Posts tagged something more important than fear
courage faith & character
Dec 8th
“A man of courage is also full of faith.”
Marcus Tullius Cicero
Let’s be clear on this quote. “Faith” in this case has nothing to do with religion. Faith in this case is all about “self.”
Faith in oneself.
A belief in oneself. Self actualization. Self esteem. Strength in self.
All that good (Maslow) stuff.
Which leads me to a second quote from good ole Cicero.
“A man’s own manner and character is what most becomes him.”
Marcus Tullius Cicero
Lets connect the dots.
Courage. True courage is a lot about resiliency. Resiliency in the face of adversity. The adversity can be extreme or it can be ‘humdrum’ (I just wanted to use that word) but in the end it is just good ole plain adversity.
Faith. And to be able to not quit in the face of adversity you have to have some faith in oneself. Faith in that you can deal with it or you will figure out how to deal with it. Faith that somewhere and somehow you won’t fail.
Character. And character comes into play in two ways … the manner you face adversity as well as the strength it takes to face adversity (when it is a shitload easier to just simply quit). Strength of character is the foundation for this whole courage thing. That is why I put it last.
Courage.
Faith.
Character.
By the way. I threw in the ‘humdrum’ to make a point. Everyday life, the routine life, being a parent, being committed to showing up every day at work, doing well in school, being nice in the face of the abusive … all of that takes courage. A lot of courage. And faith. And even more character. We forget this kind of stuff whenever we speak about courage.
We seek to put courage up on this pedestal of extraordinary behavior in the face of the most extreme adversity.
Is that courage? Sure.
But it’s often courage inspired by sheer human survival.
In other words … be courageous or die.
Is that admirable? You betcha. Those folk deserve every bit of admiration and attention they deserve.
But then there is day to day courage.
Is it heroic? Well. No. Not particularly. It is simply having the fortitude and backbone and character and resiliency to deal with what has to be done. With whatever responsibility you have assumed.
It is sometimes easy to shrug it off as “what is the alternative” but it takes inner courage regardless.
Should it be celebrated with medals and speeches and stuff like that? Nope (or I don’t believe so).
But I also believe it should be recognized.
Day to day life is tough.
And it takes courage to deal with it.
Why do I care?
Well. Because so many people quit in the face of day to day. Those who don’t should recognize that. Because they COULD have quit. But they didn’t. Is that “take a bullet” courage? Nope. Is it a different type of courage? Yup. It is 365 days a year type courage. The ability to wake up each morning to face whatever it is you have to face type courage. It is a sneaky type of courage. Because the more famous type of courage you have a specific enemy. They have a gun. They want to kill you. It is you against them.
Life is a little trickier.
Or maybe let’s call it a more sly enemy.
It doesn’t seek to hunt you down one day with a bullet (or whatever). It seeks to wear you down and find ‘the moment’ to destroy whatever it is you may have.
So lets work the formula backwards.
Character.
Faith.
Resilience.
Courage.
Dealing with Life begins with courage. And takes character as the bookend. And in between takes faith & resilience to manage the adversity.
Courage.
Sometimes think about measuring it by how you deal with life.
You may find more courage around you than you ever imagined.
never fear the event
Sep 2nd
“Never Fear the Event.”
Admiral Lord Horatio Nelson
So.
I am using a quote from a guy who probably was one of the best at seeking out ‘events’ rather than fear or avoid them.
Therefore it becomes difficult to use this occasion to discuss worrying about things that will never happen and fear of what could be.
Instead this is all about the ‘impending event’ and fearing it.
In Nelson’s case it was huge cannons shooting big iron balls at him with the intent of taking his head off (and whoda thunk it would actually be a mini ball that would get him in the end).
But. You know what?
He took that bullet that killed him standing in full admiral dress uniform on the main deck in full view of his men and all his enemy to see. Leading. Did he feel “fear?” Sure.
I am sure somewhere inside him he had to feel something. But the event took precedent.
Fear, dread and worry are odd things. But very real odd things.
And because I am writing about ‘the event’ they affect the event. Or maybe better said they affect your performance at the event.
They become important to talk about for in the moment of the event should lie peace and a certain contentment if we accept the moment as it is (and you actually want to do your best at the event).
But fear saps peace. And worse it saps energy.
