====

“So the universe is not quite as you thought it was.


You’d better rearrange your beliefs, then. Because you certainly can’t rearrange the universe.”

Isaac Asimov

====

We talk about changing the world and ‘rocking the universe’ not only when young, but in discussions where we are thinking about maximizing our potential or maybe we do it simply to convince ourselves we can do something that matters.

In other words …

We have a plan.

Ok. Maybe its not a specific step-by-step plan, but we have a general schematic of a plan which showcases key lines and dimensions of what, where and how.

It is kind of a rough blueprint sketched out on a cocktail napkin.

Uhm.

But then some stranger randomly puts their drink on your napkin and the ink runs a little and there is an obnoxious ring cutting thru a key line or two. In other words, things get a bit fuzzy.

In other words, basically the universe you had planned against has conspired against you in a seemingly random way.

Yeah.

The universe is as it is. Despite all your wishes and dreams and desires to disturb or disrupt the universe you, well, you cannot. The universe arranges itself without consulting you or your plans.

That doesn’t mean you don’t have any control of what happens to you nor does it mean you shouldn’t attempt to shape things so you may achieve what you desire, it is just that sometimes you need to rearrange your beliefs.

Now. I write a shitload about maintaining you character and the core of who and what you are as well as maintaining a focus on the more important things <because a shitload of unimportant things are gonna be bright shiny objects that can easily distract you>.

To be clear. The universe is not something that is distracting; it is a consistently inconsistent environment in which distractions appear. Despite that, you need to stay the course of who & what you are and all the while rearranging some of your beliefs with regard to … well … what I will call ‘strategy & tactics.’

Simplistically, in my mind, you reside in this consistent inconsistent universe maintaining your individual ‘brand essence’ <distinctly different than personal branding> and grounded in a sense of purpose, i.e., what you want to contribute and maybe an idea of what matters to you, and rearranging your strategy & tactics to accommodate the universe.

This may sound intellectually challenging and mentally tiring and … well … a lot of work <when you were kind of hoping Life would be a little simpler>.

Well.

It is kind of tiring.

But that is kind of the price of living a full Life, well, okay, maybe at least some kind of ‘non-stagnant’ life.

I imagine everyone has a choice.

Try and stand still and weather the universe as it rearranges itself or attempt to move <forward, sideways, diagonally, or whatever direction you can  – because progress is not always ‘forward’>.

Most of us?

We just go on.

We step forward, backwards, diagonally and sideways, all with an eye on whatever version of progress we may have in our heads.

We do so because … well … what is the alternative?

====

“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you.  You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way. “

Elizabeth Taylor

Anyway.

It is quite possible that the business of living is grounded in the thought of ‘rearranging your beliefs’ because the universe is certainly not going to rearrange its beliefs.

Ponder <but do some rearranging while doing so>.

“The apple never falls far from the tree.”

How often do we hear this as an explanation for why someone is, or does, as they are?

My quote?

“It doesn’t matter how far the apple falls from the tree it only matters where it lands.”

We spend a lot of time trying to explain why someone is like they are. The most common explanation we toss out is “the apple never falls far from the tree.” Well. This is partially true and partially not. its mostly not true because we view this thought in a very simplistic ways, i.e., parents/father/mother. What is true is that people, individuals, are victims or products of the systems they exist and behave within. What I mean by that is the family, or parents, is just one system. Friends, school, church, community, are other systems which connect and intersect with each other all shaping who you are and become.

I say all that because while we often point to parents as the major influencer with regard to how kids ‘turn out’ or their behavior later in life there are some very interesting research studies out there that suggest a kid’s peer group is a stronger influence on their future behavior.

“… how the parents rear the child has no long term effects on the child’s personality, intelligence or mental health.”

“The Decision Book” page 46 “Why Parents are Unimportant” model

That will drive some parents a little crazy <and give another smaller percentage a built-in excuse for the crappy job they may already be doing with regard to bringing up their kids>. That said. The belief ‘apple not falling far from the tree’ was driven by behaviorists’ belief that parents influence their children’s development by the rewards and punishments they dole out, and the Freudians’ belief that parents can mess up their children very badly and often do so.

That was ‘behaviorist beliefs.’

No real studies or research.

Just a bunch of published ‘here is what I believe’ mumbo jumbo which then quickly shifted into some ‘common sense’ that everyone took for granted.

In 1955 psychologist Judith Rich Harris attacked this belief.

To be clear. There is no question that the adult caregivers play an important role in the baby’s life. It is from them babies learn their first language, have their first experiences in forming and maintaining relationships and get their first lessons in following rules.

But the extent our personalities are shaped by our upbringing had never really been examined and, specifically, whether children elicit particular behavior in their parents and not vice versa.

Harris contradicted the Freudian based behaviorists and development psychologists by suggesting we modify our behavior depending on the environment we are in.

Yeah. Context matters. Yeah. Systems encourage behavior the system encourages. Yeah. Children are shaped not by their parents, but by the peer group in which they are socialized. Yeah. Being within a system shapes mindsets, attitudes, behaviors and, well, who we are.

Harris poses that in home learning certainly sets the pattern for what is to follow, but that the actual content of what children learn may be irrelevant to the world outside their home. The truth is many young people shed the in-home system as soon as they enter into another system <or keep some aspects and shed others>.

