Enlightened Conflict

executive coaching and solving obliviousness

February 24th, 2017

 

either madness or brilliance

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“… life coaching is quickly becoming one of the leading tools that successful people use to live extraordinary lives.”

 

some Life coach

 

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“WTF.”

 

Bruce

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Well.

 

Back in 2013 I asked the question ‘what did we do before life coaching’ … used life coachthe quotes above … and basically stated I thought Life coaching was a bullshit profession.

 

And while I received a great comment, which highlighted some good points on what coaching should & should not be, basically scolding me with regard to what I said … any ‘coaching’ isn’t really about telling someone what to do but rather providing an outside perspective attempting to show insights to help someone get to where they want to go.

To me it seems to me that all this coaching does is to assist in steps to insure … well … accountability … personal & managerial. And it seems to e that all this coaching does is make an attempt to better control one’s destiny <which I imagine is anyone’s real objective not just some executive>.

 

I know I could never be a coach mostly because I don’t think I am that positive nor can I use the words these coaches seem to love “world wants to give you everything you desire” … “your uniqueness is a pleasant gift you can give to the world” ….  “takes courage to follow the path you believe in”“positive energy always attracts positive outcomes”.

I know I could never be a coach because I do believe there are limits to someone’s ability … in other words … everyone has a ceiling. That doesn’t mean you cannot improve sideways or build some depth to improve or fill in some cracks in your ability … just that we do have a reality ‘stop sign’ with regard to our abilities.

 

Regardless.

 

I am just not that motivational.

It just seems like bullshit to me and all I want to do is to “talk about getting shit done the way you want to get it done using a good moral compass to guide it all.”

 

That would be my coaching selling point.

Kinda “blah.”

Kinda no bullshit.

 

And, you know what?

I talk with dozens of CEO’s and business owners on a random basis and they don’t need coaching … they just need some new perspectives to get them out of where they are mentally and step out for a fresh view on a topic, issue or problem. And they mostly don’t need any motivational bullshit, or any bullshit for that matter, or buzzword crap.

 

I still believe Life coaching <and I do toss ‘executive coaching’ in that segment … although most I have crossed paths with are less ‘faux psychologists’ and more ‘pragmatic measuring milestones’ advisors> as mostly bullshit.

 

But.

And this is a big but.

 

If I could ever point to a case in which I believe executive coaching, or Life coaching, may actually be useful … it would be with Donald J. Trump. I am fairly sure I have never seen a business leader with worse organizational leadership instincts and as poor inspirational, vision and communications leader skills.

 

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“The crowning fortune of a man is to be born to some pursuit which finds him employment and happiness, whether it be to make baskets, or broadswords, or canals, or statues, or songs.”

 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

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obvious oblivious confuse blind lead

I am fairly sure we would have less than zero chance of convincing good ole Donald J to accept some coaching because I think he is oblivious to the fact he is not loved by all, he is not respected by all, he is not followed by all <because he attained the title> or that he is not perceived as a great business person by all.

 

He seems oblivious to the fact he actually has to ‘win over’ the skeptics <which every newly promoted leader knows you have to do> and that he actually has to ‘win over’ basic approval <which he is sorely lagging in>.

 

  • Donald J is not only oblivious I would suggest if he read what I just wrote he wouldn’t understand one aspect of it.

 

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“There was no answer, except the general answer life gives to all the most complex and insoluble questions.

That answer is: one must live for the needs of the day, in other words, become oblivious.”

 

Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

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While people can debate his appropriate approval ratings <most agree it is dismal> a new CBS study broke down the range of President Trump’s potential support by showing people separated, by themselves, into four groups:

 

  • The Believers. the strongest of Trump backers those backing him but waiting for him to deliver. Believers (22%)] are the president’s strongest backers, who like what he’s doing and how he’s doing it; defend him against his critics, and see him as defending the country against threats.

CBS oblivious Trump skeptics view organization

 

  • The Conditionals. Those quai-supporting him for now but waiting to see some results. Conditionals (22%)] will remove their support if he doesn’t ‘fix the economy’ for them. They’re also concerned about safety, but aren’t as all-in with everything Mr. Trump does, especially in terms of style. A quarter don’t like the tweets.

 

 

  • The Curious. The curious (21%) oppose Mr. Trump at the moment but ‘would reconsider’ supporting him if he does a good job. They’re looking for more than just results, though – they want Mr. Trump to reach out to them, and they want respect.

 

 

  • The Resistors. those who seem immovably, firmly opposed: The Resistors (35%). They want the Democrats to oppose Mr. Trump on many more things, rather than try to work with him; demographically, they are much more likely to be either African-American or Hispanic and young.

