=============

“Debate is great for sharpening the mind, but I worry that really skilled debaters might internalize the idea that the point of discussion and debate is victory, rather than truth. In debate, if you encounter a compelling counterargument, you just try to find a way around it.

But you should argue for truth, not for victory.

Really good debaters run the risk of ignoring valid counterarguments.”

———

professor Robert George: constitutional-law professor

==========================

falsus in uno, falsus in omnibus

<false in one, false in all>

====================

I am a self-proclaimed contrarian  and … well … contrarians end up debating … a lot. Let me be clear. If you suck at debating, you will be a sucky contrarian.

If you cannot debate, you simply are an opinionated person with a non-mainstream point of view sitting angry in some office or at some desk thinking everyone is just not smart enough, and as smart as you, because they just can’t see what you see.

That said. I have never had a desire to be angry nor staring at my own non-mainstream point of views piling up on my desk unused.

Next.

I am a self-proclaimed contrarian and … well … contrarians use truth … a lot.

Let me be clear. If you suck at telling the truth, clearly & concisely & unequivocally, you will be a sucky contrarian. Truth is at the core of being a successful contrarian. Contrarians, simply by offering a contrary thought, find themselves constantly on the defensive defending the thought. This happens even if you go on the offensive.  This happens because contrary ideas & thoughts feel a little less comfortable, less familiar and more risky therefore people will inherently want to pick it apart. There is where ‘false’ haunts a contrarian. One falsehood is not just one falsehood. One falsehood implies others are there only yet to be found.  If you cannot be an unequivocal truth teller you are simply a peddler of possibilities and, well, true contrarians thrive on making possibilities realities.

I have never had a desire to be angry nor staring at my own non-mainstream hopeful possibilities piling up on my desk unused.

All that said. When I saw the quote I opened with I had to sit back a little and think — think about how, as a contrarian, debate is used or not used.

Many contrarians focus on what I would call ‘the bookends’ — what their idea/thinking is and the ultimate outcomes — and judge themselves on that <and far too often dismiss counter thinking offered that changes the contrary thought>.

It is quite possible we contrarians <as well as many other people> should focus on ‘how they play the game’ or how they debate, because I frankly don’t give a shit what you preach nor whether you eventually benefit from what you preach as long as what you preach is grounded in integrity & fair play & truth, what you actually do and how you behave is grounded in integrity & fair play & truth and what you preach isn’t just preaching but rather a thought which inspires additional thinking <which means the original thought will most likely look pretty different at the outcome than it did at the onset>.

If you do it right, if you debate it right, then you, and the idea itself, will benefit in that if the idea & thinking gets adopted in some form or fashion you will have done so as an outcome of what you preached, what you debated and how you behaved during the debate.

That seems like a good thing.

But here is where the opening quote really made me think — contrarianism is like a drug. When you have a contrarian idea and it is actually a good idea <note: not all contrarians can tell if their idea is actually a good idea when being contrary> you can get caught up in the debate. You can start getting what I sometimes call “horizon blindness.” Horizon blindness is when you are so focused on the end destination and getting to the end destination you treat almost anything said, and any objection, as simply an obstacle to getting to the horizon … possibly ignoring any of the value being offered within the debate.

Even the best contrarians can get horizon blindness. Suffice it to say the best contrarians can be aware of what is at exactly the same time as where they want to be. iI permits some ‘cooperative arguments’ which <a> help build a better idea at the conclusion and <b> some ownership within all involved at the conclusion.

Anyway.

Here is what I think about being a great contrarian <maybe this is my wish list of what I could be>.

• Scrupulously fair.

Contrarians have to walk a fine line. They rarely are flippant with a contrarian idea therefore can be dogged in its defense. Yet, they must be fair to the idea, the beauty of thinking itself and what others think & say.

In fact, you have to almost relentlessly be fair to everything else around you … scrupulously fair as a matter of fact.

• Not domineering with beliefs.

This is a fine line to a contrarian. Frankly, any contrarian idea cannot step lightly into the fray. If it does, it gets suffocated by the familiar, the status quo & the easier path. But the key word in what I suggested is “beliefs.” Any contrarian idea is constructed with a number of beliefs.  The truth is that all beliefs reserve the right to not only be challenged but also changed. Therefore, dominating with a belief, in the contrarian world, is just asking for trouble, in addition, it is the wrong thing to do if you truly want the best idea at the end.

• Cooperative argumentative dialogue.

The Socratic method <Socratic debate is a form of cooperative argumentative dialogue between individuals, based on asking and answering questions to stimulate critical thinking and to draw out ideas and underlying presumptions>. Every truly good contrarian I have ever met has been a master at the ongoing cooperative argument. They have been adaptive in debate, flexible in the flow and adept at finding seemingly irrelevant factoids and making them relevant at the appropriate moment.

• Thinking tutor.

I want to be careful here because this is not to suggest contrarians are better thinkers or smarter thinkers and that they, and only they, can be the professors of thinking. What I am suggesting is that contrarians, in general, do think differently and they see things slightly differently. This means when you do it right, when you debate well & fairly & cooperatively, other people seem to walk away thinking about things in a slightly different way.

• Relentless truth teller

One lie, one half truth, one ‘truthful hyperbole, and the whole house of cards tumbles down. Great contrarians are great pivoters away from what they do not know. what I mean is that instead of offering a ‘lie’ <falsehood> when faced with not knowing something they typically place an “I don’t know” on the table and pivot to a “but here is what I do know” and place a truth on the table where the “I don’t know” used to be. Key to what I just shared is a slavish attachment to truth … even at the expense of an “I don’t know.” contrarians realize the game being played is chess and you will sacrifice a piece rather than imperil the entire board.

That’s it. When I saw the quote I opened with I loved the nuance in the description of debate and made me think that maybe we, in business, misuse the concept. We may really debate in business … and maybe we shouldn’t be debating. Maybe we should be arguing for truth, not for victory.

===================

================

“Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.”

―

Ralph Waldo Emerson

=======

“We cling to our fairy tales until the price for believing in them becomes too high.”

―

Ransom Riggs

==================

So.

I came across this “I want the fairy tale” gif on a tumblr site <from the mediocre movie Notting Hill with a fabulous British cast> while looking for an image and I ignored it for awhile … and then kept coming back to it.

I kept thinking “wanting the fairy tale”.

Now. I didn’t mean a ‘love fairy tale.’ Nor, as I have written before, am I discussing the importance of fairytales, the stories, themselves.

I am thinking more as in ‘your fairy tale.’ As in “doing something that matters” or “be anyone you want” or “being important” or “being on the front cover of Time magazine” or … well … whatever fairy tale you believed was possible when you were young.

Maybe we could call it “your dream.”

Ok. I guess I don’t care what you call it, but, I guess the question is — do we ever really lose wanting the fairy tale?

I tend to believe somewhere within us, well, okay, maybe the 90% of us every day schmucks who never really reached the ‘fairy tale’ we may have envisioned in youth, that we haven’t really completely given up 100% of the desire for “it all” or “the fairy tale.”

Now.

That said.

I don’t really agree with good ole Ransom when he says we cling to our fairy tales until the price.

I don’t agree because I actually believe we don’t cling to them because we actually, more often, let them slip away under the guise of “Life.” I say slip away despite the fact it may seem like we have given it up.

