Posts tagged olympics
Olympics Recap Part 2: Last Random Thoughts
Mar 5th
The National Anthems
How awesome is it to hear all the different national anthems? While just like hearing a song on the radio, too often some anthems wear down their appeal after awhile, but I admit that after a special event the American national anthem can still send a chill up my spine. I continue to believe the Canada anthem is one of the nicest and most listenable. Several like Austria and Czech Republic and Swiss are nice orchestral pieces. And then Finland and Estonia and Belarus have more ‘power’ orchestral things. Anyway. It makes the medal podium thing a little more interesting particularly when some country you just don’t hear of that often gets there. Oh. And I guess I was surprised by China and South Korea anthems. (I don’t know what I expected but it wasn’t what they had. It’s like there is a Chinese Mozart hovering somewhere in the Ming dynasty who wrote some crap for them).
And how would you like the music guy’s job? I am sure nowadays they have everything on computer (but could you imagine when some guy in a booth was scrambling with some plastic LP or even a cassette tape to get it right?).
Bobsled
What’s up with all the crashes? Ok. It is a 4,800 foot track with a 500 foot vertical drop and they get to just above 90 miles per hour but, c’mon dudes, you train all year round for one of the most random events in the world so you won’t crash the only time every 4 years anyone even watches this stupid event. After four-man bobsleds from Croatia and Latvia crashed during training on Monday, officials from the International Bobsleigh and Skeleton Federation (I just wanted to type that out because I am awestruck there is a “Bobsleigh & Skeleton” Federation) postponed the remainder of the practice sessions and now they plan to shave an inch or more of ice from that curve and in a few other areas. (on a separate note Gillette Fusion has negotiated the rights to shave the ice). Coaches say the changes are relatively minor and will make the track more navigable. WTF. It is supposed to be the world’s most difficult isn’t it?
And just as I was starting to think these guys were tough because after some crashes and they stood around comparing rug burns (oops. ice burns), where most of them look like they could give The Rock a run for his money (some of these dudes are big slabs of guys), their tough guy image took a huge fucking hit today when The Netherlands’ four-man bobsled team withdrew from the event because pilot Edwin van Calker is not confident driving his sled on the track at the Whistler Sliding Centre. Say what? Not confident? WTF. He is fucking scared. Once again. You train nonstop for this one event and you get scared?
“This is a personal decision on Edwin’s part,” bobsled coach Tom de la Hunty said. “From a buildup of numerous factors, including his crash in two-man bobsleigh, the tragic accident in men’s luge and external family pressures, all of which resulted in Edwin not having confidence in piloting.”
So. Wouldn’t you like to be a fly on the wall with the other three guys who just got screwed in participating in the Olympics? (While I assume there were massive amounts of Heineken involved, I am hoping for Edwin’s sake the biathlon guns reside in a different wing of the complex).
Logos & Mascots
Probably because I haven’t figured out what the mascot of the Vancouver Olympics is (which is probably good seeing as I personally had to live through Izzy – the idiot – logo mascot for the Atlanta Olympics so I am scarred) I think I will write something about the Olympic rings (just because I was curious and looked some information up).
It was after the 1912 Stockholm Games (the first Games featuring athletes from all five inhabited parts of the world) a design of five interlocked rings, drawn and colored by hand, appeared at the top of a letter. The ring design was used as the emblem of the IOC’s 20th anniversary celebration in 1914 and a year later, it became the official Olympic symbol.
The rings have been explained as “A white background, with five interlaced rings in the centre: blue, yellow, black, green and red…is symbolic; it represents the five inhabited continents of the world, united by Olympics, while the six colors are those that appear on all the national flags of the world at the present time.” The original designer used a loose interpretation of “continent” that included Africa, the Americas, Asia, Europe and Oceania. No specific ring represents a specific continent.
Olympics Recap Part 1: Some final random thoughts
Mar 2nd
Men’s Ice Hockey
I really really wanted to get excited about this USA ice hockey team thing. And I know NBC and ESPN wanted me to be really really excited (if I had seen one more “miracle on ice” clip I think I would have thrown out all my ice cubes and swear off any ice). But. This isn’t Olympics hockey anymore. This is NHL exhibition. Sorry. Just don’t think this is what the Olympics were created for. This is why we have the NHL.
Women’s Ice Hockey
Ok. I admit. Up until the gold medal game I bet I hadn’t seen more than 5 minutes total of women’s ice hockey. So the game and award ceremony was pretty enlightening.
First. The Canadian women are good. Really good. They skated circles around the USA women and should have scored at least three more goals on top of the two they got.