The evidence developmental psychologists use to support the nurture assumption is not what it appears to be: it does not prove what it appears to prove. And there is a rising tide of evidence against the nurture assumption.

The nurture assumption is not a truism; it is not even a universally acknowledged truth. It is a product of our culture–a cherished cultural myth.

No one questions it because it seems self-evident. The two things that determine what sort of people your children will turn out to be are nature–their genes–and nurture–the way you bring them up. That is what you believe and it also happens to be what the professor of psychology believes. A happy coincidence that is not to be taken for granted, because in most sciences the expert thinks one thing and the ordinary citizen–the one who used to be called “the man on the street”–thinks something else. But on this the professor and the person ahead of you on the checkout line agree: nature and nurture rule. Nature gives parents a baby; the end result depends on how they nurture it. Good nurturing can make up for many of nature’s mistakes; lack of nurturing can trash nature’s best efforts.

That is what I used to think too, before I changed my mind.

What I changed my mind about was nurture, not environment. It isn’t all about genetics. The environment is just as important as the genes. The things children experience while they are growing up are just as important as the things they are born with. What I changed my mind about was whether “nurture” is really a synonym for “environment.”

By the way.

This doesn’t mean that a parent doesn’t influence a child’s ‘end adult space.’ They can place children in social environments and initiate a variety of actions that could impact final sociological behavior, in other words, purposefully push or encourage children to interact within “accepted systems”. But social systems are difficult to control and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see how children speak the dialect of their peer groups and assume attitudes/behaviors of their peer group <varying from group behavior to individual style>.

Before I get to my main point today let me make sure you don’t think this is sheer bullhockey <baloney, absurd, whatever>.

Reflecting on parenting is difficult.

Experiences in life appear very good when we remember or anticipate them, but quite ordinary or downright bad in the moment. I say this because when you think about parenting most people will suggest it was a challenging, but fairly positive life adventure.

Parents often look back on their attempts at steering their children toward social responsibility and a career or looking at their youth as a life filled with unconditional <sometimes tough> love and a list of shared moments. But the truth is most of the day-to-day tasks of child rearing are mind numbingly mundane at best and harrowing at its worst.

Well. That was certainly jaded, but you get the point. As with most things in Life the majority of parenting is a grind and in our reflective memory we find the reasons why it was all worthwhile, but in doing so we judge <or misjudge> that system within which the young person existed.

*** note: this is Daniel Kahneman’s “experienced memory” versus “remembered memory”

What is neglected are the systems, the numerous moments and interactions a child spends outside the parents’ auspices within other systems all the while assimilating learnings, experiences, mindsets, attitudes & behaviors.

But here is my larger point.

I did not write this to suggest that parents have no responsibility nor to suggest that they certainly cannot influence how their children will turn out as adults, but rather to point out systems exist within systems and each of the systems can affect our mindsets, attitudes and behaviors. There is certainly a bunch of research that actually suggests poor parenting drives children deeper into their peer group <socialized life learning> for behavioral cues, but the larger narrative is that a poor system does NOT necessarily create bad behavior but instead it can cause someone to reject that system and seek out an alternative. This is important because if everything is interconnected and you can ‘system hop’, explaining people or defining people can be really difficult.

That last thought isn’t just important to parents, but to businesses, ‘culture’ people, organizational design, social dynamics and strategists.

Maybe we should be thinking a bit more about who someone hangs out with – as a choice.

Maybe we should be thinking a lot less about “the apple never falls far from the tree” and think a lot more about where the frickin’ apple falls instead.

=========

“They can betray me, but I choose not to betray my peace of mind.”

Dodinsky

===============

I can honestly say I have never been betrayed by anyone.

Well.     Okay.     Maybe.

Sure.

Some people have disappointed me in their choices & actions … but … either I have never done anything bad enough that was worth being betrayed for <… uhm … I am fairly sure I have some betrayable items I have done strewn throughout my past so that’s not it> or I haven’t considered what someone has done as ‘betrayal’ or worthy enough to be truly deemed “betrayal worthy.”

Now.

It is quite possible I define betrayal differently than a lot of other people.

Because <part 1> I would guess I could go back to high school and examine some ‘friendship betrayal’ thing … which … well … in viewing as an adult would probably look fairly absurd <even though it may have felt like betrayal at the time>.

Because <part 2> I imagine I could examine some past relationship and assess “betrayal” upon it … which … well … in viewing honestly & realistically was simply an act within a relationship that wasn’t what it was cracked up to be anyway <and inevitably doomed regardless>.

Because <part 3> maybe I refuse to hold a grudge, if even for a short amount of time, because someone has disappointed me.

====

    “I’m all about unforgiving and hating and holding grudges because it keeps me safe and mentally healthy and I don’t care about your stupid feel-good quotes about forgiving everyone everywhere always so you can take your feel-good emotionally manipulative apologist bullshit and shove it”

(via sailingaugust)

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This isn’t because I believe in any of the stupid feel good quotes <because I have gone on record publicly on my blog that I believe it is mostly bullshit>.

This isn’t because I believe in any feel good emotionally manipulative apologist bullshit <also have gone on record publicly about this>.

It is because … well … people are people, people are human, and there are two sides to any story.