In fact, I would guess the majority of us have shoved that ‘fairy tale’ deep back into some dusty corner of our mind because we have shit to do and shit to deal with. But I don’t think we should confuse that as “not wanting our fairy tale.”

To me. This is simply reality shouting so loud that our fairy tale cannot be heard.  Its there. It just loses its voice the older and older we get.

But here’s what I think I know <and I could be wrong>.

• Your fairy tale is always there

I truly believe if you had a real dream, kind of the ‘fairy tale you wanted’, not some silly childish dream, it never goes away. In fact I think it actually whispers n your ear more often than you are most likely to admit. What I mean by that is it whispers and we purposefully ignore it as “silly”, unrealistic, ‘that was then’, ‘when I was young and naïve’ and … well … pick your silencing mechanism. We have a zillion different ways to muzzle our fairy tale.

Yet. On occasion. Maybe in a moment of reflection. We actually pull it off some dusty shelf, dust it off, wonder if it still represents the fairy tale we thought it could be <and we could be> and maybe even listen to its whisper for a while.

Regardless. My point.

Even if you do not hear it … it is still there.

Even if you only hear a whisper … it is still there.

Even if you believe you have moved on and its voice is not worth listening to anymore … it is there.

Which leads me to …

• A fairy tale has no expiration date

Fairy tales do not really die. They can live forever. I think we confuse death with “we have quit on it.” Now. “Quitting on it” can take on a number of extremely viable good looking high quality t-shirts.

Everyday life.

My existing career.

I am too old to change direction.

Its too late.

I have too many responsibilities for what I think is a ‘just me’ decision.

All of these t-shirts look frickin’ good on you when you look in the mirror. But. None of the t-shirts represent the death of your fairy tale just something that can cover it over. Let me repeat. A fairy tale has no expiration date.

Ok.

Having said all that. The only thing stopping you from pursuing your fairy tale is time <depending on your existing starting point and what you may need to do to attain your fairy tale>.

Uhm.

I think my point today is I am fairly sure most of us had some fairy tale which means that we actually still have a fairy tale.

I think my point today is that I am fairly sure most of us believe Life has persecuted us by persecuting our dreams and fairy tales.

I think my point today is that I am fairly sure most of us are making a brutal mistake.

Fairy tales don’t go away, we don’t really stop wanting them and they really have no expiration date. The truth is you may find yourself at 30 going “time to go for my fairy tale” or maybe you do so at 50 … or, well, at any age.

Now.

I think we forget that we really do want ‘the fairy tale’ because … well … ‘fairy tale’ sounds so “what kids think.”  

That is a mistake. A horrible mistake of not dreaming simply because you feel like Life is contradicting, and contradictory, to your fairy tale.

Personally I think it does no harm to sit down and say “I want the fairy tale” and then see if it is the time to go get your fairy tale. It does no harm because … uhm … what happens if you actually do make the pivot and get the fairy tale?

Well. Sounds like it would be worth it.

=============

“If people were employed at creating heaven on earth, everybody would be happy; instead each one is creating his own heaven by creating hell for others.”

―

Bangambiki Habyarimana

==================

“Self-interest makes some people blind, and others sharp-sighted.”

—

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

===============

Well. As a business guy I most often view Life, government and politics, as well as business issues, thru a business lens.

It is fairly rare that I view business through a government prism. And, yet, as I sat down to discuss self-interest and managing self-interest as a leader I found that using a governing prism was the most appropriate.

Self-interest sounds like it could be defined fairly simply because, well, it revolves around ‘self.’

Ah. But ‘self’ depends on who is looking in the mirror as well as whatever ‘grouping of selfs’ you would like to gather up and discuss — in other words … self interest can vary depending on where you are standing.

That said, let’s discuss self-interest from a governing perceptive.  Basically, self-interest can be captured in three concentric circles:

Self.

Country.

Global.

The business version could be self, group, company or self, company, country or, well, you get it.

Hmmmmmmm … ‘you get it.’ I do wonder if someone hasn’t worked in a larger company or even if they have but haven’t attained some management role if they ever ‘get it’ <completely at least>. Even being in management one can decide to keep their head down, under the guise of being focused on my responsibility, and just assume someone above in management is worrying about the larger picture and larger “interests” which will either benefit me or will not benefit me.

I learned this lesson early on in my management career – once I started managing a group. When I assumed the responsibility I assumed everyone would at some point do what I had done — changed companies and got new jobs. To be clear, I didn’t assume that everyone would actually do it I just assumed they would want to do it at some point. Therefore I viewed managing people and talking with people and leading the people through the full range of concentric interest circles. Simplistically, in my head, I said “I will train you and develop you so that you will be successful wherever you go from here.” My objective wasn’t just to make my group’s ‘self-interest’ a priority but rather insure that self, group, company and industry were all aligned so that the expertise and the ‘self’ could meet interests in all places at any time.

Yeah. That created some challenges.

Yeah. Sometimes it created some friction <because your group was always looking at other groups wondering why they did shit you didn’t do as well as it sometimes created a slightly different bar to meet than even the company itself may have demanded>.

But, yeah. It always created the best version of each employee <and me I imagine>.

I say all that because no good leader will ever suggest it is all about one circle of self interest.

They know it is not only foolish but not true.

Meeting the need of each circle of interest is never trickle down or even trickle up, it is more often the three ‘circles of self’ in a line in which little balls are constantly weaving their way side-to-side — think maybe the eyes of the Cylons in BattleStar Galactica.

Meeting interests at all self-levels takes work. And most of us being managed or living in the everyday world are okay with that when it is explained. But explaining it is important and maybe HOW you explain it is even more important.

While people are mostly well-meaning <albeit in today’s world we would criticize the way Jesus put on his sandals in the morning> most of us truly do not care about the decision maker’s decision making process or even the decision maker’s fate and we certainly have no interest in putting ourselves  into the decision maker’s shoes.

Yeah. We naturally have self-interests and we weigh our own self-interests as we view the decision we will inevitably judge <prioritizing the other self interests as lower than our own but not mutually exclusive>.

You want a little of this without having to endure a little of that.

In other words, you want everything. You want to stand upon principles, you want the greater good to be served … uhm … without sacrificing anything. And, yet, we are more than willing to sacrifice some things for the greater good. Economists call this “the benevolence of self-interest.”

It is too simplistic to look at people as mere ethically agnostic optimizing machines.

At the foundation of all economic theory, and behavioral theory, is the assumption that people are driven/grounded by the rational pursuit of self-interest. But, as everybody knows, people are not rational and they often act selflessly wherein things like honor, duty, love, etc. enter into the interest calculation.

When it comes to self interest, all circles that is, the evaluation does not solely reside in satisfaction of needs & wants, but also in desires, purpose & welfare of others — and, yes, that includes global & country as well as individual.

I say all this because while self-interest is extraordinarily powerful, it is not the end all.

And you know what? Most of us know that in our heart of hearts.

So when a leader stands up and suggests it is all about you and that ‘the other people’ who build initiatives and businesses which recognize the other circles of interest do not have your best interest in mind, while it sounds tasty, we know it will give us heartburn later.

Oddly enough I think of this type of false leadership as someone who is willing to put down the virtues of other people simply to bolster their own.

