===

    Clara: You’re going to help me?

The Doctor: Well, why wouldn’t I help you?

    Clara: Because of what I just did, I just…

    The Doctor: You betrayed me. You betrayed my trust. You betrayed our friendship. You betrayed everything…you let me down!

    Clara: Then why are you helping me?

    The Doctor: Why?

Do you think that I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?

Doctor Who

===

Well. We live in a world in which trust, in general, is under the gun and cynicism seem to be the foundation for more people than optimism. But possibly more concerning than the diminishing trust in institutions and people, it also seems that there is a thread of lack of forgiveness between parties who disagree. This is concerning because it creates a disproportionately wider gap between people making it less than likely someone leans over and offers a helping hand.

That is why the Dr. Who conversation resonated with me.

I tend to believe we have lost sight of why we disagree with people. And by doing so we create an unbridgeable gap between people.

What I mean by this is <using business terms> we confuse vision, strategy and tactics.

I can hate someone’s strategy and I can be sickened by someone’s tactics, but, in general, those same people most likely have the same vision that I do.

what I mean by that is almost any person who leads or is invested in community in any form or fashion creates intentions, or defines purpose, based on a vision for ‘something better.’

As a corollary, to make the point, this doesn’t translate into ‘destroying who & what we are’ it simply means the intention is to make everyone be the best they can be, create a sense of greatness <whatever great can be>, enable better opportunities and create better lives. Now. We may vehemently disagree on some things on HOW to attain that, but we should vehemently agree on better.

That said, an example.

I bet in any given election year I could gather all American presidential candidates around a table and I believe I would have had a 100% consensus on that thought. Let me add in the current president, his cabinet, the heads of the congress and I bet you I would still have a 100% consensus.

The contentiousness begins when discussion arrives at definitions, strategy & tactics.

But today I am not talking about politics, I am simply making a point that 99% of us have the same vision. The same desires. The same dream <in a larger sense>.

The same hopes.

To me this translates into “same intent.”

Therefore, I may not agree with how someone decides to get to all this sameness, but I embrace their intent. Yeah. I agree with what we want to do.

This is an important thought <at least to me>.

Because the moment you do not think about this, or maybe even believe it, you begin judging people based on their tactics and not their intent.

Why is this important?

Well.

Forgiveness is a big complex ‘mucho importante’ decision.

Do I really want to base my forgiveness on something as small as a tactic?

Don’t I really want the burden of forgiveness to reside on the ultimate important aspect of ‘intent’?

Yea, yeah, yeah. Someone is going to say that good intentions are not enough. My point is that actions you disagree with are not necessarily bad <or wrong>, they are just things you … well … disagree with.

But they are tactics and actions and behaviors taken with the same purpose you desire – something better – just not the tactics and actions and behaviors you may have been thinking would be the right things to focus on.

Look.

I vehemently disagree with people on a variety of things. Even some good friends. But I realize I am mostly seething internally over the fact it is tactics, and maybe sometimes strategy, but rarely their ultimate intent & purpose.

So. Even though I am seething, maybe incredibly frustrated, possibly even horrified with something I may have heard … why wouldn’t I lend them a hand if they were in trouble?

I desire to save the well-intended. I desire to save the people who see the bigger purpose.

I do so because they want the same thing I do.

I do so because they want what is ultimately the most important thing — something better than what is.

Which leads me to suggest this.

In all the bombastic rhetoric drowning out any sane rational thoughts whispering as persistently as they can in our heads, it would behoove us to look around with an open mind on occasion. Take a look at the people we most vehemently disagree with and explore their intent. Maybe sit back and not just question the ultimate purpose but seek out the points of agreement (even if they only take on some vague-ish forms).

I think we would see more in common than we seem to see today. And, yeah, some really important BIG common agreements. And, I would like to point out, if you recognize something in common it is much easier to work together and help each other than when you hate each other so much you would not do either.

Just take some time and listen a little bit closer. There are some really nutso things being said in today’s world but even some of the nuts desire the same thing you do, its just how they want to go about it that may seem nuts. They may even seem like they are betraying some basic principles, but, maybe if we cared a bit more their betrayal would matter a bit less and, well, we will help. Ponder.

=====

“It’s dark because you are trying too hard.

Lightly child, lightly. Learn to do everything lightly. Yes, feel lightly even though you’re feeling deeply. Just lightly let things happen and lightly cope with them.

I was so preposterously serious in those days.

Lightly, lightly – it’s the best advice ever given me. So throw away your baggage and go forward. There are quicksands all about you, sucking at your feet, trying to suck you down into fear and self-pity and despair. That’s why you must walk so lightly. Lightly my darling… “

Aldous Huxley

=====

Life truths.

Hard and lightly.

Haste with patience.

Forward diagonally.

Happy and sad.

Success and failure.

Right and wrong.

Thinking and doing.

Dreams and hard work.

Whew. This means that the truly great things in Life may be a coin you can put in your pocket — a coin made up of two sides and two faces.

Yeah. Life is usually a combination of opposites fighting a tug of war moment to moment. I bet no one told you that when you were growing up.

Far too often we are told the secret to life is one thing.

Far too often someone is not telling is the truth <or maybe they don’t really know the secret to life?>.

