Forewarning. If you like The Secret … and live by The Secret … it will be no secret at the end of this rant that I do not believe the secret is a secret at all. So read on at your own peril.

“To create the life of your dreams, the time has come for you to love You. Focus on Your joy. Do all the things that make You feel good. Love You, inside and out. Everything will change in your life, when you change the inside of you. Allow the Universe to give you every good thing you deserve, by being a magnet to them all. To be a magnet for every single thing you deserve, you must be a magnet of love.” ― Rhonda Byrne

“Success or failure depends more upon attitude than upon capacity successful men act as though they have accomplished or are enjoying something. Soon it becomes a reality. Act, look, feel successful, conduct yourself accordingly, and you will be amazed at the positive results.” – William James

Oh boy.

I am going to discuss <rant about> The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.

It really isn’t anything more than a reformulation of William James or even Norman Vincent Peale’s ‘The Power of Positive Thinking.’

Bottom line. The book to me? Tripe. Useless drivel.

Look.

If you want to do something good … well … go ahead and do it.

If you need a self-motivation “I am happy and love life” speech to yourself in the morning … then do it.

But.

Suggesting simply choosing happiness leads to success, well, that is flawed logic. And the whole “magnet for good”? … oh my. We could only all wish it were so easy.

Now.

While I can’t buy this tripe I do love the idea.

But.

C’mon. If it was really this easy wouldn’t we all have everything we truly wanted? <because that’s all we would think about … and I actually guess all of us have actually wanted to do only the things we want to do … and the things that would make us happy>.

Anyway.

The challenge with challenging a book like this is that it actually leverages from a simple Life premise … … that our thoughts <and ultimately – actions> are usually a reflection of our beliefs and attitudes. And if we want to change our reality then we have to change these beliefs and attitudes that shape our thoughts.

But it becomes easier to challenge when it actually suggests that there is a scientific premise <which is actually a made up premise> … that the ‘Universal Law of Attraction’ is a Law in which if you focus on something enough <I assume this is unhappiness as well as happiness> it is not only drawn to you but actually expands.

This made up law says ‘The Law of Attraction states that you will attract to yourself those experiences that match your beliefs: These beliefs then create your EXPERIENCE of reality. So focus on what you DO want, rather than on what you don’t want.’

Therefore <scientifically> you will not only get what you want … but you also get to live a Life only doing what makes you happy.

First. There is no Law of Attraction. Not even a postulate or a theorem. Just a made up law <maybe that is it’s secret?>.

Second. You do not always get what you want. Anything. Experiences included. But I can reverse the logic and guarantee all the things you actually do, and like to do, you actually wanted to do. Reality looked at backwards will always appear closer in the “I wanted to do” mirror. And as for ‘attraction’? What a bunch of bullhockey.

The Secret is a power of intention/power of positive thinking a get what you want formula <also like Tony Robbin>.

Here is the deal.

It will “work” for some based on mathematical probability alone <if enough people think “hard” enough to ‘attract’ whatever they are seeking to attract … a few will>.

And, of course, these few are the ones quoted in the book.

I wish it was actually that simple.

The Secret neglects to inform you, but suffice it to say, it is not “attraction” but rather this is more about discipline and focus and effort.

But.

If the happiness ‘secret’ keeps your eye on your own proverbial ball … then do it.

But to suggest it is a science let alone a law with proof <because you can de-isolate specific incidents and make the argument that they are exceptions to the rule> really does make the Secret untenable if not simply a criticism of our intelligence.

It is certainly sneaky. It uses smart quotes <albeit out of context> and the book takes advantage of the fact we all ask ourselves these questions <all of us do, or have done, at some point>. Things like:

Do you ever wonder how other people do it?

How do some people find the courage to follow their dreams?

What makes happy successful people different <or what is their commonality>?

Well. Sorry. The truth is there is nothing special about the majority of them.

The difference between a person who has an idea and a person who acts on that idea is one step … albeit a big step.

That step often comes down to knowing you are not alone and finding the courage within yourself. Dreaming big certainly encourages you to take that first step.

And to succeed, or find happiness, you do have to be willing to take at least some step. After that? Well. You gotta work hard. I <or anyone> can envision anything … but it ain’t just gonna be given to me.

Whenever I see a quote like “Every day when I wake up I realize I have a choice. I can be happy or unhappy. So what do I do? I’m not dumb. I choose to be happy” I kind of want to puke. Having a positive attitude, or making the best of the situation, is always good … but Life is meant to be a roller coaster ride <even if you hate roller coasters> and there will be highs & lows. You slug it out with the lows and enjoy the highs. No secret.

Now. I certainly do believe in committing to ‘show up’ in Life every day … but this quote? What a bunch of crap <or tripe>.

So.

I had drafted a brilliant <in my eyes> diatribe on how books like The Secret are worse for humanity than even the most misguided government but I found someone who did it for me <and even more smartly than I was going to do it>.

