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“Throughout history, people with new ideas — who think differently and try to change things — have always been called troublemakers.”

Richelle Mead

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As Sam Seaborne says “if I am gonna lose let me lose doing something.”

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“Our wretched species is so made that those who walk on the well-trodden path always throw stones at those who are showing a new road.”

Voltaire

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Losing is part of Life. And, if you are a business troublemaker, you almost have to get used to losing because, if you are worth half a shit as a troublemaker, you will most likely reside in an 80/20 world. 80% of the trouble you make won’t give you any satisfaction if you are seeking a ‘win. So the 20% wins need to be enjoyed.

Now.

I will point out that all that losing doesn’t make you a loser, but that’s not my point today. My main point is that troublemaker ideas create some fairly intense feelings.

Oddly, and maybe incorrectly, I’m going to lean in on Maslow to discuss this.  Maslow’s original formulation identified five levels (three more, including curiosity or exploration, aesthetics, and religion were added later.)

The first level comprised biological needs – such as food, shelter, warmth, sex, and sleep.

The second focused on ‘safety’: protection from the environment, law and order, stability, and security.

The third level concerned ‘love and belonging’, including friendship, acceptance, love, and being part of a group – not only family, but also at work.

Fourth were the needs for ‘esteem’. These included both self-esteem (dignity, achievement, independence) and respect from others (status, prestige).

Fifth was ‘self-actualization’ needs covered self-fulfillment, personal growth, and particularly intense, ‘peak’ experiences. To flourish, the top level of self-actualization must be reached.

I share this because flourish and losing seems like it creates a fairly visceral intense reaction.

This makes me share two thoughts:

Investing in big loss opportunities.

Go big or go home comes to mind. If you are a troublemaker, you will absolutely invest energy in small wins and losses. Let’s call those ‘nudge opportunities.’ But your Maslow self will be defined by the big wins and losses. If you want to survive, you have to get good at 2 things:

• Not investing intense energy on small things. in other words, you only have so much to give and you cannot give it away all the time. Contrary to much popular advice, sometimes ‘just enough’ is essential to success.
• Effectively discerning the big things. it may be obvious, but at the onset little things can look like big things and big things can look like little things. Your survival as a troublemaker may balance on how well you can discern the difference between the two.

Choose wisely.

Embracing big losses gracefully.

Once you decide to go big or go home your personal intensity naturally increases. You are vested and invested in the idea or thinking. Most times at this stage you never think about losing, only winning. Not in ruthlessly competing, but rather in “I cannot envision how anyone could ever not see the benefits of this.” Losing, therefore, becomes either a failure in them (they couldn’t see it) or a failure in you (what did I do wrong). Failing is the worst version of losing. How you lose often defines who you are.

Act wisely.

Anyway.

Hugh McLeod

I began with Maslow to emphasize how challenging both of these things are. The higher you go up on the Maslow pyramid the more personal it gets. That means the importance of gains & losses increase in importance. Which brings me back to my opening 80/20 breakdown. Even the best of the best troublemakers only win 20% of the time.

So.

All I really know is you better learn how to lose well or everyone will think you are an asshole. And, before you dismiss that thought as “who cares, I am a troublemaker”, in the real world troublemakers are dependent upon (a) being in positions & places in which they can make trouble and (b) other people to actually bring the ideas & thinking to life. If you are an asshole, no place will want you and no people will want to have anything to do with any of your ideas and thinking.

Yeah.

How you lose matters. Even if you are a good troublemaker. Ponder.

—

“I could say that her eyes were as blue as the sea, but that would be an understatement.

Her eyes were more like mirrors to a raging ocean of melancholy and despair, and for some reason, all I wanted to do was go for a swim. “

Noah Geffroyd

==

“A grey curtain unfolded from the clouds and came galloping towards them like a herd of horses.”

Cicada by Moira McKinnon

==

Ok. Colors and black & white. Or. Maybe colors versus black & white.

What do I mean? Try thinking about this.

Who doesn’t like black & white things in their lives?

Who doesn’t like color in their lives?

Yikes. We like them both, but, colors and black & white seem to have an adversarial role in today’s world.
We put an extremely high value on ‘black & white’ things and thoughts <when most things actually reside in the gray> and … uh oh … we also put an extremely high value on ‘color’ — being colorful, having a colorful personality or even standing out in some colored way in a metaphorically dreary gray world.

This clashing can be quite uncomfortable.

– Be too black & white and you are stubborn & uncompromising and possibly a little difficult to be around.

– Be too colorful and you are overbearing & unstable and possibly a little difficult to be around.

– Be too on either end of the spectrum and you will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy.

But here’s the deal <part 1>.

If you are gray, there is no edge.

<note: and edges define shit>

But here’s the deal <part 2>.

Black, white or color … choose one or all … in doing so you will always be too much of something for someone.

 <note: yikes … what if you want to be just the right amount?>

Suffice it to say that Life doesn’t make it easy for you with this whole color & black & white thing..

Shit.

We don’t make it easy on ourselves.

We seek both black & white and color.

We naturally want some things to be clear cut – black & white. We naturally dislike ambiguity. We naturally like certainty. We naturally are uncomfortable with certainty.