 

 

I would assume this is the specific type of information a leader, seeking to lead, would love to have. And if he/she <Donald J> chose to be oblivious to it … I would assume this is the specific type of information an Executive coach would love to have.

 

To ignore this type of information would not only be leadership malpractice but poor organizational awareness.

 

I wrote back in January that being aware that ‘converting Skepticals is always the key to organizationally unity‘.  No … it is not breeding excitement among the fewer believers nor is it attempting to placate the non-believers … getting an organization going is almost always about ‘the skeptical.’

 

Skepticals reside in the Promised Land for a leader. One foot in hopeful promise and one foot in practical promise.

I say that because 43% of America <Conditionals & Curious> are the Skepticals to Trump.

 

comfort talk face in the eye

……………… coaching Donald J. …………………

If I were coaching Donald J I would be focusing on that 43% day in and day out because … well … while I could argue it is the potential pathway to alignment … they actually reflect ‘effectiveness.’

 

If I were coaching Donald J I would tell him to be very concerned with the “resistors’ because … well … 35% is a ‘yuge’ number … as in massive. It is the kind of number that would keep any sane CEO awake at night.

 

If I were coaching Donald J I would also point out that if he would solve the Skeptical group they will inevitably drag a good % of the Resistors out of steadfast resistant into a ‘reluctant cooperator’ status <which is okay>.

 

  • Donald J is not only oblivious I would suggest if he read what I just wrote he wouldn’t understand one aspect of it.

 

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“I wasn’t sure what was worse: being oblivious or living within reality.”

 

Shannon A. Thompson

 

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I admit.

It seems crazy to me to have to be writing this shit.

 

Like I said earlier … I speak with dozens of CEO types and know even more personally.  Not one … zero … would need this type of advice.

And why I can say that is simple.

 

Of the 200 people promoted to their 1st manager position … 200 of them will make rookie mistakes. They will not have ‘coaches’ but they will have mentors & bosses and they will do some shit by trial & error and figure it out.

 

Of the 200 people promoted to their senior level manager position … 200 of them will make some mistake … but only about 20 of them will make a mistake that reflects some obliviousness to what reality is.

 

Of the 200 people promoted to their CEO/business owner position … 198 of them will make some mistakes … but the mistakes they make will not be organizational type crap but rather “what to do first & how to do things” type missteps … and maybe 2 of them will remain oblivious to reality.

 

I am sure Executive Coaches can help out on the “what to do first & how to do things” type missteps and that is why that profession exists … but what the hell do you do with the 2?

<which I am tempted to suggest Donald J fits into>

 

Anyway.

 

Lastly.

 

I would coach Donald J. on the “yuge” difference between confidence & optimism.

Trump oblivious curious organizationI could view the numbers I showed earlier as well as some other attitudinal polls and get a nice sense that a larger group of my organization had a strong thread of optimism for a variety of meaningful things.

If I were the CEO, I would like that.

 

I could also view the numbers I showed earlier as well as some other attitudinal polls and get an uncomfortable sense that a larger group of my organization wasn’t exactly confident — with regard to me & my behavior as well as attaining the desired results.

 

To be honest. The situation could be worse. If I were that CEO I wouldn’t be euphoric but on the other hand I would recognize that, if managed wisely, I could close the gap between optimism & confidence and make it a ‘yuge’ win for the organization.

 

  • Donald J is not only oblivious I would suggest if he read what I just wrote he wouldn’t understand one aspect of it.

 

Sigh.oblivious do not want to hear

 

I honestly do not know what you do with regard to coaching a CEO who is either oblivious to the reality of his or her organization … or worse … believes it is irrelevant.

 

But maybe that is why I am not an Executive Coach. I wouldn’t know what to do to coach him.

 

What I do know is that because of Trump … I am actually rethinking my views on the value of Life coaching and Executive coaching.

 

 

Trump voters deserve some dignity too

February 9th, 2017

pew survey america

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Walt Whitman wouldn’t have forgotten them …

He knew that the fate of each one of us is inextricably linked to the fate of all.

 

The notion that the fate of each one of is tied to the fate of all is the essence of democracy.

 

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“Dignity is as essential to human life as water, food, and oxygen. The stubborn retention of it, even in the face of extreme physical hardship, can hold a man’s soul in his body long past the point at which the body should have surrendered it.”

 

Laura Hillenbrand

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“Every life deserves a certain amount of dignity, no matter how poor or damaged the shell that carries it.”