Second. I admit I also don’t watch many of the actual award ceremonies. But I got hooked watching this one (no. not because it was women.) So. Finland who took the bronze. Every single one of them looked so frickin’ happy and proud it reminds you that winning a bronze at the Olympics is really really special. There is this kind of lightly dazed look on some faces as they look down at that Olympics medal hanging around their neck. I think we forget in all the “who is winning the Gold” discussion how special the entire event is for each of the athletes and going home with a medal, any medal, represents a feat that 99.99% of the world will never truly understand.
Third. This is what the Olympics should be about. As they panned the faces these were girls, okay, young women. They were mostly not professional hockey players (I think there is pro women’s hockey in Europe). Regardless. Lots of young faces beaming with pride, some sadness with the losing team and that kind of young disbelief of “is this is truly happening to me.” Awesome. They should bottle this up.
Celebration controversy
Ok. I will ‘fess up here at the onset in the interest of full disclosure. This lil write up is coming from a guy who celebrated the completion of finals in his junior year of high school by going to happy hour at Hannibal’s in downtown Burlington with a bunch of friends for 5 for a dollar drafts. I was 16 (but I turned 17 in July). That said. C’mon. So the Canadian women drank some beer and champagne and smoked some stogies. And you don’t think the USA women didn’t? or the Swedish cross country team … or … well … any team.
So. How wild would you celebrate? Let me put winning (or getting a medal) in perspective.
There are 6,800,000,000 people in the world.
Ok. Only 82 countries send athletes to the Winter Olympics so let’s say for argument sake that represents 86% of total world population.
So that makes the Olympics countries represent 5,848,000,000 in population.
Approximately 2,600 athletes attend and participate.
That represents .0000004 % of population.
A pretty small and special group.
Then there are 86 events in seven sports at this Winter Olympics.
Let’s call it 258 medals. Maybe 10% of athletes participating win a medal.
So. 10% of .0000004% of total world population receives a medal.
Go fucking celebrate. Get shitfaced if you want.
The fact you won a medal puts you in such a special minority I think we can safely say you deserve a cocktail if you want one.
Cacophony at Curling
Yelling. Lots of yelling. I am unclear whether they yell at each other, the competition or the stone (who seems relatively indifferent to everything). If I had a gold medal on the line and I am sweeping crap out of the way of the stone and someone in a shrill voice is screaming at me I would be quite tempted to shove the broom up their ass. Ok. maybe I would pull them off to the side and say “hey, listen, there are maybe 75 people in this whole frickin’ stadium and they probably got the tickets for free and don’t really care what is going on so I think I could hear what you have to tell me without screaming, ok?”
Next. The announcers.
“How exciting, they have two stones in the house!” (and this is women curling just to be clear).
“Time to skip stones” (and the water is frozen)
“This is double peel territory” (and I think the kitchen is in another section of the building)
And they say all these things not only without laughing but also with true enthusiasm. Awesome. They don’t get paid enough.
Speed Skating
So. Finally they do something in this speed skating thing that I not only understand but also kind of enjoyed watching. This team race thing. And I give huge props to the German team who utilized a baseball tactic to win one race. Coming down to the finish the third (the slowest) gal on the team dives for first base to beat the throw … and wins. Awesome. You would think staying on the skates would be faster but she pulled a Pete Rose (without the gambling) and squeaked out a win for the Germans.
And then there was the coaching error that caused maybe one of the biggest dudes in the entre Olympics a gold medal. Hagar the Horrible from the Netherlands was really really pissed when he won but didn’t win.
All because his coach told him to do something (once again the whole lane thing kinda confuses me) that
he shouldn’t have done. Some reporters took Hagar to task for how he responded after realizing he was disqualified. Ok. Look. The dude didn’t lose he was DQ’ed (and no that doesn’t mean he got a free blizzard at Dairy Queen). They could have penalized him seconds, minutes, a lap, whatever and he would still have crushed all the others. But no. No gold. Shit. No medal. No sponsor money (oops. that’s right. that doesn’t matter). Thank god these Netherlanders are passive and high on pot all the time or he may have gone really ballistic. Could you imagine if it had been a Russian (notice I am not picking on some American here)? Yikes. Igor would have obliterated the coach before our eyes. Give Hagar a break. I would have been pissed too.
Olympic Update 4
Feb 27th
Figure skating
So. They come right out of the blocks with a scoring scandal. Awesome. All the judging hijinks (love that word) have sufficiently made all the American male skaters weep like babies and the ever Slavic Soviets sneer in disdain. The Russian after party set a record for vodka consumed and some were caught out on the biathlon course shooting Kalashnikovs at targets with American skaters’ heads on the targets while Americans sipped triple caramel frappucinos and discussed Ralph Lauren designs for all the Olympic teams.