Here is what I know for sure.

If you give anyone ample opportunity they will sometimes disappoint you.

If you give anyone ample opportunity they will sometimes surprise you.

Suffice it to say people, in your Life, are no better or any worse than people somewhere in someone else’s life.

And, to me, betrayal is tossed around far too flippantly.

People are not monsters nor do they constantly seek to disappoint or ‘betray.’

I could argue that if you stopped for just one second, and maybe think about the fact that each and every one of those same people you are disappointed in are all heroes in their own story – a story that they write every day – well, it’s kind of hard to attach “betray” on someone unless you are pretty selfish.

Selfish in that your story is more important than their story.

And, yet, we all see betrayal come to Life in a variety of ways dependent upon our age and where we are in life.

High school in friends we trusted.

Business in coworkers we trusted.

Relationships in partners we trusted.

Betrayal, in almost all forms or fashion, seems to reside in some unstated contract – a contract with Life.

Think about it. Almost everyone wakes up every day with a contract with the day in front of them. The contract consists of being concerned about their own drama Life and their own ‘things’ rather than whether they should become involved, or not involved, in anything else.

Does that make them someone a betrayer because in doing so they disappoint you?

Well.

Yes and no.

Yes in that people do have contracts with other people. It is not solely an “I” world.

And, yet, no. No in that even at their worst of worst “I” behavior even the monsters don’t see monsters reflected in the mirror.

I try and remember all of that every day.

In my mind betrayal is inevitably a very personal thing. Personal in that it is about having a piece of you either broken or sliced away.

Yeah. It can sting a little.

But it is just a piece and the piece does not define the whole.

==============

“I decided, enough pain …. I was not the woman who breaks into pieces under the blows of abandonment and absence, who goes mad, who dies.

Only a few fragments had splintered off, for the rest I was well. I was whole, whole I would remain. To those who hurt me, I react giving back in kind.

I am the queen of spades, I am the wasp that stings, I am the dark serpent. I am the invulnerable animal who passes through fire and is not burned.”

Elena Ferrante

==================

Yeah.

Maybe someone has betrayed me at some point in my Life.

Maybe I would see it as such if I viewed it as many people would traditionally view betrayed and betrayal.

But maybe people would be better served by viewing betrayal as I do because, well, let me go back to where I began and my 1^st sentence: I can honestly say I have never been betrayed by anyone.

That is my peace of mind.

I have passed through any and all fires of betrayal and not been burned.

Sure seems like a shitload of people would be happier in Life if they could say that.

But that’s me.

Ponder.

—-

“The line of life is a ragged diagonal between duty and desire.” –

=

 William R. Alger

—–

Well. I am not sure I have ever seen a more succinct explanation for Life as a struggle as well as Life is never a straight line.

Life truths?

Life is an ongoing struggle.

And Life is rarely a straight and narrow path.

Why are these ‘truths’? Because inevitably all lives are made up of choices.

A shitload of ongoing choices — small and large and every size in between. And these choices we make all tell us the path(s) our lives will take.

Now. I do not believe our Life, or destiny, is pre-ordained in a black & white definition. What I mean is that even if I did believe in a higher order <God has a plan for each and every one of us> destiny, I would tend to believe it was a map of possibilities. Therefore, we make choices aiming toward something in general <whatever your personal something is> … and amble down a path, or number of paths, that is not preordained but ones we choose.

But.

I like … no … love the thought that we get tugged by some sense of duty <right thing to do> versus desire <some type of self-gratification … spanning from full indulgence to full altruism> as we make all these choices.

What does is mean? A diagonal line.

Oh.

Nope.

A ragged diagonal line.

Should we choose one way … that is the way we will go.

Should we choose another way … we go that way instead.

This means Life consists of paths that branch out turning right and left, this way and that way, running straight and crooked, turning sometimes randomly & severely in a variety of angles.

Yeah. Surely some paths are more likely than others, but we can choose any path to take. And each choice begets more branches ahead — some seen and some yet to be seen. At the core of this thinking is that Life is less about following some planned path, but instead suggests that each choice is contextual – to the environment, to one’s experience & to one’s knowledge.

Now.

I imagine if one lives a stagnant unmoving life the choices may be simpler and the events affecting the branches are fewer. Yet <just in case ‘stagnancy’ appeals to you as an ‘easier life choice’> stagnancy or ‘hiding from Life’ doesn’t guarantee shit.

Why?

Because as your path crosses with others – others who are also making choices –  as you cross the choices of strangers, family, friends, enemies, whomever, their choices affect our path. And their choices sometimes force choice where choice never resided before … or if we even wanted to make a choice at all.

The more people we meet, the more paths & branches crisscross, and cross again. It becomes a tangled confusion of so many choices and paths and interlinked branches it becomes easy to think of it all as chaos. Especially if you think of people and events as threads and not dots in a moment in time:

——

“There is a trail of existence that follows everyone, threads of life that people spin out and leave behind wherever they go.

Threads cross all the time.

Threads cross and cross again – time and place if in no other way – even when the people appear unaware of each other. No one pays attention to others around them unless the overlap happens again.

Sometimes, people miss each other only by a few seconds, yet they are connected.

Sometimes place is the reason for the overlap but time is not.