And yet we enjoy colors.

Uhm. And yet each of us has a different ‘liked’ color palette. There are those who love fire engine red, those who love pink and those who love scarlet. And those are only the ones who like versions of red for god’s sake.

I imagine we sense we just cannot win.

I imagine we covet both and in coveting both, and having everyone covet both, we end up owning not enough black & white OR color.

Well. How maddening does that make life?

In fact, conversely, how brave does that make someone who chooses black & white … versus choosing some color?

Shit.

I don’t know.

What I do know is we are in a tug of war daily between black & white and color. And I do know that when faced with a tug a war of choice, it ain’t no place for a coward.

That may sound harsh.

—–

“I am not a place for cowards.”

Caitlyn Siehl

—

But it also sounds … well … true.

Facing some version of a Life harsh truth I sense.

Facing some version of a character choice and standing by that choice.

Yikes. That’s the hard choice isn’t it? A character choice. Because it is not really an accomplishment, well, at least in a tangible way.

Do we stand with black & white or do we stand with color?

The outcome of the choice is obvious — standing there is more a reflection of character.

Ok. Let me make a point on black & white and color and character and the fact it really has nothing to do with smarts <or intelligence>, but rather resiliency. I could have called it ‘conviction of self’ but instead I think I’ll focus on resiliency.

There is a book <“How Children Succeed — Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character” by Paul Tough > that argues what actually matters most with success is character: skills like perseverance, curiosity, optimism and self-control. In David Amerland’s book, Intentional, he speaks of grit.

I bring up both of those because that means success may not be dictated by just intelligence <or ‘learning’>.

Yikes. So this may mean that ability to cognitively learn and intelligence, which has been the prize and what we measure the most, doesn’t cultivate the most productive person. Instead it appears that molding, early on, a generation with a backbone, with dedication, with tenacity, with resilience, with grit, forms a person who is more likely to keep working, keep pushing, keep failing, and learning to get back up again and just keep moving <not quitting>.

Well. That certainly sounds like someone who is more likely to be successful in and with Life. And it certainly sounds like someone who can not only choose between black & white and color, but have the fortitude to stand by it and adapt when appropriate.

Look. The reality in life is we are always choosing between black & white things and color things — while we covet both. We covet the “and”.

*** note: it was Donella Meadows who suggested in “Thinking in Systems” that understanding the ‘and’ is more important than knowing what ‘one’ means. She suggests that if you understand the ‘and’ it is possible 1 and 1 could equal more than 2. Uhm. And isn’t that what colors and black & white is all about?

I imagine that is one of the fortunate, and unfortunate, aspects of life.

And reality is also that in an ever-changing world and continuously evolving world what was black & white may become a color, conversely, some color becomes black & white.

And, yet, while we covet both we would be amazingly frickin’ happy if that which was black & white remained black and white … and color stayed color.

But, shit, that’s not the way the world works.

—

“Color can do anything that black-and-white can.”

Vincente Minnelli

—

I don’t really have a point today other than to point out:

<a> we all covet black & white things – and value them

<b> we all covet color things – and value them

<c> we are rarely aligned on either what is black & white, or appropriate colored, nor aligned on the appropriate value.

—

And, while this drives us all nuts, we are resilient enough to not only to continue to covet both, value both and hold on to both as tight as we can when we find one pleasing to our mind’s eye. Ponder.

———–

“One of the worst feelings in the world is having to doubt something that you once thought was unquestionable.”

=

unknown teen blogger

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We all need some stability in our lives. Anyone would be foolish to not agree. I tend to believe that is the root of all our pursuit, and embrace, of certainty. It’s not that we need 100% certainty in everything but we worry when there is too much certainty.

That said. Not all uncertainty is created equal. We accept some, no matter how uncomfortable, but the shifting of something from certain to uncertain is a jolt to the system. The consequence of that jolt is doubt. Yeah. Doubt resides squarely between certainty and uncertainty. So bear with me while I begin with the quote above where the teen blogger is talking about a person because I tend to believe all of us have faced some version of this in our own lives.

So, typical of our own teen years, someone who they were unequivocally certain was one thing (let’s suggest a BFF … gosh .. who would have ever thought I would type that in something I wrote) and then something happens, say that person does something that firmly places them on the uncertainty pedestal, and all of a sudden doubt, who has been standing in the background idly watching, steps forward front and center.

Oh.

And once doubt has stepped into this space it almost always takes on geometric proportions. That is what happens when you start questioning the unquestionable.

Now. While I used a teen to make a point, I tend to believe this is true with, well, everything but, in particular, in business.

Best practice is certain to work, until it doesn’t.

A process is certain to work, until it doesn’t.

A tried & true idea is certain to work, until it doesn’t.

Supply chains are certain to work, until they don’t.

You get it.

You get the point. There are certain things we count on, things we are certain of, and when they fail us it feels much much bigger than a transactional failure, more a failure of structure/foundation.

Now. I personally believe consistency is underrated or at least certainly overlooked. And I say that being a ‘change is my constant companion and friend’ kind of guy.