The loser, Plushenko, coach Alexei Mishin and even a few Russian politicians were furious with the results of the men’s scoring because Plush (as his friends call him) finished second after being the only top contender to land a clean quadruple jump.
“Quad is quad. If the Olympic champion doesn’t know how to jump the quad, I don’t know,” Plushenko said afterward. “Now it’s not men’s figure skating, it’s dancing. That’s my point.” (point to Plush).
From this scoring “scandal” the Russian skater believes he’s the platinum medal winner (cause he didn’t win the gold). His medal reads, “Silver of Salt Lake, Gold of Torino, Platinum of Vancouver.” What’s impressive here is that not only has Plushenko’s website team fabricated an Olympic medal, it designed a platinum medal, too. Bravo. That’s commitment. Oh. Unfortunately it isn’t real but it makes for a great story. (“It’s absolutely a mistake. Evgeni has absolutely no idea about this. Absolutely no idea,” his coach said, “Nobody from our team is awarding a platinum medal.”). Nuts.
Anyway. Here is where American skating finally gets a real gold medal (at least from the Enlightened Conflict judge).
The Olympics’ hottest couple is not one of the figure skating or ice dancing pairs. No, it’s this crying figure skating gold medalist Evan Lysacek and the darling of the Beijing Olympics, Nastia Liukin, who has a gold medal of her own in all-around gymnastics. Awesome. X-rated visuals inserted here.
Oh. Last. How awesome would it be if we kind of had a figure skating biathlon? I am not sure we would be allowed to shoot at each other (although it may make them move a little faster on the ice) but maybe at the conclusion of their performance they take up a rifle and see how many judges they can knock down, kind of like the shooting gallery at the circus. Just a thought if TV ratings are down.
The Biathlon (just because I am hooked)
Neuner (the biathlon beauty as she is known in her country which up until her had steroid swimmers and international arm wrestling champions to line up as ‘beauties’) won a second gold. I just wanted to start this section with Nooner…oops…Neuner.
Next. The Russians, Germans and French medaled in the women’s Biathlon relay (nice combination of friendly countries that have certainly never shot at each other in the past, ignoring WWI & 2 & numerous other medieval conflicts of course).
France got a 22 second lead at the first exchange, but then Russia and Germany caught up to on the second leg, and the three teams stayed together until the Russians pulled away. At the prone shooting station, the Russian quickly made all five shots to open up an 11.6 second lead over Germany, while poor shooting cost France a chance at the gold.
The French woman missed five of her eight shots and had to ski two penalty laps putting France more than a minute behind. Ok. As you will see this point later in this post, how the fuck do she train 4 years for an event that only happens once every 4 years and MISS 67% of the shots she took?
Anyway. As background (because I assume this is my last shooting/skiing post), as you might expect from a sport that involves a rifle, the biathlon has military roots. Norwegian soldiers have been running combined skiing and shooting races since at least the mid 1700’s and the Norwegian military sponsored the first modern race of this kind in 1921. It wasn’t quite like the biathlon we know but rather it was an event called “military patrol” that involved a four-man patrol going through the event in heavy backpacks. (And bigger guns than they have today)
Military patrol was actually a medal event at the 1924 Winter Olympics but was only a demonstration sport at the 1928, 1936 and 1948 Games. The idea of individuals racing on skis with guns gained popularity in Europe throughout the 1950s (I believe this is also the time that Heineken became quite popular in Europe) and by 1960, the races were back on the Olympic program as the individual biathlon event. Personally, I would prefer this event be called the Military Patrol pursuit and let them shoot at each other.
Downhill skiing
Ok. I know those gate thingies have a lot of give but if you are going 100 mph in negative 5 degree weather and are getting smacked every time you go by one my guess is it hurts like shit. And when they wipeout, hey, it ain’t a half assed wipeout. But I have a better idea. I personally believe they should have stone monuments instead of the gates. Kind of like the Stonehenge of downhill skiing. Now that would make it exciting. Team events could be called the “chip off the old block” downhill super – P (p for pain).
Curling
I keep wondering if someone at MSNBC pissed someone off. While you can watch Olympics coverage almost 24/7 on MSNBC, it is always curling. USA versus Switzerland. USA versus Sweden. USA versus China. USA curling practice (they do curls in the gym). USA against everyone and losing (I think they are maybe 2 and 6 as I write this, but because I am unclear how they score this stupid thing I cannot really tell who won until everyone starts jumping up and down and sliding all over the ice in some whimsical ice dance celebration…an aboriginal interpretive dance I believe). I mean who the hell at MSNBC screwed up? They don’t even get one event with someone in tights. It is only the most unathletic looking Olympic athletes in the history of Olympics. Wow. Someone better be updating their resume.