I apologize that I cannot provide the author because when I cut & pasted I neglected to capture that information but suffice it to say I need to credit someone other than me for these well crafted words:

I think a book like this, which makes some really big claims, should, roughly, do the following:

1) Present it’s premise clearly

2) Since it’s a self-help book explain clearly what you need to do

3) Provide compelling evidence that it’s ideas work

4) Be credible.

The book does a decent job of explaining its premise, which is that everything in your life is the result of the law of attraction.

I quote, “the law of attraction says like attracts like, so when you think a thought, you are also attracting like thoughts to you.” In other words, think good thoughts and good things will come to you and if you think bad thoughts then bad things come to you.

I’ve simplified this a bit but not a whole lot as the concept isn’t rocket science.

Now, does this book explain clearly what you need to do? Actually, for a self-help book it does a very poor job of this. How do you control your thoughts? What kinds of practices and thinking produce the best results? The author and contributors basically tell you a bunch of stories about how “so and so did something and you can too by changing your thinking”.

And that’s it for the “how to” part of the book. There isn’t any.

Now, if I wanted to prove something worked from a scientific perspective it would seem to be easy to test this stuff out. You take two groups of people, teach one the secret, let the other go on with their lives and see what happens. In theory those that know the Secret would be happier and more successful than the control group. It might not be perfect but it’d be a whole lot better than what we get in this book. But, of course, you’d have to have an actual methodology to test.

Instead the authors cite numerous anecdotes of how the Secret worked. One person’s cancer went away. Another individual walks after a brutal accident. Still another finds romance. That’s all fine and perhaps it’s evidence but it’s not proof. How many people who were injured like the “Miracle Man” never walked again despite the best attitude and trying the approach perfectly?

The problem with anecdotes is that it’s easy to start with a result, work backward and assume the conclusion.

It’s also very easy with anecdotes to only present the ones that make your case and ignore those that don’t (when someone dies of cancer while practicing the secret for instance). It’s just not good enough to use anecdotes for large claims like those made in this book.

The following quote struck a nerve.

“People hold that for awhile, and they’re really a champion at it. They say, `I’m fired up, I saw this program and I’m going to change my life.’ And yet the results aren’t showing. Beneath the surface it’s just about ready to break through but the person will look just at the surface results and say, `This stuff doesn’t work.’ And you know what? The universe says, “your wish is my command.”

I thought it was interesting that the universe instantly manifest failure but isn’t quite so fast with success. In fact, a cynical individual might conclude that what they are really saying is, “when this program works it’s because the secret always works, but, on the off chance it doesn’t work, well, that’s your fault.” An even more cynical person might think, “gosh, I wonder what would help a person who failed? Maybe, a seminar with Bob Proctor would be just the thing to get them over the top?”

Lastly, is the Secret credible? On the one hand, I think a lot can be said for the idea that if you change your thinking you’d change your life.

In many ways that seems obvious to me.

On the other hand, if the secret actually was true, especially at the scope claimed by the book it would mean that everything that’s happened is the result of your thinking. So, when a child dies of pneumonia, well, it’s because they brought pneumonia into their lives. Michael J. Fox, not only did you bring Parkinson’s into your life but change your thinking and it will go away. Obviously these things aren’t true and they obliterate, in my opinion, any credibility in the book.

Not only does the book go too far but most (I’d argue nearly all) of the contributors aren’t credible. On a topic of this scope: the ability to 100% change your life and the world in an incredible fashion, does anyone really think you couldn’t find psychologists, top flight scientists, therapists and thousands of mainstream individuals to support it, if it worked? Wouldn’t there be tons of research instead of anecdotes? Instead we get a Feng Shui Master, a chiropractor, motivational speakers (err trainers), a metaphysicist, etc. combined with a half dozen anecdotal stories. So the most powerful like changing idea ever and you get it from the crew in this book presented in this fashion? I don’t think so!

If this idea really worked, at anything other than giving material to self-help speakers and generating repeat students, it just wouldn’t be found here. The book wouldn’t even have to be written because we’d all already know it and be practicing it. Remember, this is not a new idea, it’s been around for a very long time, and it’s been the topic of literally thousands of seminars and hundreds of books.

Catchy review title? Thought so. Robert Cialdini, renowned psychology researcher and author of Influence: The Power of Persuasion (perhaps the best book ever written on the subject) identifies six basic rules employed by politicians, advertisers and scam artists alike to persuade others. Each of them are employed quite adeptly by Rhonda Byrne in this book.

Cialdini’s first principle is SCARCITY; people want what’s expensive, exclusive, or otherwise attainable. Byrne’s mastery of this principle is clearly shown by the very name of the book: The Secret. We all learned this the first week of kindergarten as we felt the jealousy of watching two classmates, hands cupped over ears, sharing a secret out of earshot.