Which leads me back to the worst of uncertainties – uncertainty with people. This is the worst because no matter how independent we all want to feel, no matter how much we want to say “I control my own destiny”, no matter how much we feel we are accountable for all our choices, we, and our lives, are part of a grander weave of human connections and people doing the same thing I suggested. If you are uncertain of people, the weave doesn’t look like a maze, it looks like a trapeze walk. I would be remiss if I didn’t point out living life 100% like it is walking a trapeze line is not sustainable.

All of this leads me to consistency of character and consistency of values (or ethics).

Well. Let me take that back.

It is simply consistency which begets certainty. That certainty becomes a functional and emotional cornerstone to us. We seek this consistency in ourselves and we seek it among others. It is comforting, steadying and necessary to have a sustainable healthy life.

I say that because when something happens that makes you question what was once unquestionable it isn’t just one of the worst feelings. It’s like getting kicked in the gut. Not because you are disappointed in them or what happened. You are disappointed in yourself. And, as noted earlier, if you aren’t really really careful that disappointment (which lead to uncertainty of yourself) can take on geometric proportions. In other words, doubt steps in to replace certainty.

And that may be the worst feeling in the world.

How do I feel confident suggesting it is the worst feeling in the world? Well. Let’s compare it to what I would consider the best feeling in the world:

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
“Pooh!” he whispered.
“Yes, Piglet?”
“Nothing”, said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw.
“I just wanted to be sure of you.”

Let me end where I began.

Not all uncertainty is created equal.

Uncertainty, where there was once certainty, carries a larger negative value than general uncertainty in a situation.

It’s almost like assessing the uncertainty value proposition. The higher the uncertainty value the higher the doubt and doubt is a real sonuvabitch.

Just ponder.

—

“You can’t just lump things into two categories.

Things aren’t that simple.”

=

Donnie Darko

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“… for one thing I’m glad

the goal of enlightenment means being stupid

enough to slip out the door

each morning & live. With no second-guessing,

no poses,

just this leaning & slouching

the experts term … hope.

So people like me cannot be held guilty.

In our travels

we’d never laugh at passing streets,

we’re not like those grins they have

plastered to the sides of every bus. “

=

David Rivard

——–

So. This is about Life and tying things up with a colorful bow versus living with some <the> gray. Ok. Let’s call this ‘living with uncertainty.’

Well. Let me state a couple of obvious things about uncertainty. Uncertainty is a bitch. And uncertainty pretty much sums up about 99% of Life.

Bottom line?

Life is certainly uncertain <there is a conundrum>.

Guarantees are never guaranteed. A truth today can be very different than a truth from yesterday.

Control from one moment to the next is slippery, elusive and … well … uncertain … at best.

Now. Despite the fact I want to discuss Life, and gray, I will begin with the human eye because, well, it is interesting and it will help me make a point. The human eye is capable of seeing any shade of gray and a zillion different colors. Ok. Not a zillion. But, in total, the eye can distinguish over 500 shades of grey and over 2.7 million colors <although I found another source that suggested over 5 million colors>. <source: NZ Eye Institute>

By the way <let me digress>. I found it interesting that grey can also bring any color to life.

Apparently grey often contains other colors  ranging from yellowish to orangey-brownish to purplish, bluish and greenish grays and, apparently, depending on what hue of gray you use their psychological effects on people can be quite different.

Anyway. I began there because gray has a bad rap in today’s world. Black & white have a significantly better reputation. It is unfortunate because Life exists mostly in a palette of grays. Yes. We live in a world of uncertainties and contextual truths of … well … grays. I imagine that makes ‘vivid color moments’ of clarity that much more special.

Conversely. It can be quite unsettling given the unfortunate fact the majority of time we dwell in the gray.

Looking back on my career, and Life, I have found I can live, if not feel quasi-comfortable, with uncertainty in most things.

Even decisions.

Huh? Well. Honestly a decision is most often a reflection of judgment. It is a choice between alternatives <none of which are solid blacks or whites>. Choices are rarely a simple choice between right and wrong. It is often at best a choice between ‘almost right’ and mostly likely a ‘probably wrong’.  And much more often you are making a choice between two choices of which neither is probably more right than the other. This is because ‘right decisions’ tend to grow out of the friction and conflict of divergent thinking <sometimes just opinions> and out of contemplation and consideration of competing alternatives.

We make lots & lots of these decisions. Lots.

Compound that with a thought I read somewhere: ‘every decision is like surgery.’ While we may flippantly suggest that we make decisions and ‘move on’ more often it is an intervention into a system and therefore carries with it the risk of shock, pain & recovery.

Ouch.

This actually means that I receive a vivid, visceral, color response for making a gray decision.

Well. Welcome to Life. And maybe worse? <or at least something to think about>. Your decisions are dabbling in the shades of gray and yet you have to be committed to the decision <which will firmly place actions on a black or white path>, if you want any hope of progress.

Yup. Because, if you do not, nothing will change. You will end up endlessly wandering around outside that ‘box’ <because all the shades of gray actually reside in ‘out of the box thinking’ without any clear or vivid direction>. No one really tells you this, but all the vivid colors and vivid moments and vivid decisions in life actually reside inside the box.

It is inside the box you actually can be an adventurer.

It is inside the box that you make a stand. Make a commitment. Make a decision that provides a little spot color … a little bright light … to the box.

