victory in losing

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“Let me win, but if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt.”

—-

Special Olympics motto

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“There are victories of the soul and spirit. Sometimes, even if you lose, you win.”

—

Elie Wiesel

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Okay. Competitiveness is a tricky thing.

No one wants “them to win.” And, surely, the bottom line for most people? “I want to win.” Which leads to an overall desire of “so I don’t lose.”

The tricky part is that winning doesn’t belong to you. It’s not just attitude I am talking about here.  Everyone has every right to it — to “the win”. Everyone. There is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to win, but at some point you need to remember that it isn’t everything. Winning isn’t as important as doing your best (even if best doesn’t equal winning).

So. Sounds easy? Sounds like common sense? Sure.

Those are the facts.

We know the facts.

We understand the facts.

We accept the facts.

That said. Facts being facts, everyone still has to deal with the personal feelings. Because the transition between “I want to win therefore I won’t lose” to “I lost.”, well, THAT is a humdinger of a personal transition.

Worse?

When winning is familiar (like … you win a lot … often enough that a part of you kind of expects to win). Why? Because familiar winning is addictive.

So. Daring to ask yourself “what if I lose?” or “what if the other team wins?” is huge.

And there begets the victory of soul and spirit and character.

We never know the answers to these questions. Mostly because most of us cannot not only picture losing ,but don’t want to (for fear it impedes the possibility of winning), No one wants to envision watching the other team win or maybe better said … “a win that has always belonged to me.”

That means finding victory in a loss is all about character.

Not being too proud to even think about those things as well as accept loss.

To find victory in the attempt is actually the thought.

Oh. And then there is the bigger picture. Life or long term victory.

First. Finding victory in the loss.

Downsizing. Decluttering life. Renting instead of owning. All those things sound an awful lot like “loss.”

And, yet, within each resides a victory. Independence? Freedom to move forward? Financial freedom? Renewed progress? Any and all those things.

A practical definition of ‘victory in loss’? Sure it is.

A true definition? You bet. And I don’t even call this “taking a step back to take two steps forward.” This is simply shedding to gain victory from. Maybe this is simply addition through subtraction. Whatever. It is victory. Period.

Anyway.

Second. The reality is we all need some victories.

Simply being brave in the attempt without ANY winning is difficult .. really difficult. This is where celebrating the small victories starts to matter. Yeah. I know much of the time we focus on lofty goals (and I admit … I write a lot about dreaming the impossible and dreams and aspirations). And those things are good.

But it’s equally important to focus on the small things you’ve achieved. It’s true because to sustain yourself over the long haul, you need to find happiness to motivate yourself along the long haul. So celebrate the victories of small goals for they add up to big goals.

What this all means is we don’t have to focus only on the huge earth-shattering goals and targets (BHAGs – big hairy audacious goals). It helps to seek out the little accomplishments you achieve for they represent being brave in the attempt. They may not seem like much to other people, but they’re huge to you (your soul & spirit).

Personal victories:

–          Kicking a bad habit

–          Losing 5 pounds

–          Overcoming a fear

–          Pushing yourself past your limits

–          Doing something uncomfortable  that you know is good for you (like public speaking)

–          Completing an assignment on time

–          Making your son smile after a tough day

–          Creating a business success (such as getting a business out of the red)

–          Creating a life turnaround (like losing weight and increasing your fitness level)

–          Getting out of debt and taking control of your financial life

And I would argue some of these are semi-huge victories. They are possibly only less ‘huge’ because they are personal, or internal, rather than public.

So maybe we should all reflect a little on what we have accomplished in the past months and days. And make sure you celebrate the small victories and make sure you actually celebrate the victory of the “brave attempt.”

Celebrate the victory of soul & spirit. And feel good about yourself a little more than maybe you may when you look in the mirror. I would argue the person in the mirror is more important than any trophy, ribbon or accolade you could receive by “winning.”

Oh. And don’t forget to lose with character. Because i can guarantee you the one thing you NEVER want to lose is your character because, in the end, whether you have more wins then losses or more losses than wins, you will ultimately be measured, be self & by others, by your character. So don’t lose it along the way.

Here you go. An odd close for me in one of my posts, but I found a Todd Rundgren song that had some nice lyrics:

We’ve been waiting so long,
we’ve been waiting for the sun to rise and shine
Shining still, give us the will
Bright as the day, show us the way.
Somehow, someday,
We need just one victory and we’re on our way.
Prayin’ for it all day and fightin’ for it all night
Give us just one victory, it will be all right.
You may feel about to fall but we go down fighting,
You will hear the call if you only listen
Underneath it all we are here together,
Shining still, give us the will
Bright as the day, show us the way.
Somehow, someday,
we need just one victory and we’re on our way
Prayin’ for it all day and fightin’ for it all night
Give us just one victory, it will be all right.

Just One Victory – Todd Rundgren