look.
We have rules. We have guidelines. We have distinctions between what is right and wrong. And if we don’t meet them we ‘fail.’
Yes. All of that is true.
Yet.
In dark times … you have to do whatever you have to do to cross that dark bridge.
Whatever. Even if it means ‘failing’ in some form or fashion. Even if it means that it LOOKS like failure in someone else’s eyes.
The blogger is right.
It is okay to fail.
Failing does not make you a failure.
By the way …. Here is the site:
I fail, you fail, we all fail. Here is our tale.
just do what you think you should
Mar 12th
Posted by Bruce in Favorite Quotes
“all I can do is be me, whoever that is.” – Bob Dylan
“Everything passes, everything changes. Just do what you think you should do.” – Bob Dylan
Ok. I have never been a big fan of Bob Dylan’s music.
But.
I like the fact he went out … and kind of shoved it back in the face of establishment.
He kind of just said “here I am … take it or leave it.” And figured out how to be successful at what he wanted to do.
I am pretty sure the people who know exactly what they want to do … or what they will be good at .. are in the minority.
I would bet a really small minority.
And worse? People judging what YOU will be good at have a fairly poor track record as a rule of thumb <because they judge based on their own perceptions>.
What that means is if you are in that minority (who actually knows what they want to do) and the majority of people think you will suck at it … well … it not only sucks but it is tough.
People said Bob Dylan can’t sing. But he became a singer.
If you ever wonder if there is a formula for life … I would imagine Bob Dylan is the penultimate proof that there is not.
And while the majority of us will never be as famous or as successful as Bob that’s not really the point.
The point is that there are really only a couple of truths in Life:
- 1. All you can do is be you … no matter who that is.
- 2. Everything changes … all the frickin’ time as a matter of fact … so you should just do what you think you should do.
Bob?
No. He can’t sing. But he is a singer.
If that isn’t a Life lesson I don’t know what is.
echoes in eternity
Mar 8th
Posted by Bruce in Favorite Quotes
“what we do in life will echo in eternity” – Maximus (in Gladiator)
Because I just used this quote with regard to myself, and project global generation, I thought I would complete the thought with a full post. I kind of wrote about this thought several years ago: http://brucemctague.com/moment-to-do-the-extraordinary
I called it ‘moment to do the extraordinary’ using a quote from Admiral Collingwood at Trafalgar. Regardless.
This is kind of a simple thought (with complex ramifications).
Our actions impact others.
Oh.
And they live on.
Sometimes for eternity. Surely not all will <whew. thank god> … but some will.
And ‘what we do’ isn’t just a reflection of who we are (although it certainly reflects upon your character and how you are judged) but this is bigger than a ‘me’ type thought.
This is a “more than me” type thought.
The kind of thought that makes us think about choices and what we elect to do … because … well .., what we do echoes in eternity.
In one short sentence Maximus suggests that the way we live in time affects our present … and determines our eternity.
He suggests what we do in the present will affect not who we are and what will happen but also our future … beyond death.
Ultimately he suggests that you … well … matter.
That your thoughts matter.
That your choices matter.
That your actions matter.
And not only within this moment. But in the moments which end up in eternity.
It IS a simple thought. Your life matters not just to you but to others.
So it is simple with complex ramifications. What you do is up to you, but your life matters to the degree that you choose it to matter. All this type of thinking translates into an awareness that Life means something…when you are aware of it in a conscious way (i.e., you pay attention to it).
But it is bigger than the ‘here & now’ life you are living … this quote suggests that this makes our decisions infinitely more important than just the here and now.
Anyway. In eight relatively little words he suggests a lot … and it may seem complex <or maybe I am just making it complex> but the meaning of life is actually quite simple in that it is about choice.
Life is a conscious choice … or series of choices … on your part in that you get to choose your present, future and eternity ‘you.’ No one else. Just you. Yup. Your life, its meaning, is up to you.
In the end I imagine this is all about realizing ‘a moment’ really can matter … if you want it to.
And while you are limited in what you can see <timewise> at any point you should, and most of us do, have a sense of eternity. In that there is life, and lives, after us. And in some way … sometimes small … sometimes big … we will echo within that Life.
Maximus is correct … what you do in life does indeed echo in eternity.
Simple as that.
dirty windows
Mar 5th
Posted by Bruce in Favorite Quotes
“And I do not assume that my experience is universal. It is simply mine, and I offer it to you as a window, dirty though that window may be.” – opticalnoise (a blogger)
Sometimes young people say things with the type of panache you only expect from older people.
This young blogger wrote the quote and I liked it enough to use it.
Experiences are personal (unless there is enough similar critical mass to make it quasi-universal).
And in the business world I often find myself debating with people when they offer their experience as …. well … not dirty but rather … well … universal (and that is an issue).
Two thoughts.
- Research of one is not research.
- The odds that the person relating the experience (in business management) actually reflects mainstream American (or any mainstream consumer) is so low that even Las Vegas wouldn’t take them odds.
Bottom line? Realize that your experience is most likely not universal (particularly when discussing business … but beware on personal advice also).
This may seem like a no brainer, but I can’t tell you how often this basic rule is ignored. I think a large part of it is that is because people personalize their experience (or their wife/husband’s) that they cannot fathom that no one else feels exactly the same way.
Anyway.
All that said I am now going to share my dirty window experience list (although I actually stole the thought from a blogger named arina and put my own dirt on some different windows).
I created the list because I almost have it all figured out (yeah … not so much). Thinking back from my personal experiences I believe there are a few universal experiences (let’s call them windows we all peer through on occasion just for the sake of this post) that seemingly work without fail throughout life:
- The Karma window
Karma is this random thing floating out there in the ether that somehow impacts cause & effect on all of us. Simplistically … for every action there is a reaction. Yeah. Every action <and thought just in case you have forgotten>. It is amazing to me how often we forget that our actions always, yes, always, have repercussions.
