“This is my strength: I will go quietly because it is the best thing for you.
I will close the door gently behind me … I won’t come back. “
I am fairly sure I am going to state a Life truth here.
Maybe I could say … you only make this mistake once.
When you let someone in blindly more often than not you will be disappointed or, at worst, get screwed <get burned>.
“I opened my door for you and you came in and burned my house down.”
As I wrote that I felt … well … cynical.
Shouldn’t we be able to trust people more often?
Shouldn’t it be easier to be good to everyone?
Sadly … letting people into your Life isn’t an open door policy. You need to have a doorbell and a peephole and you need to welcome someone in before you open the door.
And I say sadly because it would be nice to simply have no door and just let anyone wander in.
But you can’t.
For a variety of reasons … and not all cynical.
The ‘not cynical at all’ reason is that not all people are soulmates and not all people are the one, or ones, you truly connect with.
And that is what this is all about – connection.
The ones you truly let in need to be interviewed.
I don’t buy the ‘instant connection’ or ‘I could read them instantly’ < recognizing people >.
At least I don’t buy it with any ‘in depth’ or ‘let them all the way in’ in mind.
You can look thru the peephole and say ‘okay … I will open the door to hear what they have to say’ but it is very very difficult to just say ‘c’mon in’ and be 100% certain it was a good decision.
Even if you DO let them in there is a less than 100% certainty.
Letting people in is a contractual arrangement.
Yeah. I actually did type ‘contract’ in association with people.
What I mean is that we make “connection contracts” with people.
And some of these contracts are just understood.
You will be acquaintances.
You will be friends.
You will be in business together.
You will be in love.
You will be … well … whatever two people decide to be and act.
It may be clearly stated … it may not be … but having established your relationship and ‘been something’ a contract is understood.
And this is where ‘letting someone in blindly’ takes on an uncomfortable aspect.
Because once a contract has been established you feel like you are no longer blind and yet … well … you can be blind to some aspects that can truly impact what happens with that someone you have let in.
This can happen when one of the parties attempts to change the terms of the contract and the other isn’t prepared to change the contract <the most obvious example I can give is when one of two friends falls in love with the other friend … and tells them>.
Most often one isn’t prepared to change the entire contract because they like the contract the way it is … and changing it risks that the entire thing becomes null & void.
And once THIS happens to you … well … you REALLY never let anyone in blindly.
It increases your discomfort with letting the next person in.
You realize that some people you let in are stealthy and that within something unsaid resides a misunderstanding in the understating of the contract you have created.
“[Do you understand me?]
I will walk without noise, and I will open the door in darkness, and I will.”
Jonathan Safran Foer
I do believe you only let one person in blindly.
That doesn’t mean your sight becomes 20/20 … just that you don’t do it blindly.
“You brave, brave thing.
One day, you’re going to
stop leaving the door open
for people who only know how
to keep leaving. “
The motive for not letting someone in blindly is always the same … fear of loss, fear of discovery, fear of treachery … well … suffice it to say … fear of something.
This may actually be the one time that fear is good.
In this case it creates some caution and it insures we don’t go blindly into something.
Of course fear shouldn’t dictate all behavior but offering some aspect of thoughtfulness is never a bad thing. Especially of this thoughtfulness has to do with who you decide to let into your Life.