===
Clara: You’re going to help me?
The Doctor: Well, why wouldn’t I help you?
Clara: Because of what I just did, I just…
The Doctor: You betrayed me. You betrayed my trust. You betrayed our friendship. You betrayed everything…you let me down!
Clara: Then why are you helping me?
The Doctor: Why?
Do you think that I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?
Doctor Who
===
Well. We live in a world in which trust, in general, is under the gun and cynicism seem to be the foundation for more people than optimism. But possibly more concerning than the diminishing trust in institutions and people, it also seems that there is a thread of lack of forgiveness between parties who disagree. This is concerning because it creates a disproportionately wider gap between people making it less than likely someone leans over and offers a helping hand.
That is why the Dr. Who conversation resonated with me.
I tend to believe we have lost sight of why we disagree with people. And by doing so we create an unbridgeable gap between people.
What I mean by this is <using business terms> we confuse vision, strategy and tactics.
I can hate someone’s strategy and I can be sickened by someone’s tactics, but, in general, those same people most likely have the same vision that I do.
what I mean by that is almost any person who leads or is invested in community in any form or fashion creates intentions, or defines purpose, based on a vision for ‘something better.’
As a corollary, to make the point, this doesn’t translate into ‘destroying who & what we are’ it simply means the intention is to make everyone be the best they can be, create a sense of greatness <whatever great can be>, enable better opportunities and create better lives. Now. We may vehemently disagree on some things on HOW to attain that, but we should vehemently agree on better.
That said, an example.
I bet in any given election year I could gather all American presidential candidates around a table and I believe I would have had a 100% consensus on that thought. Let me add in the current president, his cabinet, the heads of the congress and I bet you I would still have a 100% consensus.
The contentiousness begins when discussion arrives at definitions, strategy & tactics.
But today I am not talking about politics, I am simply making a point that 99% of us have the same vision. The same desires. The same dream <in a larger sense>.
The same hopes.
To me this translates into “same intent.”
Therefore, I may not agree with how someone decides to get to all this sameness, but I embrace their intent. Yeah. I agree with what we want to do.
This is an important thought <at least to me>.
Because the moment you do not think about this, or maybe even believe it, you begin judging people based on their tactics and not their intent.
Why is this important?
Well.
Forgiveness is a big complex ‘mucho importante’ decision.
Do I really want to base my forgiveness on something as small as a tactic?
Don’t I really want the burden of forgiveness to reside on the ultimate important aspect of ‘intent’?
Yea, yeah, yeah. Someone is going to say that good intentions are not enough. My point is that actions you disagree with are not necessarily bad <or wrong>, they are just things you … well … disagree with.
But they are tactics and actions and behaviors taken with the same purpose you desire – something better – just not the tactics and actions and behaviors you may have been thinking would be the right things to focus on.
Look.
I vehemently disagree with people on a variety of things. Even some good friends. But I realize I am mostly seething internally over the fact it is tactics, and maybe sometimes strategy, but rarely their ultimate intent & purpose.
So. Even though I am seething, maybe incredibly frustrated, possibly even horrified with something I may have heard … why wouldn’t I lend them a hand if they were in trouble?
I desire to save the well-intended. I desire to save the people who see the bigger purpose.
I do so because they want the same thing I do.
I do so because they want what is ultimately the most important thing — something better than what is.
Which leads me to suggest this.
In all the bombastic rhetoric drowning out any sane rational thoughts whispering as persistently as they can in our heads, it would behoove us to look around with an open mind on occasion. Take a look at the people we most vehemently disagree with and explore their intent. Maybe sit back and not just question the ultimate purpose but seek out the points of agreement (even if they only take on some vague-ish forms).
I think we would see more in common than we seem to see today. And, yeah, some really important BIG common agreements. And, I would like to point out, if you recognize something in common it is much easier to work together and help each other than when you hate each other so much you would not do either.
Just take some time and listen a little bit closer. There are some really nutso things being said in today’s world but even some of the nuts desire the same thing you do, its just how they want to go about it that may seem nuts. They may even seem like they are betraying some basic principles, but, maybe if we cared a bit more their betrayal would matter a bit less and, well, we will help. Ponder.