Just think about it a little.

You can go outside the box if you want to but you will most likely end up doing something that seems right to you and maybe feel good. But most likely only because you are outside the box all alone without anyone to criticize or even see. That’s not an adventure. An adventure is a complete experience. 

It is inside the box where it happens.

—

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. 

For, indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”

Margaret Mead

—

In dealing with a shades of gray Life you do have to be adventuresome and committed.

I posted the above quote maybe in the first two days I started this whole enlightened conflict site thing. With life mostly made up of shades of gray it is really only the thoughtful committed people who have a chance to bring some color.

The color may not be appealing in some cases, but, who cares? I don’t like everything every small group of committed thoughtful people say or do <and in fact I sometimes, in weaker moments, question whether they are truly thoughtful and maybe they should be committed to some loony bin rather than trying to be people committed to something>.

But then I understand. I understand that their commitment makes me more thoughtful. And I am okay with that. They point out that life does reside in grays, but that greys DO contain other colors and bring colors to Life.

Anyway. In a world in which so much resides in shades of grey I tend to believe it pays to be thoughtful and less flippant about decisions particularly if it truly is an important decision <although I will admit sometimes it is difficult to discern the really important from just ‘the important’ … shit … the grey thing again>. Maybe it helps me to suggest that with so much grey we should remain committed to doing “what is the right thing to do” <versus what maybe everyone else is suggesting be done>.

Why? because it is truly the hope to building some aspect of color into the greys. And maybe that is where I am going with this rambling.

Enlightenment resides in discerning the hues of color found in the greys of Life. The vivid moments are so few and far apart that waiting for them, or investing an entire life to seeking them, means you miss out on the enlightenment life has to offer you. So maybe we should seek to be part of the thoughtful and committed small group of people who don’t bemoan the shades of grey but rather embrace the colors within … and thoughtfully tease the colors out for others to view.

Look. I tend to believe we try far too often to categorize things in black and white – in extremes and binaries. We do so in the attempt for clarity as well as to make it distinct and stand out.

Unfortunately, even with the good intentions, many times truth <and colors> lies somewhere in the middle — in the shades of gray as it were.

Good people can do bad things.

Bad people can do good things.

Bad ideas can end up in good places.

And colors can peek out between the many shades of gray.

Enlightenment can be found ‘in the box of gray’ if we would stop eying the random vivid elusive colors we envision somewhere outside the box.

Look. Inside the box may look a lot like a grey place to reside, but only if you don’t recognize that it is, in fact, within grays that colors reside.

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“The fate of this man or that man was less than a drop, although it was a sparkling one, in the great blue motion of the sunlit sea.”

—

T. H. White

<The Once and Future King>

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“The death of one man is a tragedy.

The death of millions is a statistic.”

—

Joseph Stalin

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Ok. I imagine we have all discussed at one time or another the question:“is what I do going to really matter?”

In a world of billions and countries of hundreds of millions it is fairly easy to fall back to ‘do nothing’ because ‘doing something’ doesn’t matter.

We look around and see all the statistics & research and see … well … an overwhelming ‘nothing.’

Sure.

Sometimes we feel despair and sometimes we wonder why it happens or why someone didn’t do something or, well, why, why, why.

Sometimes we see statistics and say ‘why should I do something?’ because it all feels this is “bigger than I.”

It is hard to see that all of us matter and that everything we do matters and doing something that matters, well, matters.

But it does.

One person can be a tragedy … or a victory.

One persons’ fate … even in an ocean of people … is a drop with ripples.

The fate of One can impact the ultimate fate of many.

I can give you a gazillion examples of how & when this has happened, but I would imagine you have been bludgeoned with those examples so many times your only response is:

–  Not me, not my life

or

–  Someone else will be that one

I have no real words of wisdom to convince you that your fate, the fate of one, not only matters but could actually be the one that matters.

The only words I have are to say ‘it is so.’

While each of us singly seems so small, just a pebble, we are pebbles dropped into the sea of Life from which ripples reach far & wide in places we have yet to see and may never even see.

In addition, as a pebble we are constantly dropping into this metaphorical sea of Life again and again and again.

Moment after moment after moment.

And maybe that is why we so often feel so insignificant. This multi dimensional interconnected somewhat random  interaction with Life in which some ripple effects somewhere & someone we may never even meet can be an overwhelmingly small but big thing to warp our heads around.

Suffice it to say: not all moments matter and yet all moments matter.  That is the maddening thing about Life.

You cannot know if yesterday’s moment mattered <and fate has been impacted> or if this moment matters <and fate has been impacted> or if a moment yet to occur will be the one that matters <and fate has been impacted>.

You cannot know if your fate will matter or if it will matter a lot <tone one person or to many>. All you can do is assume it does and act accordingly. Assume each day stands still in a long moving Life.

——————-

“Here among the thirty thousand days of a long life, a single day stands still.”

Donald Hall

———

The fate of one can be a tragedy or a victory but I imagine I should suggest that if you accept your fate by acting and doing what you believe is right as often as you can the ripples of your fate will impact someone somewhere positively.

I also imagine that is the largest argument for significance of one person and one act.

I also imagine that is the best argument for the fate of One.