This message is reinforced throughout the book and its advertising campaign which pitches “The Secret” (whatever it actually is) as jealousy-guarded information hoarded by the happy, wealthy and successful. Whenever someone tries convincing you of something, whether it’s a way to make enormous sums of money, to lose weight, etc – be wary of when it’s pitched as “the knowledge THEY don’t want you to have.” Think about it – everything from the “secrets that Wall Street doesn’t want you to know” to “uncovered – celebrities’ secrets to staying young” are phrased not simply to pique your interest but to make you jealous. Appeals to our emotion are far more powerful than appeals to reason, and Byrne demonstrates mastery of this principle throughout “The Secret.”

Cialdini’s second principle is LIKING. We like those who like us, and in turn, we do business with them. Positive thinking and emotional intelligence has been linked to strong interpersonal relationships, academic and professional success, and good health, but there is a fine line when positive thinking crosses over to unjustified exuberance. Instead of simply noting the substantial benefits of positive thinking (a well-accepted principle which wouldn’t sell books), Byrne crosses the line so blatantly that anyone with a modicum of modesty would find it blasphemous.

AUTHORITY is another Cialdini principle, also in play in “The Secret” in quite subtle ways. Another technique which differentiates this book from just another book of positive thinking is the heavy use of quasiscientific language, which gives the impression that the “law of attraction” is (or will become) an accepted scientific principle, just like the law of gravity or the law of attraction of oppositely-charged particles in chemistry. Many people are both intimidated and confused by the authority of science, a fact exploited by manipulators ranging from Byrne to peddlers of magic weight-loss pills.

Since no respected physicist would ever publish a paper on the universality of the “law of attraction,” Byrne indirectly seeks experts in other ways. She attributes the success of people ranging from Einstein to Beethoven to adherence of “The Secret,” thereby manufacturing experts. After all, if Einstein and Shakespeare mastered “The Secret,” who are YOU to question it?

The last two Cialdini principles are CONSISTENCY and SOCIAL PROOF. The success of this book should leave little doubt it will be followed by more (and more expensive) forms of media peddling “The Secret.” The audio recordings, weekend seminars, advertising tie-ins, and other follow-up products certain to follow will exploit these two principles. Once people commit themselves to believing happiness will come from “The Secret,” they will attribute future successes, whether a promotion or a great new relationship, to adherence to it. Conversely, setbacks will be even more powerfully in committing people to “The Secret,” as people will attribute their failures to not living up to “The Secret” (and buying more of Byrne’s books). Consistency dictates it will be less painful to buy more books and immerse one’s self further into “The Secret” than to accept the whole premise is a quite ridiculous; while not as pernicious as a domineering cult, “The Secret” promises to charge you handsomely for a positive outlook on life.

Byrne’s book is problematic on many levels.

On its face, it’s a manipulative marketing tool meant to flatter, confuse and deceive. It’s also pseudoscience at its best, the last thing we need to encourage in an increasingly technological world which requires healthy skepticism and critical thought. Most damaging, though, is how the book perverts reality by encouraging people to equate a positive outlook on life with a childish, idiotic narcissism. Ayn Rand must be rolling in her grave hearing about the modern manifestation of her objectivist movement reduced to the intellectual equivalent of canned pork.

In conclusion, I’m not opposed to the idea on a small scale but this book just goes way too far and I’m left with the feeling that all that’s really going on is a bunch of people trying to get their name out and get you to pay for their seminars.

——–

So.

All that said.

Here is my point.

Do what you need to do to keep moving forward in life.

Have dreams.

Seek to be happy.

Seek success.

However you may define all the things I just listed.

They are all good aspects of “Life survival.” And are all good objectives.

And if this book helps you to focus on these things, well, then use it.

But.

The book is not a formula nor is it the bible/Koran guide to Life success or Life happiness.

It is simply a useful tool for some people.

Nor does simply envisioning success, or happiness, guarantee success or happiness. Someone in discussing this book suggested I was debating chicken or egg first. Nope. I break the egg by noting everyone who gains happiness <or 99.9%> will absolutely say they envisioned the happiness … but I can almost guarantee everyone who has not achieved happiness <or 99.9% of them> will absolutely say they have envisioned happiness. Someone doesn’t envision any better than someone else. Sometimes you may have more drive or you may work harder or you may even simply have more talent … or maybe the happiness is tied to something to unrealistic. I do not care which you choose. This logic kills the chicken and the egg.

Books like this drive me a little crazy in that they suggest they are ‘the key’ … because if Life were that simple well … Life would be simple.

I have a secret for you.

Life ain’t that simple.

Anyway. Because the book uses a lot of quotes I will end on a quote of my own from Arthur Rubenstein:

” Most people , in my opinion, have an unrealistic approach toward happiness because they invariably use the fatal conjunction “if” as a condition. You hear them say: ‘I would be happy if I were rich’, or … ‘if this girl loved me’ … or ‘if I had talent’ … or their most popular … ‘if I had good health.’ They often attain their goal, but they discover new ‘ifs.’As for myself, I love Life for better or for worse, unconditionally.”

