Enlightened Conflict

turn over a new leaf

July 5th, 2012

turn over a new leaf <figure of speech>:

To begin again, fresh; to reform and begin again (on turning to a fresh page <The leaf is a page—a fresh, clean page>)

I thought about the graduation day at the college near me. Seeing all the caps and gowns and proud parents and friends hugging each other (some for the last time) made me think about ‘turning over a new leaf’ and the opportunities life gives you to … well … turn the page and leave the other pages behind.

Look. Life gives you a number of opportunities to start fresh.

Oh. Starting fresh is different than making changes. It may be semantics but I say that because we often talk about making changes in our life and maybe just begin doing things differently.

And I will admit … making changes … that is tough.

It is like trying to get your personal train to jump off the tracks and get on another set of tracks.

Is it possible? Sure it is. Lots of people do it. I am just saying it is tough.

But. Sometimes you don’t have to ‘jump the tracks’ because life turns a page … it, well, gives you an opportunity to turn over a new leaf. To start behaving in a different way. To be a different type of person. To … well … start anew with a clean page.

College graduation is one.

I also tell graduating high school students that they have the opportunity to be whoever they want to be the moment they leave high school … in college or in their first real job.

It is a truth that who you were in high school does not have to be who you are … from that day on.

The cool people are no longer cool. The geeks are no longer geeks. The popular are no longer popular. The losers are no longer losers.

I tell them “you can be whatever type of person you want to be as soon as you step into a new environment.” And I purposefully say “new environment” because it is a life lesson … not just a high school lesson. Something they can keep with them for the rest of their life.

And while turning over a new leaf typically suggests an improvement in behavior … I suggest it is simply an opportunity to begin writing a new chapter in your life. Yup. Sometimes a new leaf has nothing to do with improvement <in the typical sense> … sometimes it just has to do with doing something you have wanted to do but were scared to do (for any variety of good, or bad, reasons).

Now. Not everyone wants to do this. Nor should they. I am simply pointing out that it represents an opportunity. An opportunity to move forward in maybe a small way … or even a big way. Up to you. Because I do believe it is very very <very> rare for someone’s life to stay on track … on course … all the time. In fact I believe almost everyone’s life goes off course at some point.

“There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.” – Lucas Scott

Life has a nasty habit of turning on a side road and quickly gaining momentum without giving you the steering wheel. If you believe that every life does go off course at some point you gotta figure out how to get it back on course.

How? Yes, I do believe every morning you choose to move forward or give up.

And, no, I don’t believe that each day is a new page in your life … that pop psychology banal drivel that each night you go to sleep that life is turning a new page.

It’s not that simple. And I think ‘turning the page’ is just not that easy. Except when life steps in … you move, you graduate, you get a new job … each represents a new leaf to turn over.

But.

Life does give you opportunities for new beginnings.

And at those times … those “new beginnings” … it becomes a time to write whatever you want. To change things. To change ‘your story’ as it may be.

And I think we need to take advantage of those opportunities as often as we can.  Maybe think of it this way … what makes a book interesting is reading how the hero makes a transition, has an epiphany, or reinvents themselves in some way <reinventing in terms of ‘bettering’>.

Simplistically some event in life provides the opportunity to re-create yourself.

These events are important, really important, because while popular wisdom has it that human life is short and most of us have a ‘this is the person I want to be’ idea before we go to the ‘happy place in the great beyond’ most of us don’t really wrap our heads around ‘life is short’ nor do most of us have the wisdom to know ‘this is the person who I want to be.’ We figure it out as we go along. Hey. This isn’t about your bucket list or some type of adventure this is just about a sense of self.

Yeah, it is difficult  because we all have a shitgob of stuff going on in life and it becomes easy to become stagnant … hmmmmmmmmmmmmm … but then life disturbs the stagnation in some way.

This disturbance will generate new possibilities and cause a ripple effect that will change the ground and build new momentum in a different direction. And in that moment, that very moment, you have an opportunity to grab the proverbial bull by the horns and do something that maybe gets your life back on course … or get you a little closer toward the ‘person you want to be.’

Anyway.

All those graduates, some securely happy with a well-defined path and some insecurely content with graduating because of the step into the unknown, reminded me they are all turning a new leaf.

An opportunity to write their story on a fresh page.

“There is only one failure in life possible, and that is not to be true to the best one knows.” – George Eliot

I think everyone begins with the thought of being true to the best one can be. Its just that life confuses you … with job responsibilities and family responsibilities and any ‘ility’ you can think of. So you can lose your way.

Oh.

He also said …

It is never too late to be who you might have been.”