====

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“I’m addicted to the world’s whisper.”

———-

Patrick Madden

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Well. Every once in a while you find some words, a quote in this case, which makes you stop and think and it reaches into your business mind and personal mind. This was one of those quotes for me.

I am an introvert at my core. I think that makes the thought of a “world’s whisper” resonate with me because, well, this may sound obvious, but the world, the people in it and the thoughts that pervade the ether of each day are fascinating.

Fascinating to me and I actually believe fascinating to a lot of people. I think we all feel that way <albeit we get scared of the exact same things on occasion> but I think introverts just listen a little more closely to the whispers..

Regardless. While it may seem everything in the world is shouting at the top of their lungs, the good stuff whispers.

I know I am addicted to the whispers.

I know I am addicted to listening for them.

And I don’t understand why more people don’t have this addiction.

And I really don’t understand it now that we have the internet.

What do I mean? In the good old days, to hear the whispers, you needed to be physically engaged. You had to travel, sit & watch, immerse yourself in what is happening. If you were even slightly introverted, it could kind of suck. At minimum, a little uncomfortable.

In the good ole ‘new’ days you can lurk <if you are introverted> and be actively involved <if you are not>. Yeah. Lurking online sounds creepy, but if it is done with the intent to listen to the whispers of the world I find it difficult to find fault in the behavior.

While people will argue with me, I would suggest that it is just as difficult to hear the whispers online as it is to hear them in the physical world. I say that because regardless of the environment you are sifting through the noise and untangling that which is unimportant and tugging at the threads of what is important.

Personally I don’t really give a shit on the environment, online/offline/noisy/silent, all I care about is leaning in closely to hear the good stuff — the whispers.

All that said. Some of you may have no clue what the fuck I am taking about.

That’s okay.

You just haven’t heard the whispers yet. If you had, you would never stop listening for them.

It s the good stuff. Its the kind of stuff worth listening to (and listening for>. I could suggest it is within the whispers that you will find what truly matters, but I am not sure I can <I don’t have empirical support/research> so all I can say is that it is the good stuff.

It is the extraordinary thread woven amongst the beautiful blanket of the everyday ordinary.

====

“The idea of the extraordinary happening in the context of the ordinary is what’s fascinating to me.“

Chris Van Allsburg
=====

And for those who haven’t heard the whispers?

It is worth trying.

You just have to listen closely. Sometimes you just have to lean into Life a little and listen just a little closer. The whispers are there and I can promise you, they are worth hearing.

——-

“I’ve noticed something about people who make a difference in the world: They hold the unshakable conviction that individuals are extremely important, that every life matters.

They get excited over one smile.

They are willing to feed one stomach, educate one mind, and treat one wound.

They aren’t determined to revolutionize the world all at once; they’re satisfied with small changes. Over time, though, the small changes add up.   Sometimes they even transform cities and nations, and yes, the world.” 

= 

Beth Clar

——

This is about responding.

First. What does RSVP mean? In the context of social invitations RSVP is a request for a response from the invited person or people. It is derived from the French phrase répondez s’il vous plaît, meaning ‘please respond’ <”respond if you please”>.

Sticking with the formal aspect of an RSVP … there are some guidelines. 

———

If RSVP is written on an invitation it means the invited guest must tell the host whether or not they plan to attend the party.  It does not mean to respond only if you’re coming, and it does not mean respond only if you’re not coming (the expression “regrets only” is reserved for that instance).   It means the host needs to know who is going to attend, get a definite head count, the planned event … and needs it by the date specified on the invitation.

———–

Second. RSVP also has to do with Life, not just parties.

Think about it. Life, in many ways, says ‘please respond.’ My fear, and belief, is that many of us simply haven’t read the rules of etiquette and do not respond.

Look. I often write about how Life is difficult and how Life is tricky and how Life has a warped sense of humor.

But. Life can also be quite respectful and act with true etiquette and grace. I don’t mean big pomp and circumstance moments, but little moments in which doing the little things well matters. Uhm. Like an rsvp for example.

—–

“When you do something noble and beautiful and nobody notices, do not be sad. For the sun every morning is a beautiful spectacle and yet most of the audience still sleeps.”

John Lennon

—–

I sometimes worry people no longer understand what RSVP means. In social event scenarios as well as Life.

Assuming the best, and that the reason guests don’t RSVP to an invitation is a case of ignorance, not rudeness, let me suggest this.

People have a tendency to not respond because … well … it is safer.

Less chance of conflict. And it may seem like the easiest path but think about it from this quote’s perspective.

—–

“Every time we choose safety, we reinforce fear.”

Cheri Huber

—

Sure. I could simply believe most people don’t get involved with Life because they are too busy.

Or they are ignorant of the fact their absence is not noted or meaningful.

But I can’t. I can’t because I don’t believe it is true.

I think we do it, subconsciously or consciously, because it is safer — we get to avoid possible conflict.

Oh. The risk in doing this over & over & over? We become disengaged with Life.

But. Here is the good news. Life will keep sending you invitations. Over & over & over again.

You just gotta RSVP every once in a while.

To be clear. You are not always being invited to a ‘big party.’ Sometimes the RSVP is just for something small.

