Enlightened Conflict

fall winter and finding meaning in death

December 1st, 2016

 like-the-seasons-things-change-fall-spring-winter-time

========================

 

“What I fear I avoid.

What I fear I pretend does not exist.

What I fear is quietly killing me.

 

Would there were a festival for my fears, a ritual burning of what is coward in me, what is lost in me.

 

Let the light in before it is too late. “

 

 

 Jeanette Winterson from “The Green Man”

===================

 

“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.”

 

—–

Unknown

(via ginger-and-preppy)

 

 

==============

 

Well <part 1>.

 

I just read a an article in one of those local papers you can pick up at Healthy Grocery stores which attempted to discuss how this time of the year <October/November/December> is the season of ‘decay and death’ … and how it was a potent time to connect with the dead <and highlighted several celebrations around the world which do just that>.

This thought was combined with the thought we human folk balk at connecting with death because it … well … seems morbid to do so.

 

 

and summer regrets

               getting rid

       of winter wishes

 

summer and i

=======

 

 

Well <part 2>.

 

I balk at the whole concept of ‘decay & death’ as well as the ‘morbid‘ thought.

 

Simplistically, seasons remind of us the cycle of Life <not death> and that death, in and of itself a sad event, contains at its very core the very simple concept that without Death, there is no Life.

 

This was immortalized in pop culture by Blood Sweat & Tears in their absolutely fabulous song “and when I die”:

 

====

And when I die and when I’m dead, dead and gone,
there’ll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on.

I’m not scared of dying and I don’t really care.
If it’s peace you find in dying, well, then let the time be near.
If it’s peace you find in dying, when dying time is here,
just bundle up my coffin cause it’s cold way down there,
I hear that’s it’s cold way down there, yeah, crazy cold way down there.
And when I die and when I’m gone,
there’ll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on.

====

 

While each Life is a stepping stone for every future generation each death represents a stepping stone for … well … the future.

dialogue with pain

 

I don’t need any Eastern religion wisdom to remind me of this … I think we all know this.

Now … I will admit that connecting with this thought is much much easier for us when we remove any personalized death and accept it as simply a turning of generations. Therefore … one of the reasons we do not celebrate death is because it can get too personal. And if that is a reason … it sure as hell is a good one.

 

But death itself?

 

While death is something we dislike, facing seasons remain something we must face year in and year out. It is a constant affirmation of the turning of time and that some things we may have gained will most likely be inevitably lost in the natural turn of time.

 

And, yes, as today is December 1st I am reminded that Winter is the time of Life’s strategic retreat and conservation of what gives it all life.

 

It is not death. And it is not decay.

 

It is Life’s thoughtful way to insure its existence and survival.

 

It is the time of incubation and rest and restoration for all things to come in the following year.

 

I could also suggest that winter is a time of reflection and … well … comfort. In winter’s dark nights the stars are at their clearest and we have the opportunity to see them as the sparks of potential and wishes and dreams and … well … Life. Uhm. And dreaming is never a bad thing … particularly during the ‘ebb tide of seasonal Life.’

 

I will not argue that as Life recedes in autumn and rests in winter we do, at least emotionally, get closer to connecting with death … but I do balk at thinking of autumn & winter as ‘things associated with death.’

 

.... a time to Reflect ......

…. a time to Reflect ……

I would argue it actually does a nice job of reminding us we need to let go of things. and, sure, maybe we connect with ‘the dead’ better at this time because … well … it reminds us to celebrate what we had and embrace letting go.

 

And that is the thing about winter … it demands to not only be felt but also that you meet it on its terms. Even better … Winter demands us to let go of things we most typically hold onto with ragged claws.

 

You cannot refuse its existence and you cannot ignore what was because what is … is … well … is starkly different. Where Life was once obvious it is now starkly absent.