Good pianist.

Smart man.

Great advice <no secret>.

Love Life unconditionally … and you will be happy.

dream big … because …

November 16th, 2012

I have said this before … it seems like today’s world is tough on dreamers.

It is hard to be a dreamer and it seems to be easier and easier to blindly move down a beaten path <getting beaten up by Life>.

We need to remind ourselves on occasion that it is okay to dream … and dream big.

And that relentlessly pursuing a dream can be inspiring … not discouraging.

Now. Being a big dreamer doesn’t mean that you walk around with your head in the clouds. It means that you have a purpose … a big purpose that makes your life bigger and fulfills some promise within you.

Of course … as usual … the key is to find a balance. Think ground and clouds. Pragmatic with no limits. A contradiction? Sure. But big dreams are a contradiction. As a practical relatively pragmatic human race we would never have them … unless some of them defied the odds and actually came true. Some really do happen.

Which reminds me <to remind everyone> that big dreams are things … not intangibles. They are not ‘becoming rich’ or ‘being a star’ … they are achieving greatness with an idea or a thought. Anyway. And while there should be a balance … there should be some big dream in all of us for a lot of reasons:

- Sense of Self.

Big dreams have a nice habit of increasing the size of your sense of self. You have to be careful it doesn’t become bigger than yourself and consume you … but big dreams remind you that you can make a big impact in some form or fashion. Maybe not today … but a hope of sometime. Big dreams can not only create some interesting self-purpose in life but it also reminds you that anyone, even you, is capable of the extraordinary. Even if it is just in thought.

Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose & imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary. - Sir Cecil Beaton

Maybe that is the biggest part of this ‘sense of self’ thought … it is likely the biggest reason why you wouldn’t want to settle on small dreams … does anyone really want to be a slave of the ordinary?

- Possibilities.

When you dream big things you will find new roads you may want to explore along the way. It is an adventure and sometimes extremely unpredictable and never ordinary. This is because big dreams can push limits of possibility <or what is possible> because it keeps the impossible in life in sight <if you can actually see something like impossible>. It all happens because big dreams are … well … not quantifiable. If they can be <in your head> I would suggest it is not really a dream but an objective or goal. A dream has to be so big it is just an idea … something difficult to put a number on it or a specific GPS coordinate. it is always somewhere on the horizon. And in reaching toward it the possibilities of new roads not taken <and never envisioned nor on any map as a matter of fact> increase significantly.

- Achieving stuff.

Yeah. You may not actually get the big one <the big dream> … but typically if you dream big, you increase the odds you actually achieve something … and it also increases the odds you actually achieve something relatively great in the scheme of things. You may even end up achieving more than you ever thought you could <even if it isn’t the big dream you began with>.

Big dreams are the reasons why the world changes … and becomes better. And I say ‘world’ as in if you define it in business … or in life.

It’s the reason why there have been so many inventions, new ‘out of the box’ ideas, creations or whatevers. As a business guy I love this following quote for the business big dreamers:

“New business concepts are always, always the product of lucky foresight. That’s right – the essential insight doesn’t come out of any dirigiste planning process; it comes form some cocktail of happenstance, desire, curiosity, ambition and need. But at the end of the day, there has to be a degree of foresight — a sense of where new riches lie. So radical innovation is always one part fortuity and one part clearheaded vision.”― Gary Hamel, Leading the Revolution

New concepts inevitably come from one part clearheaded big dreaming.

Same with new ideas. Same with anything really new … and really big. Oh. And along the way a lot of good little stuff happens too.

- Your legacy <and big dreams>

Big dreams give you the opportunity to truly leave your mark on the world in several ways.

You achieve it.

You don’t achieve it <but achieve other shit along the way>.

You don’t achieve it <and it is left for someone else to achieve>.

The first.

The achieving one is obvious. It is satisfying and certainly something at the end of the road you will probably look back on with some satisfaction. I will mention though that most big dreamers update their dreams if they actually attain the original.

You never really actually stop dreaming big <but do not tell anyone that>.

The second.

You don’t achieve it but along the road you have veered off on a variety of paths you encountered and did some good shit along the way. Your legacy is strewn with stuff you have left behind. I call this a ‘no regret’ life. You don’t really regret the missed ‘big dream’ cause you lived life doing stuff.

The third.

Oh. And not achieving the big dream … whew … what does happen to big dreams when a dreamer dies?

Here is the good news.

A big dream never really dies. Only dreamers do. Someone else grabs it as their own. I think most big dreamers recognize his and are okay with it. Big dreams aren’t really meant to be owned by anyone in particular except Life. They can be achieved by someone <if they are lucky enough to figure out how to do it> but big dreams are visionary.

Some big dreams cannot be fulfilled within a single lifetime. But they are so inspiring that future generations <or someone in that generation> will strive to achieve it.