Sometimes the overlap is purposeful other times happenstance.

The threads are there, no matter.

Ah. When they glow, they are one destiny.” 

Inspector O <james Church book character>

——

It is not chaos, but, your life is affected by these ‘trails of existence’ — impacted by what was, is and what will be. As I type that it can become easy to think you have no control <or simply throw your hands up in the air in frustration>.

Well. While we certainly can be impacted by others or ‘things out of our control’ what remains in our control, always, is the choice. Our choice. The choice to do what we may with the circumstances at hand.

The choice remains with us.

The choice between duty and desire.

In addition.

In each tangled chaotic web of events, threads and paths, it is all bounded by the practical. The practical aspect of what you can actually do, and cannot do, within the choices you make. I am not speaking of dreaming the impossible <because dreaming is good>, but the actual reality of what can be done.

note: the ability to pragmatically assess what IS possible within a given context and what is not takes experience and an eye biased toward some pragmatism.

Oh.

Back to duty & desire.

There is where free will seems to reside. The choices made by duty & desire.

Yeah.

This all sounds chaotic and impossible to navigate. But think about this. Look to the past and it appears to be a neat set of choices made and not made. This is the power, and danger, of reflection.

It all appears like a schematic of choices made of duty … and those of desire. And encounters of events and people who forced us to make choices. We make it all look a little tidier than it was.

Oh shit. Wait a second.

Now.

I imagine if anyone were to look to the future it would simply appear to be sheer chaos. A snarled thread of paths and choices.

Relax.

This is where the original quote comes back to play — our destiny resides in our choices between duty and desire. Period. Sometimes the choice is black & white and often it resides in the gray. Unfortunately, regardless of its hue or shade or color, the choice will place us on a path toward our destiny.

In other words … a ragged diagonal path through Life.

Well.

This all may make us uncomfortable — all this choosing amongst the snarled threads of Life wondering if each choice is somehow easing its way down the ragged diagonal path toward a destiny we either actually seek or one we will be comfortable with in the end or one we cannot even envision yet.

Uncomfortable because we people like have to have an explanation that satisfies us.

And by having this attitude we run the risk of just not seeing it as it is … simply making choices in the moment between desire and duty.

Look.

I Know I am biased and have my own opinions on Life. Heck.

Many months ago in 2010 I wrote about the fact I love being “everywhere at once.”  It was in that piece where I closed my thoughts with: ‘Where do I want to be 10 years from now? Everywhere. All at once.’

Agree or disagree … but … it is a ragged diagonal path we live.

All of us.

I imagine if you define it simply as a shitload of choices made between duty and desire, the ragged aspect will not bother you as much because you are on a path toward a destiny that can be explained in the end — “I balanced duty & desire in my Life.”

Well. If that is measurement of how one made choices, or took control, of their destiny, I believe it would be a life lived well.

===================

“How many people long for that “past, simpler, and better world,” I wonder, without ever recognizing the truth that perhaps it was they who were simpler and better, and not the world about them?”

–

R.A. Salvatore

===========

“There is a trail of existence that follows everyone, threads of life that people spin out and leave behind wherever they go. Threads cross all the time. Threads cross and cross again – time and place if in no other way – even when the people appear unaware of each other. No one pays attention to others around them unless the overlap happens again. Sometimes, people miss each other only by a few seconds, yet they are connected.

Sometimes place is the reason for the overlap, but time is not. Sometimes the overlap is purposeful other times happenstance.

The threads are there, no matter. Ah. When they glow, they are one destiny.” 

–

Inspector O

========================

In general, 95+% of us think the past was simpler or let’s say we think it was less tangled.

In general, 95+% of us view the present as complicated, complex and peppered with shit we never had to deal with in the past … in other words … a tangled mess.

Maybe we should view it differently.

Maybe we should view us, the individual, as more complicated, more complex and more peppered with shit than we were in the past.

Maybe we have forgotten the past when we did what we felt was right versus wrong & what felt good and not bad without getting tangled up in a whole bunch of … well … things Life whispers and shouts into our ear.

Maybe it isn’t Life that is more complex, it is us … & we are tangled up.

Now. In my opinion life has a nasty habit of getting us all tangled up. I will not say “confuse us.” It more likely just twists us pretzel-like between suggesting right things to do, wrong things to do, right ways to do, wrong ways to do and, well, what you are supposed to like versus what you actually do like.

All of this tangling makes us view the world as the villain <or the ‘tangler’ as it were>.

Wrong.

Stop for a second and admit that about maybe we are the ‘tangler.’

Why do I say that?

The world is what it is.

We either respond to the world or we don’t.

We either accommodate the world or we don’t.

We either do everything the world suggests or we don’t.

I say that because Life is indifferent to us. It chugs along in a fairly consistently inconsistent way in that it remains linear while everyone crisscrosses each other, all the experiences and moments crisscross, and good decisions and bad decisions made by everyone crisscross … meaning that all of that gets tangled up … in every moment.

The more people we meet the more paths & branches crisscross and cross again.

It becomes a tangled confusion of so many choices and paths and interlinked branches it becomes easy to think of it all as chaos. Especially if you think of people and events as threads and not dots in a moment in time.