 

I would note that all Eastern mysticism and ‘being in touch with the universe’ and the ‘natural ebb of the earth’ and all that stuff, at its core, just suggests that we pay attention. Pay attention to whatever energy seasons give us … and more often than not that energy it gives us is … uhm … just good ole fashioned thinking. It gives us the energy to think about our lives, lives lost and lives yet to be lived.

 

Acknowledgement of all of that increases your overall connection not just with ‘the universe’ but rather to the eternal pattern of life and invests a sense of energy into pretty much everything <yourself and Life>.

 

And just as Death breaks things down to the bare essence, winter does the same.

And maybe that is the connection.

 

When things are at their barest, when we are drawn closer to endings rather than beginnings, we inevitably ponder the ‘great perhaps.’

 

Back in September I wrote this on the first day of Fall:

 

 

 

I think we all seek a great perhaps of “what I know can be”. I think we all know what a better world really looks like. I think we all want to see the beauty that can be found in what is better in everyone.

 

And maybe it is within Fall and the falling leaves we begin to better grasp that failed plans and failed dreams can beget new plans and new dreams. And maybe it is within Winter where , in ts barest of bare essences, we are forced to begin envisioning what could be in plans and dreams because it is left to us standing in the bare environment around us.

time-seasons-change

 

 

What I do know about all seasons is that they are markers of Time … and poetically speaking … Time is always hungry for many of the things we dearly want to endure and do.

 

This makes Time both beautiful and doomed. Yeah. Time is beautiful and doomed. And that is where I really believe the whole ‘morbid time of the year’ goes astray.

 

 

for it seems all of Fall’s stars

                       have fallen

and often summer and i

run through the last warm days

through the cool grass

       gathering stars caught in people’s dreams

with the intent

           to toss them to Winter

through windows of dawn.

 

Summer & i

======

 

 

We, especially in the West, hunger for time.

Conversely, time itself <to us Western folk> has a hunger and its hunger is for ‘things.’

It is a nasty emptiness waiting to be filled.

 

Well.

 

If there is one thing humans are fucking great at … it is filling time and stuffing whatever we can into any emptiness we can find.

 

Death and dying makes us reflect. It forces us to do so. Just as the bare often starkness of Winter does.

And it makes us reflect on what ‘stuff’ we have crammed into whatever Time we have had.

 

Oh. Maybe what it really forces us to do is reflect upon time. and that is where death truly makes us feel uncomfortable … not any morbid feeling but rather it’s just being dead livingthat we have been indoctrinated to focus on living … living life to its fullest, not wasting any time, to do lists that never get completed and just doing shit <just do it>.

 

Nowhere in that list of shit I just shared does death have a place. In fact. Death represents the exact opposite of everything society & our culture almost demands we think about 24/7.

 

And when forced to face death, or feel a need to connect, we are much less likely to celebrate but rather assess … assess our doing mantra versus ‘stop.’

 

Look.

 

Most of us don’t purposefully ignore connecting with death and those who have passed away because of sadness <because if it were we would be more likely to actually do it because the opposite of sadness is reflecting upon the inevitable happiness> but rather because death and past lives force us to reflect upon our ‘doing accomplishment’ <as well as it forces us to stop … which compounds the feeling of ‘shit, I haven’t done enough and I am not doing anything now>.

 

Yeah.

If you can get beyond the ‘doing’ aspect inherently death is more about sadness <loss of something or someone or time> more so than morbidity. Conquer the sadness and you have conquered death.

 

And all of this is just not that difficult <if you are willing to actually think about it>.

 

winter-fall-snow-season-change-lifeSeveral cultures do celebrate the autumnal solstice as the time life & death is closest. I would argue it is less a celebration but rather recognition of that which came before, and that which is dying, so that what will be will come forth.

Generations beget generations just as falls beget springs.

 

Death begets life.

 

This doesn’t mean we should celebrate impending death but rather recognize, even in sadness, life & beauty resides in the future.

 

Fall is of beautiful dying.

Winter is of starkness of death.

Spring is of rebirth from death.