When life provides an opportunity to turn over a new leaf make sure you remember it is never too late to begin anew. Because in that moment, in that opportunity, you have the opportunity to take a step toward making “who you might have been” into “who you are trying to be.”

leaves and birds

May 31st, 2012

leaving by joel robison

”Birds, just like the leaves, tend to vanish in the fall heading for something new. The birds will come back to start their new generations while the leaves break down and feed the forest that supports the birds. The circle of life I suppose.” – Robison the photographer

So.

I don’t really have much to say on this.

I loved the digitally enhanced photography.

I loved how the photographer described what he envisioned when he did the photography (I like it when a photographer has something in mind).

I love the thought of the cycle of, and in, life.

And I love the fact that in one simple piece of photography we are reminded that Life <the bigger Life around us> is never linear … it is circular.

And when reminded of that … why would we ever think our own life <the smaller more personal ‘I’ life> is linear?

investing energy in Life

August 10th, 2011

Ok.

So what the hell is investing energy in life?

Let’s call it being able to discern between ‘resting’ versus ‘being stagnant.’ And possibly add in being able to discern when to use energy and when to not use it. By the way.  All of that translates into making choices.

Let me use a quote to begin the discussion.

“As a rule, I am very careful to be shallow and conventional where depth and originality are wasted.” Lucy Maud Montgomery

Ah. Now. Be careful when reading this … Lucy isn’t suggesting people not be original or seek to have some ‘depth.’ Nope. She is suggesting investing energy at the appropriate times is a choice. A choice for when energy invested won’t be wasted.

Look. Haven’t we seen those people who go 110% all the time on everything? And they get tired. And often frustrated. And they often don’t seem to get as far in life as you would expect for all the energy they have invested. While they may debate with me (because they feel like they are making the choice that has to be made, i.e., I am ‘working at being successful in life’) the reality is they aren’t making any real choice.  Anytime you do something 100% of the time you haven’t made the tough choice.

The choice truth? There is a time to rest. And a time for energy.

Oh, and yes, you do have to invest energy in life to get something out of it.

Because being lazy doesn’t get you shit.

In fact. Being apathetic doesn’t get you shit.

Once again. That doesn’t mean 24/7 energy and pushing and shoving and being passionate and trying to kick ass 172,800 seconds (if I did my math correctly that is the amount of seconds in a day).  It’s about making choices. When and where type choices.

So.

What I am saying is you cannot have enough energy to kick ass every second of every day.

(and if you have someone suggesting you should? … ignore them)

But.

You also cannot be passive every second either.

There is resting (before investing energy).

There is stagnant (before never investing energy).

(former good. latter bad.)

And they are significantly different because living a successful (happy) life takes energy. And life is a struggle that takes energy to manage and deal with. And frankly happiness doesn’t always come easily.

By the way. This ‘struggle’ isn’t a day-to-day get-things-done struggle.  I mean it is a mental & physical struggle.

Describing this struggle is interesting. Good ole Winston C. suggested Life is the struggle between energy and indolence:

“Life is a struggle between vitality and decay, energy and indolence” – Winston Churchill

Whew.  Good stuff.

Life is all about either growing or diminishing. You are either active or passive. And life is the struggle within the two. At all times.

Some people would simply suggest that an active life is better than a passive one. Oh. If only the solution were that simple (because it isn’t that one sided).  Sure. Embracing adventure or some activity you are passionate about (or believe will make you better) is important to what makes many of us happy and feel like we are being productive within our life. But it isn’t just about going out and doing a bunch of stuff.  It’s about going out and doing the right stuff. And to be happiest … the right stuff at the right time.

So be careful.

You may elect to ignore people who tell you to “slow down and take it easy” because you feel like you are being productive and ‘doing.’ But be sure you are aware of what you are doing and how you are investing your energy. Because energy is not limitless.

Life is about balance. Balancing rest and energy. But this is where stagnancy or indolence issue steps up to the plate. Because happiness can be such a struggle and ‘doing nothing’ sometimes seems the easiest thing to do. It isn’t (no matter how it may look r feel at the time).  You HAVE to invest some energy at some point. If not for you then you have to for those around you. Because in the end we see that the energetic displaces the passive. Even if the passive is “good” (intentions or in heart). Because evil is restless.  And energetic.

“In this very real world, good doesn’t drive out evil. Evil doesn’t drive out good. But the energetic displaces the passive.” bill bernbach

Ok. My fear is when people read this last quote they begin to dedicate all their energies to … well … doing.  With good intentions but not seeing the forest because of the trees.

Remember. We are not Eveready bunnies who can go and go and go.  Because all that “going” means investing energy.

And the people who you see going 110% all the time? Well.  The reason they do is because they haven’t figured it out.  They haven’t figured out when to rest and when to invest energy. And having already decided mentally that they need to invest energy to win the struggle they just invest.

And invest.  And invest (I would like to point out … with diminishing returns).