Th truth is Life <and business also> is a wonderful, maddening blob of inconsistency.

The only way to survive , and not be totally boring, inept or a hermit, is to steal a little of something from both sides and do your best to proportion it all out in the end.

Proportional?

I need some sadness to recognize true joy <only I certainly don’t want to dwell on sadness nor walk around as Happy the Clown every minute of the day>.

I want a leader who is energetic and demanding and cajoling, pushing, shoving, pulling, inspiring people toward a horizon < but I want the moments of idle strength and compassion intertwined>.

I want to work hard … so hard the muscles, brain and/or physical, are strained and hurt … and get to maybe get a glimpse of one of my dreams on occasion <so I can dream a little when not working hard>.

I want people to play hard and play to win <in any endeavor> … but do so with grace in victory & loss, with sportsmanship & fairness and respect for the game.

I want, well, it doesn’t matter what I want. Pick your ‘hard-lightly’ Life combination. I guarantee you will find the most interesting people, most interesting experiences, most interesting moments, most interesting anythings are a reflection of this ying-yang combination. Life is meant to be lived, and experienced, hard & lightly.

Now. By the way.

Just because Life is meant to be lived this way doesn’t mean it is easy to actually live it that way. Living hard, or living lightly, is not only addictive, but also often generates a sense of ‘lostness’ when shelved for a bit.

Why lostness?

Well. It is mostly fear that we will not refind or regain it therefore we hesitate to ever let it go from the way we currently live our Life.

So what do we do? We ‘take a break.’

We ‘get away from it all.’ In other words instead of seeking some ‘how we actually live’ balance in our lives we just step away from the way we live our Life by simply not going lightly <if we typically go hard> or not going go hard <if we typically go lightly> and we don’t do anything other than how we live our Life so, ultimately, we just choose to do nothing to ‘recharge.’

I would suggest that you don’t need to ‘take a break’ to recharge, but rather if you seek the proportional ‘yang’ to your ‘ying’, well, you will find additional purpose as well as your ‘ying’ takes on an entirely new image n your eyes & mind.

• *** note: proportional versus balance: I purposefully use proportional rather than balance because on an individual, person to person, basis it is rarely a 50/50 split – even over time. everyone customizes their life between hard & lightly as is appropriate to their personality, ambition and life desires. once again, this is rarely 50/50 and everyone should just seek what their optimal proportional mix is.

Regardless, just approaching Life one way means you miss out on what is most interesting in life – going hard & lightly.

Aw shit. Look. All I really know if that if you can figure out how to go hard and tread lightly at the same time, you will most likely be successful in business & in Life. You will most likely be appreciated, respected, sometimes liked and certainly not hated. I know … I know … the ‘tread lightly’ part is really really hard if you like to live Life going hard.

But.

As I just told someone go hard for the things you want and dreams you seek to reach toward and if you continue to do these things for you, knowing that your moral compass is set correctly and that your instincts with regard to ‘what is right’ versus ‘what is wrong’ are good, you will be happier and the people around you will rarely be disappointed.

Ponder.

=================

“Normality is a paved road: It’s comfortable to walk, but no flowers grow on it.”

Vincent van Gogh

===============

mener une vie normale <French>

to lead a normal life

================

Benjamin Franklin:

“Human happiness comes not from infrequent pieces of good fortune, but from the small improvements to daily life.”

===============

“When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.”

Sigmund Freud

===========

Well.

Let’s just say “normal” gets a really bad rap. It constantly has to fight off “boring” and “same as” and “routine” and … well … let’s just say a shitload of ‘not-so-positive’ sounding words.

I mean, c’mon, is normal really that frickin’ bad?

And what hell is ‘normal’, as in a normal life, anyway?

Anyway. I imagine, as with most things in Life, normal is about balance or ‘proportional’.

Yeah, yeah, yeah … I know a shitload of people will suggest that ‘normal’ is defined by the individual and how they view life but, in general, at one end of the  ‘how to live your life’ spectrum is wacko eccentric person and the other end is bland-milquetoast-boring-to-tears person.

Most of us reside somewhere in the middle of all that. As a corollary to that thought, and tying it to proportional. I would say most of us have individual aspects which reside very very close to both ends of the spectrum WITHIN every day and all we do. In other words, we do thousands of things on a daily basis and some are purposefully bland and some are delightfully spontaneously absurd. Its that mixture which makes us who we are.

Anyway. I tend to believe the problem is in how we most often have this discussion.

When we talk about living a ‘normal’ life it almost seems destined for some boredom and certainly when you decide to sit back with some self-reflection, uhm …, it will most likely be generously dipped in some disappointment. Then, on the other hand, it seems like a choice to live an ‘anything but normal’ life it almost seems destined for some sanity challenges and certainly some self-reflection generously dipped in some discouragement.

Yikes. So your choice is either disappointment or discouragement.

Look. None of us really want to be normal all the time. We want to spice it up a little and maybe do something not so normal for us <albeit, it could be fairly tame, or absurdly reckless, in other people’s eyes>. It is that little choice to ‘step away from what we normally do and think’ that kind of gets us in trouble.

Why? Because most times we ‘step away’ by ‘being spontaneous.’

