Enlightened Conflict

fighting back

May 26th, 2016

 road to success business graffiti



“Perhaps we should love ourselves so fiercely that, when others see us, they know exactly how it should be done.”



Rudy Francisco





being yourself olderSociety norms.


Group norms.


Individual norms.



They are kind of the three behavioral levels of why we do the shit that we do.


Each is powerful in its own right.


And while creating alignment within all three can sometimes be a real bitch of a challenge … I would actually suggest we should view individual behavior the following way:


Society norms.


Individual norms.


Group norms.


I suggest this because I believe individual norms, our personal behavior, is constantly being squeezed by society overall as well as the groups in our circle of influence.


And if you are not careful … you get squeezed into … well … not nothingness but certainly “lessness.”


I would suggest you almost always have to fight back.fight back yes you can


Let’s say you gotta sharpen your elbows and create some space for you  in between what society is suggesting <which often feels a lot like it is actually demanding> and what your current circle is outlining as the right way to think and behave.

I once called this ‘pushing back … not stepping up.’


But here is the hard part.


And it is kind of surprisingly hard.


It is fairly easy to sharpen your elbows and fight back … but without some thought you are simply fighting. Fighting with no purpose other than it feels good to fight back in some way.


And while fighting back in and of itself is somewhat satisfying because you feel like you should … it is less than satisfying because it has no real focus or purpose.


This is where ‘knowing what you want and knowing who you are’ rears its ugly head.


Being “anti” something is pretty easy. I could actually suggest in some ways it is lazy. But being “for something” is hard. Like … well … really hard.

You not only have to convince yourself that what you are standing for something but also mentally accept it is not going to perfectly align with your group norms as well as societal norms.


I would argue the former, convincing yourself, is the most difficult part <finding oneself post?>.


Who I am today is not who I will be tomorrow combined with you cannot really hide from what will be makes fighting back partially a constant battle of movement and adaptation.


being yourself cahngingHere is what I know.


Society is not always right.


Your group is not always right.


So why should you always have to be right?



Fighting back isn’t about being “right.” It is simply about fighting for what is right … you. I will not call it individual rights but rather the right to be an individual.


Maybe it is also partially a fight for the part of you that you love. I imagine this suggests you gotta find a part of yourself to love … but that I most likely a different post and thought for a different time.


But I love the quote I opened with. It is different than the typical “you have to love yourself before you can …” idea.


It is more about the benefit to you.


It is living Life by example. And maybe that is the bigger thought.


Fighting back against society … against some of your circle of acquaintances norms … is not about simply fighting for fighting sake but rather fighting to show that you, who you are and what you do, shines a fierce light on something you love <who you are and the things you do>.





That’s kind of a scary thought.

And maybe it is a “hope to attain one day“ type thought.


And you know what? That’s okay.



But okay.


Hard because society & group norms suggest the only way you can fight back is to “know now” and not “hope to be.” Fuck ‘em. We are a work in progress. All of us and all ‘norms.’


No matter what society says and your group norms state <sometimes unequivocally> we are a constant work in progress.


The fight is never a battle for ‘lessness’ … no one can even kiddingly suggest hard to planyou are morethat … all norms at all levels desire ‘moreness.’


They may just not know how to do it or what it looks like.


If you love your ‘work in progress self’ fiercely maybe, just maybe, you will show how it’s done.



There is a thought for the day.

stepping up … or pushing back?

April 2nd, 2010


“You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?”


Robert Louis Stevenson



We always talk about how every once in a while people step up.


Seeming to rising above not only what you expected but maybe what they expected of themselves.


When it happens sometimes people surprise you and sometimes they fall short.






We all face this opportunity we call ‘stepping up’ at least once in our lives (and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was actually dozens).


Because life is funny that way.


It can push pretty hard.


So hard that it is quite tempting to lose hope you can deal with ‘the pushing.’pushback



But when you get pushed sometimes if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, some song, a friend or in something your parents may have told you.



You find the hope … to push back.



And you push back.



I guess I am questioning ‘stepping up’.


It seems a simple concept. It would seem to mean to rise above yourself. Maybe to do a little more or to show something special. It is often a moment when it appears a door has been shut in your face.


Yet you recognize that another door waits to be opened.





That’s why I am not sure it is stepping up.



I think its finding something that already exists within yourself.


We all know life can be challenging and can push pretty damn hard sometimes.


Find your own examples.

I have my own.



In sports they call this ‘stepping up’.



In life I would call it pushing back.



Because when life wants to push you down, well, then I guess we learn to push back.





Next time Life pushes you … push back.

Enlightened Conflict