And last.

Inspiring that future?

Well. Maybe, that in itself is why people should dream big.

I have loved the stars too fondly

May 12th, 2012

“though my soul may set in darkness

it will rise in perfect light.

i have loved the stars too fondly

to be fearful of the night.”

Sarah Williams “the old astronomer to the pupil”

Stars are special things.

I do not know anyone who hasn’t stopped … for a moment on a clear night … to look up and scan the stars and either wonder which constellation it is or point out Orion’s belt or find the North star.

I do not know anyone who hasn’t … even in the most hectic moments … noticed that one star on a cloudy dark night that has made its light force it’s way through the shroud of darkness that has been trying to cover it.

I also don’t know anyone who hasn’t made a wish on a star. No matter how practical or cynical they may be.

Now. I had no idea who Sarah Williams was when I read this poem for the first time. So with some research I was disappointed to find that the poem this stanza (the 4^th I believe) is pulled from is a literal tribute to science & astronomy.

Nuts.

Because I have found these words thought provoking far beyond the literal intent.

Why?

Well. First. While stars are special to astronomers … they are special to everyone.

Second. Simply … star gazing is something everyone should do.

Personally I have found looking up at the night sky when I was upset or a had lot was on my mind to be helpful. Kind of calming. And, certainly, hopeful.

On those days when random thoughts … sometimes negative thoughts … sometimes the less than positive thoughts … aw heck … any thoughts … start bouncing around in my head, I admit, I will take some time and look to the night sky searching for a star to distract me or give me some clarity (or maybe better said … some thought decluttering).

And, yeah, even to this day, I still do so <one would think I could have found a more logical sure-fire method by now … huh?>.

There is a simplicity in a star that permeates whatever else you may have rattling around in that pea like brain of ours and kind of gives you some space <I don’t know how else to word it>.

Its like the light of it kind of pushes everything else off to the side for a moment or two.

And that is helpful.

Because as happy as you may be with your life there are always thoughts floating around in your head of “ is there something better” or “have I settled” or any thoughts challenging “what is” in your life versus what could be.

And while it may sound pedantitic, if not silly, this is when looking up to the night sky and the stars and doing some star gazing seems to have it’s highest value.

Why? Not to look for tangible answers … because it would be silly to suggest that there answers in the stars.

Actually. You should do so because … well … there are not answers there (although wishing on a falling star is always a good idea just in case).

Maybe I will only suggest that … well … in their nothingness there is everything.

“I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night”

Because there are truly the dark moments in life … the nights when it was … well … dark. Completely dark. So dark you almost feel swallowed up in it all.

And those are the nights when you know you need a little light. Maybe just a spark. But some light.

And, yeah, you know where I am going with this … because I have an answer for anyone reading who has some of these nights.

Look up at the stars.

I promise you (with everything I have within me to promise something). The stars can guide you back to some light.

Things that may be chewing away at you somehow ease up a little. Or maybe they don;t ease up … they just lose some of their strength <I call it an infusion of some hope>.

Somehow there light pushes dark thoughts off to the side and in that emptiness whether you have a real wish or not there is some hope.

Hope for something better. And, no, I am not talking about hope for winning the lottery or solving any particular issue. In fact, that is my own fondness of the stars … they are not particular in what they have to offer … they offer the nebulous intangible positiveness of ‘something.’

Anyway.

Enough of that.

So. Here are some thoughts about stars.

There is a funny thing about stars … they come back every night no matter how good or bad your day was.

Whether you can only see a faint glimmer or a full constellation they are there.

They make great companions.

When everyone else is too busy … stars always have time to spare.

You can’t tell a star to go away because they won’t.

And no matter how complicated things get … well … a star remains simple.

With no expectations they patiently wait whatever you want to say to them or ask of them.

And they always carry a light with them … kind of like a glimmer of hope for something ‘better.’

Maybe Van Gogh said it best.

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.” – Vincent van Gogh

My thought for the day?

There is always time to look at the stars.

unicorns & rainbows

April 5th, 2012

“The unicorn is a lonely, solitary creature that symbolizes hope.” – Ally McBeal

So. This is about unicorns.

And I guess about people who see unicorns.

Crazy? Sure. Sounds it.

But hopefully it also makes you think about the people who seem to keep a vision of hope … and use it, however they elect to keep that hope at hand, to help them through the days and weeks.

So. This thought all began after watching this Ally McBeal episode the other day. I felt compelled to write about hope and, well, unicorns and how sometimes people go to some extreme, if not bizarre, ways to hold on to some light in seemingly dark days.

And while the episode was about the holidays I thought it was pretty relevant for any day (these days).

What do I mean?

Well.

I was going to try and right some whizbang words but instead I found something that someone wrote on their blog (sorry .. forgot who) that seemed to create the perfect reason for why seeing unicorns is perfectly acceptable …

What has made it challenging for me to write this is the darkness that I experience through the world’s anguish at this time. I am not living in days of light—I am living in days in need of light. I need to remember in this time of darkness that there are many who are seeking light.