Yeah. As your path crosses with others … others who are also making choices — choices of strangers, family, friends, enemies, whomever — their choices do affect our path. And then we walk in to this multidimensional space bombarded with molecules of other’s choices and contextual environment situational type stuff and … uhm … we have to make a choice.

And that is where we really get all tangled up.

While, yes, we have to make a shitload of ongoing choices – small and large and every size in between – the majority of them we make more difficult than we have to. This most often happens with good intentions in that we try and figure out the “best” choice <in the midst of all this chaos swirling around us> and we overthink.

Then it gets worse.

We look to the past and it appears to be a neat set of choices made … and not made.  It often appears in a nice schematic of context in which we simplistically made some choice based on what we saw and experienced.

Oh <nuts>.

The reality is that we made some choice in some situation which looked a shitload like what it does in the present <and what most likely looks like the future>. Yes. It appears to look a lot like sheer chaos — a snarled thread of paths and choices.

Oh <shit>.

We get all tangled up.

Okay. Let me try and help.

In each tangled chaotic web of events, threads and paths, everything is actually bounded by the practical — the practical aspect of what you can actually do, and cannot do, within the choices you make.

This is the actual reality of what can be done.

This is simplicity.

This is the untangled you.

And if you actually untangle you will find some really good decisions and choices available for you. I am not suggesting it will make the repercussions black & white but … well … shit … I do not believe our Life, or destiny, is pre-ordained in a black & white definition anyway. I tend to believe Life is just a huge map of possibilities in which you kind of forge your way through a relatively chaotic Life by being the best tangled you.

Look. I like … no … love the thought that we get tugged by duty <right thing to do> versus desire <some type of self-gratification – spanning from full indulgence to full altruism> as we make all these choices.

And while we certainly can be impacted by others or ‘things out of our control’ … what remains in our control, always, is the untangled choice.

The choice to do what we may with the circumstances at hand.

The choice remains with us.

The time, the moment, demands one thing — to tangle or untangle.

My thought? Choose to untangle yourself. It will most likely make you better and simpler.

———————————–

Alvin Toffler thought:

Two apparently contrasting images of the future grip the popular imagination today. Most people to the extent that they bother to think about the future at all … assume the world they know will last indefinitely. They find it difficult to Imagine a truly different way of life for themselves, let alone a totally new civilization. Of course they recognize that things are changing. But they assume today’s changes will somehow pass them by and that nothing will shake the familiar economic framework and political structure. They confidently expect the future to continue the present.  This straight-line thinking comes in various packages. At one level it appears as an unexamined assumption lying behind the decisions of businessmen, teachers, parents, and politicians. At a more sophisticated level it comes dressed up hi statistics, computerized data, and forecasters jargon. 

Either way it adds up to a vision of a future world that is essentially “more of the same.”

—————————————————

———————-

“Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.”

===

John Green

—–

False hope may be one of the worst things in the world and nowhere do we abuse hope more than with the discussion of possibility, i.e., “there are infinite possibilities.”

Wow. What bullshit.

Go online and you will see a gazillion articles, posts and general bullshit ramblings unequivocally stating:

“You are a being, full of infinite possibilities!”

“You are born with infinite possibilities.”

I will point out that by saying all this bullshit we are screwing the whole damn concept of possibilities let alone fucking up the truth of possibilities itself.

Your future is not filled by infinite possibilities.

Shit.

Your present is not filled by infinite possibilities.

Now. To be fair. We may have more possibilities than we think we do at any given point in time, but they are certainly not infinite. In fact, possibilities — your own possibilities in any given time and situation — are quite finite. And finite in a variety of ways:

Time inevitably squeezes your possibilities quite often into an almost suffocating finite space.

Ability inevitably squeezes your possibilities quite often into a fairly pragmatic sphere of finite space.

Context, or the situation itself, squeezes your possibilities quite often into a less than infinite, or maybe better said “a variety of different sized infinities,” choice space.

We do possibilities a huge disservice by suggesting ‘infinite.’

Shit.

We do ourselves a huge disservice by suggesting ‘infinite possibilities.’

Simplistically possibilities would be much better served if we suggested the depth & breadth available within the finite space available to us rather than some nebulous infinity.

Why? Because while finite may sound constricting it actually can help us keep our head in the game that is being played in the here & now. And finite actually helps maybe 80% of the people <I made that % up> in that the majority of people just do not feel comfortable answering the ‘call of the void’ <the unknown and uncertain>.

Regardless. Let me discuss possibilities for a minute in the context of multiple sized infinities.

At any given time in your Life you are absolutely surrounded by possibilities. But possibilities do not always lie directly ahead of you or in the direction you face. Possibilities swirl around you in a multi-dimensional fashion.

Therefore, possibilities can reside in any direction.

Therefore, in order to see all possibilities you may not be able to rely solely on peripheral vision but to turn around and view in a 360degree fashion <and, yes, if you turn around I would note you are then looking forward just in a different direction>.

Therefore, progress can reside in any direction.

But this is not infinite. It just may feel like it is infinite simply because of the complexity associated with context and what your mind can realistically grasp.

Our minds can only stuff so much crap and stimulus in at any given time and anything over that capacity starts to edge into “infinity” frame of mind. And it is not. It is simply the shit that is beyond our current capacity. But, suffice it to say, if you remain committed to restless movement and possibly some strategic side to side steps, and even thoughtful steps back, it is all part of progress in pursuit of what is possible.