Saying that permits me to circle back to where I began … willing to feed one stomach, educate one mind, and treat one wound.  They aren’t determined to revolutionize the world all at once; they’re satisfied with small changes.

Over time, though, the small changes add up.

That’s why you RSVP to life.

Small changes add up.

Small moments add up.

Small gestures add up.

It is true that Life, in general, is indifferent to you and what you want. However. What Life does do is create event after event which you DO get invited to. That means its up to you to respond. And, yeah, I do believe RSVPing matters even in this scenario. Just showing up is good but not as good as telling Life you are gonna show up. Why? Because it increases the odds Life may actually NOT be indifferent when you show up.

My advice? Just make sure you RSVP to Life one response at a time.

=============

“Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is to never look back.”

—

Anonymous

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Forward progress, in the mind, is almost a mandatory for success.

Forward progress, in practice, is great theoretically.

Forward progress, in theory, is big business.

For the latter, well, just see the gobs of information and quotes online with regard to “if you aren’t moving forward you are standing still” … “don’t look back or you’ll miss what is in front of you” … “don’t look back you are not going that way” or some fortune cookie wisdom like that <as if no one knows that movement, and progress, is good>. I call this the ‘forward progress theory’ business <I have noted elsewhere Life, like chess, is about facing the entire board and obstacles & opportunities which lie all around you, not just in front of you, & you can move in a variety of directions with progress in mind>.

That said.

With regard to progress, the bravest thing you can do is to not look back. Why do I say ‘brave’? We make it really hard to not look back. Really hard. Day in and day out everything around you pounds on you for ‘what did you learn’ and how are you applying it and ‘if you don’t know learnings from the past how can you be sure that is the right thing to do?” <crap like that>.

Okay. Semi useful thinking crap like that. But what it really means is that anyone truly desiring to move forward, intent on progress, keeps getting dragged back time and again to the past. What, or who, is the main culprit of this almost unhealthy relationship with the past?

“Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to make the same mistakes.”

Christalmighty. “Doomed.”

No wonder people are afraid of some risk or hesitate to move forward keep looking backwards. Doom is never a particularly desirable objective if you care about your career <or anything for that matter>.

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“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

(George Santayana)

“I’ve got news for Mr. Santayana: we’re doomed to repeat the past no matter what.

That’s what it is to be alive.”

Kurt Vonnegut

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The ‘doomed’ aspect <which older business people toss around like confetti in meetings> means we are almost demanded to not only invest energy in the past but, in some cases, encouraged to hold on to past learning with ragged claws. That said … I will go back to the bravery aspect because I could argue the truest bravery, in this sense, resides in two places:

• Not looking back once you have decided to move forward.
• Not looking back when you purposefully stand still.

Yeah.

First. Move. There are actually times to just go. Go and do. I do not mean ‘go’ as solely leaning on instincts <I call this ‘decision faking by intuition‘>, because research tends to show instincts are less important than experience, but lean on your experience to guide you through the context of your progress. The truth is that the past cannot show you all the shit you need to know as you move forward. It only shows aspects of shit you should be aware of. And, worse, the past has  nasty habit of not encouraging you to reflect on the context of all the aspects just the aspects themselves. Therefore history is truly only important in parts and not the whole.

This means you have to grab the scraps of what you need from the past and create a new whole in moving forward. That is where bravery steps up to the plate. More often than not you are creating a new whole … a slightly different version of what was. Yeah. That is different than the past <it s actually something new>. Yeah. Everyone is actually a creator, a discoverer albeit we don’t like to think about that. While this point is a generalization … if you know your shit … once you have decided to go … to move forward … don’t look back. Bravely face the new world ahead.

Yeah.

Second. Stand still. There are actually times to stop. Stand still. Even amidst activity. Even amidst a crowd which seems like it is moving forward <albeit sometimes all you see is the movement>.

Stillness, strategic stillness, is possibly one of the scariest things anyone can ever do. When everyone and everything is moving you feel like you are ding something wrong in standing still. And, yet, by purposefully doing so you may be adding to the progress rather than taking away from it.

Here is what I know about purposefully standing still.

You have to accept the fact you are offering the type of energy that no matter where you are and no matter that you are still & not moving you are actually adding value to the space and time and progress to that which is around you. I can promise you that this takes a version of bravery.

Anyway.

The entire ‘Forward progress Theory’ is difficult. Difficult in the mind <attitudes> and even in practice <behavior>. I could argue that it is so difficult because our natural instinct is to try and use the past to define what the future will look like. That is slightly crazy when you think about it. While the arc of time suggests the future will most likely replicate the past, well, that is the arc and not the details. It’s kind of like discussing strategy versus tactics. The strategy may remain the same or similar, but the tactics will vary in the context of time & situation.

Progress does take some bravery, some courage. Mostly because the future will always contain something you have never seen before or faced before. In other words … it will not be the same as it was.

I don’t think I am particularly brave but I certainly don’t look back once I decide to go … and I have no qualms with standing still amidst movement. I tend to believe it is not bravery but rather experience.

Ah. Experience. Maybe you need to be brave to gain useful experience?

Ok.

That’s another post for another day ……..

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“Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, ‘So what’.

That’s one of my favorite things to say. So what.”