“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” Leo F. Buscaglia
I will change this quote for my needs and say “it only saps today of its energy.”
The constant litany of everything that should have been done, everything that needs to be done, everything you wish you had time to have done … and done it better … sap energy that could be invested in the event.
And many of the things I just listed are driven of fear of the event.
Now. I am not suggesting not being prepared or thinking through what needs to be done or anything like that.
But events are meant to be commanded not feared.
And the difference between approaching an event looking at both of these is significantly different.
I am sure we all have encountered that familiar tightening in your gut as you not only near the event but sometimes just even thinking about the damn thing.
Deep breaths don’t do shit.
Convincing yourself that everything will be okay doesn’t do shit.
And building the perfect plan CERTAINLY doesn’t do shit. (because inevitably it will all go to shit and you will fester and worry about that)
Let me tell you the conclusion of what will occur AFTER the event with worries:
“None of it happened (what I feared or worried about).”
“Some of what I feared happened.” (but it the world didn’t stop spinning)
Oh.
“Look at all the time I wasted.” (fearing the event)
The anxiety and fear associated with the event is a big fat frickin’ waste of time.
Imagining how everything was going to turn out badly was a waste of energy. (and the people who suggest that doing such things made everyone better prepared are wrong … unequivocally wrong)
Some guy who had a crappy education and ended up on CNN or something like that said: “I’d been so focused on my doubts, on replaying that tape of me at my worst, that I’d forgotten who was truly helping me become the best I could be.”
Dude.
You got it (the issue). And you got it (what you wanted).
Ok.
The point.
Yeah. I purposefully selected probably one of the best naval commanders of all time to make this point.
You can fear the event or you can command the event.
Boldness, or commanding the moment, does have a certain power to it. I won’t call it magic but rather energy.
And that makes fearing what is actually something that is inevitable (the event) is just plain silly. And just a plain waste of energy.
I don’t care if it’s a presentation, a speaking event, your driver’s test, an interview or even a frickin’ date.
They are inevitable events.
Seek to command. Do not enter into the event in fear. Stand on the deck amongst the bullets in full uniform and take what will come.
But.
Command. Do not fear the event.
Command the event.
more important than fear
Jul 10th
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”
Ambrose Redmoon
In one of the first posts I ever wrote I included this quote within a group of quotes. Here is what I wrote:
- I am fortunate enough to know a number of Marines. I don’t believe any of them have ever refuted the fact they felt fear at some point. At the same time I do not believe they have ever referred to themselves as showing courage. They simply state “the alternative wasn’t an option.” They found that something was more important than fear. We could all learn that lesson even without the actual bullets.
Looking back I wouldn’t change a word. I don’t know how soldiers do it. But notice, every time you ever hear the best …. they never talk about their courage. They signed up to do a job. And they do it.
It is here that looking back I would add some words. About life. And people. The capacity of people is stunning on occasion if you take a moment and look at it. And I mean just ordinary life and the sometimes overwhelming responsibilities that often try and crush the moment with fear of “how am I going to do it all.”
The kids first day of school. The air conditioning is broken (and you don’t live in Alaska). The car you just picked up from the body shop getting fixed from an accident isn’t right and needs additional work. All the extra expenses that come crashing in with all those things. Difficulty at work with an employee. Brand new tenant dealing with the broken air conditioning. The logistics associated with getting everything done and being at the right place at the right time and the seemingly endless check writing.
That’s just an example.
I would imagine all of us have ‘these days’ of some type. And all of us discover ‘judgment of something more important than fear’ and don’t just break down or freeze into inaction.
But just because we all do it shouldn’t stop us from looking around and recognize the courage of some of those people who find the courage to step up and run these types of gauntlets. I sometimes believe we are all so focused on dealing with our own shit that we are numbed to what other people around us are dealing with – and the stunning grace with which they handle that shit which make it easy to overlook.
While I began this post talking about courage in the sense of facing extraordinary situations where death is an option. I end this post focusing on everyday life where despite the fear that someone just may not be able to measure up to the everyday pressures and responsibilities that same person finds the courage to get through it. Sometimes in solitude so no one ever knows.
I guess the point of this is maybe take a moment and look around you. Courage takes shape in some of the most unlikely of people. I know I do it. If only because I find the depth of character to just do, sometimes in solitude, often in silence … awe inspiring.