All that said.

We would be much better served if we admitted that not all infinities are same sized. I also believe we would be much better served to admit that possibilities are finite to any given individual.

—

Side note.

To be clear.

If you progress to a new and different time & space your existing range of possibilities will change <so you can certainly change what is possible for you>, but this simply means, thru environment context chnage, you have changed the finite scope of possibilities.

—-

Anyway. Here is why I loved the quote I opened with.

I love the idea of infiniteness. I love its expansiveness and I love it embracing of ‘hope for what could be’ and I love the fact it suggests possibilities. But I have always felt like suggesting possibilities being infinite as false. It had the unintended consequence of falsely suggesting that anyone could do anything at almost any time if they elected to do so. I felt like it had the unintended consequence of almost ‘freezing’ people into indecision in its vastness. It created such a vast sense of false hope that many people squandered the true possibilities within grasp.

And the quote suggests the best of all. You do have an infinite universe of possibilities circling and swirling you at any given moment, but not all infinities are created equal <basically suggesting there is a finiteness to many infinities>.

What an awesome thought.

Owning infinity and finite at exactly the same time.

And you know what? It actually reflects a Life truth.

You do have a shitload of possibilities swirling around you in a 360degree view of things.

And it may all appear overwhelmingly infinite in its pragmatic possibility view.

But that is just because, well, within your finite world and your finite choices and your finite ability to view & assess the choices you have, you have the ability to explore the infiniteness of who and what you are and who and what you could be.

====

“Don’t dwell on things. Don’t stay in one place too long.

It was the only way to stay ahead of sadness.”

—

Rick Riordan

============== 

“That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt” 

—-

John Green

=============

Well. Let’s just say Life is best lived moving. Moving forward, sideways and even stepping back on occasion.

Why? Because trailing behind you almost every step in Life is sadness, pain and maybe regret. Suffice it to say that wherever you go there are a bunch of less than desirable things that keep close behind you awaiting you to stop.

The good news is that they just aren’t really fast enough to catch you.

The bad news is that they just relentlessly pursue until they have the opportunity to step up beside you.

And when you do stop moving?

They all have a nasty habit of demanding attention by tapping you on the shoulder and say “remember me?”

And, more often than not, as we stare back at them all we can see is all the shit we didn’t really see when we were moving and all the shit we didn’t really feel because we were doing something else.

I am not suggesting up to this point most people ignore this shit, just that we are busy getting on with getting on.

It is only when you stop <mentally or physically> that we are faced with all the ‘less thans’ and all the ‘imperfections’ and all the pain and all the sadness which you had left trailing behind you as you encountered the ‘more thans’ in Life and the ‘improvements’ and the good feelings and the happiness most often associated with ‘getting on’ with Life … ‘being actively engaged with Life’ may be another way to say it .

Sigh.

But here is the unfortunate Life truth. Life demands you stop at some point. You have to <unless you are a robot>.

And when you do all that stuff that has been shadowing you wherever you have gone, well, they all demand to be felt. I would be remiss if I didn’t point out here that Life is strewn with things which demand to be felt. So many it can create some sensory overload. So many that in the overload it becomes difficult to discern what is actually being felt and from what the ‘felt’ is coming from.

Sure. Some things stand out and you can clearly see the cause of what you are feeling, but most times everything, the less thans & imperfections & pain & sadness, all stand around you bludgeoning you with whatever they have at hand to a fairly numbing degree. And maybe it is because of that we numb ourselves to as many things as possible figuring it is the only way to manage our way thru the onslaught of things demanding and demanding and demanding.

The clamor of their cries for attention seems deafening if you listen too closely.

For all the happy horse shit ‘think positive’ crap around us in general Life, while Life certainly isn’t always despair & disappointment, it is more often than not involves a series of fairly gymnastic bobbing & weaving on our part in the attempt to avoid less than moments and disappointments and sadness and some pain.

For some reason <and I am sure there is some research somewhere on this>, but we remember the tears more than the laughter, the unhappiness stronger than the happiness and the failures more than the successes.

Maybe it is Life’s way of insuring we don’t get too confident.

Maybe it is Life’s way of insuring we pay attention to Life.

Maybe it is Life’s way of insuring we don’t get complacent.

I don’t know.

What I do know is that you have to work a little and have to work seemingly too hard sometimes, to stay ahead of the shit that inevitably dogs our steps – the sadness in other words.

Look.

Everyone reflects.

Everyone stops at some point.

And everyone will be faced by a number of uncomfortable things which will demand to be felt.

But, in the end, regardless of what demands to be felt it really comes down to one, and only one, thing.

“We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” 

=======

“The trick is in what one emphasizes.  

We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy.

The amount of work is the same.”

Carlos Castaneda

===========================

=========

“Your opportunity is going to come whenever it comes.

You have to take advantage of it when it does.”

—

Mike Darnold

============

    “But, my dear, how long will you wait for something that will never come?”

—

(via saudi-barbie)

=====

So. Opportunities. ok. Opportunities and blinking.

Yeah. What happens if you blink at the wrong time in Life?

Well. Life, in general, doesn’t permit blinking. Okay. It is relentlessly unforgiving if you blink at the wrong time.

