the fallacy of partnership in business

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“We almost always forgive those we understand.” 

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Mikhail Lermontov, A Hero of Our Time

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This is about a very specific type of business partnership – the partnership between two companies embodied most typically where one provides a service to another company. Let me get my unpopular view out of the way: I believe the concept of partnership between a service provider and a service buyer is a fallacy. In other words, its a bullshit fantasy belief.

That said. While this is about the fallacy of partnership in this type of business scenario I was tempted to call this ‘one good moment.’

What do I mean? I will share a West Wing moment:

<Sam>:

I had one good moment talking about the global ripple effect of budget deficit, but that was it. The rest of the day was just keeping up. And this was a pretty light day.

<Mallory>

One good moment is good.

<Sam>

Oh, I’m not complaining. I’m saying one good moment is great. It’s a golf shot. I’ve got to get back in there. That’s where it’s happening.

<pause>

You came by just to tell me you liked the speech?

 <Mallory>

“This is a time for American heroes and we reach for the stars.”

Ok. The reason I began with that is, whether we like it or not, our business lives and business partnerships are most typically defined by moments. And accepting it is about moments. And an “I’ve got to get back in there because that is where it is happening” attitude.

In addition, it is the acceptance that one good moment is … well … good. And I mean really good.

The rest are, well, moments.

And that is where I begin with discussing partnership in business.

While partnership is truly a multifaceted concept it is mostly about managing moments. Typically lots and lots of moments.

I say this because partnership in business is also multidimensional.

Why? Because its business and not just personal. That means while there is certainly an emotional “I like you” aspect there is also a strong undercurrent of a functionality ‘getting good shit done’ aspect.

In fact. This whole partnership concept is actually centered on a paradox. Maintaining individuality and yet woven into the fabric of the host company <in the partnership>.

partnership puzzleYou are always seeking to maintain individuality and provide true unbiased perspective yet desire to feel the pulse of their business in a way that your hearts race when their hearts race.

I almost always suggest you seek what Booker Washington said “… can be as separate as the fingers yet one as the hand in all things essential to mutual progress.”

But, to be frank, even that is not really partnership; it is simply being in sync. Aligned on goals and maybe aligned on culture and values and such.

I imagine anyone in business has a stated desire in finding partnerships where all parties seek progress – improving results, progress, maybe simply continuous improvement in general.

Why? Because we are always seeking to improve ourselves. Therefore it is nice to find partners seeking the same of themselves. But here is the uncomfortable business truth. It ain’t ever really a partnership. It can contain some degrees of partnership and sometimes it may appear very close to partnership, but if one company is providing a service to another company, well, it ain’t a partnership. Fooling yourself into actually believing it is … is … well … foolish.

The intent is honorable and useful, but, practically speaking, it is never completely a partnership.

Now. There are a shitload of things a service provider can do from their side to make it appear as close to a partnership a possible.

Subtle leading is probably the main tactic.

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Your job is to anticipate … to give them what they want and/or what they need just before they have to “ask” for it – to be surprising yet self-evident at the same time.

If you are too far behind, or too far ahead of them, you create problems, but if you are right with them, leading them ever so slightly, the flow of events feels natural and exciting at the same time.” 

Walter Murch

What Walter describes is so subtle in terms of leadership it often lives under the guise of “in sinc.” I say this so people take a moment and think about it. Why? Because people most often associate partnership with side-by-side in sync … and it is not. Great ‘in sync’ business partnerships are actually defined by the service provider subtly being slightly ahead of the host company.

What I just shared is a big deal.

And if you do not recognize it you will have a miserable ongoing record with regard to successful positive business partnership type relationships.

Ok. Next. The other is subtle proactivity.

“We must learn to be still in the midst of activity and to be vibrantly alive in repose.”

Indira Gandhi

In this situation the service provider is the catalyst for progress … or activity. the subtlety resides in the fact that shit is happening but it is not always obvious you are the instigator of the activity. Uhm. But everything I am suggesting simply comes down to subtly managing moments.

partnership businessAnd subtlety is always at the core of every partnership.

For if you are always bombastically pointing out the fruits of your ‘partnership’ all you are really doing is enthusiastically pointing out you are not in a partnership just trying to make it look like one.

The best things bubble up on their own.

Ah. But the ‘one good moment.’

Sometimes partnership is defined by ‘a good moment.’ Those magical moments where everything is truly aligned and, if but for a moment, it is as close to truly being a partnership as it could ever be. All the rest of the time you are actually keeping your head in the game and just ‘keeping up’ as the opening West Wing scenario suggested.

Basically keeping your head above water.

By the way, that s where being ‘likeable’ or respected is helpful. You get forgiven more often if it is understood you are keeping your head above water just like they are most likely doing.

But. A good moment. They are special moments. You love them. You want more of them.

They motivate and inspire and get the juices flowing.

These moments become the defining moments. They are memorable and are often recounted with relish.

But. They are not reflective of the entire day to day relationship … they show glimpses of what could be … but not of what actually is. And that is where so many of those seeking ‘partnership status’ go awry. They take the good moment and hold it up and say “hey … we have a partnership.”

Silly. And wrong.

It simply shows a good moment.

Albeit … a really good moment.

You should embrace the good moment but don’t fool yourself into believing it is a reflection of the whole relationship.

Regardless. I wrote this because I think we flippantly suggest ‘partnership’ in business as a key objective and it’s unattainable in many cases.

Look. Accept the fact that sometimes you are aligned, in sinc, and doing good shit together <and maybe having some fun>. But. I think we would better off focusing on mutual respect because we are more likely to forgive those we respect.

And based on the fact most business relationships are not ‘good moments’, but rather a shitload of mostly unforgettable <but important> moments, you will need to be forgiven for something.

That I can guarantee.

Respectful relationships seem to me to be much more valuable than ‘partnerships’ as an objective simply because it suggests the right type of attitudes & behaviors to aim for when working together. Maybe I believe that because I believe partnership in business is a fallacy.

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Written by Bruce