Olympic Update 3
Feb 23rd
This Snowboarding Pipe Smoking Thing
This whole snowboarding thing is very cool but I still haven’t figured out why it’s an Olympic event. I know several past college friends treated their pipes as Olympic athletes…but…well…another post. Anyway. This Shaun White kid is called the “Flying Tomato.” Awesome. Could you imagine someone having that nickname in the NFL?
He won his second men’s Olympic half pipe (and what exactly is a full pipe…oh…that’s for the plumber Olympics) gold medal Wednesday with a “conservative” first run. I watched this conservative thing and I am not sure how he didn’t land on his head several times let alone just get plain dizzy. On the other hand he may have landed on his head but kept snowboarding and they gave him points for that. So. Once again another Olympic sport that has wacky scoring. He could have won the gold medal just on his first run alone. But they make you do the second run, even though it doesn’t matter … in other words he could done a figure skating routine on his second run and they still would have given him a gold. (WTF?). If the rules allowed it, his first run score of 46.8 would have earned him a silver medal, too.
Anyway. His second run the announcer was so flabbergasted (I love typing that word) with all his Tasmanian Devil whirling dervish tricks they couldn’t keep up with identifying them. Afterwards they told us it was a “super-sized Double McTwist 1260, two back flips with 3.5 rotations of his board and a double cork”. Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Right. He’s 23 and owns a Lamborghini. I would walk over to my closest McDonalds and order a dozen double McTwists if I could have a Lamborghini.
Olympic Crying
After American skater Evan Lysacek(above, far right) finished his moving short program on Tuesday night, he was overcome by emotion. In the area where they sit and stare while the scores come up (what other sport do you sit there and watch while the judges make up the scores?), he wiped away tears. And you wonder why they call this area the “Kiss and Cry” area (what a manly place for all the male skaters).
The USA figure skating coach (who supports Greco-Roman wrestling in the Summer Olympics where they never cry but do rub up against other men) was embarrassed by Lysacek’s behavior “I kept wanting to say, ‘Stop it. Stop it. I’m very stoic, very disciplined. I think of the ski jumpers: when they do well they don’t start to cry. Let’s put it this way: I don’t like figure skaters to cry, but it was an emotional moment. I’m not saying crying is horrible, but I would rather him stop.”
Unfortunately for the coach one of his other skaters, Mirai Nagasu, is also considered a champion crier.
In the end, after several sob sessions following competitions, the USA coach put his foot down and instituted a “no crying rule.” (good luck dude).
What makes me cry? When I read things like this about men’s ice skating … “You have about 10 brilliant boys in the world who are looking at each other wondering …” said the USA coach Frank Carroll.
Olympic Condoms
The Olympic condom count at the Athlete’s Village at the Olympics is 100,000. For comparison during the 2000 Olympics in Sydney, organizers ordered 70,000 and had to order an additional 20,000 (uh. That’s 90,000 total if you don’t have your abacus). Beijing ordered 100,000 in 2008 with the Olympic motto, “faster, higher, stronger” on them.
(oh my)
So. With the 100,000 condom count in Vancouver it translates to slightly more than 14 for each player, trainer, official and coach. But I believe teammates are allowing unused ‘ones’ to be ‘used’ by more active teammates. (therefore active athletes are totaling 19+ condoms for the Village sports)
In addition the USA Curling team is co-sponsored by the “Hurry Hard’ condoms so they didn’t order any getting all their’s for free.
In a follow up story, Playboy is awarding bronze, silver and gold medals to the athletes who have used the most condoms.
Uniforms
I have already taken a look at some of the curling “uniforms” in my curling Olympic post (they would have to guarantee me a medal to wear some of them). But figure skating is taking it to a completely new level. I believe it is the Russian skaters who brought out their formal “aboriginal” costumes (which drew rebuke from Australian Aboriginal leaders as well as the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy team – although I did hear Britney Spears has asked if she could use the costumes on her next tour stop in Fond du Lac).
The skaters, Oksana Domnina and Maxim Shabalin (I don’t buy that those are their real names …) skated in brown toned body suits augmented by red loin cloths, white striping and artificial leaves. It has been noted that Aboriginal leaders in Australia criticized the costumes as inauthentic and offensive. (I will admit I was slightly surprised that the aborigines were high viewers of figure skating).
“I’d like to say it’s not possible to do a 100% authentic folk dance on the skates. It has required elements … and we have some restrictions in our costumes. I can’t skate without pants like some aboriginal people.” says either Domnina or Shabalin I cannot tell them apart. Awesome stuff.
Another Olympics Update: This Curling Thing
Feb 22nd
First. No curling irons are involved. They use something called “stones’ (not testicles so don’t worry).