 

Rick Bragg

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So.

 

american handsI have been unequivocal on this issue from day one … people who vote, and voted, for Trump are no more, and no less, than anyone who didn’t. They are not ‘more stupid’, ‘more ignorant’ or more anything other than more for Trump than many of the other people.

 

Yes.

Trump is an unequivocal asshat.

 

Yes.

Some, and I mean a small sliver, of those who support Trump are asshats <let’s call them Deplorables>.

 

Yes.

As we watch Trump supporters twist themselves into pretzels trying to defend immature lack of leadership and some misguided behavior <with scraps of good ideas being wasted within> some of us want to smirk and say “I told you so” … or say worse.

 

That said.

 

Yes.

Most people who took the time to vote, who took the time to look around and think about their world, the world around them and maybe the world in a bigger sense <be that just America or global> deserve some respect. And they absolutely deserve human dignity … which anyone, regardless of who you voted for, should protect and recognize as one of the things that unites people in a democracy <albeit it oddly divides us at exactly the same time>.

 

Yes.

 

While I think Donald Trump is a moron … I cringe every time I hear someone describe the people showing support for him as ‘uneducated’ or focus the dignity prouddescription on “no college education.”

 

This implies they are stupid.

 

And it also implies everyone with a college education is not stupid.

Trump voters, as with 99% of any country’s population, are not stupid <and, I would note, people with a college education may actually own the market of stupidity>.

 

His supporters are real people with real worries and real lives … and are not stupid.

 

I wrote this in ‘calling of the trumpets’ back in January 2016:

 

In the end he is selling a false ‘us versus them’ narrative and he is selling empty promises by offering past glory which he will somehow craft as a phoenix from the fire.

It all sounds good.

Well.

It sounds safe … and ‘safe’ always sounds good when you view the future and see … well … fog and not a clear horizon.

 

But the future never … let me repeat … never resides in the past.

 

And people, including Trump followers, know that in their heart of hearts but when no one but a bombastic blowhard is offering what appears to be a viable alternative … some people, some smart people, with anger of feeling marginalized and concern for their way of life will follow even an empty promise.

 

But, once again, that doesn’t make them stupid. In fact … as I read what I have written I am surprised more people haven’t flocked to this asshole. Because asshole or not … if someone thinks he can deliver on ‘winning so much you will get tired of it’ and ‘being great again’ being an asshole can be overlooked.

 

We need to recognize Trump followers not as the ‘unwashed uneducated’ but rather as people, listen to them, debate and disagree with respect. And maybe, just maybe, we can convince them that the best version of them resides in the future which most likely will not look an awful lot like the past but be just as good if not better.

 

Trump is a moron but the people who are currently following Trump are anything but morons. They are thirsty and he is offering water. I may personally not want his version of water but I think it is up to me, and us, to show why the water I would offer tastes better than the water he offers.

======================

 

Yes.

President Trump deserves the respect of the position … but he also deserves the criticism associated with how he assumes the responsibility of the position.

To date he has only earned the moniker of ‘moron.’

 

 

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“As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”

 

—–

H.L. Mencken

 

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But that does not make people who invited their hopes in him as morons. If we were to make such a link then … well … that would be a crowded room because how many of us have invested in some misguided hope at some point in our lives? <answer: 99% of us>

 

Now.

 

Google ‘why Trump won” and you will get about “160 million results in .6 seconds.”

The theories run from insightfully intellectually complex to scary simplistic drivel.

 

I would suggest that everyone take a second and go back to the “One Recession, Two Americas” study PewResearch offered us back in 2010. have have nots 2 americas

 

You would end up seeing that about 55% of America “lost ground”, encountering real difficulties & consequences, and the other 45% of the country “held their own” — the recession was largely free of major difficulties.

 

That 55% not only ‘lost ground’ but they feel marginalized economically, personally <as a citizen>, American-ly <they feel America is being marginalized> and politically.

And because they ‘lost ground’ they became increasingly concerned about their country, their economic state, their families, their jobs and their future as well as the future of their kids

 

For that 55% their world view looks better, and very different, than the world that currently exists.

 

Where you live also is associated with how well you fared during hard times: Easterners are significantly more likely than residents of the South, West or Midwest to have better weathered the economic storm.

I should also note that a college diploma is a strong shield against hard times: nearly six-in-ten college graduates count themselves among the 45% who experienced fewer difficulties during the recession, compared with 38% of those whose educational attainment was a high school diploma or less.

 

Suffice it to say that for about 55% of the country the recession either stopped your progress or ground it to a stuttering progress. And that was in 2010.