 

This doesn’t mean you can find beautiful things to enjoy throughout any season.  Seasons simply remind us of the fact time does not stand still and no matter how hard we try and fill up the emptiness time offers us day in and day out … leaves fall, winter comes and spring arises.

 

I believe it is the Celtic wheel of the year describes this time of the year as Samhain … “the veil between the worlds is thin.” Just as several other cultures they use his time to reflect upon “that which was.” In my pea like brain … it is a celebration of navel gazing. It is an intentional event to purposefully explore the valuable relationship not only between Life and Death but the past and the future.

 

Listen to the cry of falling leaves,

            but winter breaks the silence

and warms us with words

of how to change it all

      before the Fall completely ends.

So, So

 

Look.

reflect brain things

 

I don’t believe we do not celebrate death and dying because we think it is morbid. I tend to believe we do not traditionally do so because we, as in Western civilization versus Eastern, don’t celebrate reflection.

We treat reflection more as  a personal thing and not a larger more public event and celebration.

 

Should we celebrate reflection? Shit. I don’t know. But understanding that seasons can offer us enlightening thoughts about how we actually think about death & Life & holding on & letting go is surely not a bad thing.

 

As for Fall and Winter? I do not think of death and decay. I actually think of flowers. Huh?

 

I credit Mark Strand for making me think Winter is the time to bring flowers into your Life as he describes Winter in his poem called Blizzard of One:

 

“A time between times, a flowerless funeral. No more than that …”

Mark Strand <Blizzard of One>

Every funeral deserves flowers. Every Winter deserves thoughts of Life.

in this place time moves away

June 9th, 2016

time moves away clock eternity

 

Aici lo tems s’en , va res l’Eternitat.”

<here, in this place, time moves away toward eternity>

 

=======

 

“The first to do nothing, when a situation demands nothing, often gets everything.”

 

—–

Bruce McTague

 

=======

 

 

Well.

 

In this place time moves away toward eternity.

 

Echoes in eternity ripplesWhenever I see this phrase I think two thoughts:

 

  • those moments in which a decision is made, a choice is arrived at, and life moves away from that time, and place and choice … toward eternity

 

  • All things in their own time.

 

In today’s world everything is urgent, a crisis or a life directional decision.

And that is a false narrative.

 

 

We make hundreds of decisions and choices daily. More often than not decision 133 relegates decision 27 to the scrap heap.

 

It is because of this more often than not we make any decision we can, when we can, and move on. It’s not because we are lazy or because we are thoughtless but experience tells us that on most choices another choice will arise in which we can correct whatever we may have got wrong in some past choice.

 

That is a basic understanding of consequences of choice.

And, more often than not, that is a Life truth.

 

I would suggest this basic understanding partially drives how most of us await choices and decisions rather than proactively seek out ones to make. We assume choices have a mind of their own and will … well … all things in their own time.

 

The challenge with this approach to Life is that inaction is also a choice. And it is actually an active choice. I say that because many times in action can be the correct action.doing something doing nothing life

 

 

For example.

If a decision is not needed and yet you force a decision upon the moment … an unintended consequence may be that you have circumvented the arrival of a more correct answer to choose from. Hence … as I said upfront … doing nothing can sometimes get you everything.

 

And then, of course, there are the moments to push a decision and choice into the moment. And, yes, I purposefully used “push.”

 

Because these are the choices and decisions which time moves away toward eternity.

 

These are the choices which you push because you want it to get started and gain momentum toward eternity … not just lollygag its way toward eternity.

 

 

Frankly?

 

We don’t have many of those. While we reflect back on Life we may think we see more than there really are … in truth … while all choices & decisions move away toward eternity only some truly have consequences on eternity.

 

It is difficult to know when and where to push. Just as it is difficult to know when and where to do nothing.

 

Moments don’t come with directions and choices & decisions don’t come in certain packages so you can recognize them for what they are.

 

I sometimes worry that we have created a world, certainly a business world, which is increasingly hasty and we are conditioning everyone to not only demand an answer <even if no answer is called for> and, maybe worse, even to grab the first answer that comes along.