Second. C’mon. This is shuffleboard on ice. That’s it. Why don’t they just call it that? Oh. Because it’s the Olympics and we need to call it something cooler. Ok. It’s Curling. And last week Curling sprinted into the forefront of the Olympics – “Canada tops Norway in curling crowd-pleaser at Winter Olympics.”
As you can see below this is a serious sport (but the humongous green circles on the ice are a little disconcerting). In this match “there were some dicey moments en route to the victory.” (not my words .. I believe it was the Vancouver Times). In a fascinating match the Canadians raced (I use that term quite loosely … think snails at their fastest) to a 5-1 lead through four ends (ends are simply when they have all their rocks together at one end … ok … stop laughing). I believe they have 10 ends in a match.
Oh. Please let this post end … why did I start this?
They use terms like ‘skip’ (I have no clue what it means) and there are two sweepers with brooms on each side of the smooth granite stone as it slides, vibrating the ice as it slides down the lane. The strategy is to knock the opponent’s stone out of the scoring area. The goal is to get the stone closest to the center of the target called the house.
Only fans with stones show up to cheer.
Oh.
Let me take that back.
Some of the contestants have to have stones to wear uniforms like this:
Olympics Update 2
Feb 19th
Women’s Biathlon “pursuit”
Ok. I am addicted. Chicks in tights with guns. The German woman (I am sure she is east German because they were always the ones who could shoot in the good ole Soviet days) is attractive in a gun slinging way and wasn’t even huffing & puffing despite cross country skiing up a reverse ski jump slope and then shooting something they suggest is “the size of a grapefruit” from 100 yards away or so. In fact. After shooting she almost looked bored. Her name is Magdalena Neuner and she won her second medal of the Games and her first gold today. I love the way they describe her “Neuner, the fastest skier on the biathlon circuit but an inconsistent shot.” Love it. A good reminder to not stand behind the target when she is shooting.
She is already one of the Germany’s most popular athletes and is known as the “biathlon beauty”.
Anyway. I have always had a standard rule that I never give anything sharp as a gift to a woman (you can never tell when it may come back and haunt you). However, I may be interested in giving a rifle if they could do this cross country ski and shoot thing and look as good as they do in tights.
Men’s Biathlon “pursuit”
So. This was kind of funny in a sad way for some of the contestants. They screwed up the start for a number of the contestants. And they screwed it up because they have this really screwy thing where they stagger the start of the second stage of this biathlon thing depending on what time they had in the first stage. For example, if you finished 45 minutes after the gold medal winner in the first stage you start 45 minutes after him in the second stage. Holy cow. So some guy who finished like 2 minutes behind the leader in the first stage they started 2 minutes and 14 seconds (or some crap like that) after the first guy started shooshing (I have always wanted to type that) and everyone in the announcer booth is freaking out and there are coaches running alongside the skiers shouting and the skiers have loaded guns (so I am hoping they don’t get too pissed off) and the Canadians are all standing around smiling and being nice because that is what Canadians do and…well…I am truly beginning to like this biathlon thing.
Oh. What the fuck is this “pursuit” thing? It’s a frickin’ race. Call it that.
Ice Hockey
So. I tried watching some of the USA – Switzerland ice hockey match only to realize that I not only cannot watch NHL games but I also cannot watch Olympics ice hockey games. It’s ice hockey. At least they score more than soccer. USAToday scoreboard told me USA won 3-1. This may be the closest I get to watching Olympics ice hockey.
Speed Skating
Ok. What’s up with Korea and Japan and China? I know they kick ass on the pommel horse and the incredibly kooky floor exercise in gymnastics, but speed skating? When did that happen? Anyway.
It is this event that has given us “the name of the Olympics”: Joji Kato.
Japanese name but would be a kickass name in any language.
Also. I would like to remind all the youngsters in the crowd that Kato (it could have been Cato) was Peter Seller’s (Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau) sidekick in all the Pink Panther movies. My favorite was when Kato hid in the refrigerator to catch Inspector Clouseau unawares but that is another post for another day.
The Weather
Ok. I am not a meteorologist nor do I even look at my local forecast (usually figure it’s gonna be what it’s gonna be). Anyway. This Olympics weather thing confuses me.
As I understand it, things have been rainy and slushy so they have been pushing some events back but most events kept cranking along. Ok. That I get (but I will make a point later).
But then all of a sudden it starts snowing and they are putting events on hold. Say what? This is a Winter Olympics I believe. Wouldn’t you be actually jumping with joy and shoving competitors out the door at the first sign of snow? Confusing. In my simple mind no snow equals Summer Olympics and lots of snow equals Winter Olympics. But that’s me.