===============

“We’ve all started to put down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own. I don’t want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest.”

Four <Divergent>

=============

And because I just pulled a quote from the Divergent series let me share some words in the Dauntless Manifesto:

=======

“We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another.”

Dauntless Manifesto <Divergent>

===========

Well. There is a thought for any business leader to wrap their head around. No. There is a BIG thought.

In a me, me, me world <or at least it sometimes feels that way these days>, in a world where if I see something like ‘no one will stand up for you but yourself’ … or … ‘the only one you can count on is yourself’ one more time, I will, well, begin to lose a little faith in humanity. Needless to say this thought is something we should all wrap our heads around. Especially someone whose responsibility it is to view the three concentric circles of interest and lead people through them all.

A good leader need not be brave but they certainly must have some courage – courage to tell the truth & courage in convictions.

Therefore circles of interest may actually come down to ordinary acts of courage.

Courage as in stepping in front of criticism.

Courage as in stepping in front of ‘doing nothing.’

Courage as in stepping in and doing what is right <even if it may not be the easiest thing to do>.

Managing the circles of self-interest as a leader is an almost impossible task.

Pull one lever and another lever is released.

But I would argue, vehemently, that the leader who embraces the circles of interest in their interconnectedness inherently understands that separation is an illusion.

====

“The greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation.  Things you think are separate and different are actually one and the same. We are all one people. But we live as if divided.”

The Last Airbender

===

While as a leader you seek to identify with the individual as unique the underlying truth is that we are all one people who simply live as if divided.  And that belief is at the core of how one manages against all three concentric interest circles as you work continuously to see that employees identify their personal success with the success of the organization and the industry itself.

Anyway. Great businesses, and countries, are multifaceted and multidimensional. I would suggest inherent in that strength are natural divides between the facets and the dimensions and natural connections between the facets and dimensions. Good business leaders know that. And they don’t fight it but rather simply figure out a way to get all the squirrels herded in the same direction.

From the outside people may only see squirrels running around aimlessly.

From the inside you see squirrels digging up sustenance and storing it up at the nest for the benefit of the future survival and prosperity.

And it all revolves around ‘circles of self interest.’

That is the challenge every leader faces in managing a business and a larger organization. And the multiple circles make it often extremely difficult to judge leadership <because we would prefer the simplicity of judging one circle not how they all coexist>.

As Montaigne said … “truly man is a marvelously volatile, various and wavering creature: it is difficult to base a stable and uniform judgement upon him.”

A good business leader juggles the circles of self interest and sometimes it is a little volatile and almost always wavering in some way. Yet, when well done and well-articulated, it is marvelous to see and offers marvelous benefits to all circles of interest <success in one begets success in another>.

What I can unequivocally state is that any so-called leader who focuses solely on one circle <your self-interest is most often the one> is not a leader … and should not be trusted.

I admit.

I have little, if no, patience for a leader who suggests he/she will make all decisions based on self-interest, or what is best for the ‘kitchen table in every home’, and by doing so success will “trickle up” to all other circles of interest.

I have no patience because it is not only a lie but is ignorant of how things work … well … if you want enduring success that is.

I have no patience because, in their lie, they are creating a vision of heaven for you which, in reality, is a hell for all.

 (originally published January 21, 2017 after Trump inauguration & updated given consistent Trump ‘join or else’ messaging)

———————

“Authority without wisdom is like a heavy axe without an edge, fitter to bruise than polish.”

―

Anne Bradstreet

==============

……… tweet from Republican National Party on June 14, 2018 ………….

Join or Else. If there is one common theme Trump and his merry band of corrupt amoral yahoos have espoused, this is it. Yeah. They may cloak it in some vapid superficial niceties, but, in the end,  it “Join or Else.

That said. (stepping back to my words of January 2017)

———————————-

Well.

Yesterday was an interestingly disturbing day to begin “the new era of The United States of America.”

I listened to the Trump inauguration speech with growing horror. It had all the trappings of authoritarianism wrapped snugly in a blanket of patriotism & promises of wealth, security, strength and ‘greatness.’

I listened to it not just as a citizen but as a business guy.

Yeah. Populism can be seen in business just as it can be seen in politics. In business it can be called ‘the cult mentality’ and more often than not its leader is a ‘less-than-benevolent’ dictator. Let’s call it a ‘join, or else’ culture. You can drive membership in this culture a couple of ways … both grounded in fear.

Fear of losing <part 1>. Outsiders are trying to steal what is ours … people who don’t believe in what we believe in are trying to steal what is ours … join us because we are the people who count and matter.

I do not want to lose what is rightfully mine.

Fear of losing <part 2>. I am on the outside looking in and … well … holy shit … if I don’t join I am gonna lose everything <or be branded as a non joiner>.

I will join because if I don’t I am up shit creek without a paddle and lose what I have.

Businesses try this shit all the time. It is their way of building a strong culture, claiming it is inclusive, albeit inclusive is grounded by ‘a tight set of club rules.’ They will argue it is not a tight set but rather a basic construct which binds people in a good way … you call it tomato and I call it rotten. This Trump version of populism is, well, it goes beyond corporate cult culture. This version is close to being batshit crazy dangerous thought leadership.

Let’s look at the brochure and talk a minute with the Trump Club recruiter.

The cover of the brochure suggests an unstoppable America, driven solely by self-interest, in other words, our Club wins at all costs at the expense of anyone who stands in our way! <“if you want to win, join us” it says …>.

It further reads with threatening all those who might stand in the way of this Club and it’s winning/great objective. It contains an adamant stance of ‘no real choice’, i.e., a demanded unity not an asked for unity.

Yeah.

Some of the club benefits look awful good in the brochure … more & better jobs, stronger economy, stronger security, less business regulations and country pride. And then I turn over the brochure just to check out the legalese, the cost of the benefits as it were, to explore how the promises of the Club will be delivered.

The headline on the back of the brochure really wanted me to join this club … the message of “join today because today is the day the people become the rulers of this country.” I vaguely remember that being the call of the French Revolution but it sounds cool <although I could swear we, the people, have been voting in people as representatives for awhile>.

But. Whew. It sounds good. I like it.

It feels empowering and inspirational with the added comfort that I will no longer be one of “the forgotten people which will be forgotten no longer.” I know for sure that would like to not be forgotten and being part of a club would be nice and … well … gosh … uhm … now that I think about it … I didn’t know I had been forgotten.

• The recruiter leans forward and says “of course you were, the intellectual globalist elite in Washington and around the world have been keeping you down … they don’t care about you … they have forgotten that it was you that made them part of the wealthy elite.”

Ok. But didn’t your Club President build his wealth off the backs of ‘forgotten people’ and … well … it seems like they aren’t any better off but he is a shitload better off, doesn’t it?

• Oh … no, no, no … he appreciates everything they have done for him. Hey. And don’t you want to be wealthy too?

I look down at the brochure and I see the bolded ‘make wealthy’ words and have to ask the club recruiter, decked out in an ‘America first’ hat and neatly pressed ‘make America great’ uniform like shirt, I ask the recruiter … “this becoming wealthy thing … its sounds an awful lot like Amway.”