 

We certainly are not teaching to any extent that do nothing can ultimately give you everything.

 

We certainly are not teaching to any extent that not all do somethings are created equal and that the immediate consequence is not always a reflection of the ultimate consequence.

 

Here is what I know.

 

It can feel overwhelming to admit to yourself that you have a personal responsibility for any and all choices & decisions you make … all hundreds you make every day. But each and every one of us do have that responsibility. And I say that because if you accept the responsibility you have significantly increased your odds to not only do nothing in the moments which you could gain everything as well as identify the true moments in which what you do or say will move on toward eternity.

 

I do it every day.

feels perfect to be imperfect

 

I weigh my choices, decisions and words. And by “weigh” I gladly accept the burden of this particular way of Life and responsibility.

 

Does this mean I get it right? Shit no.

 

But … I do believe that this attitude has made me better at choices & decisions over time. While practice , in this case, certainly does not make perfect … it makes ‘less imperfect.’

 

And maybe that is the goal for all of us … not perfection … but less imperfection.

 

 

I’m not that great a guy, OK?

March 2nd, 2016

blanace greater good matters do

—-

 

“I’m not that great a guy, OK?

 

I’m just doing the best I can.”

 

==

 

John Kasich

 

 

————

 

“The difference between people who fail and people who succeed in many cases is not fear, it’s what they do with that fear.”

 

==

 

Donny Deutsch

 

——————–

 

 

I recently saw two people on television <at different times> that made me think about … uhm … following.

 

And by ‘following’ I mean working for someone or following a leader.

 

 

Now.

 

Talk with anyone I have ever worked for and you would most likely hear that I am not an ‘easy follower.’ What I mean by that is I like to lead and can be one of those ‘good difficult employees.’ I work hard, I think hard, I like my businesses to go hard, and I err on the side of doing what I believe is right <in terms of ethics and tangible decisions>.

 

That may sound good but it can sometimes put me in a different place & decision than the place & decision the people I worked for was thinking.

 

 

To be clear.

 

I never was adamantly stubborn on ‘I am right and you are wrong’ nor was I never willing to compromise and I was always willing listen … it was more “if you haven’t thought your decision out well I am not going to follow that decision without some challenging.”

 

dont follow me

I say all that because my business style made me very very aware of people I would follow.

Because of my style and business acumen I had to attune my leader antennae for leaders I would have a healthy respect for and would … well … work for.

 

 

<note: … I believe we should all fine tune our antennae on this>

 

 

Anyway. As for the two people I saw on television.

 

I have never met John Kasich. But I sense I would unhesitatingly work for him.

 

I have met, briefly <he would never remember meeting me>, Donnie Deutsch and I would have liked to have worked for him.

 

 

Let me begin with Donnie.

Prior to meeting him I was sure I would hate working for him. My sense was dictator style management, some version of narcissistic and a clear ‘my way or the highway’ decision making within his company.

 

 

I was wrong.

 

 

He has a wonderful matter of fact style of communicating, with a wonderful ability to communicate some insight in a few amount of words, an absolutely intense style of listening and is charismatic and engaging as a person.

 

And, after talking with a friend of mine who knew Donnie well and had been in a number of meetings with he & his team, I discovered he enjoyed hiring good people and getting out of their way as much as he could.donny deutsch quotes

 

 

I walked away from him that one day saying to myself: “whew, I would work for him if he offered me a job.” <He never did>

 

 

And John Kasich.

 

In a world in which we shout at the top of our lungs that everyone is extraordinary and can do something extraordinary <which sets some fairly daunting heights in Life> all of a sudden on television, a man running for president says “I’m not that great a guy.”

 

Compare that to several hours later another man running for president says “I am the best” … well … so many times you had no doubt what he thinks of himself <”I am a great guy & people love me” is an exact quote>.

 

 

It reminded me that the line between humility and arrogance is massive. And that leadership is often defined somewhere in that massive space.