<note: spontaneous has a dubious relationship with ‘something different than the normal’>

Whew. Truth be told spontaneity sounds awesome <in concept>, but more often than not disappointing. Not many people point this out but spontaneity actually sucks because anything “abnormal” or “not normal” is a great concept, but has a nasty habit of creating more problems than it is worth.

Truth be told routines <which is a characteristic of ‘normal life’> do a shitload to help establish our day-to-day ‘normal’ with a nice side benefit that it encourages us to believe we do have some self-discipline  <because the alternative is that we start thinking we live a completely chaotic undisciplined life>.

Yeah. a lot of these routines look really minor and really mundane if you sit down and think them through.

My advice? Don’t. Don’t think them through. Just let them occur as naturally as breathing because these stupid little things tend to create a larger sense of rhythm or normalcy in your life. And, yeah, even eccentric nutjobs incorporate some ‘normal’ routines in their daily Life.

But here is where proportionality enters the discussion because we want both <although in today’s world it seems like there is no in between>.

It may seem weird, but I tend to believe no one’s sole ambition in Life is to be viewed solely as ‘normal.’ And, yet, we can live a pretty frickin’ good Life ‘normally.’ In fact. Our normal most likely incorporates some fairly ‘abnormal’, or let’s call them ‘unique features’, aspects. Most of us actually incorporate some unique shit into our lives which are simply reflections of our personality uniqueness. But because they are extensions of who we are we overlook them as being ‘normal.’

Let’s face it.

Normal has a shitty reputation.

And it should not.

============

“I don’t really want to become normal, average, standard. I want merely to gain in strength, in the courage to live out my life more fully, enjoy more, experience more.

I want to develop even more original and more unconventional traits.”

Anaïs Nin

===========

This isn’t about ‘fitting in’ or some rigid code of conduct or even seeking approval in what you do. This is about doing shit that makes you happy assuming ‘happy’ means you haven’t been:

<a> laughed at as a fool – just laughed at for having fun,

<b> stared at as if you belong in some loony bin – just stared at because they know you are enjoying yourself , or

<c> doing something insanely stupid just to gain some attention.

Yeah. Sometimes the shit you do may be out of the mainstream, but 99% of the time it is not unacceptable to everyone. It is just is not the normal everyday 100% of the time shit people see or hear.

Whether you like it or not, suggesting ‘normal’ is completely self defined is … well … stupid.

Yes. You should have your own way of seeing the world and the life you’re living.

Yes. You should feel it is normal <as long as it is not a ‘statement’ but rather an natural extension of your ‘self’>.

Yes. You should accept the idea that other people may feel differently about your version of normal.

All that said here is where I think normal and abnormal go into conflict.

Yes. You should understand that normal is actually defined by some standard operating procedures of the people, society & culture as a whole.

And, no, I am not suggesting some of the wacky crap society thrusts upon an individual <society tells me how I should be stuff> but rather the fact cultures, civilizations in a broader perspective, define some accepted rules of behavior – some “what I should do” stuff.

Let’s call them ‘core life action basics.’ These are some normal things which everyone should do and think in a normal day and a normal life.

Here is the good news for people who balk at ‘normal.’

The great thing about culture is it tends to give an individual a lot of room to expand upon these things. You can go about your life wearing whatever clothes you want and saying a bunch of different words as personal expression beyond the core. I call that ‘window dressing stuff.’ In other words I can dress up my core ‘normality crap’ in pretty much anything I want and express it with almost any words I want. The trouble mostly revolves around the fact that some individuals infringe upon the core, change the core and sometimes do things which do not meet what most people would accepts as accepted normal behavior.

Here is not just a Life truth but a civilization truth: a culture cannot permit that ‘abnormal normal’ to become normalized. While we often suggest it takes courage to express yourself in some ‘not-so-normal’ ways it actually takes even more courage to defend core normality.

=========

“My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage.”

Practical Magic

============

Anyway. When it comes to this topic the bravest people in the world are not the ones who stand out through self-expression of self-identity, even if that identity is ‘not the normal’, but rather the people who unflinchingly defend normal core beliefs & behaviors and unflinchingly express it in whatever personal identity way they want.

Far too often we slot people on one side or the other where, in truth, we should be also slotting people into that third more significant very broad <or it should be broad> slot.

I imagine the problem with that is that those people are not interesting enough to make splashy headlines nor are they boring enough to be masticated for being milquetoast. And, yet, they were the bravest of us all. They chose to be normal & not-so-normal and fought relentlessly for both. Normal may be a paved road, but it still can be a really interesting road.

Ponder. Ponder being normal and celebrating it.

==================

just-shower-thoughts:

On my headstone, I think I want, “No one deserved death more.” That way, people will research my life and find nothing interesting, then actually think that for wasting their time.

—

=====

“… but there is a certain point where trying to choose between the lesser of two evils is just an exercise in futility. It doesn’t matter what you choose … both are so bad you struggle to discern which would be worse. Therefore, I refuse to choose.”

Alex Verus

———–

So. The opening quote is from a character in a fantasy book, but, that said, we have all been in a situation where all the choices look bad, or not so good — but definitely not good.

