purging sucks: Purged Living Part 1

Whew.

Purging your Life.

Sometimes you move for a job and sometimes personal. Most of the time you purge some stuff (and its ok) but sometimes you have to take the big step and do “the massive purge”. My mother and I just went thru it at the same time.

Here is the thought.

Purging sucks.

Financially and mentally.

The act of downsizing or simplifying is called purging. And purging absolutely unequivocally fucking sucks.

If anyone tries to tell you it is invigorating or cleansing they are full of shit.

Part 2 will talk about the aftermath of purging (let’s call it the positiveness of simplifying). But this is about getting there.

The mental and financial and physical gauntlet you need to run to be able to join the famous and spiritual tribe of Simpliriquois or Simpleminoles? Simplaches? (I believe Crazy Horse was a simplicity guy himself … but they did call him crazy).

Let’s talk financially.

My first inclination is to suggest if you want to downsize simply pack everything up, put it in a trailer or van and then proceed to have the van “accidentally” drive over the closest cliff and be declared unsalvageable.

Or go ahead and just burn your house down instead.

Or rent a moving van and park it downtown with the keys in it. At least with insurance replacement value you get some cash to overcome the mental aspect.

You collect fair value in insurance. And you can physically just start over.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I am kidding.

But I am writing about money at the moment. Or at least what looks like money on paper when you list all the items you own in your space, closets, attic, garage, etc.

By the way.

If you do anything I suggest above (and you don’t go to jail) you have no mental anguish of attacking each item one by one in the keep versus no keep mental cage match (by the way .. playing the card game War would be simpler in choosing what to keep and what to go).

Alright.

So that’s not really an option for legitimate sane people (although I envy in illegitimate insane who get away with it).

Downsizing preparation. Remember. Purging sucks. Be prepared.

Financially it is a bottomless drain of which you will watch money value disappear down the sink to be dispersed somewhere into some financial cesspool where wasted dollars and cents slowly rot and the stench sours your nose.

When I moved out to west coast to help my mother we ended up purging both our households at the same time. She sold her house to move into a senior complex.

Her?

A two bedroom three story townhouse (after 22 years) into a one bedroom two room apartment (yup. The mental aspect may outstrip the financial on that one).

Me?

A three bedroom house of things down to a studio apartment.

Let me give you a financial example to prepare you.

I went from around a 75-80k value in things on my homeowners insurance to maybe a 4k check selling the stuff and the core things I kept (but my replacement insurance is a lot cheaper now).

Yeah.

On paper your net worth takes a pretty big hit.

Mom?

Well.

How do you put a dollar value on the wedding gift silver set? (eBay and consignment store can do that).

Dollars and cents wise it gets painful to even write this. Describing either myself or my mother’s situation. But it helped we did it at the same time. And interestingly there was a reverse relationship that kind made the mutual purging palatable. Because she sold her house in less than a week financially it became easier (and take that with a grain of salt) to swallow “things” slipping out of her home and ownership to the tune of small amounts of cash. While I was tempted to drain an entire bottle of Jack every time I thought of the dollars and cents.

I will be honest here to anyone truly thinking of extreme home purging. I got lucky. I did it at the same time as my mother. It put my situation in a completely different light.

If I did it myself?

Whew.

Not sure how that would have gone.  The reverse is true (so keep it in mind if you are dealing with moving parents or grandparents). If they are the ones solely going through the process, and you are the one standing around pointing “go”, “must go”, “yup, that too, go.” You are gonna be in a world of hurt my friends.  Be aware.

Ok.

Let’s talk emotionally.

It is difficult to compare my loss of ownership of that Pousette Dart cd with the song that reminded me of great times in the bar with great high school friends in Vermont to the loss of my mother’s mother’s (my grandmother to you who don’t want to draw a diagram) best plate set. Or something my father gave my mother years ago.

I lost things.

Sure.

Some things important to me (my 3000+ cd collection and over half my library of books). But my mother was losing memories. She hung tough. There were certainly some really tough days. I spent a lot of time on the phone with my sister talking about how to help her through it.

Emotionally, no matter how careful or selective you are about what to keep and what to let go, you will, yes, will be letting go of memories. Some are good to let go. But, doggone it, they are memories.

So. that said. If you are going to do a major purge I recommend one of two things (or do both):

1. Hire someone to do an estate sale or huge garage sale for you. And leave. Do. Not. Be. There. Yup. You won’t make as much money (but I have already made it clear that percentagewise of value you are gonna have to suck it up anyway). Yup. You won’t be there to watch a slow and painful excruciating death. Let someone else deal with it.

2. Consignment shop. Out of sight out of mind. Oh. And don’t stop by the shop. Let them just send you a check whenever they sell something or whatever their protocol is.

Emotionally the key to not self destructing is to get it out of your hands and out of eyesight. Say your goodbyes the night before and let them go.

Bottom line.

Think of purging as running a financial and mental gauntlet. (gauntlet definition: a form of physical punishment wherein a man is compelled to run between two rows—a gauntlet—of soldiers who strike him as he passes.)

The journey sucks but it is the destination that matters. Part 2 of Purging showcases the destination.

But the only way, and let me repeat that, the only way you can make it through the actual purging is to keep the destination (a simpler space and life) in clear site.

Trust me.

Your eyesight gets a little fuzzy (possibly clouded in pain) every once in awhile during the process but focus on the destination and as you get closer to the end of the gauntlet you start seeing it a little more clearly (and it seems like a huge light of hope at the end of the tunnel).

Do I regret going through purging? Nope.

It did make me realize some of the stupid nonsensical purchases I made over the years and while painful to release some of those things, and painful to recognize what I paid and lost, in the end, these things didn’t matter because you know I kind of like the destination I reached.

It is a nice spot.

And I think more people should visit it.

And I mean that mentally and physically.

My purge was so extreme that it is almost like my mind has been ‘reset’ with regard to purchasing and priorities and stuff like that. Me, being a studier of behavior and such, may suggest that the purge shock actually prompted a behavioral shift.

Do I recommend it for everyone? Nope.

Is it a bad thing? Nope.

And physically … it has made me recognize ‘space and value’ or maybe better said … space and usefulness … better.

Unused space has no value. Often used space has high value.

Okay.

Let’s get past the pain and onto the positives.

Purging Part 2.