Next. The whole rainy and 40’s and slush thing. Aren’t you supposed to schedule Winter Olympics somewhere where it is cold and has snow and ice and stuff like that? But, hey, I am not smart enough to be on the International Olympics Committee.
(But I would still recommend some place cold and snowy for the next Winter Olympics)
Olympic Update Part 1
Feb 16th
This whole Biathlon thing.
I love writing about the biathlon because no one else does (and I am slightly fascinated by this whole skiing and shooting thing).
So. In the Women’s Biathlon Sprint event Slovakia’s Anastazia Kuzmina won with a score of “19:55.6”. Once again the scoring is one of those things that take a guidebook. Speed of skiing and penalties for misses. Anyway. It’s like 7 kilometers of skiing or something like that. And then they shoot at this miniature target of Osama bin Laden all with a heart rate of over 170 or something like that (apparently it is an incorrect belief that these shooters slow their heart rate to level the sighting). Just to give you some perspective it’s like maybe jumping rope for 15 straight minutes or doing a hundred straight jumping jacks a fast as you can and then sitting down with a pencil and writing all your valentine’s day cards (in a way someone can actually read them). Amazing stuff.
The guns are wacky looking but they do seem kind of lethal (so you don’t see a lot of spectators hanging out behind the targets).
And in the Men’s Biathlon Sprint event. (And I am still a little unclear how this merits a “sprint” heading .. see Summer Olympics hundred yard dash as example of confusion). Anyway. The top three were:
France. Vincent Jay
Norway. Emil Hegle Svendsen
Croatia. Jakov Fak
Never heard of them (but have heard of the countries). I just wanted to note the winners. I figured this may be the only time their names appear on our radar. Oh. Yeah, their fans (who I assume are mostly relatives or people who subscribe to Guns & Ammo), they are nuts. Think cowbells and big funny hats and horns. I am just not sure guys who ski and shoot rifles for a living are funny hat/cowbell spanking type of guys but, hey, whatever floats your boat. Maybe the tickets were for free. I went to a fencing event at the Atlanta Olympics because I had free tickets (but I left my cowbell at home … just blew a dog whistle every time someone did something great).
This whole mogul downhill (going downhill with lots of bumps and a couple of jumps) skiing thing.
Women’s version. Ok. Men’s version. I don’t care. My knees and lower back just start hurting every time I watch these contestants bounce their way down the hill. Their knees pump furiously as they pound down the course. Their runs are a brilliant mix of speed and technical skiing with daring back flips and “helicopter spins” and other amazing feats that seem to defy gravity. Who thought this crap up? Awesome.
Women’s ice hockey
The Canadian women’s hockey team, a two-time defending Olympic gold medalist, didn’t disappoint. The Canadians cranked out an 18-0 rout of Slovakia (exciting the 16,000 Canadian fans eager cheer to keep warm and disappointing the 496 Slovakian fans – who cheered anyway to keep warm). C’mon. 18 to zilch? And I thought Slovakia had ice rinks. Oh well. They would beat the crap out of Canada in a “bryndzove halusky” (small dumplings made of potato dough with sheep cheese and topped with scrambled bacon) cooking contest. I know that for sure.
This speed skating thing.
Yikes. First the solo stuff. Who decided to put that on television exclusively? 20 some laps of two guys skating around a really small rink with one hand tied behind their back (ok. that’s what it looked like). And then there is the group speed skating thing. In the huge wipeout fortunately the Koreans weren’t injured with those razor sharp blades flying in their pileup (thank god they weren’t North Koreans or some nukes may have been dropped). Anyway. This group speed skating is kind of like Indy car racing where the cars are inches apart and you cannot really fathom how they can stay so close to each other without hitting each other. But, it was kind of amazing to see the skaters in that one race self destruct at what would have been a 1-2-3 finish for them and allow the Americans to take the 2-3 positions in the race. These races often have a little bit of roller derby flavor. But on really big skates. And with funky colored outfits. I still admit I don’t really get it and it seems a little boring to me.
Cross country skiing.
Awesome. Today a really cute 22 year old Swede girl unexpectedly won her cross country event and puked after crossing the finish line (she still had a Crest bright big smile afterwards). The Polish woman, the favorite, collapses in fatigue maybe a minute from the finish (so that’s collapsing after maybe 23 minutes of cross country skiing). I need to watch more of this. Put it on prime time I say.
Oh. And how cool is it your coach (or I assume it is a coach and not some random spectator hovering at the side of the track) is screaming at the top of their lungs (and because it is in Swedish or Russian or Croatian I have no clue what they are saying) at the skier as they ski by. I assume they are saying something like “you are a lardass and an embarrassment to the queen (or whatever monarch is appropriate) and may your ancestors be hamsters if you don’t win a medal.” But the screaming person sludging their way through the snow beside the track is awesome. I would go if I could do that.