This is the choice of the lesser of two evils:

—

The lesser of two evils principle (or lesser evil principle) is the principle that when faced with selecting from two unpleasant options, the one which is least harmful should be chosen.

—

Let’s just say, well, it sucks. And it sucks even worse when we stop and fruitlessly seek some silver lining in what is, frankly, no good choice trying to convince ourselves it isn’t ‘actually’ that bad a choice. But. It is a bad choice.

This is not one of those choices where someone says “sometimes the wrong choice puts you in the right place.” The only place this choice puts you is in a bad place, sure, maybe less bad than somewhere else, but bad. In game theory it is typically known as the no-win situation – an unavoidable decision with unavoidable an outcome which encompasses the losses of whatever value resides within the choice.

Uhm. And, yet, the character decided to not choose. Why?

At some point it becomes an exercise in futility.

Now. If there was ever an example of ‘no choice actually being a choice’. this may be it. In fact, it may actually be ‘the win’ choice.

Huh?

It seems like when faced with a lesser of two evils far too often we look at harm associated with the choice itself and not the harm to ourselves.

This may sound crazy, but survival is not always the desired outcome.

Huh?

Well. If survival means sacrificing all that you find valuable & important to your self, you better be damn sure it is worth the evil you are choosing.

And that is what the character in the book is saying.

“I choose neither of the evils because if I did … I live … but I may not be able to live with myself.”

Well.

Personally, I probably think about this ‘live with myself’ with regard to my decisions more than most people and possibly more than is productive or healthy for me. But.

I have seen success and I have seen failure.

I have had rewards and suffered penalties.

I have risen toward the top and scrambled to get free of the bottom.

Through it all the only one, the only thing consistent, is me.

Just saying ‘I survived’ <and this can be in business, life or situational> is not enough for me. Never has. Possibly because I have seen the wounds inflicted upon character, esteem and integrity with basic ‘I survived’ choices. Personally, I don’t want to survive if I have to sacrifice … well … me <the character portion … not the physical portion>.

To be clear. This is a personal choice and I do not judge others on how they choose.

To be clear. This personal decision comes with a cost. But it is a cost I am willing to bear because it only costs me material rewards & society-based successes. It doesn’t cost me any of what resides within me.

Look.

Choosing between the lesser of two evils is almost always actually choosing between three evils: the two choices and what evil it inflicts upon yourself.

I cannot tell anyone what to do when faced with a ‘no win’ scenario.

That is for each person to face on their own and decide what is best for them. But I can tell everyone you should think about it.

It can be a ‘no win’ choice just make sure you, yourself, also doesn’t win. Because losing yourself in addition to having to choose between a lesser of two evils means, well, some version of evil has won.

Ponder.

=======

“Aesthetics is the shop window, ultimately, if there’s nothing in that shop, it has no longevity, do you know what I mean?”

Geri Halliwell

———————-

Well. Of all people in the world I never thought I would read ex-Spice Girl Geri Halliwell <Ginger Spice?> saying something relevant to business and actually use it to write something.

Anyone who has ever worked with me has heard me use the “fluff and fold” reference.

Fluff is the aesthetics.

Fold is the value.

Fluff is puffery.

Fold is the substance.

Look. We like the aesthetics. Maybe even love it, adore it and bond with it. But without the fold, the value and functionality, we end up disappointed in the aesthetics and will inevitably move on to the next thing to adore. In other words, we just see the fluff.

And, while I have never articulated this thought like Geri, I have tried to say it over and over and over again in meeting after meeting after, well, meeting. Perception is not reality. Reality is reality and if your aesthetics don’t match reality you are screwed.

I do know it is one of the most consistent discussions in business positioning, selling and marketing. And it will continue to do so because there is a natural tension between “fluffers” and “folders.”

While the most strident of each wish it would be 100% at the exclusion of their kindred enemy, most of everyone fall into a natural 80/20 versus 20/80 Pareto rule.

A fluffer understands that substance is necessary, just maybe as a period at the end of the interesting fluff.

The folder grudgingly accepts that aesthetics are necessary, just maybe as a “once upon a time” entrée to the main story of substance.

It really doesn’t matter which side you fall on in this discussion the debate revolves around the same issues time and time again:

• If they are not interested <sometimes confused with ‘entertained’> they will not pay attention
• Everybody is stressed for time and if you don’t engage them in the first 10 seconds you have lost them <a hyperbole statement at best>
• People are tired of bullshit and just want you to cut to the chase <flawed logic because this assumes substance/rational sell itself>

But regardless of how often all of us fall into this tired argument, this is where most trains go off the tracks.

Suffice it to say, businesses get mesmerized by aesthetics.

If I hear one more quote about “first impressions count” or “they have to like you before they can enter into a brand dialogue” or, well, any of the semi-intellectual strategic crap that flippantly gets tossed around like the newest office toy sitting on the conference room table … I will puke.

In the simplistic dialogues that take place you inevitably find people debating what is more important — when it isn’t a matter of importance; it is a matter of balance <or proportion>. And, yet, while I sense we all know that balance is the answer we seem to consistently slide down the slippery slope of fluff under the guise of “the substance is complex and we need to simplify!”

Huh?

Everyone wants ‘the one thing.’