I listen to the rantings of politicians who seem far more caught up in ideology and party positioning than they do in honestly meeting the deep challenges of our economy, the needs of our people, and caring for our planet. I witness the kindest of people being too busy to adequately separate their own food waste and recycling from their trash to reduce the build-up of what is becoming our planetary garbage dump. I witness fires and weather destroying lives and property and then reflect on the consequence of our priorities when we are unable to respond adequately. In this season of cold, I see the homeless in our own community seeking shelter from the wet and the winter.

And even, perhaps, more sharply, I returned from Israel more aware than ever of the incredibly wide divide between the humanity we perceive and the inhumanity shown by the actions of the leaders in that troubled region.

Right here at home, I am troubled by the inaction of so many of us who speak words of reconciliation, words of peace, words of promise, yet continue to find enemies who need to be stopped rather than people who need to be invited into the dialogue.

Yes, all that is true, yet I need to remember in this time of darkness that there are many who are seeking light.

Look. That sounds … well … dark. But I elect to focus on the ‘light’ or the refusal to give up on hope portion.

I don’t know if it’s the economy or the news or a general feeling of unrest but I do believe a lot of people just seem to be more empty these days. Well. Certainly less full of hope if they aren’t completely empty.

And in this Ally McBeal episode someone was fired for saying he saw a unicorn.

Well. I would imagine all of us would take this with a grain of salt (if not believe the person had completely lost their mind).

Yet the judge in the episode suggests “there are a lot of lonely people out there, looking for hope in strange places.”

In the end the judge decides that those people can keep their unicorns.

You know? It sounds a little crazy … and Whipper (the judge on Ally McBeal) was a quasi-nutcase on a show full of nutcases … but … you know what? I agree.

Some people need to believe that they have seen a unicorn. It doesn’t mean they are nuts … people need to find hope however they can … some people just see the unicorn as hope.

And, frankly, (and one of the characters says this also) … why should anyone have any say in where a person may look for that hope?

For god’s sake … all people want to be happy … and different people just get there in different ways. And if someone elects to use a unicorn? Well, geez, it could be worse, couldn’t it?

One of the characters in the episode says … “who’s to say the ones who dream of unicorns aren’t the lucky ones these days.”

I know … I know … this sounds nuts … but think about it.

Supposedly people who see them share some of the unicorn’s traits … they may be lonely but with virtuous hearts.

Mythology also suggests that only pure spirits can approach the unicorn.

In the Ally McBeal episode Ally recalls one time when she touched a unicorn and the character who saw it said he didn’t get close to the unicorn … but (here is the part that maybe makes you think a little) … “but he won’t have another chance if he stops believing in the unicorn.”

Ok. That is a bigger thought than just a wacky tv show.

If we ask all people to stop “believing in unicorns” do people lose any chance of reaching what they hope for?

Whew.

C’mon.

The unicorn is a symbol of innocence and purity.

I know all of this sounds crazy (and it even looks crazy as I type it) … but … don’t we really want more of these people in today’s world?

In fact … chinese mythology says the fact that a unicorn has not been seen in many centuries suggests that we are living in “bad” times. It will appear once again when the time is right and when goodness reigns.

So maybe the people who see unicorns are actually the hope for the rest of us. Maybe they are the ones “where goodness reigns.”

Regardless.

If it isn’t that “big” … maybe someone who sees a unicorn somehow just feels safer. And I have no right to not allow someone that right in today’s world.

Also (and … boy … coming from a realist like me … this is gonna sound really odd) … I don’t know if I can explain it, but knowing that maybe someone out there can actually see a unicorn … well … maybe in a weird way they give me hope.

Now that I have typed that … it reminds me of something else another character said …

And, I’m afraid say it out loud because maybe if life finds out it’ll try to beat it out of them and that will be a shame.

Because, we all can use a little hope sometimes, you know. That feeling that everything’s going to be okay and that there’s going to be someone there to help make sure of that.

There are people who can make you believe in things you can’t see. and I think we miss that these days.

Look.

It’s a hard time for everyone these days but it is a particularly hard time for dreamers these days.

We all tend to think of dreams as a big, fluffy cloud that is surrounded by rainbows and unicorns.

So instead of ‘unicorns & rainbows’ we tend to focus on a mission … that everything in our lives would instantly be perfect if only we could have ABC, or do XYZ.

Well.

Maybe that the mission is really the fantasy … or, at minimum, part of the problem.

Maybe all those ‘missions’ are cramming up all our space that would have held dreams. And, really, this isn’t about going after your dreams but rather dreaming … and having hope … for something good and big and … well … maybe something that isn’t always tangible but intangible that lifts the heart and spirit.

I say all of this knowing that some readers will think this is wacky … but I also hope that people realize there is no right or wrong answer.