Andy Warhol

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“The only real valuable thing is intuition.”

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Albert Einstein

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Well.

Einstein is usually smarter than this. He is slightly off the mark here. Uhm. Well. Maybe he did get it right because he also seemed to have said this.

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“Intuition does not come to an unprepared mind.”

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Einstein

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Okay.

Maybe he was smart <note: tongue in cheek statement>. More likely … Einstein simply never said half the crap that people said he said.

Regardless. Management and decision making by instinct or intuition has reached what I would call a ‘crisis level’ in business today. Let me explain.

First.

Knowledge is good.

Second.

But knowing what to do with it? Let’s call that ‘intuition”, well,that is gooder. Let’s say even excellent. Uhm. But that’s a combo meal. Main entrée is knowledge and the side item is intuition. Don’t like that metaphor?

Knowledge is the science and intuition is the art.

That combination is often called ‘decision making.’

Here is the challenge in today’s business world <and possibly Life>. The gap between what our intuition says and what data & facts actually say is growing wider. What I mean by that is computers and data have the ability to uncover correlation between facts that almost defy common sense or, at minimum, simply make us scratch our heads and say ‘what?” <or “really???”> and that discomfort will inevitably lead to a desire to indulge our intuition <as being better than facts>. Pleasse note I do believe we need to lean in on judgement but shouldn’t confuse it with intuition. When we do it leads to what I call ‘Decision faking.’

Here is where I struggle with intuition.

It’s becoming more and more clear to me that facts are less important to many people. Feelings make decisions, then, and only then, are facts brought in as back up. That’s mixed up. Its the wrong priorities for good decision making.

Yet. It is becoming a common business scenario in which intuition-made-decisions create situations where you end up pulling the trigger first and ask the hard questions later. Yes. This is possibly a general critique of American society, not just business.

Regardless. Think about this.

Thinking and feeling and intuition is actually a business formula. Without doing any research or deep thought … I would suggest great decision making is maybe an 80/20 Pareto rule. 80% thinking & knowledge combined with 20% feeling or intuition creates a great decision. Sure. Statistics and facts can lie. But so can intuition and feeling.

In fact. In business studies the data suggests our instincts & intuition <in business> or ‘going with your gut’ suck. We make bad decisions when based on this. Great thinking combines all the potential lies and sifts thru it all for truth.

Yet. When I look at the business world we seem to have forgotten the difference between thinking and feeling, and worse, we seem to believe feeling is more important.

You feel like you are doing the right thing so you do it.

You feel like it is the best idea so you go do it.

You feel like something is okay because someone told you to do it.

You feel like everything is okay in the end if you can show that why you actually did something was because your feelings were genuine.

You feel like acting on your feelings begets forgiveness for actions and bad decisions.

Well. I feel that’s a bunch of bullhockey.

Intuition is a grown skill. It is not really something you are born with. Well. Maybe better said … people can be born with a good intuition muscle, underdeveloped and awaiting to be strengthened, but no one is born with a well-developed intuition muscle. Therefore you must have the desire to focus on strengthening it. The gym will not come to you, you must go to the gym.

I have also found that business decisions guided by impulse and emotion tend to incorporate a high level of politics and political calculation at exactly the same time.

How will it look?

Who will like it?

Will I benefit?

I imagine taking some time and asking the hard questions won’t alleviate the political aspect, but possibly some time tempers the influence politics have on it. At minimum it shifts the dial slightly away from ‘individual benefit ‘ politics intuition to more ‘group benefit’ intuition.

The debate in business is always on which is better:

• to rely on intuition <feeling>, or
• rely on deliberate thinking while making decisions.

The fact is in some cases it’s better to rely on feeling and in some on deliberate thinking and the trick is to know which to choose when. But in either case you are using both simply relying on one more than other at the end.Intuition should open us to thought not define the thought. Or maybe it could be used a deterrent to avoid things.

Regardless. You should always value what your head & gut are telling you. But it’s the combination, knowledge and intuition, which reaps the highest returns.

Here is what I feel <pun intended>.

We need to defend decision making made through knowledge and thinking.

Why?

Because true thinking is innocent. The deck is stacked against it but in its naiveté it believes if it simply does the right thing <be itself> it will win.

Truth believes if it remains good and just goes out and attend meetings, go to schools, sit down at the kitchen table, go to church and not give a shit about politics and political correctness and just live their lives … well … it will all work out. Truth will win.

Well. Not so much. It won’t.

Thinking needs to be protected. It needs to be protected from intuition as the way to do things. Or maybe we just need to protect ourselves in business from ‘decision by feelings is more important’ type attitudes.

This is not as an easy thing to do nor am I saying it flippantly.

We battle common sense <because sometimes it really doesn’t make sense>.

We battle real knowledge and data <because sometimes it doesn’t look like it makes sense>.

We battle ourselves <we don’t really know what we want>.

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“Ours is a world where people don’t know what they want and are willing to go through hell to get it.”

Don Marquis

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Well. We do know what we want. We want our decisions to ‘feel right’ when we make them and sometimes it seems like we are willing to go thru hell to feel that way.

Here is the point about facts and thinking. We have gobs of theories we espouse in business hallways almost ad nausea but the truth is if you have enough facts the correlations are there <if you look and think>.