Everyone wants ‘the formula.’

Nuts.

That is what I say to that.

Nuts.

Substance is substance. I am not suggesting you have to serve it up in some complex unpalatable way, but substance, more often than not, is not simple. And if we try and simplify substance too much, uh oh, it becomes … uhm … fluff.

In the end.

You cannot just have fluff.

You cannot just have fold.

You have to have both in some form or fashion. And more often than not there is no formula, but <I have to tell ya> if you can balance your fluff and fold in a quasi-50/50 split <maybe 40% fluff & 60% fold> you have a very good chance of delivering relevant information in a palatable way.

Oh. That word may get me in trouble … “palatable.”

Look. I am clearly in the substance <fold> camp.

While I enjoy the fluff I find that it maddeningly takes up an excessive amount of energy and focus away from substance <fold> which is inevitably what represents the effectiveness of whatever idea you are sharing.

But I have also learned, and have the scars to show, that ideas, even great bigly ideas, do not explain themselves, do not sell themselves and are often not attractive in their black & whiteness. I have learned that, while starkness has its time & place, businesses <and people in general> engage with things that have a more rich & royal hue.

I imagine all us business folk should remember the famous words of that ex-Spice Girl Geri:

Aesthetics matter … but … if there is nothing in that shop … well … there is no longevity … is there?

Stick with the Spice Girl advice and you may actually do well.

====

“Intellectual advance consists of the displacement of one paradigm which has become increasingly incapable of explaining new or newly discovered facts, by a new paradigm that accounts for all those facts in a more satisfactory fashion.”

Ok. That is the first part of the quote. I love the simplicity and its ability to showcase how thinking advances.

But. The second part of the quote is the important part of the quote:

“To be accepted as a paradigm, a theory need not, and in fact never does, explain all the facts with which it can be confronted, it only must seem better than its competition.”

The structure of Scientific Revolutions: Thomas Kuhn

Paradigm is one of those words that implies bigness. All you have to do is to even suggest a paradigm shift and people start squirming in their seats. And its a tense squirming because:

People like it <the idea they could be involved in such a thing>.

People hate it <the idea they could be associated in such a thing>.

All at exactly the same time.

What that typically means is that everyone gets excited initially by the bigness of the idea and as time goes on the idea gets chewed up by all the ants who are scrambling around hating it <fearing it>.

So.

Before you start killing the next idea that sounds like a really really good idea by slicing it up with a thousand small cuts under the guise of “but what abouts?” and fear of change <or the work t really takes to make it come to life> remember this:

“When people think seriously, they think abstractly; they conjure up simplified pictures of reality called concepts, theories, models, paradigms.”

Samuel Huntington

Maybe Sam reminds me why I dislike the term ‘big idea.’ I don’t care if it is big, medium or small (or even venti or grande) all I care is that it is a serious thought.

Not flippant, but a well thought out abstract thought.

Simplistically? Serious.

And in that we would need to accept that it is abstract and that not all the facts are explained. Unfortunately, for some reason, the business world seems to struggle with that last thought.

We love the idea.

We kill it in detail.

Its unfortunate.

For paradigm shifts, which are important in terms of shifting behavior and attitudes, are concepts. Therefore when we kill them in detail we miss huge opportunity for shifts in attitudes & behaviors.

Nuff said.

That last sentence alone says it all.

====

“There are no rules here – we’re trying to accomplish something.”

Thomas A. Edison

===

Ok. Anyone who reads what I typically write already knows I struggle with rules <although I do like discipline & construct>.

And that is why I love his quote.

Edison is a guy who pretty much failed more than any inventor, let alone anyone, and yet was more successful in the end. I continuously read he was often a jerk and egotistical and had all the flaws that make someone fairly intolerable socially despite the fact he was a relentless innovator.

Well. I am gonna disregard that and focus on trying to accomplish something.

Accomplishing things is good. And, generally speaking, if you set some milestones/objectives and play by the rules you will accomplish things. That said. If you truly want to accomplish something stunning, something really big, something that turns the world slightly upside down, well, there are no rules.

Why?

Because the rules keep you from attaining everything I wrote in that sentence.

Rules maintain the norm.

Rules maintain the status quo.

Rules maintain “what is” and never <ok … rarely> generate “what can be.”

What is possible (impossible within the rules) is typically attained when you break thru the boundaries of what is accepted and what everyone feels comfortable with, i.e., the ‘rules’ which have generated past success, and you reach out to something new and innovative.

Rules are dictated by what got you to the success you attained today. As a cautionary corollary, those same rules restrict you from attaining future “new unseen success.”

To be clear.

Does this mean I am suggesting unethical behavior? Nope. I am simply suggesting process & practices rules tend to constrain the new behavior/practices to create something meaningfully new.

Does this mean I am suggesting chaos is good? Nope. I am simply suggesting that rules often restrict you from anything but maintaining the status quo (which isn’t bad but at its core simply means you are stagnant in one sense or another). And at some point someone is gonna come along and break the rules.

I can guarantee that.

And as a leader you will be judged by how you handle that.

Because not all rule breakers are good.

Just as not all rule breakers are bad.