 

Which means for a good 6 years those who “lost ground” have had to look around and watch celebrated wins <of which most did not participate in>, watch America social progress happen <of which often didn’t look like the kind of meaningful progress they cared about> and watch a government continue to make promises that only seemed to come to Life for … well … not the Lost Grounds.

And all the while they kept hearing people say “the lost grounders” lives are improving <and they wondered ‘who the hell are those people talking’ and ‘who the hell are the people improving’>.

 

I don’t need to make any high falutin’ intellectually complex argument with regard to why someone voted for Trump … I can go back to this one piece of research and say “here is where the 40some million people who voted for Trump resides.” They are the “lost ground” 55% of America all the way back in 2010.

 

And you know what?

They deserve dignity in Life and, it would seem to me, that ‘losing ground’ in any form or fashion … real or perceived … dents a person’s dignity <among other things> and that is just not that difficult for even my pea-like brain to understand.

 

In the end.

 

I want to be clear that simply because we may learn to understand and empathize with the issues other people, including Trump voters, may have that we shouldn’t maintain a constant vigil for HOW the issues are being addressed … to protect our rights, freedoms and … well soul.

And I mention the soul because debates between two people grounded in ‘here is what I think’ very often grinds its way down into a very practical and pragmatic argument … one in which important things like ‘soul’ get left out.

 

where no hope incumbent on us inventIt is incumbent upon us to maintain steadfast vigil over who and what we want to be “when we grow up” as we grind away over issues in the here & now.

 

It is incumbent upon us to take on divisiveness of ideas, minds and desires with respect.

 

But.

 

It is also incumbent upon us to remain vigilant with regard to the Trump administration and how it addresses ‘de-normalizing’ some of our American ideals that have remained steadfast for centuries.

 

It is incumbent upon us to recognize that the worst of Trump, & the administration, simply plays to the worst that is within some people … and it is incumbent upon us to state, simply & clearly & unequivocally, there is something better than the worst.

 

It is incumbent upon us, all of us, to recognize that Trump is an instrument of awareness.

Good bad, beautiful and ugly … his blunt childish simplistic rhetoric bares some of the truths we all have to deal with. But I would suggest it is incumbent upon all of us to not allow him to be judge & jury, nor should we be judge & jury for each other <Trump voters & non-Trump voters> … but instead we should encourage every individual, whether they voted for Trump or not, to look in the mirror for the judge & jury.

 

Look.

 

I don’t get it.

I struggle to find a real valid reason that anyone took a risk on a choice like Trump for America <present & future America> … regardless of how deep in a shithole you may think we are.

 

But.

As noted in my opening quote … the fate of each one of us is inextricably linked to the fate of all. I am they and they are me … and that is just the way it is. patriotism Trump voter freedom responsibility

 

I will listen and debate and treat them with the dignity they deserve … they are no more, or less, a patriot than I.

 

I cannot judge the Trump voter and I do believe they deserve the dignity of their opinion, their thoughts … and their issues that in some way made them believe  Trump offered some hope in resolving.

 

What I do know is that I can judge Trump, and I will, and I will do so vociferously to Trump voters as well as to the world at large … mostly because I know I don’t want someone like me to be president … I want someone better than me.

 

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meladoodle:

 

why do trump supporters say they like trump cause he ‘says whats on his mind’… like no shit man, i have people in my tumblr inbox who say whats on their mind all the time. i had a guy send me a message that said “vape on my dick”. thats whats on their mind and they said it. i’m not like “oh man… dude… lead us…”

 

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responsible for what you tame

January 25th, 2017

responsible for what you tame leadership people employees

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“People have forgotten this truth,” the fox said. “But you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible forever for what you’ve tamed.”

 

—–

The Little Prince

 

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I cannot play with you,” the fox replies. “I am not tamed.”

 

“What does that mean – to tame?”

 

It means to establish ties. To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world…please, tame me!”

 

I want to, very much,” the Little Prince replied, “but I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand.”

 

“One only understands the things that one tames,” the fox said.

 

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Leadership.

 

afraid to grow into your heights life loseLeaders have a tough job.

 

We call it managing but in reality it is taming. You tame the independent wildness and tame the ability & potential so you can understand it, and it can understand itself, so that eventually there is a mutual progress to play the game as well as it can be played.

Please note that nowhere in there have I suggested “blind obedience.” Taming, in this view, is reaching true understanding so that real personal growth occurs.

 

That said … in that metaphorical expression of leadership … you own what you tame.