• Oh, no, it is nothing like that at all. Our Club will make everything great for everyone and you will have great opportunities to get the wealth you have always deserved, but haven’t got, because the lazy, less than hard working elite will not get it anymore … we will make sure you get your fair share. Hey. Look at this picture of the Club President in his office … check out the gold curtains … the gold rug and the gold fixtures … that is wealth. That is what you can be part of!

Oh.

• And, look, if you join today you get a hat <which you should wear as often as possible so that we can tell who is in the club and who isn’t>.

And, even better, we should have some additional pieces of apparel you can wear soon. In fact … we will have special uniforms & badges for the original club members to showcase their elite status in the club … everyone will want to wear them.

Ok. One last question … your club is “God’s chosen.” I didn’t know God chose … I thought he was all about equal among all men. Does this mean that other clubs don’t believe in God or does God just favor us? And does this mean I have to believe in your version of God and … well … what exactly is your version of God?

• “Oh.

Well.

We are a Christian based club … but of course we accept anyone. But don’t forget … Christianity, above all, outlines all the values which lead to a better version of yourself … and, well, that is what we want all Club members to be able to achieve. Everyone should have values, don’t you think?”

Whew. This is fucking crazy shit going on

To be clear. A shitload of the club leaders and followers are going to try and draw some false comparisons and equivalents to past American heroes.

To be clear. This is significantly different than Thomas Jefferson’s plea for unity in his inaugural address in 1800 — “every difference of opinion is not a difference of principle.”

The Trump club has one principle and one opinion.

There is no room for anything else. More important than color of skin, religion, gender … this may actually be my root concern with ‘the club’.

The main principle?

Believe what I believe … or you are not a true believer.

That kind of seems to be the club. Kind of an “us versus them” attitude … uhm … although us <being a US citizen> is actually also them <being US citizens>.

• “Oh no … no … why wouldn’t you believe in the United States of America if you lived in there? … everyone believes that. And if they don’t? … well … they should.”

Anyway. Oh. One last question. I didn’t hear it anywhere from the Club President or see it in the brochure … do you guys have a constitution?

• Oh, we don’t need one. We just demand a ‘total allegiance to the Club’ … oh … which believes the same things as the country wants … so you should be all for it.”

(ME) Gosh. I am not sure I can join this club … I already have a constitution I live by … and my allegiance is, first & foremost, to that and not some Club and how they think. <period … end of statement>

Look. The one thing Trump was 100% right on is that January 20, 2017 was the dawn of a new era.

“Now comes the hour of action.”

That was the call for the Trump Club. “Join or else” is what should be heard.

Just to be clear.

I am a believer in God <however you want to define it>.

I am a patriot <however you want to define it>.

I am a proud American <however you want to define it>.

But I am not joining the club called “Trump America.”

In fact … I say ‘fuck you and your fucking club.’

As for what I will do? …………….

===============

“I was not born to be forced. I will breathe after my own fashion.  Let us see who is the strongest.”

Henry David Thoreau

================================

La beauté est la vérité. Beauty is the truth.

I stumbled across this thought years ago courtesy of Gloria, a 17 year old blogger in Canada:

“This is the phrase in my header, a personal motto of sorts. Honesty is the thing I value most in myself, my relationships and my life. I find true beauty in the truth, it may hurt but that does not detract from the crucial and utterly spectacular weight it holds. In my opinion, the most beautiful things are the ones that state the truth, holding back nothing. The world can be an ugly place, it is beautiful to acknowledge the truths.”

I am fairly sure I couldn’t have written anything better on this topic.

Honesty is the thing I value.

I find true beauty in the truth.

the most beautiful things are the ones that state the truth.

The world can be an ugly place.

it is beautiful to acknowledge the truths.

Well.

Pick your thought. Combine the thoughts. Whatever you do I would suggest keeping this thought is not a bad thing: Truth is beautiful.

————————————————-

“It’s messing people up, this social pressure to “find your passion” and “know what it is you want to do”.  It’s perfectly fine to just live your moments fully, and marvel as many small and large passions, many small and large purposes enter and leave your life.   For many people there is no realization, no bliss to follow, no discovery of your life’s purpose. This isn’t sad, it’s just the way things are.  

Stop trying to find the forest and just enjoy the trees. “

=

Sally Coulter

———

“Passion has little to do with euphoria and everything to do with patience. It is not about feeling good. It is about endurance. Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer.”

=

Mark Z. Danielewski

—

I originally wrote this piece, Don’t Find Your Passion, in September 2014 and it is possibly my most unpopular piece I have written to date. Yesterday I felt slightly vindicated when Psychology Today just published a piece called “Why ‘Follow Your Passion’ is Terrible Advice.”

I have always struggled with the ‘find your passion’ advice. Ok. In fact. I believe most ‘find your passion’ advice is bullshit. I say its bullshit mostly because passion and excellence are not inextricably intertwined. In fact. Passion and purpose are not inextricably linked. In other words, I may be passionate about something, but may actually suck at doing that ‘something’.

I may be passionate about something, but it doesn’t feed some grand purpose <in the world or even to myself>.

Ok. The sucking thing I mentioned. Think about it this way – maybe I don’t suck at it, but maybe it is just not what I am best at doing.

Let me be clear. I am very happy for those who have a passion for something specific. And I would like to think everyone should be passionate about something. My point is that, unfortunately, the ‘something’ just may not be the thing you build your career and life around because you just may not be good at it enough to master it enough beyond maybe simple competence (but you can still enjoy it).

What makes me think I am qualified to say this whole follow your passion is bullshit? I am not sure I personally have a singular passion … except for thinking. And, boy, let me tell you, that is not a skill you can be paid for in the business world.

Does that mean I have to settle? Of course not.

Getting paid for thinking is a bonus.

But I assume I get paid <when I do get paid> for something I must be good at <or someone wouldn’t pay me>. In other words, I have to actually do something, not just think.

Does this mean I am grumpy or unsatisfied because I am not ‘following my passion’? Nope.

Practically speaking, I understand that what I am passionate about:

<a> there are more brilliant thinkers than I out there in the world, and

<b>  thinking without doing has significantly less value than thinking & doing. And by value I mean value to others and, frankly, value to self. The doing shows value. It shows the thinking wasn’t simply some pie in the sky rhetoric which ends up in some ‘nice but impractical’ idea folder gathering dust in some vacant office.

Next. I think the whole ‘find your passion’ or ‘find your purpose’ is overly simple in its guidance because following your passion is tricky.

No.

Let me take that back.

It is actually dangerous. If you are not careful, it can empty you.

——-

 “They told me to pour my heart into everything I do. So that’s what I did, I poured and poured and poured. 

Now they ask me why I’m so empty.”

(via florential)

———

This is why I am always hesitant to flippantly suggest ‘do what you are passionate about’ or ‘find something you love.’ I tend to suggest ‘find something you are incredibly good at … and see if you love it.’ In fact if you do that not only do you find out what you are really good at, but you also start jettisoning things you don’t like <or are passionate about>.

Next. I sometimes hear people suggest they are passionate about ‘results’ <sales, money, some outcome>. Well. Sorry. That is bullshit <to define passion that way>.

Ok. Maybe it is just lazy living. Lazy in that you take the easy way out when discussing passion or purpose by suggesting a result as validation for value in life and life pursuits.Lazy in that you are using results because you just don’t want to admit you may not exactly like what you are doing.