 

 

Regardless.

 

After listening to John Kasich … I thought to myself: “whew, I would work for him if he offered me a job.” <he hasn’t>

 

To be clear <part 1>.

 

This is not about me thinking I am exceptional in any way.

This is about recognizing following someone is not a decision to be made blindly.

Frankly, recognizing this can make or break your career.

 

I have a responsibility in the equation. In other words … if I choose to follow someone I have a … well … responsibility to follow.

 

That said … I do have some leader DNA in me which means that I have to find leaders who don’t just have a title which enables leading … but has a title and can lead.

 

 

This certainly makes it tougher for me to find a job but I also know that when I do find a job I am happier and more successful.

 

That’s the bargain I have made with myself and with whomever I follow.

 

 

To be clear <part 2>.

 

This isn’t about politics nor is it about who is actually the best qualified. This is about character and what inspires a person internally to be, and do, the best they can … and lead people in a way they follow.

 

 

I will clearly state that option one in my Kasich explanation <”I am not that great a guy”> is exactly where I am personally. But. I also recognize, and have friends, who need to attack Life differently in order to get to where they want to go.

 

Some absolutely do it with more élan and more outward confidence.

 

I am not one to judge for many many others are more successful than I and have walked a different path to get there.

 

 

character_traits1But let me suggest the glue that holds the style and the substance together is character.

 

It’s what makes anyone stand out regardless of whether it is in times of stress or simple everyday moments.

 

Not only do I watch my own behavior and judge it on character I tend to watch everyone closely seeking signs of character.

 

 

To be very clear here. I am not endorsing anyone for president <I am simply in the “anyone but Trump” camp>. And maybe I am discussing some things that are important as we select a president … but I believe, more importantly, I am discussing leadership and following.

 

 

And, please, do not dismiss the idea of ‘following’ or being a ‘follower.’

 

99.9% of us are followers, i.e., we are following someone. We may chafe at that fact but it is the truth. I sometimes believe we do not think enough about “what kind of follower am I” and “what responsibility am I going to assume as a follower.”

 

Maybe we don’t because it kind of sucks to suggest “I am a follower.” But following is not a bad thing … if you are following the right ‘lead.’

 

We put leaders up on a pedestal – in terms of expectations, criteria and criticism – and we should. They are leaders for God’s sake … they are not us <nor should they be>.

 

But we should also be judging ourselves as followers – in terms of expectations, criteria and criticism.

 

 

All I know is that I accept I am a follower and I believe I have a responsibility in choosing who I will follow <in the choice as well as my behavior once I have made that choice>.

 

 

Lastly.

 

Donnie Deutsch and John Kasich.

 

Two people I would follow. Two people I would have worked for. I would imagine they wouldn’t give a rat’s ass that I typed that and said that. But I wouldn’t, and I cannot, work for anyone.

 

In fact … the list of people I wanted, and want, to work for is significantly shorter than all my fingers & toes <and I have all of them>.

 

Just listening to Donnie speak on TV the other day reminded me of the moment I knew I could work for him <and follow him>.

 

And let me share the moment I felt that way about Kasich <who I’m not voting for but would work for>.

 

There was a vivid demonstration of character in the presidential campaign the other day. One that makes you realize that there is hope within our leadership and that good still does reside in the hearts of people.

 

John Kasich often notes that sometimes you have to celebrate the success of others, and sometimes you have to cry with them.

 

kasich the hug

At one campaign event Kasich demonstrated the kind of leader he is by showing empathy for, and with, a young man who after walking us through verbally a heart wrenching personal story suggests he has found ‘his president.’

 

<the video I am including is not the most used one … I included this one because it has the words and it follows Kasich … who has the character to walk toward the young man as he talks instead of maintaining distance as he listens ….

 

<I have also included the typical video clip you see of this event on TV>

 
This is what a leader should embody.  Compassion, intense listening, character, heart, ability to create followers <with heart>.