You, as a business, are bad – ok, you suck – if you judge all rule breakers equally.  As in “they broke a rule and that is bad.” You suck because that means you are not only mired in a sea of maintaining sameness, but you have also attained the true status of squelching any innovative thinking that could possibly help you, or whatever you are managing, “break out” and get to the next level.

Am I suggesting this is easy? Nope.

And that is why so many businesses suck.

Because it is easier to maintain the status quo.  It is easier to have everyone follow the rules.

Because then your job is simply herding and not leading. Herders suck because they simply follow rules.

Suffice it to say businesses attain their status because they know how to make exceptions (and maintain the overall organization momentum).

Following rules is easy.

And lazy.

But, once again to be clear, not all rules that are broken is a good thing. Some rules kind of keep some necessary boundaries <on behavior and such>.

So, as are most things in life, there is no formula.

And those who break rules are as likely to have fucked up as they are to have been stunningly successful.

Personally I believe every organization should not only have these people, but encourage them.

Stunning failures with glimpses of success should be celebrated for the attempt of glory. And business shouldn’t chastise, but teach. For in every stunning failure there is an opportunity for a stunning success.

And shame on any business who doesn’t recognize that.

=======

“We cling to our fairy tales until the price for believing in them becomes too high.”

Ransom Riggs

====

“The best way to expose our ignorance is to hold on to biased ideas and opinions, because we fear giving the upper hand to the other side.”

Charles F. Glassman

====

Business is a tricky combination of adapting and consistency.

Suffice it to say discerning what to keep and build some consistency, and what to change or adapt, is, well, the key to creating a successful business.

Letting go of shit is difficult. We all know that.

But. Knowing when to hold on to something is just as difficult.

Simplistically:

<1> many organizations are burdened with older employees who tend to hold on based on their experience, and

<2> many organizations are burdened with younger employees who tend to let go of existing ideas and opinions based on their lack of experience.

Both sides are stubborn, fearing to give the other the upper hand.

And that is where business really needs to get its shit together. This whole ‘upper hand’ thing.

Because success isn’t about compromise it is more often about good ideas winning no matter where and when and who they come from.

When someone or a generation feels like they have the power, or run the risk of losing power, they do stupid things. Obviously, the business pays the price, not the person doing the stupid things. That is why adapting and selecting what to be consistent about should be about anything but power. It should be about creating a culture & organization in which old & new is debated and ‘the good of the organization & business’ decides what to hold on to and what to let go of.

Far too often the power structure in a business <and this can be one individual wielding an inordinate amount of power or an age group/cohort fighting for their space> holds the ‘fairy tale’ success formula, uhm, until the price for believing them becomes too high.

Sigh.

Unfortunately that moment is often too late to ‘fix’ what has gone wrong.

Regardless. A business’ success, and flaws, is typically driven by a couple attitudinal things  <a> a general feeling that you could be doing better and <b> the virtue of the participants.

Doing better.

There is gobs of pressure put on a business both internally and externally. Internally <be successful or be fired> and externally <the market is brutal on any business which does not show growth>. Even if the business has been steadily improving someone will be hammering away on either how terrible things are or how much better it can, and should, be.

Virtue of participants.

A business, in order to function efficiently and effectively, is dependent upon the virtue of the participants. A lack of virtue engenders wasteful transactions, wasteful actions and breeds an overall monitoring cost which can paralyze an organization from any movement or adaptation.

Both of those things I just shared are power. They both have the power to do good, and bad, for a business. What I mean is that the price for believing, disproportionately, in doing better is virtue-driven – that can make the price too high to meet simple ‘doing better’ objectives.

Power, ultimately, resides in, and will always, identifying what should remain consistent and when & where to adapt. All of that is organizationally driven and not individually driven. And yet … it is the individual who must assess all actions & behavior with the intent to always seek when ‘the price in believing something becomes too high.’

In the end I would simply note that the strongest most powerful thing you can do for a business is to understand that doing better with virtue can work.

This is not a fairy tale.

Just know there are no shortcuts and it isn’t easy — you have to work for it.

You have to find ways <just having it as objective will not work>. You have to somehow do something, sometimes anything on occasion, all the while keeping your head on straight and go do something that saves … well … the business <which is kind of like saving the world>.

===

“Sometimes one just gets tired of fleeing.

The world’s very small when you don’t have anywhere to go.”

Carlos Ruiz Zafon

———

Fujhi, poudes; escapa , non.

<flee, you may; escape, you cannot.>

——————

So. This is a business and personal Life thought about fleeing. Or. Running away from something.

Which leads me to flee, you may; escape, you cannot.

 Escapa , non

In today’s world fleeing anything, in life or business, is tough. While it may seem like a great big expansive world, the shit that we have a tendency to flee either has some special ray gun that shrinks the world or it is so much faster than we are that it can appear before us no matter where we flee.

That said.

First. Business.

There’s a lot of navel-gazing when it comes to business. I mention navel gazing because I often think navel gazing is simply a business version of fleeing. It often feels like we’re having too many conversations about things that don’t matter and not enough about things that do, in other words, fleeing the shit that matters.