Sorry.

Some things just cannot be measured. Like … well … passion.

Ok. That said. I am going to let the ‘I am passionate about results’ people off the hook today because the real issue is that society shouldn’t be forcing people to even have to HAVE some grand passion or purpose.

Let’s be clear. Neither passion nor purpose needs to be grandiose.

They can be little – the trees and not the forest type of Life direction.

Because, frankly, life is mostly avoiding run face first into trees or sitting and enjoying a moment under a tree and not seeking some way to fly above and see a forest.

So what would I suggest instead of finding your passion or purpose as a guiding principle?

Seek to maximize the moments the best you can. Seek to find “good” and … well … be happy with good <and this includes just being good at what you do>.

As the initial quote suggests … larger passions and purposes will inevitably glide through different moments. Don’t worry that you do not ‘own’ the larger purpose … just enjoy the little glimpses of passion and purpose … and maybe even the variety.

—— 

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

J.R.R Tolkien

—–

What this all really means is that maybe the only decision you truly need to make has nothing to do with some grand passion or huge purpose … but rather simply deciding what to do with the time … the moment. If you do that well … I imagine you will plant a shitload of prosperous trees. And, in the end, will have built a forest for yourself you can be proud of.

Some of you may now be saying “well, shit” now. Don’t. All advice is just that, advice. Ultimately you choose what is best for you. You shouldn’t be using my advice, or anyone’s for that matter, to choose your path for you. Decide what is best for you and, well, go prosper in Life. But. I will suggest I am fairly sure you will be happier if you are doing something you are good at, so maybe start there.

==========

“Old things have strange hungers.”

—–

Catherynne M. Valente

==================

“We are torn between nostalgia for the familiar and an urge for the foreign and strange. As often as not, we are homesick most for the places we have never known.”

—–

Carson Mccullers 

=============

I would suggest the number one challenge to progress & “living in the present” is old things.

Ok. Not old things, per se, but how the idea of old things resides in our heads, hearts & minds.

For some reason old things have this incredible knack to not only gain value over time but also increase our hunger for them.

Sure. Not all things. Some old things suck, we know they suck and are glad to leave them in some scrap heap in the rear view mirror.

But the old things that didn’t suck? Whew. Memories and old things have an incredible magical way of shedding the bad and accumulating good.

Okay. Maybe they don’t accumulate good but rather ‘basic familiarity’ or ‘low level contentment’ inevitably take on a disproportionately positive value. They become slightly twisted totems that people are clearly drawn to and become touchstones of ‘when things were better.’

Shit.

“when things were better.”

Who wouldn’t have a hunger for that?

The problem is that I don’t think what most people realize, or maybe recognize, is:

• that it is ideas and thinking which create the light that eliminates the darkness of the fear of the unknown
• that new inevitably outshines old, and
• that nostalgia is best found, mostly, when you find new familiar things and new habits to replace them.

I, personally, have never really seen the allure of most old things. I love old buildings and love museums but, to me, they are simply way stations to new ideas, new thinking and new behavior. To me the old seems muted and I desire to live loud & bold.

===========

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I, an artist, will answer you: I am here to live out loud.”

Émile Zola

=================

All that said. I understand the fact old things have a strange hunger to many people.

In fact. I would argue that ‘old things’ is an equal opportunity employer.

What I mean by that is we far too often conflate the desire for old things, or holding on to what was old, with generations. Old people hunger for old things and younger people hunger for new things.

This is simplistically misguided thinking.

When we do this we miss the bigger challenge old things place in front of us. Old things have an insatiable hunger for the human desire for familiarity and the desire for security that can be found within each and every one of us. That insatiable hunger sits in our stomachs and minds in a variety of ways and degrees depending on the individual … regardless of their age.

That hunger resides in older people AND younger people. Ignoring that means ignoring some basic realities which can be quite costly as you make observations, decision and choices.

This is particularly true in business.

Look. All of us, everyone, even the riskiest of risk takers like having some safety net.

Not all safety nets are created equal or look similar … but 99.9% of us seek some version of a safety net.

Old things tend to offer us that safety net. I say that so when we start ridiculing someone, old or young, for appearing to hunger a little too much for old things that maybe we … well … stop ridiculing and start thinking about it a little.

Maybe all someone is doing is seeking their version of a safety net.

Maybe they are seeking something a little familiar and maybe something that offers a little mental security in a world which, frankly, seems to consistently try and demolish all that is familiar & secure.

Maybe we should take a moment and make sure there is a safety net before we do something.

Regardless. As I noted when I wrote about ‘optimal newness’ we all desire, and like, some balance. We all find comfort in familiarity and some versions of nostalgia and find excitement in something new. Old things have a strange hunger for the desire for some familiarity & some ‘secured clarity’ that resides in every single person.

As a studier of behaviors and attitudes I pay attention to this.

As a business guy I pay attention to this.

Old things have earned the right to be totems of times better and familiar.

We should allow them their hunger. And, yet, as with almost everything in Life … we need to insure people, individuals, manage their diet in order to live healthy lives and have healthy professional careers.

As I just told a business leader last week who was expressing frustration with regard to how some employees were ‘holding on to old things with ragged claws’: people aren’t nostalgic for old memories they are more nostalgic for familiarity & security.

Ponder that. Because the conclusion to that statement is … if you can offer them some familiarity, and some security, with new things, old things lose their luster.

======================

I’m not sure why you’re so angry at us. We haven’t been around as long as I assume you have been around.

You’ve been voting a lot longer than any of us. You’ve had a say in how our culture and society and economy and political system have been shaped. The state of affairs Sanders is describing has been evolving over several decades. Surely the great wisdom you possess saw most of this coming, the income inequality, the wars for profit, etc. Could it be that we’re easy to rage against because we’re younger and poorer and more vulnerable than you? Could it be that you should be raging against the person you see in the mirror every morning and the generation you associate with every day, but it’s too hard to face the misdeeds of your age group, so you project blame onto us?

—-

A Millennial commenting online

=============

“… whether you know it or not, you’re offspring are already screwed and it not because of Trump.

Lets be honest here… The kids are 20+ trillion dollars in debt. No middle class left. No economic growth. No jobs. A country infiltrated by illegal aliens. Murder rates skyrocketing. Our infrastructure is decimated. Islamic extremist threaten us daily. Russia and China flexing their military muscle and North Korea and Iran on the verge of nuclear weaponry.

And you’re worried about Trump becoming president.

When I see posts such as yours I think to myself how in the world with all the news sources at everyone finger tips can people be so blind to what is right in front of them. Ignorance is a bigger threat to us than Trump can ever be.”

—-

a white Boomer commenting online

========

Carlo Rosselli:

“I had a house: they destroyed it. I had a magazine: they suppressed it. I had ideas, dignity, an ideal: for these I was sent to prison. I had friends: they killed them.”

====================

I am a white guy.

An old white guy.

I don’t loathe being white and I certainly don’t believe simply being white makes one an evil person and it certainly doesn’t increase your odds of being ‘gooder’ or ‘badder’ simply because the color of your skin.

But sometimes, okay, more often than not, I write with some sense of disdain for the older generation of white guys <particularly in business> because we seem to be, or at least becoming, an angry generation.

Angry at the naïve young people.

Angry at some ill-defined establishment <or institution aligned against us>.