 

To me? The moment when Kasich walks to him, hugs him and offers comfort cannot fail to not only touch you but remind you that character matters.

 

It should remind us that while character resides within us … that if we do it right … our character can uncover the hearts & soul of those AROUND us. And therein truly lies the power of character.

 

the best things

 

I am not that great a guy.

 

 

I am just doing the best I can.

 

 

Words to live by. Words to guide. Words that make you want to follow the person who says them.

 

In the end.

 

I wrote this not just to discuss the importance of character in a leader but to suggest that we, the ‘following majority’, should be consciously not just looking at our careers as “job responsibilities” but also “follower responsibilities.”

 

Throughout my career I have seen gobs of job descriptions which have made me salivate and think “I would do anything to have that job” and, yet, upon closer look have uncovered managers or leaders who I would hesitate to follow. Jobs are part of careers. And careers are bigger than jobs. And careers are often made, or broken, not by your job but rather by how you follow.And that is because, well, 99.9% of us are following and not leading.

 

Think about that.

 

=====

 

“any life, no matter how long and complex

it may be, is made up of a single moment.

the moment in which a person finds out,

once and for all,

who he is.”

 

jorge luis borges

 

 

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stars and shrinking

July 1st, 2014

stars and shrinking human

——-

“If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I bet they’d live a lot differently. When you look into infinity, you realize there are more important things than what people do all day.”

Calvin and Hobbes

——-

So.

We seem to focus so much on what we do every day … the ‘doing’ in Life.

And while Life doesn’t force us to do so it certainly encourages us to do so.

 

Life does this by throwing obstacles and things to do and responsibility in front of us seemingly as we take each step into the day.

Because Life does this … it is seemingly impossible to do anything BUT think what we do all day as the most important thing.
And I am not here to suggest what we do each day isn’t important.

 

 

Well.

 

Maybe I am just thinking about it.

Thinking about it in a way to make sure we aren’t doing so because we are … well … shrinking.

 

Shrinking before the immensity of Life.immesnity of life norman-mailer

 

Now.

 

Immensity of life.

 

Let’s face it … it is easy to shrink before it.

 

Day to day, surprisingly, is actually easier for us to face. Not suggesting it is less difficult … just easier. It is represented in … well … things.

 

Things to do.

 

Things to say.

 

Things to check off on a list.

 

Things to put on a list.

 

There is never a shortage of ‘things.’

Life is … well … immense.

 

Immense in its intangible and vagueness.

 

I imagine I am suggesting we don’t <or at least make the attempt> shrink from purpose in Life simply using ‘what we do in daily life’ as an excuse.

shrinking focus on

But it is hard <really hard>.

 

Because ‘purpose’ is vague.

 

It is ‘doing good’.

 

Yikes.

But … does that mean doing good for whomever is in front of you at the expense of someone else? … or doing a greater good for the planet at the expense of someone in front of you?

 

Yikes <again> … yes … those choices are real.

 

Simplistically we try to believe it is simply ‘doing the right thing.’

 

But sometimes the right thing for you, or from your perspective, is the wrong thing from someone else.

 

It is ‘having a good heart’ <meaning well>.

 

But does that absolve you from meaning well but still causing harm because meaning well sometimes means not making the hard decision.

Or sometimes it does.

 

 

Purpose, to be meaningful, is a combination of intangible higher order type stuff … with some tangible daily <or weekly> decisions and choices.

 

And it is not easy.

 

And it is not easy on top of what you do in your daily lives.

 

I do believe most of us realize there are an infinite amount of ‘bigger things’ to be done.

 

I do believe most of us realize there are more important things than what people do all day.

 

And I do believe most of us shrink before the immensity of Life.

 

 

And I do not mean that as a criticism … just as something that is normal human behavior <or reaction to what is in Life>.
I don’t have answers here.
Just questions.

 

As in questioning whether I pay enough attention to things beyond what people, and I, do all day.