 

I say that because far too often we leaders & managers view management as something we do for the benefit of the organization and, hopefully, the benefit of the people … but we ‘own’ no responsibility for the individual in terms of actions or who they become — and certainly not ‘forever.’

 

Some of us view ourselves as shapers in some form or fashion but lean back against the belief we only dent the surface of who and what the person is and will become.

 

We view what we do as possibly taming but within the purview of just a chapter in their lives … not an entire story.

 

In some ways we do this simply as an act of self-survival.

 

The truth is that investing too much personally into your business; the organization and the employees can … well … kill you.

 

Okay.

Maybe not literally kill you … but figuratively it can become a daily strain on your psychological health.

 

Many of us, out of pragmatism, eye our relationship with employees as a story with a finite end – be it positive, sad, joyful, disappointing or ambiguous – but it is, in reality, just the end of a chapter.

 

The story keeps going.

Ours and theirs.

business inclusiveness

And while we may represent only a chapter in a larger narrative … well … we own what we tame. This is an inclusive way of leading & managing.

 

You include yourself in someone’s Life and … well … you own what part you tame.

 

Uhm.

 

Of course … this can also swing to the opposite more dangerous side – an exclusive leadership side.

 

This is ‘ownership’, not owning, of what you tame.

 

You don’t become part of them you simply offer a voice to them – I sometimes call this ‘pack mentality leadership’.

 

These are the leaders who say “on my team <or in other words “mine”> forever.”

 

Leave and my wrath is upon you.

 

Not want to be tamed by me? you are “un” whatever it is I stand for.

 

And this is where exclusive leadership truly rears its ugly head.

 

There is little vision, there is a lot of ‘features’ in the offering <more money, more jobs, more titles, more wins, more whatever> and therefore the incentives do the work and not any persuasive direction or vision. The ‘pack attitude’ is a means to an end and a vision in and of itself.

 

—-

 

“Managers tend to use compensation as a crutch.

After all, it is far easier to design an incentive system that will do management’s work than it is to articulate a direction persuasively, develop agreement about goals and problems, and confront difficulties when they arise.”


Michael Beer, Harvard professor of business administration

—–

 

chaos team alignmentThe features, the actions & behavior of those who belong on this team, are how they speak of unity and teamwork, i.e., “everyone should act this way … but we are the ones who do.”

 

Or how about this?

 

“The only important thing is the unification of the people – because the other people don’t mean anything.” <Trump used these words once awhile back>

 

In other words … the only people who truly count are the ones who are in this leader’s team.

 

Even worse?

They use the ‘us versus them’ polarization as a means to suggest “team personality & character” all the while these types of leaders actually do it to create their own power structure.

 

They don’t desire to include anyone else nor do they tend to reach out to others <albeit they make some inclusive noises on occasion> they desire to build a construct where people ask to join <because they should, of course, have to ask> and are not asked to join.

 

Excluding leaders love the ‘us versus them’ aspect. They love being derided and they love opposition. All these things do is solidify the team’s belief they are different & better & know more than the others.

 

The team becomes what represents what is real & right and the leader controls what is real & right. The leader’s people are truly the only people that count and the leader hasn’t tamed ability but rather attitude.

 

And here is where the ownership of what you tamed hits a dangerous spot.asshole bad manager

 

The leader has tamed an attitude but feels little ownership of the people themselves. Therefore should the leader decide to move on or get tired of whatever it is they are doing at the moment they feel no remorse in leaving people behind <who still harbor the attitude he/she tamed>.

 

The pack remains, the pack mentality still seethes, but the pack leader is no longer there.

 

Anyway.

 

Let me close with some thoughts.

 

I think it is a healthy thought for every manager & leader to ponder ‘you own what you tame.’

 

Leadership and leading is never easy and I have the scars to show to prove it.

 

Bad we help thatI found it naturally tempting to build a quasi-pack mentality in my groups as a younger leader & manager.

I was, and have always been, a more aggressive business person – I am not fond of status quo and not particularly fond of ‘the safe road.’

 

I can absolutely state that as a manager you can feed off of the ‘pack mentality’ attitude. It is exhilarating and almost like a drug … and maybe more dangerous … it can feed into a self-belief aspect that can edge upon arrogance and obliviousness to the greater good.

 

I don’t think I ever fell off the cliff on this but I certainly got a glimpse of the edge.

 

As I gained more experience I saw the danger in doing so <to my team member, to my organization & to myself> and sought to find some balance.

 

You can tame your people’s ability & attitude and they, and you, will benefit at the time and in the future <whether you are still working together or not>.

 

Enlightened Conflict