I don’t really understand why because most businesses are a incredibly smart, resourceful, creative groups of people and they should be spending their precious attention, energy, and innovative idea skills solving meaningful problems.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t engage in thoughtful circumspect conversations about shit, but the shit we discuss should be the shit that matters.

It often feels like business people flee the stuff that matters only to run toward the shit that doesn’t.

I get frustrated because it often feels like we flee the hard stuff and use the easy stuff as an easy target.

I mostly get frustrated because even if a business organization does this … well … escapa , non.

You cannot flee. You cannot escape the stuff that matters.

Second. Personal.

Well. There are maybe three significant aspects of fleeing in a personal sense – fleeing someone, fleeing something and fleeing oneself.

Let’s begin with … fleeing someone

“We both wanted to know each other’s secrets, and we both wanted the other person to go first.

This is something that happens quite a bit, which is why you so often see children and adults staring at one another in nervous silence.”

Lemony Snicket

Someone always has to go first.

And someone always has to go.

There is always a graceful option when fleeing. It is just difficult to see … and do. Most of us stumble our way thru fleeing someone. We sometimes stare at the other hoping they go first. We maybe go without saying anything <and the other people have no clue if you have flown … or why>. We may simply go saying all the wrong things.

It happens quite a bit.

Suffice it to say you cannot flee someone in your life, you can only disengage.

If you try and flee, well, escapa, non. You never escape. You have simply delayed the inevitable.

Next … fleeing something … or ‘things’ <in today’s world>.

Whew. This is a tough one.

Raise your hand if you have a smartphone <about 90% of you between 12 and 54 just raised your hand>. Over 90% of us have some handheld technology which permits texting, calling or emailing on a whim. Huge changes in technology and in society in recent years have blurred many of the old, familiar, reassuring boundaries.

Uhm.

Without boundaries where does on flee?

Where does work stop and life begin?

Where does my time stop and your time begin?

In the past the boundaries were very clear. I imagine my point here is that there is an interesting clash between what we, almost all of us, innately desire – boundaries – and change. We desire one thing almost desperately and yet find ourselves fighting the opportunity to do it.

This maybe a case of ‘be careful what you wish for.’

But. What is winning is the desire for boundless freedom of doing. All demographics are embracing their nomad desires … the ability to live what has traditional been done in the physical home in what is now a boundary-less intangible walking around home.

The only boundaries are actually some aura shell around yourself. By the way, no one can see this boundary but yourself. This means you are screwed. You may think with this invisible force field around you that you may be able to flee the things swirling around you … sometimes by thinking it is as simple as ‘turning your smartphone off’ … uhm … escapa , non.

Things are better and faster and more resilient and, well, more <as in sheer quantity> than you. Fleeing simply means you will get smothered from behind. You may as well stand there and face ‘things’ and strengthen your own personal boundaries. You can never escape things but you certainly can deflect things if you stand there and see them coming.

Lastly … fleeing yourself

“People are running, running, but there is no place in the world to which they can flee to escape themselves.

Ultimately, each one must face himself. “

Paramahansa Yogananda

It almost seems like today’s world the self help people and brand marketing and the futuristic blowhards all encourage us to think there is something wrong with us. That we aren’t ‘enough’ or passionate or focused or … well … we are lacking in some form or fashion.

Add in the fact that today’s complex issues facing us have no clear right or wrong answers.

Some who feel a strong need for boundaries will look to the past for guidance and try to build strong solid boundaries. Others with a higher tolerance for ambiguity may develop a personal set of flexible boundaries.

The truth is Life has become a contentious blend of flexible and inflexible boundaries. Individuals and societies will try to organize all their own personal chaos with boundaries with some intent to keep out all the external chaos only to find a couple things:

a. Keeping any boundary in place is very very difficult because too much is changing too fast for boundaries to hold for long.

b. Building your own boundary means you have to face yourself … uhm … the same self that society & all the experts … is suggesting doesn’t have its shit together. More often than not we either struggle to know what type of boundary we should build or decide we need to flee our own boundary on occasion because it all becomes ‘too much’ inside what we built.

Escapa , non. Whether inside some finite space boundary or wandering aimlessly outside the boundary in some seemingly infinite space — fleeing yourself just doesn’t work.

Mostly because where you are, well, you are there.

We may not always like what we see when we look in the mirror, but I can guarantee one thing – external critics will ALWAYS find something they don’t like.

Fuck ‘em.

Don’t flee them, just ignore them. And don’t flee yourself just remember that perfection is mostly found in glorious imperfections. Yeah. Don’t flee your imperfections, they make you who you are.

Whew.

I used too many words.

Maybe I could have just said this instead of all the other crap I wrote, here is all I know about fleeing.

You cannot escape whatever you are fleeing.

Period.

No debate.

Doesn’t matter what it is or where you are.

Mainly because whatever you think you are fleeing doesn’t reside only in the place you are running from. Those things you elect to flee are the things that most often live in a variety of different places & spaces. In other words, the world is a very small place when you have no place to go.

Anyway. Sometimes … okay … most times … it is much better if you suck it up and stand there rather than flee. Even if it is painful, I actually think you feel better about yourself.

“Maybe you can afford to wait.

Maybe for you there’s a tomorrow.

Maybe for you there’s one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through your fingers.

So much time you can waste it.