Angry at minorities <who appear to be getting a better break than us>.

Angry at women <who used to be more supportive of us>.

Angry at other countries <because, dammit, we are the best and if they improve we don’t look at ‘best’>.

Angry at change.

Angry at no change.

Shit. We are just angry enough at the world we will take selective bits of misinformation and get so angry we start getting angry at a world that just isn’t as bad as we are angry about.

But what is most concerning is that this anger is beginning to extend like a big amorphous blob in every direction. In other words … we are just angry people in an angry world looking for anyone and everywhere to focus our anger.

—

“I cannot be angry with you. Anger would be a waste of the moments we have and would make us weak in the face of the things yet to do.”

—

Some of this amorphous blob-like anger is explainable.

It CAN be easy to feel marginalized when looking back at the past.

It can be easy to feel less respected when looking back at the past.

It can be easy to feel like everything was better when looking back at the past.

It can be easy to remember a country that wasn’t obese, a country that did not struggle to educate the young or even a country in which there seemed to be an extreme demand for guns for everyone.

Yeah. I could point out, as an old white guy, what I call the silent minority <because they seem to be REALLY angry>. This silent minority is a slice of white America who has watched from the stagnant sidelines of Life as initiative after initiative is created to ‘right the wrongs’ of the past for women, the LBGT community, the blacks, Asians and … well … anyone non-white.

It may sound disingenuous to suggest this is a legitimate concern when white Americans currently have a majority-minority relationship in the country. But this is a real minority within the majority who has real anger <or maybe strong frustrations> all compounded by some fear/anger mongerers who encourage a sense that “real Americans” are being crowded out.

This anger creates a critique of everyone and everything all threaded through with an unhealthy thread of paranoia driven conjecture driven theories.

That said. It sure does seem like everyone is angry and angry about something or someone.

Well. Okay. The uber rich people aren’t angry … they just don’t care.

But everyone else is.

The aspiring uber rich people are angry at the ‘lazy entitled lower income’ who want money they haven’t earned.

The middle <& going down> income are people angry at everyone.

The lower middle <who are probably hard working & pragmatic but have always had hope to be & do better> people are angry at the aspiring uber & uber.

The lower income people are just angry <because while they don’t see the poor social mobility numbers that I do which state that America is not the land of opportunity … they already know that if they are born lower income they will most likely live & die in lower income>.

And all incomes people are angry at government.

Heck. People are angry at work.

They don’t feel secure in their jobs on top of they are losing hope they will have opportunities to move up on top of the fact it sometimes seems like charisma <and what is being called ‘instincts’> is being valued more than actually knowing what to do <and rational logical thinking>. Therefore those with ability <or the ability to enhance their ability> but don’t meet the charisma criteria <gift of gab, appearance, etc.> or don’t value the charisma thing themselves <they just want to get shit done> … lose hope. And get angry.

In addition. We older folk feel some anger as it seems like the workplace is outplacing us, and our skills, faster than ever before. Workplace generation gaps used to pit older veterans against young rookies but now it is a weird digital driven world, where thinking and deductive skills seem to have less value, and generation gaps in the workplace give a lot of people the sense that they are falling behind and must struggle to avoid being left out.

People are angry at home.

Home values <most homes major investment> struggle. There is uncertainty with the economy on top of uncertainty with time … people work hard to manage time and yet there never seems to be enough of it. We are angry about lack of money, lack of time and lack of perceived control over our own Life.

People are angry because our hope is being fucked with <hope for a better life & hope for better fairness>.

People are happy in life when they think it’s fair … or they get a fair chance. “I don’t need to get to the top … or be the best … or even get the most … I just want to know that I had the opportunity to do so IF I had really been the best or the top or deserved the most.”  Most of us realize we are not ‘the best’ or the ‘cream of the crop’ … we are just average Joes & Joettes <everyday schmucks>.

And you know what? Most people, like me, are not angry about being an everyday schmuck <we are okay with it> but we do want to feel like that if by some miracle we were the best, if but for one critical moment, that we would get the opportunity to get what the best get.

Alternatively … if we see few glimpses of opportunity … well … we get angry.

This may be unrealistic <because it is just a ‘what if’ scenario>? But opportunity & hope are fickle funny things. And pretty valuable to us average everyday schmucks.

People are angry at Life.

While Life has always seemed to never miss an opportunity to screw with you … at least in the past it seemed like Life was fair <it took away and gave>.

People have a larger sense of anger.

This is more about a situation in which they feel like they have little or no control over and cannot do anything about.  This creates an anger focus in that we start looking for someone and anyone to blame for whatever it is that is making us angry <I would argue the foundation of all his anger is that we are having our hopes and dreams screwed with>.

People are angry because optimism seems to be in the purview of only the naive fools.

We get angry because optimism is a conscious belief … almost an ideology if you elect to be. It has a tangible cognitive attachment to it … almost an expectation of what will be. if we perceive someone placing obstacles in between our optimistic thinking and the tangible cognitive attachment … well … we get fucking angry.

People are angry as they teeter between an anger that we are currently faced with the tragic ongoing horror show of President Trump ‘as a cut price Mussolini and demigod of the intellectually challenged’ and an anger that President Trump, the self-proclaimed change agent, has become mired in his own self proclaimed swamp.

People are angry that the US now consists of a shitload of small towns with shuttered shops, high unemployment in selective geography, low wages, increasing dependency on government support, free food, soup kitchens. Fifty million below the poverty line. Tens of millions without health insurance and those with coverage, struggling to pay their premiums … and 50% of Americans cannot even afford a vacation.

People are angry that the shining light of democracy is quickly taking on the appearance of a kind of banana republic … or a well developed “Somalia with guns, hamburgers, obesity and better drainage.”

As for me? While I was not a huge Clinton fan I get a little angry that a Hillary Clinton message grounded in “love, togetherness and kindness” was trumped by some asshat talking about “destruction, despair and winning is all that matters” — an asshat who publicly stated at a podium in front of a crowd of cheering people that he had no idea what Clinton meant by wanting to make America whole again.

All that said.

We are an angry people in an angry world.

Anger sometimes makes us cling to obvious untruths rather than face the truth — about ourselves, about society, about reality — and therefore we ignore the real truths which would lead to the well needed fundamental difficult changes necessary to diminish our anger.

Personally, I believe 99% of anger is wasted energy.

However. On occasion, anger, if causing some self-refection, can create a sense of reflective responsibility, i.e., what have I done to create his environment of anger? Is there is a real issue that has been raised … and needs to be addressed?

We are an angry group these days and, yet, we seem to remain at least minimally functional. The term “new normal” or “normalizing the current attitude” gets thrown around a lot these days. So much so that it just seems normal <or maybe we just cannot define abnormal well enough to deal with it>. And that is what concerns me as I reflect as an old white guy — functioning in an angry world as the new normal. We have mastered functional anger.

Look. People have legitimate reason to be angry, but we also have legitimate reasons to assume some personal responsibility for the legitimate parts as well as legitimate fundamental changes to solve our legitimate anger.

I will end this by suggesting anger is most often driven by a clash of ideas — even if you want to argue there is rampant ignorance <you can still have ideas even if you are ignorant>. A country is always wracked by conflict where the discussion can be raucous, or whispered, at different times in history, but it resides in all times nonetheless.