Simplistically, Life happens … even if you are not paying attention. Shit. Life happens even if you ARE paying attention and you blink.

Sigh.

Sadly … far too often we blink at just the wrong moment.

Sometimes it is because we … well … just have other shit to do.

Sometimes it is because we … well … we are just a dumbass

Sometimes it is because … well … that is just reality <sometimes>.

And, sometimes, well, it doesn’t really matter.

Doesn’t matter? Opportunities are like pebbles. If you throw a pebble into a pond, you have no way of predicting exact way the ripples will ripple <unless you are some mathematics professor at Harvard where you could probably extrapolate it … uhm … but the window of opportunity would most likely close anyway before you figured it out>. Ripples depend on how you drop, or throw, or skip the pebble. Shit. Ripples depend on if some other asshole drops a pebble, stone or clod of mud in the frickin’ pond.

=====

“How can I begin anything new with all of yesterday in me?”

Leonard Cohen

======

That said.

Not all blinks are created equal. Some blinks are … well … blinks. You just cannot keep your eyes open all the time.

And then there are hesitation blinks. The ones created by the ‘all of yesterday in me.’ Sometimes we blink because the present is a pretty cluttered moment for everyone. Maximizing your present, the “now”, is hard. Fucking hard. Anyone who suggests it is easy or ‘you should try and do it more’ is fucking crazy.

All that clutter can make us blink. And sometimes, yes, it makes us blink at exactly the wrong time.

Wrong time? Not only is ‘the present’ small, but windows of opportunity within ‘the present’ can open and close pretty fucking fast. And all of that just gets even smaller when squeezed by past and future.

Then you start trying to cram in all the tangible shit you need to do <as well as the things you don’t really need to do but have convinced yourself it is ‘need’>.

Holy shit. Then. Yeah. You blink. Shit. The ‘present’ has completely disappeared.

While it makes my head hurt just typing this there is a reason I bring it up.

While I have written ad nausea about managing time in general and how we focus on the wrong shit <spending more time making lists than actually doing shit> I would suggest that if you want to manage your time more effectively you need to get your head out of the ‘past & future’ head game the best you can.

If you do that effectively than you have effectively maximized your present time the best you can.

In blinking terms this means you have narrowed your blinks to natural blinking versus hesitation blinking. This type of decision on your part really can make a difference. Moments, ‘things’, feelings, opportunities, the possibilities die fast – like in the blink of an eye. In a blink of an eye what was possible simply disappears and is no longer possible.

===

“In the blink of an eye, what was possible is possible no longer.”

Nelika McDonald

===

You blink and what was possible is no longer even in view.

You blink and all the plans you had mapped out get crumpled up.

Blinking insures you either grasp the concept of adaptability or you will inevitably grasp only disappointment an discouragement.

Yeah. It’s nice to have plans, and even recommended in most situations, but when a plan doesn’t happen, you have to be able to think on your feet, and change courses if necessary. Life doesn’t always cooperate with what you wanted to do, so you have to be prepared. We all know that if you aren’t paying attention to your own life, you are gonna miss some important things. Life does what it does whether you want it to or not.

Regardless. It can seem fairly overwhelming if you dwell on a belief that every minute that passes is a minute that you will never get back or every opportunity you miss is an opportunity you will never get back.

==========

“We don’t always get the luxury of having closure.

Sometimes things just end. There’s not always a rhyme or reason for why they do, they just do.”

Ashleigh Catibog-Abraham

==========

But that means you have to find some peace in blinking.

You need to find some peace in the fact that some opportunities are just missed.

You need to find peace in those the moments where you had got it right for yourself and not for anyone else <even if you did blink>.

Life is complex as it is.

Far too often we speak of opportunities in some simplistic fashion … and mostly from an individualistic point of view. Therein lies the foundation of opportunities & complexity.

We live in a world of collaboration and anything but individual decision making.

Simplicity is being demanded by the whole and implemented by the parts. And aligning attitudes and desires is difficult. And so is insuring aligning in strengths in today’s idealistic view of collaboration.

Maybe that is where simplicity faces its most difficult contradiction – facing the conflict in aligning making bigness small <in vision for the whole> and capturing the importance, and bigness, of the small.

===============

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”

Steve Maraboli

=====

Huh? Well.

Simplistically <which is dangerous on this topic> opportunities truly are like windows. They open and close. When defined that simply it is nice and tight and makes something big smaller and more easily grasped. But these less-than-simple windows are actually representative of something that looks more like a bow tie or an hourglass on its side.

Lots of complex things and thoughts funneling into this nice tight little window and should you step through the window of opportunity … well … the vista of what could be, can be and will be widens to some pretty extraordinarily complex aspects.

In the end.

Maybe that is my bigger point about blinking and opportunities.

That window is always there.

That window opens and closes all the time.

That complex experience and stuff is always happening.

That complex vista beyond the window is always there and changing.

Oh.

Whether you blink or not.

Control what you can.

Accept what you cannot control.

Don’t blink because of hesitation.

And accept that, well, you have to blink sometime and you will miss something when you do.

=============

“Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is to never look back.”

—

Anonymous

=============

Forward progress, in the mind, is almost a mandatory for success.