But for some of us there’s only today.

And the truth is, you never really know. “

Lauren Oliver

Most importantly.

Fleeing means not facing today, and … well … the truth is you never really know if today may be ‘it.’. Finis.

Lastly.

On the whole small world and fleeing thing. It used to be fairly black and white. The world was the world and escaping was escaping. You had clear boundaries here there and everywhere.

Now they are nowhere.

The world is both big and small.

Lots of room to wander and explore and run — just nowhere to flee.

So. Remember every time you think of fleeing … escapa, non.

 ========

——————

“Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl.

But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart … filled it, too, with melody that would last forever.”

~

Bess Streeter Aldrich

=======

On Christmas Eve I am reminded of something I heard last week at a business luncheon.

Someone smiled as he tasted his Christmas dessert special and said “it tastes just like Christmas.” Smart ass me jumped in and said “like a fir tree?” and without hesitating he said “no, family anger and disappointment.”

<he later clarified it tasted like fresh peppermint and cool snow>

He was kidding … okay … half kidding.

Many of us harbor mixed feelings as the holidays proceed and Christmas looms. Its kind of like dysfunctional functional aspects of Thanksgiving family gatherings with the added challenge/angst of having to give gifts.

Me? I love Christmas … particularly Christmas Eve. And I do so despite the fact many of my childhood Christmas Eve memories … well … suck. They certainly were not devoid of gifts, but many times devoid of what makes family and Christmas special — that kind of warmth and comfort and anticipation and laughter that pepper dysfunctional functional family moments.

I imagine we were not the most loving family and therefore Christmas sometimes exacerbated that feeling.

But, you know what? In the end it really didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter because all the while I knew Christmas and Christmas Eve were special it was just I, or we, hadn’t figured out how to tap into it.

But I did, I have, and continue to do so now.

And that is why sometimes I feel sad around this time of the year. Not because of sadness borne of loneliness or years gone by or ‘lost moments in the past’, but rather because I see how easy it is to lose sight of the magic that makes up Christmas and the holidays.

And the magic can come from anywhere at any time.

It can be the anticipation.

It can even be found in the pangs of disappointment in a well-intended gift.

It can be found driving down the road where one house & its yard doesn’t have one inch NOT covered with some light or decoration and the next house with one simple candle lit in a front window.

It can be found in the gathering of friends & family and the empty spaces where a friend or family member used to be.

Christmas is joyful, sad, tears of joy … and regret, excitement & disappointments.

And Christmas Eve.

Oh.

Christmas Eve.

People seem to think Christmas morning is “it” … the apex of the holiday season. I tend to believe it is more Christmas Eve; the moment before the moment that matters and is “it.”.

We build to that day and that moment and all that comes after is the fallout for all that came before.

Look.

Everyone is different. Some stumble into the day, some try and ignore the day, some anticipate the disappointment and some … well … some just anticipate and celebrate the bigness of the day.

That said. What I truly love about Christmas is that little things are big.

Little moments are huge around the holidays. Some people, and sometimes I wish I were one, can take little Christmas lights and make a huge bonfire of light suggesting that they are lighting the way for Santa to visit. It is almost like these people fear being overlooked by Santa and therefore go out of their way to show their appreciation for the spirit that makes up Santa and Christmas and the holidays so that their joy is not overlooked.

Awesome.

The world doesn’t have enough of these people.

Next. Christmas really is no different than anything in Life. When you are born or growing up you always wish you could get a manual telling you what you are supposed to do or what everyone does. No manual exists. You are stuck with learning whatever tradition your family may have and maybe some others as you crisscross lives.

Christmas creates some common ground for all of us. We all face the same dilemmas and the same questions and the same issues … one and all. We all stumble and bumble our way thru the holidays and Christmas – mostly with the best of intentions – yet ultimately more often overcome by the sheer amount of ups & downs that come from the rush up to the ‘big day’ and what happens then.

I will say that sometimes in all the anticipation, and anticipointment, we forget what Christmas is all about. That happens because it is a mixture of all we hate & love. Disaster & discomfort and emotional moments & joy.

Which brings me to this 2015 Christmas commercial about disaster, calamity and sharing. Hyperbole at its best: Sainsbury’s: “Mog’s Christmas Calamity”

Sainsbury’s Christmas commercial is a spectacular film featuring the family accident-prone cat Mog. I think we all watch this and laugh … well … a little painfully because disasters almost always seem to befall Christmas. It is kind of like the holiday version of how the printer in the office always breaks down when you need it most. And maybe that is why hyperbole works so well in Christmas commercials … the day itself takes on disproportionately huge dimensions into our lives, heads, hearts and wallets.

Just think about that on this day … this Christmas Eve. For when you strip away all the hyperbole, the gift giving angst, the anticipation … and Christmas and the holidays are laid bare … it is a beautiful simple thing.

We give gifts to each other for god’s sake.

Tiny ones & big ones … thoughts and things … it doesn’t matter.

We give.

What a gift.

The most spectacular gift humanity has given humans. The ability to give & share. Happy Christmas Eve.

===================

“Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. If we think on these things, there will be born in us a Savior and over us will shine a star sending its gleam of hope to the world.”

~

Calvin Coolidge