Being in the hope business is tricky these days and, as I said earlier, it’s tough being a dreamer these days.

But.

In fact I almost wish I was in the used rainbow business. I think people would be willing to buy discount dreams and discounted rainbows. What I mean by that is people would be willing to set aside the ‘big’ dreams and maybe pick up someone else’s that have been discarded … and they still look pretty good to reality.

In the meantime … maybe I should look for some people who make wishes on rainbows and see unicorns.

Cause I know it’s not really in my personal DNA to see unicorns.

And maybe that means I am not one of the lucky ones.

Maybe we need more rainbows (used or not).

Maybe we need more people who can see unicorns.

Here is what I am absolutely sure we need.

I do know is that hope is a must.

If you don’t have it, you’ve got to find it … lapses in hope happen and are okay … but you have to find it however you must … and maybe that is why I agree with the judge in Ally McBeal … let those people have their unicorns … who am I to judge on how someone holds on to hope.

Regardless.

Ally McBeal was an odd tv show.

But several episodes are must see for everyone.

This is one.

It may just remind you that seeing unicorns isn’t as wacky as you thought it was.

slaying dragons

September 12th, 2010

“Fairytales don’t tell children that dragons exist, they know they exist. Fairytales tell them that dragons can be slayed.”
- Criminal Minds

Slaying dragons.

Ah. Sounds like a kid’s thing.

Well. Not so much.

It may not be bad for us adults to have the imagination to believe in dragons.

Or the belief that dragons can be slayed.

Look.

I don’t believe life is a fairytale (nor do I believe living a life like it is one is smart).

And I don’t believe you can solely be a dreamer and be successful in the world.

Yet.

I do believe having one foot squarely set in practicality and the other foot set squarely in dreaming is a solid foundation for a happy and healthy life.

And we can learn a lot from children (who are frankly trying to learn as many things as they possibly can to figure out what the hell a ‘solid foundation’ is).

Isn’t it interesting how children dream such big dreams?

And the possibilities of some seemingly impossible things (like dragons and even slaying the sonuvabitches). If we dared look at a child’s life and took a second to think about it … we could learn a lot about doing the impossible (or maybe better said … what is possible).

Yes. It is bigger than just dragons and slaying them.

Every child dreams of slaying dragons, hitting the game winning shot, being a fireman rescuing someone, maybe being the first woman president or beating whatever villain is the villain of the day.

It’s as if dreams are supposed to be part of our every day lives. Forever. Not just in childhood.

Yet … as we get older (or some people would say ‘become more mature’) the dreams and dreamers seem to tone down into something tamer.

(yeah. I avoided the word practical here)

Somewhere along the way many of us decided that conquering evil wasn’t within our reach and so we decided to simply make some type of impact in our professional lives.

Or maybe ‘evil’ is simply the chore of day to day life and conquering that … becomes the dragon you slay.

Unfortunately.

Dragons weren’t meant to be that practical.

So.

I guess the questions are:

When do we stop believing in dragons and dragon slaying?

When do we stop believing that dragons may not be around today but may have been around sometime in the past so some hero could actually slay them?

When did our dragons become just trying to figure out how to get everything done in a day rather than the big stuff?

I would guess in a really obtuse way I am talking about how life can grind you down to a point where instead of looking at the horizon and wonder about what it could be when you get there you end up looking at each day as a new finish line.

The danger becomes once dragon slaying has been eliminated … what is left?

Making a difference with our career becomes simply being dependable and showing up at the job each day?

The second mortgage eliminates the ability to dream beyond the capabilities of your stretched budget? I guess the danger is you keep trading your dreams one by one for other, more realistic and less noble, goals.

And when the list of dreams has been emptied?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm … I would argue your passion for life has been emptied. For with that list empty all that is left is “doing.”

Ok. Ok.

Sure dreaming dreams is dangerous business. It is costly in that it takes time and energy.

But, anything worth having is costly.

You have to be careful that if you give up on all the things that cost too much, you end up settling for worthless things. If you are not very very careful step by step the dreamer became a pragmatist and loses hope for the dreams. And then those lost dreams can quickly become disillusionment and cynicism (or maybe worse you simply forget them).

The trouble is always we (myself included) get so caught up in life that we somehow seemingly constantly settle for the mundane (with the occasional not-mundane thrown in to fool ourselves that we aren’t simply going through the motions).

Oh.

And dreaming (this slaying dragon thing) really is like using a muscle. If you don’t use it you lose the confidence and the belief to do that kind of thinking. And it’s no longer just being okay with the mundane or focusing on some set of to-do’s to check off but rather you just don’t know how to do anything else but that.

Whew.

Just typing that is a tough thing … thinking it may actually be true? Whew. Yikes.

Look.

One would hope there is some higher purpose attainable for us beyond simply the mundane “getting the to do list done.”

Yeah.

Dreaming is truly a dance between a dream and reality.

