Enlightened Conflict

the conversation that took place yesterday between almost every man and woman

October 9th, 2016


bar talk


The Trump video created a conversation that I believe happened between 99% of every male-female relationship across America <be it partners, married or friends>.




Do men really say things like that when they are together?


I can guarantee you that question reverberated through some room in almost every living abode and bar/restaurant across America.


Here is how my conversation went.


I can honestly say that I have never heard anything like the things Trump said in his 2005 video within any discussion i have ever had with any group of my  friends in any city or state I have lived in … nor at any age <and I am close to the age Trump was in that video and I cannot fathom a 59 year old man saying those things>.


That said.


I wanted her to know this is not how men talk when they’re together.


Mostly we talk about sports, our work or just end up laughing at other people.




We sometimes tell dirty jokes.


We sometimes say some fairly nasty things about people.


We really do not often talk about our sex lives <other than, of course, we have sex … because no guy would ever admit they were not having lots of sex>.



We never talk about grabbing women by any part of their body.


We never talk about sexual assault <doing anything sexually with a woman with no consent> … unless it is to point out that any male who has to actually assault a woman to have sex not only doesn’t deserve ‘to get laid’ … but should have their balls cut off.


Are our conversations ‘politically correct’? Of course not. We are guys shooting the shit unfiltered.


Is there always one guy who can make us play in the conversation a little ‘lower’ than we are typically comfortable with? Sure. On occasion.

I think it sometimes lets us play in some ‘taboo’ space which we know is bad but we sense it is harmless to see what it feels like.


<note … most of us will admit it doesn’t feel that great>


Is there a limit to the ‘low’? Absolutely. It is actually like a rubber band. Most of us are willing to get stretched a little within a guy group dynamic … but only so gun control guyfar.

There is sometimes that one guy who takes it too far and you will actually see everyone else pull back and go way back into the safe zone.

Most of us actually get creeped out when it gets too low.

Most of us recognize when harmless discomfort turns into dangerous discussion wherein we become complicit in accepting the unacceptable simply by permitting the discussion to continue.


Suffice it to say … there is no complicit culture of misogyny running rampant through the bars across America where men coalesce to talk about the shit we guys talk about.


Most of us have sisters, mothers, nieces, female friends and loved ones who we would not only be horrified if they ever heard us say these things … we would be horrified if someone said these things about them.



Some guys, fewer than you may think, have no filter and have no sense of what is right versus wrong <and, yet, they are neither a psychopath nor a criminal>.


Do we let these guys show up and have a beer with us and joke around some? Sure.


Do we let these guys play with is on our teams? Sure.


Do we let these guys around any female we like or respect? Never.

trump talk brain

Trump does not represent 99% of males … morally or behavior wise.


And while it was probably good that this conversation took place across America between men and the women they care about I absolutely hate that asshat Trump for suggesting that what he said was ‘typical locker room banter.’


I would suggest that other than some posh golf course locker room he has padded through, on his chubby little feet, toward some urinal so he can fondle his dick … he hasn’t visited a real locker room … well … ever.


We men are certainly not saints when we get together and some of the things we say would make an angel blush … but we do not represent the kind of sin Trump just laid upon us all in that video.

Enlightened Conflict