 

——

“I’d rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance.”
E.E. Cummings

——–stars and thinking boy

 

I imagine I believe that while I do not have the answer today if I keep asking the questions maybe I will get closer to an answer tomorrow … or in some day after that.

 

 

I kind of think that is what looking at the stars reminds us of.

 

ragged claws across the universe

December 31st, 2013

 

“I should have been a pair of ragged clawsragged claws brains

Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.” – TS Eliot

 

 

“Do I dare disturb the universe?” – TS Eliot

 

 

Well.

Both lines above come from TS Eliot’s poem The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.

 

In the 130 line poem Eliot explores Life from the depths of the ocean floor where one scrabbles out a living on ragged claws to the heights of the universe … and the immensity of Life that resides in between.

Uhm.

Okay.

At least that is what I see and think when I read it.

 

And unfortunately <or fortunately> I am no literary expert and therefore do not have the ability to tear his writing apart evaluating what they call ‘literary allusion’ <… pulling from Donne, Dante, Shakespeare and Marvel to Chaucer, Hesiod and the Bible. A reader has to take these allusions on board to get the most out of his poems, though on the surface they are fairly accessible>.

 

Therefore.

I can only tell you what I think after I read it. That must mean ‘what is on the surface’ is what I imagine the experts would suggest I am doing.

So take what I share with a grain of salt <but read the poem>.

 

Ok.

I admit that TS Eliot poems tend to make me think … stark language steeped with cynicism and a hint of urgency driven by desperation but always with an introspective look at Life.

 

ragged claws sense of ourselvesThis poem is about a person’s desperation that time in Life is running out and he hasn’t made his mark on the world.

 

I believe most of us have an ongoing thread of ‘am I being meaningful’ in Life. It is ongoing from the time we begin wondering what we will do in Life through the moment we step out of school and into the real world and continues as we do what we need to do day in and day out to survive and be the best we can within the circumstances we exist in.

But.

I do tend to believe with age … we begin to obsess a little more over the whole idea of ‘being meaningful.’

That is what the poem makes me think about.

A man looking back on his Life, and at his life, and desperately assessing what could have been.

 

in my pea like brain the whole idea centers on adequacy.

Ah.

Adequacy.

Equal to what is required ior expected but not exceeding it by much. Adequate is suitable to the case or occasion. Nothing to rave about but meets what is needed.

 

I purposefully chose adequate to share my thoughts because it suggests we have what it takes to do what we need to do in Life … yet … is adequate enough?

 

Most of us muddle through Life with small glimpses of something bigger. Maybe it is slightly beyond our grasp for some reason we cannot truly understand … but the glimpse remains etched in our minds in such a way we tend to come back to it again and again in our thoughts.

 

I am no prophet—and here’s no great matter;

I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,

And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,

And in short, I was afraid.

 

Ah.

Is this what we fear as we ponder our lives?

 

That Death mocks us as it awaits our arrival?ragged claws someone to tell

The arrival could be years away … but it can be seen mocking even from afar.

 

I imagine the thought behind the mocking is found within us … in that I was afraid I was not good enough, did enough … or been enough of what I could have been.

 

I wasn’t adequate to be anything more than what I was.

 

There is a self-consciousness with constant introspection and anxiety about mortality and fragility of ‘doing something’ in life.

 

The poem digs deep into a self reflected desperation … which I don’t see as all consuming … but rather a moment of deep thought. A thought so deep that Life begins to become overcome with feelings of self-consciousness and regret and echoes of a hundred indecisions and a hundred visions and revisions.

The hundreds bombarding you in that one moment.

 

Luckily we tend to shed these moments well … and move on.

When we don’t we tend to be haunted.

 

Are we haunted by the Life led?

Or by the Life which we never led?

 

Regardless we are haunted.

 

This kind of soul searching for meaning is often simply seeking a richer association with Life than simply scrabbling with ragged claws.

 

And in that search and introspection of adequacy we often seem to dare to peek at unimaginable heights. The heights which we are uncertain we are adequate enough to not only explore but to survive and prosper.