And while it may seem like a slow dance it is actually a tango and reality has the lead.

Sure.

‘Slaying dragons’ is hard work … you hear descriptions about how much people have had to give up in the beginning and of hard work and sacrifice. Yet, I’ve never heard anyone speak of having fulfilled their dreams and having regretted paying the price it exacted.

The only time you hear true regret comes from those who gave up their dreams.

Oh. Also.

In today’s world it is easy to get confused on this ‘dream’ thing.

What do I mean?

‘Dream house.’ There you go. How can a house be a dream?

Dreams aren’t necessarily a tangible material thing. Or I guess in my eyes they shouldn’t always be.

It shouldn’t be getting a bigger house and nicer car. And certainly not at the expense of living a full life or being gone so often you miss out on being the ‘hero’ (dragon slayer) in the eyes of their children.

I could also add the suggestion that this is the same for the guy who transfers his dreams onto his favorite sports star watching religiously seeking fulfillment he occasionally finds in their triumphs.

Yup. This dream and slaying dragon thing is tricky.

Ok.

I would like to suggest it’s never too late to pick up dreams again.

To recapture the fact you can not only find dragons but slay dragons.

But (and this is a big ‘but’).

The problem is, the older you get, the more verbal opponents (naysayers) become.

First. In the practical world lots of advisers suggest ‘always do the practical’ or ‘play it safe’ because now is not the time for dreaming or taking chances (but, if not now, when?).

Second. Those who fear you following your dreams. Many fear to see you fulfill your dreams later in life because it means that their’s lie somewhere dormant or lost … or worse … still attainable if they make the effort. The thought of you reaching your dream breeds fear because it means that they must confront their old fears of failure and success in achieving their dreams all over again.

Yeah. I know. That sounds kind of depressing.

But I just say all that to make a point that we adults make it awful hard to do this whole ‘slaying dragon’ thing.

Bottom line?

The only person capable of stopping you is the same one that greets you each time you step in front of the mirror.

Slaying dragons isn’t just for kids.

So. Go out, find a dragon and slay it.

practice believing impossible things

August 27th, 2010

So. Following my Cheshire cat quotes post I now have a white queen in “through the looking glass” quote.

Looking Glass is loosely based on a game of chess …. A game (by the way) that takes some imagination as well as a fairly pragmatic point of view in analyzing all the possibilities. I guess in some way to be really good at chess you have to envision the impossible in some way (and then make it possible).

Now.

The White Queen (the Queen of Diamonds) is one of the queens; there is also the red queen, in Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking Glass. The white queen lives backwards in time due to the fact that she lives through the eponymous looking glass. And the White Queen’s move in the chess game is rather pointless though characteristic of her stupidity.

Oh. Unlike the queen in Wonderland (who was a royal bitch … pun intended) the White Queen is an absent-minded, unkempt, anxious woman in Looking Glass. In fact, every time Alice encounters the White Queen, Alice needs to take care of her – either helping her get to her crying child, fixing her shawl and hair, or patting her on the head and singing her a lullaby.

And, yet, it is the queen who believes in the impossible (and because she lives backwards she knows what the future supposedly holds as possible). Yes. She has seen the end of the day and thinks in the morning of impossible things. Silly? Heck. I don’t know.

But. THERE is an imagination.

Interestingly (at least to me) the White Queen reflects a role reversal with Alice. She shows that adults can be more childish than children. She also gives Alice a chance to feel superior, more organized and mature.

Anyway. The queen reminds us (in an admittedly wacky way) that dreaming isn’t just for kids.

It also shows us that even while living life backwards she starts her day by thinking impossible things. The point? (at least the first I will point out).

Even if you think you know for sure what will happen it may be worth some time to rethink and think about what may seemingly be impossible (given what you think you know).

Next.

But most adults just don’t have the capacity to believe even one impossible thing before breakfast, much less six. Let’s call this either a lack of imagination or more positively … a pragmatic regard for life.

But I could argue that you SHOULD be thinking of far fetched ideas instead of “impossible” ideas because if you’re dreaming about unicorns and jet packs all day long, well, sure, you are gonna get fired or your kids will start believing you are officially nutso.

But.

The point (at least this one)

But still, I think that thinking of impossible things, and then scaling them back a little bit is a good way to think of some amazing ideas.

It’s kind of like imagining something then stripping away the undoable and identifying the “doable”.
Next point? (whew. I am getting tired of impossible points to make)

And I guess the difference here is kids just imagine. They dream. (and these are good things).

We adults should also imagine. And dream. But because we know more we should not leave these dreams & ideas in dreamland but rather seek out the real idea within.
So I guess what I’m saying is even thinking of utterly impossible things can lead to possible ones.

So.

If possible think some impossible thoughts. It’s quite possible that you may have a possible idea despite aiming for something impossible.

Whew.

Okay.

Just think. Thinking is good.

Enlightened Conflict

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Enlightened Conflict