Please.  Everyone.  This isn’t about time management.

If you read my “time according to Lucy” post you know I am skeptical of the whole managing time concept. The closest suggestion I can make to clarify what I am trying to say in this post can maybe be found in the book Power of Full Engagement. The book suggests that instead of trying to manage time we should be conscious of managing our energy.

I am not talking as literally as the book author suggests (they suggest at different points in the day we have more energy than others as well as more motivated to do certain things at certain moments). I don’t think this is about planning your work times around when you expect to have creative energy (like the book suggests).

This is just about investing energy at the right times.

Yes.

Investing energy at the right time in the right place.

This is not about motivation or creative energy or any of that.  This is simply about recognizing ‘influential moments’ (moments that can swing your day or life) and acting upon them by investing energy.

And that, my friends, is a choice.

a choice to invest what energy you have available, no holding back, when the opportunity arises.

Yes. That is a choice.

And not investing energy at some times (when people look at you and worry if you are lazy).

And, yes, that is a choice.

Choices based on understanding the difference between rest and stagnancy.

Maybe that is “the” choice.

Yeah.  Life is a struggle. And a struggle of choices. But mostly it is a struggle of energy. When to invest and when to not invest.

Ok.

This was a rambling post. Time to stop investing energy and rest.

festina lente

September 14th, 2010

Ah. festina lente … latin for … “make haste slowly” – Emperor Augustus

First.

About Augustus.

Augustus was born with the name Octavian. Well educated in philosophy, rhetoric, and military skills as a boy, he was adopted by his uncle Julius Caesar and became his heir. When Caesar was assassinated, Octavian raised an army to claim his inheritance and avenge his uncle’s murder. At the battle of Actium in 31 BC, he defeated the last of his opponents, Mark Anthony, and took control of Rome.

Second.

Good ole Augustus said a number of smart things but this quote is a humdinger.

Haste and slow.

Patient quickness?

Anyway.

It’s all about being choiceful in movement rather than just scurrying around.

So often we are hasty in our lives.

And by being hasty we often miss opportunities to take advantage of the moment.

This quote by Augustus tells us to do as much as possible, but while managing your time as well.

Maybe in other words … try and enjoy all of the aspects of your life and moments in your life but don’t dawdle (I love typing that word) over the meaningless.

The challenge is that it is equally important to take in the moment, make a moment meaningful, and find the best way to make it last … and still make sure you get going ‘with haste’ to make the next meaningful moment.

But.

I do know I chose this quote because it could be applied to all of our lives.

We have all seen it (and depending on your own personality you live it up and down the scale of “all the time” to “some of the time”) where  something needs to be done in a hurry and you go so fast you make mistakes.

Learning to pace yourself and find the optimum speed is not easy.

Controlled speed. Whew. It is difficult as the list of things to do grows and life around you seems to be going a zillion miles an hour.

I actually suggest this is like when you were a kid and the old playground merry-go-round thing is spinning and you are judging when to jump on (or jump off I guess).

You aren’t running around it in circles and then jumping on … you wait  … maybe take a couple of steps to get some speed and jump on.

For girls? That jump rope thingy thing they always did (which I couldn’t do because every time I tried to jump into the spinning jump ropes I simply got tangled up like a fly I a spider web). Wait. Patient. Choose your moment. Make haste (or end up like I did all the time on that jump rope thing).

Okay.

Making haste slowly though isn’t about standing still.

Doing nothing and waiting for matters to right themselves will only make things worse. On the other hand rushing into hasty decisions is equally bad.

Even though we might need to get from one place to another quickly, we can still maintain a mindful awareness of our actions.

It’s funny.

Being hasty sometimes doesn’t mean you get more of your to do list done and instead sometimes actually backs you into a corner timewise.

If you aren’t careful you find yourself sprinting from one place to another inevitably dropping things, forgetting things, or making mistakes that you would normally not make if I were moving more slowly.

Haste often makes us believe the world is conspiring against us with the intent to make time seem never-ending yet never enough.

The computer takes forever to shut down. The car keys mysteriously misplace themselves. That one phone number disappears into thin air.

Oh. And maybe you find your haste costs you more time when you realize after leaving home that you’ve forgotten something and have to double back.
So.

When the urge to ‘make haste’ takes over?

Try to remember to slow things down, be patient and then make haste.

I do call this patient quickness. The balance between haste and patience.

If you are lucky enough to find that balance you seem to get into a flow of things and things just seem to move more easily.

Anyway.

In the end?

The “need for speed” is a myth.

Being fast is not something to be admired (unless maybe you are an Olympic runner or NASCAR race car driver).

In the end, everyone will remember how well you did something and not how fast you did it.

Life (in particular) is meant to be lived … so … stay thirsty my friends … and … make haste slowly.

Enlightened Conflict