 

Which leads to my favorite part of the poem.

 

There will be time, there will be time

To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;

There will be time to murder and create,

And time for all the works and days of hands

That lift and drop a question on your plate,

Time for you and time for me,

And time yet for a hundred indecisions,

And for a hundred visions and revisions,

Before the taking of a toast and tea.

 

In the room the women come and go

Talking of Michelangelo.

 

And indeed there will be time

To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”

 

ragged claws thinker doerAh.

Do I dare?

Do I dare to walk among the disdain I expect from the people who talk of Michelangelo?

 

Am I good enough to accept that I will have my time just as you have yours?

 

Am I only adequate to use ragged claws to survive the day to day depths of life?

 

Am I adequate enough to actually dare to do, and be, more?

To actually disturb the universe?

 

And then there is the immensity of Life that resides somewhere in between.

 

I tend to believe while we do not dwell on these types of questions … most of us ask them of ourselves at one time or another.

 

Ok. I will admit.

It is poems like this … at times of the year like this … that one ponders whether they have made a mark in the world.

Have they done something meaningful or maybe more importantly … ‘am I meaningful.’ And I don’t mean to people <because someone always cares about you> … I mean meaningful to something bigger … Life.

 

It is only the arrogant who say ‘yes I have.’

 

The majority of us just wonder.

 

And there is a discomfort in not knowing.

Not knowing if you have not only been adequate or whether you would have been adequate doing more.

Discomfort in not really knowing how ‘big’ we could be.

Discomfort in the belief that our ‘adequate’ made us little.

 

Discomfort in not really knowing if you could have been better … done better … and made a better difference.

 

In the end.

I gotta tell ya.

 

Having a tombstone read “he dared disturb the universe” would be quite a legacy.things doing wooden

 

Anyway.

To close.

A thought from Marianne Williamson which seems to tie well with the poem.

 

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

 

 

Have a great 2014.

Dare to disturb the universe.

 

ragged claws——–

 

To read the entire poem.

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock – T.S. Eliot:    http://www.theotherpages.org/poems/eliot02.html

 

powerful beyond measure

August 17th, 2010

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”
Marianne Williamson

So.

Every once in awhile you come across a quote that smacks you between the eyes as insightful, thoughtful and inspiring at exactly the same time.

Here you go.

Here is one.

(oh. and she said this quote not Nelson Mandela)

So often we think of personal fears as ones of insecurities or inadequacies or inability to cope with whatever it is life is asking us to cope with.

And, yet, the mirror image of that fear discussion is that we are more powerful than we imagine … and then what?

Okay.

The remainder of the quote/paragraph says something like this  …

“We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.”

Now.

I will admit.

I am not a big “positive thinking” mantra proponent (you know … look in the mirror every morning and say “YOU – looking at yourself not the cat sitting on the counter – … are a winner” type stuff).

But this isn’t just about positive thinking.

This is rational truly insightful stuff.

I mean this is big personal question stuff.

This is sitting yourself down and setting aside insecurities and past relationship baggage and all the crap we seem to heap on our own shoulders (or life seemingly does) and ask ourselves “why do I fear power?” or maybe better said ‘more powerful in business … in meetings … in relationships … in friendships … in life … just add whatever you want here.”

She suggests each of us holds ourselves back not because of insecurities but fear of success.

In Bruce words … “uh oh, now that I have got ‘here’ what’s next? What the hell am I supposed to do now?” type of fear.

It is here that I typically throw in my traditional ‘get going’ and ‘moving forward in life means you are at least going somewhere’ but I am not this time.

Maybe because this quote really really made me think.

About me. About some good friends. Just about people I know.

This quote is about your character. About respect. About self truth.

So.

Maybe the point of showing everyone this quote isn’t any message I am gonna fork over but rather it is just the thought itself.

And maybe you will sit down and think about it.

Cause it is a really powerful thought. As, I would imagine, any time you asked yourself for the truth.

Enlightened Conflict