A Moment of Silence and Olympics Perspective
Feb 16th
A couple of things about the death of the Georgian luge athlete at the Olympics.
First. I doubt anyone in the Olympic family will ever read my little blog but if they do everyone should know I wrote my comments about luge and bobsledding before this incredibly sad event at the Olympics. Flippantly comparing bobsledding and luging to NASCAR crashes, while certainly meant in purely an entertainment way, in light of a real death seems an incredible lack of understanding on my part. One would hope in the future I could articulate my thoughts without having to stoop to cheap comparisons like the one I did.
Second. If you ever doubt the emotion of an event like this just watch Jacques Rogge, a Belgian Count, who is the eighth and current president of the International Olympic Committee (IOC). While European men are so typically stoic, Rogge shows so much compassion and grief and tears during the press announcement it is even more touching. It is one of those unexpected heart wrenching moments that punctuate the humanness of top level sports as well as the dangers that accompany performing at the highest levels.
No parent should ever have to bury their child. And even more so on the cusp of one of their proudest moments.
Reflections on the demise of the Olympics
Feb 12th
I was surprised yesterday morning watching SportsCenter that the opening ceremonies for the Winter Olympics are today (Feb. 12th).
Shit. I didn’t even know where the games were being played.
(Vancouver … or better said … “somewhere in Canada”)
So. I went to the website to check it out. A little confusing (because the Olympics claim to be all about “with glowing hearts” … huh? … and Canada is all about “together in 2010” … which makes me think they were apart in all the other years … anyway). But. They do have some very cool merchandise so you can act like you went there. And maybe even supported it. Once again. anyway.
So. What’s happened to the Olympics? (big sigh here)
I remember when the Olympics was truly “appointment viewing.” And it was a source of country pride. Did we win more medals then the evil Soviets or luging Germans (who the heck decides to become a luge expert?) or those Swiss knife-wielding skiers.
I believe the Olympic Games have lost their allure. Before I say why i believe it is so I wanted to reminisce a little. Reminisce about why I loved the Winter Olympics (am going to stick with Winter reasons and not Summer) and maybe we can ponder why we don’t have these gems anymore. (and I will offer a reason why at the end):
- Awesome reason number 1. Eddie the Eagle. Crazy Eddie.
He soared like a dodo, but Britain’s Michael “Eddie The Eagle” Edwards endeared himself to fans at the Calgary ski jumping competition (really, who remembers that Matti Nykänen won three golds? Plus, he was later thrown in jail for stabbing a man in the back). The plasterer with the oversized glasses was comically inept: Edwards, describing his first forays into ski jumping, said: “When I looked from the top of the jump, I was so frightened that my bum shriveled into a prune.” He finished dead last, but not dead.
The non awesome? Because of Eddie the Eagle, I assume the Olympics went into the “law suit avoidal muscle spasms” they changed the rules and countries cannot simply enter people because they want to enter someone in an event. They actually have to qualify. What bullshit. If Sudan wants to enter a dance figure skating team, let ‘em. I don’t care. It’s the Olympics.
- All those Swiss/Austrian/Whatever skiers.
Ah. The Olympic skiers. Franz Klammer was a hero in Austria. A winner of 8 of 9 World Cup downhill races in 1975. The guy was fast. Really fast. And fearless.
Oh. And then there was Italy’s Alberto “La Bomba” Tomba, big talker (“I am the new messiah of skiing,” he once said), and an ever bigger playboy. The 1988 Games were one big party. He toyed with the competition. Right before going out of the giant slalom start gate, he turned to all the other nervous skiers and said “O.K., boys, keep calm. And good luck to all.” He blew the field away, then won the slalom two days later. He spent the rest of the Games sipping champagne, posing for the camera, and trying to woo Katarina Witt, the East Germany beauty who won the figure skating gold that year.
Next. The Austrian guy Hermann Maier. “He could be dead, right?” During the downhill competition, off a steep turn, he flew 30 feet into the air before landing on his helmet and crashing through two fences. He settled on a patch of snow far off the run. After lying still for a few minutes, Maier walked away from the cartoonish crash with just a bruised left shoulder and sprained right knee. Three days later, with the memory of the downhill disaster dogging his concentration, Maier won the Super-G. “Maybe he really is an alien, I don’t know,” his girlfriend, Petra Wechselberger, remarked. Three days after that, he took Giant Slalom gold. Awesome stuff.