Even if the correlations don’t seem to make sense, or even meets common sense, the knowledge is there to be plucked from the information available. The difficulty is that, well, two things I imagine

<1> We are constantly bombarded by information therefore we seem to seek refuge in intuition clinging to some ‘gut feeling’ that seem to make the cluttered world of information available clear, and

<2> we like to make hasty decisions under the guise of ‘we cant waste our time overthinking this.’

The trouble is that our gut is infamously consistent in that it is often biased by stereotypes and generalizations and, frankly, experiences <good and bad … or ‘quantity of’ versus ‘lack of’>.

I say that because while some young people may have good natural instincts they will inevitably have great instincts when older if they hone it through experience. The corollary to that is some older more experienced business people will have great instincts and absolutely better instincts than a younger less experienced instinct muscle.

Experience absolutely hones a natural intuition. Heck. Knowledge hones a natural intuition.

Look.

I’m not suggesting you should ignore intuition. Just that real information and real thinking and the rigor that comes along with the ‘real’ versus instinctual ‘feelings’ is first & foremost the key to great decision making.

In other words. If you make intuition your main criteria to making a decision, you are simply decision faking.

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“Getting over a painful experience is like crossing monkey bars.

You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.”

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anonymous

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So.

I write a lot about moving forward and moving on and, as Tupac said, “at some point you just have to leave the pieces behind and move the fuck on.” But moving forward isn’t just about walking or taking baby steps or giant leaps  sometimes it is about letting go and having faith you can find another thing to hold onto. Moving on is like monkey bars.

And, like monkey bars, it is not just once to get to the other side but a series of ‘letting gos’ to make it where you want to go.

I guess I tie ‘letting go’ to some type of suffering.

And I imagine for anyone that an important part of gaining confidence is to “let go” of suffering and have the courage to move on and be whatever person we should be (without having to hold on to that burden of suffering).

I also imagine letting go also means letting go of, well, I will call it “anger” (not sure this is the right word but let me stick with it). A lot of times it seems some people are so filled with anger with the past, against the person or events or whatever, and feel a sense of helplessness about what to do (or for permitting it to happen in the first place).

It then sometimes seems that when this happens the anger can turn inwards and can become very self destructive and quite ‘life debilitating.’

Yeah.

Self destruction appears in many forms (we people can be quite creative in incurring self pain). Eating disorders, drug or alcohol addiction, toxic relationships, recurring job irresponsibility or lack of performance and on and on and on. It seems everyone finds a different way to be angry and beat themselves up (in some form of a recurring destructive behavioral pattern).

This all means that letting go can become complicated.

Because while there is that ‘anger’ burning inside it is embodied in some behavioral aspect.  And I don’t know that they are inextricably attached. Meaning that someone could focus on the understanding they deserve better in relationships and address that but the anger still simmers inside. And vice versa.

Anyway. Letting go isn’t simple. In fact … exactly like the first time you try the monkey bars. It takes some faith and confidence and … well … sheer desire to just go and swing out.

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“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.“

Havelock Ellis

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So. Here is probably the understatement of the year. Letting go of your past is one of the hardest things anyone can ever do.

Even if it was the most painful relationship ever and you had to let go just to maintain your sanity you will struggle with saying goodbye to the past (oddly, it seems people want to remember the few glimmers of happiness in those toxic relationships as ‘maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought’).

Anyway. I am not Dr. Phil and I know it ain’t easy but I have seen people do it. I do know the most successful let go of the anger. They face up to the memories and experiences accept responsibility for mistakes in judgment, actions, whatever and let go of the anger. At the event, the circumstances, the other person … and most importantly themselves.

And letting go?

Get it out.

Write. Paint. Talk. Whatever. Consider it “letters unsent.”

Whatever you need to do to get what is inside somewhere outside. Surprisingly once it is out in the open for all to see it just doesn’t seem as dark and ominous and worthy of anger as it was when it was bottled up inside eating you up piece by piece.

Share.

Find someone to trust with your anger. Sometimes you have to suck it up and admit it is partially about pride and just accept some humility. Yeah. This is also about vulnerability (so finding someone to trust is REALLY important). Guilt, anger, resentment, confession or fear (or any combination thereof) it needs to be shared. Similar to the first on the list this is unburdening but unburdening the thought behind the thought (and the thought behind that thought). And this is unburdening with a response mechanism.

Get out of the gray.

Ok. What I mean by this is deal with the past in black & whites. If you have something to say to someone say it. Period. End of thought. No dangling participles. No questions asked. Look to finish it up with a well defined “the end” to it. Anger thrives in the gray of unresolved emotion and feelings. It festers there. Get out of the gray and eliminate it.

Look.

The second and third I just wrote are monkey bars for sure. You are dangling by one hand and reaching for another bar and … well … there will be a moment of uncertainty and reaching.

But. That’s the gig. That’s the deal. Letting go is the monkey bars of life.

So. In the end?

Letting go is certainly hard … and healthy. Just be sure you don’t avoid the monkey bars because of this following thought for it would be a shame to suffer solely because it was familiar:

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“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering.

Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”

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Thich Nhat Hanh

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