I would point out America is constantly morphing. The clash of ideas is actually what makes America great. Its lack of simplicity is what makes it great. Therefore it is actually the constant conflict that makes it great.

Think of the country as a number of tectonic plates constantly shifting and crashing into each other with earthquakes and trembles and ultimately soaring mountain ranges … and sinking islands. Those tectonic plates are the fractured sections of class, culture, race, income levels, social status, generational norms, educational attainment and, well, even individual state identity.

But possibly the largest tectonic civilization plates are what was, what is & what will be. The tectonic plates of time and everything that resides upon them … the mountain ranges of attitudes & desires and the valleys of “what I have and what I believe is mine to keep” <the latter can be material or mental>.

Anger is only good if it creates some change. I worry that we are, well, just angry and not using that anger for anything other than just being angry. We should admit to our anger, admit it is an angry world, and we should be using this anger to solve the anger.

Ok. If you want to really get me wound up, just start talking about brands and branding.

It seems every time I read something about marketing, sales, advertising or public relations (heck, nowadays people, organizations, products, interviewing, everyday life ) I am confronted with the word “brand” (brand, branded, branding, br-whatever).

Drives me nuts.

Ok. More than nuts. I cannot tell you how many times people confuse the concept of a brand with product, name, service, advertising or marketing (just to name a few).

Oh. About “name.” Yeah. Name. It seems just because someone has decided to call their product or service something (let’s call it a ‘label’ or, better, how about “Jake” as a code word) they immediately start calling it a brand <insert an ‘aaargh’ here with multiple exclamation points>.

Sometimes it seems there is no understanding of the word, the process, or the original intent behind the concept of ‘brand’. I would like to think it is an indication of the invasion of amateurs (or the apocalypse because I keep looking for those signs) into the marketing industry, but, alas, it is not so.

Even some of the sharpest minds in the marketing world have fallen into the brand buzzword trap in an attempt to simply stay even with the less knowledgeable.

Ok. Maybe it is just me, but what I just typed seems a sign of insanity — where the brightest have to play by the rules of the ignorant to be heard. It’s the kind of stuff that really does drive me nuts <and one would think others>. The “b word” is tossed around so carelessly it has diminished and degraded its value.

Brand is an important little word. For those of us who have spent significant portions of our lives taking innovative products and service and guiding them into a position where they could even qualify to be considered a brand by the finicky user world the misuse and distortion of this little B word undermines us and our abilities.

In the end … it diminishes our expertise.

I would have to assume David Ogilvy and Bill Bernbach and James Webb Young would be appalled. (just to name a few)

So. I dug up a dictionary (not Wikipedia) which says branding is: the promoting of a product or service by identifying it with a particular brand.

Ok. That helps me understand part of the issue. How is that a definition? Its circular meaningless gobbledygook.

Therefore I will set everyone straight and give a Bruce definition <kind of>.

Brands and branding. Here you go. Not a definition. A logic flow:

1. A product or service that offers something distinct as a benefit.
2. It has a “Jake.” (Remember: That is code for a label or name)
3. Someone buys it.
4. More someones buy it.
5. The original someones come back and buy more.
6. Jake starts getting known for that distinct thing (or whatever reason the someones associate with buying Jake)…
7. Jake is becoming a brand.

Over time, Jake has assumed some character the someones have gotten attached to (trust, reliability, strength, etc.) and, well, Jake is a brand.

So. In reality a brand isn’t really a brand until it exists in some way within the hearts and minds of consumers.

By the way <part 1>. Jake can become a brand without advertising or extensive marketing (there are some nice examples of that) as long as enough people ‘interact with/buy from’ what the company offers day in & day out.

By the way <part 2>. If you have a consistently good product/service, becoming a brand is inevitable (or we would face a world of generic products and services with limited selection and little motive for innovation).

The key … the underlying ‘thing’ I am trying to point out … is that this ‘brand’ has been built upon some piece of information or usefulness (functional value) grounded in some company consistency (culture/values/attitude). At some point early on people were educated about something to do with that particular product or service until ultimately the relationship reverses – the brand stands for that education communicated rather than the product or service. The good news? It is a proven fact consumers will pay a premium for a product or service where someones call ‘Jake’ a brand.

It starts with a good product and elevates that product to the status of “brand” by making the consumer aware of product benefits, forming perceptions to wrap around the product (some positive and some negative), and stimulating trial, repurchase and ongoing purchases. In the end that true value is the brand.

Ok.

 The Myth of Building Brands

Let me start simply.

A great brand is a great product or service that people have developed a strong emotional connection with.

Hmmmmmmmmm … that said … it seems like we should be writing less books about “brands” and “branding” and instead investing energy in writing books about building sustainable products and services <just a thought>.

Here is a marketing truth. You don’t build a brand <that is the Myth>. You build a meaningful product or service <or a company that creates those types of things>.

Oh. And contrary to the dictionary definition of the word brand, putting a label (or a Jake) on a product does not make it a brand (but it helps to give it a Jake rather than simply say “pork rinds”).

Oh. Creating a website or running an ad doesn’t do it either.

A product only becomes a brand when the consumer/users (the someones) say so. When they associate a benefit and a set of values (that combination is key). Not until then. The process of ‘branding’ (and I hate that phrase but I assume it is a marketing campaign or activity which highlights what makes Jake a brand) is typically a complex, lengthy, sometimes expensive process. But. It sure would be a boatload easier to simply avoid saying “branding” and call it “building a marketing plan for Jake.”

<Oh. And why do I have to say the intent is to attain brand status…because…when isn’t that the intent or objective? … oh … silly me>

Last thought. Please recognize that judging brands “in generation” is tough.

We are far too quick to call something a brand. I would suggest the true test of a brand is if it can cross generations. Until that time, maybe it is simply a ‘generational brand’ or at its worst simply a ‘fad.’ Many companies-brands do ‘get it’ and are doing the right things – for now that is. Crossing generations is about stewardship. Does the transition to new leaders (the next steward) mean losing focus (meaningless reinvention) or guiding to the next level of relevance (and maintain the brand status)?

In the end.

Great brands are inevitably companies that maintain operational excellence by delivering superior <or just distinct> products meeting expectations day in and day out … and having employees that embrace the vision day in and day out. Operational excellence and centered employees. Everything else falls apart <sales and marketing and culture … even your desired ‘brand’> if that core isn’t solid.

Wavering operationally creates cracks that have seismic effects externally. And, ultimately, when that wavering occurs it becomes a prime example of a “failed brand” <or a ‘dead Jake’ in Bruce terms>.

A lot of bad thinking is being shared under the guise of ‘branding’ these days. My advice is to worry less about ‘brand’ and more about consistently delivering a great product/service wrapped up in some personality day in and day out.

===================

Originally posted February 2010

====

“In a room where people unanimously maintain a conspiracy of silence, one word of truth sounds like a pistol shot.” 

–

Czesław Miłosz

=====

Well. This is partially about me and partially about how I feel about telling someone the truth. And, maybe, just simply about communicating truth.

Oh.

And the fact that truth can often not only sound like a pistol shot … but feel like you have been shot. Because this is partially about me, and truth, I will begin with the infamous (maybe) Michelangelo quote … said at age 87 I may add:

    aún aprendo

<I am still learning>

Oh. Please note Michelangelo said this in Latin and the one above is in Spanish.