Whatever force we exert … things we send into the ether around us in the form of our thoughts, feelings and actions … comes back to us in kind (if not sometimes multiplied). There are no exceptions and you get no free passes. Oh. Please note I included thoughts & feelings in the “cause” column. That is truly the Karma aspect. Somehow … someway … thoughts & feelings enter into the ether as some type of tangible force (or ’cause’) that often creates a nuclear-sized effect. Never forget that.
- The Life window
This may actually be a different pane of glass in the Karma window. We are all connected by invisible glass in one window … called the Life window. When we hurt someone or when we pass judgment on someone … we are affected as well. Sorry. Life, for some reason, just likes to keep everything balanced.
What that means is you are probably better off (or more likely to be happy) if you attach what you care about (and Life objectives) with good intentions for other people. If you look at it selfishly, when your objectives benefit other people there is less difficulty in achieving them. Oh. And others will assist you. If you don’t look at it selfishly … well … just assume more good shit will happen in your life if you do good shit (and think good shit about other people).
- The Creation window
Everyone is creative and every one has unlimited creative potential. It is just how you define creation. Create art. Create financial success. Create the most awesome balance sheet your company has ever had. Create a kid that will be the next president. Everyone one of us has the potential to create some type of greatness. You just have to make sure the window is open and the blinds are open. Oh. And make sure you know that you actually have that window.
- The Neutrality window
Life is neutral. It does not play favorites. This is probably a derivative of the balance thing. In the absence of good & evil Life probably wouldn’t choose sides but rather stay in bed taking a nap. Life does not decide someone is more important or less significant. Life never randomly punishes. Life never randomly rewards. Nothing is random but pretty much (with some notable exceptions) everything is earned. Everyone is given an opportunity to learn something (which ultimately is the key opportunity for personal success). Everyone pretty much has a chance in Life (albeit it is tougher for some people than others).
- The Action window
This is the window right next to the neutrality window. In the absence of individual action Life will do its own things in its own time. Life does not just happen to us. It requires our active participation. Remember. Life is neutral. If you are inactive … Life is inactive <with you>. It will not take interest in you until you take interest in it. It is too busy paying attention to people paying attention to it.
- The You cannot Ignore ‘What is’ window
“What is” will evolve into “what will be” when ignored. That I guarantee. In other words … you will continue to receive what Life gives you even if you refuse to accept it. If we ignore our problems, they will only get bigger and more urgent. If we ignore opportunities, they will cease to exist. If we refuse to learn lessons from the past, larger, more serious, lessons will be given to us. If we obsessively pursue a goal or idea that is not right for us, it will elude us until we accept that we can live without it.
- The Stagnancy window
This one is the opposite side of the Action window pane. And this one is a warning. Stagnancy is addictive. What I mean by this is, if the view from your window is awesome, you can find yourself sitting there doing nothing but enjoying it. So. This I guarantee … it may be a beautiful view today but if you don’t move … and just stay there … it will lose its appeal. Stagnancy is the death of inner growth and happiness (or seeing beauty in life). When you do not use skills you lose them. Similar, without continuing effort in personal growth, you are doomed to fall back as Life continues moving. What happens then? Obsolescence. Life, and people, and thoughts, and whatever …. just pass you by.
- The Impatient window
Impatience is sneaky in life. Sometimes it can disguise itself as ambition or ‘goals’ or things like that. Because the allure, and desire, of success is something we all desire. And we may like the idea of instant gratification or easy success or short cuts … but deep down all of us know that things of value have to be earned. And that is where impatience rears its ugly head. You are peddling as hard as you can toward success … but as look through this window you are impatient, and it is challenging, because you want it NOW … but this window is about patiently waiting for the reward to come in its own time. Ok. This doesn’t mean you should be scared to do things nor shouldn’t be ambitious … this is more about having some common sense. Good things typically don’t come easy. If it were all that easy anyone could do it. Maybe learn to be patiently impatient for success.
- The Reality-based Optimism window
Here is a reality <2 of them actually>. Negativity begets negativity. If you think negatively I can guarantee you will never attain happiness. Uh oh. But. If you always think optimistically I can guarantee you will always be disappointed (sorry about that).
So can you ever be happy? Yup. By being realistic, but being optimistic. A truth in this window? Good things DO happen to good people. Well. Let me be specific … that is ‘good people who exhibit some reality-based goodness’. By the way … for anyone who wants to debate the view from this window …. research (published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences) predicted in simulated models that generosity/trust pays. Mathematically they found it pays to be trusting in the long run even though you will sometimes be cheated (so that is how Santa can figure out how to assess naughty or nice).
- The Trade-off window
For everything you gain you have to give up something else. A simple complex one.
And the last.
- The Desire window
This window sometimes has a weird filter over it that makes things not look as they really are. What I mean by that is not everything we go after is what we truly want. Sometimes we only think we know what we want … and sometimes we don’t know what we want until we get it. Maddening? You bet. But everyone has this window. Unfortunately this window is most typically found in the main room so you look through it a lot. This window is also, individually, often the dirtiest. You will be tempted to go to other people’s houses and look thru their “desire window” and hope for some guidance. Sorry. No can do. Your Desire window is your Desire window. I kind of think they are like snowflakes … no 2 the same. You will probably not have a more aggravating window in your home. Too bad. Every home has one.
So.
There you go. I will admit though … while I made my personal experiences universal … I do look through other people’s dirty windows as often as I can. Like the opening quote said … they offer a view … regardless of how dirty the view may be.