And in my memory it began with the name. One man’s name. Debonair skiing sensation Jean-Claude Killy. He owned the 1968 Games, held in his native France and owned downhill skiing for years.
Hey. I am all for Americans stepping up to the competition but please bring back these mysterious, blond haired, glacier eyed, carefree playboy Austrians who bring a little flair and charisma and less American bombast to the sport. Plus. Their crashes are pretty spectacular.
- Ice skating.
All that ice skating judging crap. C’mon. Russian judges scoring Americans like they didn’t even watch. French judges being coerced. While having men in tight outfits doing something called a “camel” doesn’t float my boat, there is something tense about a 3 minute program conducted on a very very thin blade of metal that makes it worthwhile as long as you know the judging is crap and you can yell at the TV (and when would I EVER envision yelling at a television over ice skating? Answer: never). There is Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding. Sonja Henie. Bad music. Silly costumes. What makes this awesome is most of us have no clue how they are judged, the judges have no clue how to judge and the skaters are trying to impress all of us. The sheer randomness of this event makes it all worthwhile.
- Ice Hockey.
We all know the story. Set against the backdrop of the Cold War, the United States took on the heavily favored Soviet Union team in men’s ice hockey in 1980. I cannot remember any other ice hockey Olympic game I have watched since. Who cares. Olympics were made for a once in a lifetime Olympics story like this.
- Bobsled and Luge.
WTF. Even better, is “Luge” isn’t even recognized as a word in my spell check. So. Of course there is the Jamaican bobsled team story (the bad movie Cool Runnings). More importantly is when else do you ever watch someone (or two) sit flat on their back or on their stomach and go 100+ miles per hour on a flexible flyer on sheer ice. And actually watch. This is like watching NASCAR on ice just waiting for the crash. All the good teams are from countries you think have the coolest flags but have no clue where they are. And, once again, how does one decide that they are going to become the best “bobsledder” in the world? We would never know if it wasn’t for the Olympics.
So. With all these great things why don’t we care about the Olympics anymore? (Beyond the fact they have eliminated any possibility of another Eddie the Eagle type participant):
In the battle for relevance I am not sure the right side is winning.
Will I ever care for or watch the Biathlon? Nope. I am not sure I will ever care there is someone out there that can ski a zillion miles and still stop and shoot the eye out of a squirrel unless World War 3 rolls around (then I am gonna wish our guys are better). But who cares? It’s one of those nifty random things that make the Olympics special. I would rather someone try and make this skiing/shooting thing cool rather than bring in some new cool TV viewing activity and relegate the skiing/shooting thing to some obscure corner of Canada. I believe in our attempt to keep the Olympics “up-to-date” and relevant to a “new viewing audience” we have started including some very non-Olympic like activities. Just make the old school stuff cool and we get back to Olympics basics. Let’s teach the “new viewing audience” what was cool about what we already had.
The pros have diminished the randomness.
I won’t argue the whole higher moral value of amateurs competing. Rather, let me argue that bringing in obvious pros has diminished the event in another way (although the first one is valid also).
Similar to college basketball to pro basketball there is always a little randomness, humanness, maturity struggle, whatever that made the Olympics special. Sure. There were always “veterans” and they performed with that veteran experience but even they on occasion got knocked around by some young upstart who didn’t know any better who got caught up in the moment. Allowing professional athletes is killing the Olympics. Do I know where to draw the line? Nope. Allowing professional skiers in Olympics? Yeah. I am ok with that. Professional basketball players? Nope. Professional tennis players? Shit. I don’t think tennis should even be an Olympics sport. But. If it is? No pros (on the tour). Tennis club pros? Sure. That would be a blast. Anyway. I am rambling. I don’t know where the line is but we have crossed it.
Americans win too Often.
Okay. That’s a big statement. So let me qualify it. I am not sure if we win too often and too easily (meaning the types of games are skewed to United States capabilities) or if we simply don’t showcase the events where other countries kick the shit out of the American contestants. In the old days we saw year after year the US hopeful flameout on the ski slopes to one of those Nordic studs but we enjoyed the hope. Sure Americans started winning some but it was challenging the Viking-like athletes as an underdog. I miss countries coming to the Olympics under the guise of “sports fellowship” but really there to wear their country’s flag and shove it up someone’s ass when they won. I like the Russian judge never scoring the US team over 4 in a 10 scale even if they skated on their heads the entire routine. In the end I keep coming back to Americans winning too often. Make it hard for us. We will figure out a way to win. And when Americans are focused and grumpy and the underdog, people globally pay more attention also.
Anyway.
Now that I actually know the Olympics are here I may watch. I am hoping that I was in a minority with regard to Olympics awareness (or lack thereof). A great event. It shouldn’t be missed.