I am humbly in good company.Because I am forever ‘still learning.’

At the same time I am still telling someones <anyone I can> the truth.

Personally I believe they are related: telling the truth and constantly learning. And I imagine I tell everyone that because therein lies some of the issue in telling the truth.

Regardless. Why write about this now? I have received enough emails about some things I have written lately that I wanted to explain why I think what I think, what I think about what I write and how I think about truth and sharing truth <versus opinions>.

First.

I have never been one for blowing smoke up someone’s ass <as well as I have always wondered what that phrase meant>. This attitude extends not only to things that I say … but when I see & hear other’s blowing smoke up someone’s ass <particularly if they are doing it simply to make a buck>.

Second.

This attitude has most likely not helped me in the business world. But in personal Life it has most likely established me as a ‘stand up guy.’ Kind of a nice alternative version of some degree of integrity. I can live with that.

Anyway. I started here with this sharing of thoughts because while I think most life coaches are simply snake oil salesmen, The Secret is a bunch of tripe, formulas for success are anything but successful and trying to figure out how to emulate greatness will lead you to somewhere other than something great, I believe people need to do whatever they need to do to get their head on straight to move forward in Life.

I write about stuff sometimes simply because I want to take as many blinders off as I can <I often do this under the nomenclature of ‘enlightening’>. I do this because I think if people could see Life a little more clearly … without bullshit and smoke & mirrors … well … living Life is just not that complicated.

Sure.

Life hurts some times.

Life feels great at others.

There are some valleys and sometimes those valleys can get pretty deep & dark.

There are some peaks and boy it is nice & bright & warm when you are there.

All that said. When I see smoke … I try and blow it away. Do I ever wonder if avoiding telling the truth to keep from hurting someone’s feelings is a better path? Sure I do.

Heck. I believe any <and all> ‘truth teller’ has twinges of angst, in fact, all the time. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t really be a truth teller they would simply be opinionated fools <if not arrogant assholes>.

Comfort with honesty and speaking the truth for what it is … this version of candor … is a responsibility one assumes if you choose his path. I would like to think it is an honorable path wherein we avoid the perils of false flattery or mistaken confidence in some special secret to Life <of which there is none>.

Now.

First … I have found that truth actually begins with being honest with yourself. This may seem unusual given that I am speaking about telling the truth to others, but I tend to believe until you can be honest about your own weaknesses or share of the blame or biases and even recognize your own ignorance <and can accept there is infinite to learn> you risk communicating a false truth which simply covers up your own lack of … well … something. Suffice it to say if you are not honest with yourself I sincerely doubt you can be accepted as honest to someone else.

All that self reflection kind of suggests a self truth – being honest with ‘self’ is about knowing – and accepting … yourself … that includes the good and the bad. That also means accepting that ‘I am still learning’ is nonstop until your last day. I tend to believe that this self reflection means that you are not only less likely to try to conform to other people’s expectations opinions, but, probably, also lessens the need to lie at all.

The truest of true benefits of thinking <and acting> this way is consistency.

People already know what they can expect from you.

======

“As long as they’re telling the truth, and saying the things that you don’t ever want to have to say to another human being.”

Mark Ruffalo

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Expectations becomes very very important because in the end a truth teller is weaving their way through truth <note I did not say lies>. In fact most truth tellers are doing their best to separate the truths into hard truths and soft truths … big truths and small truths … the truths that matter and the truths that don’t matter all that much.

And then deciding whether the more soft truths, the small truths, and the truths that don’t matter all that much are not so important that they must be said. Oh. And also deciding whether the hard truths, the big truths, and the truths that matter … are important enough that keeping them silent is actually a detriment to truth itself.

Anyway. That sounds painful when I reread it. The real question becomes must painful truths always be told?

No. Surely not. We always need to realize that you don’t always have to tell someone the truth if it will be painful. Sometimes, with an acquaintance or friend, when no harm will come to them, you can omit something or tell a smaller truth. I call this ‘no harm, no foul.’

On the other hand. I have also learned to not beat around the bush and talk about a lot of other things first if you are actually going to tell the truth.

It only makes other people perceive that something’s wrong with what you are saying … and worse? That maybe you are not telling the truth.

So. Get to the point. The truth is the truth. Find a positive if there is any, unwrap it from all the bullshit, and lay it bare.

Ah. That ‘point.’ Some people call a ‘bare truth’ the painful truth.

Hell. I don’t know. I call it bare truth because it isn’t smothered in smoke. While the bare truth may be stripped of any gray … it bears the burden of vivid colors and the sense of a sharpened knife swiftly moving toward you.

Paradoxically … this moment of truth often seems to slow time. And, in that slow moment, the truth laid bare leaves the truth teller as unprotected as much as it may have opened up a wound in the receiver. For telling someone the truth bears the burden of permitting the receiver<s> to respond … to ask questions. This is the only way to even have a chance to come to terms with reality as a bare truth.

I know everyone says to be as specific as possible.

Yikes. Here is the trouble with that. Subjectivity. Or ‘the gray.’ When discussing intangibles there is often no clear black & white.

So how do you specifically describe gray? You cannot.

You can only unequivocally state there is no hidden ulterior motive that truth benefits them <even in just hearing it … even if they don’t accept or take action>.

Oh. Speaking of baring things.

Truth has a nasty habit of reflecting that in speaking truth, you are rummaging around in someone’s life <personal or business … oh … which is personal too …> digging for the painful truth beneath some what is usually some fairly lovely <or attractive> lies.

Anyway. I imagine that telling someone the truth is like most things — balance. You have to recognize that the piece of truth you have pulled out while rummaging in someone’s life is a gift you uncovered and it is not something that was owed you or given simply because you are someone who ‘tells the truth’. As someone wrote … “on any given day I’d much rather be hit with ‘the hammer of truth’ than ‘the feather duster of truth’.”

Painful or not at the end of the day the truth is the truth … and most people much rather live a painful truth than a comfortable lie.

Look. Telling someone the truth has often got me in trouble.

Trouble in that the ‘pistol shot of truth’ doesn’t just lay bare truth it ultimately is a bullet to kill what someone believes, or hopes for, or just has a strong feeling about.

Therein lies the pain. Killing a thought or idea is no less painful than being killed <in this case>.

Here is the thing about being a truth teller and willing to tell someone the truth. If you have any soul or any desire to be good at it you just, well, keep learning. Learning new things about the world, and maybe more importantly, about yourself.

“… if you want to know the truth of who you are, walk until not a person knows your name. Travel is the great leveler. A long stretch of road can teach you more about yourself than 100 years of introspection.”

You travel places or travel through knowledge and absolutely travel through ideas and thinking. You know what traveling where no one knows you also teaches you?

We are all learning.

We are all pretty much doing the best we can.

We are all work in progress.

It’s good to keep this in mind in telling the truth.

All you can really do is … well … two things actually … listen & learn:

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“The best decisions come from listening to ourselves”.

Felicity

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Listen to yourself.

Learn.

aún aprendo

I am still learning. What more could anyone ask of a truth teller. Truth rarely resides in the absolutes. In resides in the learning.

Telling the truth.

Like a pistol shot.