Forward progress, in practice, is great theoretically.

Forward progress, in theory, is big business.

For the latter, well, just see the gobs of information and quotes online with regard to “if you aren’t moving forward you are standing still” … “don’t look back or you’ll miss what is in front of you” … “don’t look back you are not going that way” or some fortune cookie wisdom like that <as if no one knows that movement, and progress, is good>. I call this the ‘forward progress theory’ business <I have noted elsewhere Life, like chess, is about facing the entire board and obstacles & opportunities which lie all around you, not just in front of you, & you can move in a variety of directions with progress in mind>.

That said.

With regard to progress, the bravest thing you can do is to not look back. Why do I say ‘brave’? We make it really hard to not look back. Really hard. Day in and day out everything around you pounds on you for ‘what did you learn’ and how are you applying it and ‘if you don’t know learnings from the past how can you be sure that is the right thing to do?” <crap like that>.

Okay. Semi useful thinking crap like that. But what it really means is that anyone truly desiring to move forward, intent on progress, keeps getting dragged back time and again to the past. What, or who, is the main culprit of this almost unhealthy relationship with the past?

“Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to make the same mistakes.”

Christalmighty. “Doomed.”

No wonder people are afraid of some risk or hesitate to move forward keep looking backwards. Doom is never a particularly desirable objective if you care about your career <or anything for that matter>.

====

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”

(George Santayana)

“I’ve got news for Mr. Santayana: we’re doomed to repeat the past no matter what.

That’s what it is to be alive.”

Kurt Vonnegut

====

The ‘doomed’ aspect <which older business people toss around like confetti in meetings> means we are almost demanded to not only invest energy in the past but, in some cases, encouraged to hold on to past learning with ragged claws. That said … I will go back to the bravery aspect because I could argue the truest bravery, in this sense, resides in two places:

• Not looking back once you have decided to move forward.
• Not looking back when you purposefully stand still.

Yeah.

First. Move. There are actually times to just go. Go and do. I do not mean ‘go’ as solely leaning on instincts <I call this ‘decision faking by intuition‘>, because research tends to show instincts are less important than experience, but lean on your experience to guide you through the context of your progress. The truth is that the past cannot show you all the shit you need to know as you move forward. It only shows aspects of shit you should be aware of. And, worse, the past has  nasty habit of not encouraging you to reflect on the context of all the aspects just the aspects themselves. Therefore history is truly only important in parts and not the whole.

This means you have to grab the scraps of what you need from the past and create a new whole in moving forward. That is where bravery steps up to the plate. More often than not you are creating a new whole … a slightly different version of what was. Yeah. That is different than the past <it s actually something new>. Yeah. Everyone is actually a creator, a discoverer albeit we don’t like to think about that. While this point is a generalization … if you know your shit … once you have decided to go … to move forward … don’t look back. Bravely face the new world ahead.

Yeah.

Second. Stand still. There are actually times to stop. Stand still. Even amidst activity. Even amidst a crowd which seems like it is moving forward <albeit sometimes all you see is the movement>.

Stillness, strategic stillness, is possibly one of the scariest things anyone can ever do. When everyone and everything is moving you feel like you are ding something wrong in standing still. And, yet, by purposefully doing so you may be adding to the progress rather than taking away from it.

Here is what I know about purposefully standing still.

You have to accept the fact you are offering the type of energy that no matter where you are and no matter that you are still & not moving you are actually adding value to the space and time and progress to that which is around you. I can promise you that this takes a version of bravery.

Anyway.

The entire ‘Forward progress Theory’ is difficult. Difficult in the mind <attitudes> and even in practice <behavior>. I could argue that it is so difficult because our natural instinct is to try and use the past to define what the future will look like. That is slightly crazy when you think about it. While the arc of time suggests the future will most likely replicate the past, well, that is the arc and not the details. It’s kind of like discussing strategy versus tactics. The strategy may remain the same or similar, but the tactics will vary in the context of time & situation.

Progress does take some bravery, some courage. Mostly because the future will always contain something you have never seen before or faced before. In other words … it will not be the same as it was.

I don’t think I am particularly brave but I certainly don’t look back once I decide to go … and I have no qualms with standing still amidst movement. I tend to believe it is not bravery but rather experience.

Ah. Experience. Maybe you need to be brave to gain useful experience?

Ok.

That’s another post for another day ……..

===================

“Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, ‘So what’.

That’s one of my favorite things to say. So what.”

Andy Warhol

=====================

———–

“Just because you took longer than others doesn’t mean you failed.”

==

nomoresoundtomufflepain

————

“If the doors of perception were cleansed everything would appear to man as it is, infinite.”

–

William Blake

=====

Ok. Far too often we speak of progress as “forward.” This implies all progress lies in one, and only one, direction, and, it is a linear concept & function. This is wrong. Unequivocally, absolutely, wrong.

Well. I know I have fallen in this trap myself on occasion. I have certainly suggested that Life is often a ragged diagonal, but more often than not I discuss progress as forward.

It is not true. Forward ain’t the only direction for progress.

Please note that I am not suggesting movement represents actual progress just that progress can appear in any direction.

Well, okay, to be fair, I imagine I am also suggesting movement is good. It may not represent actual progress, but it does represent two things:

<1> you are less likely to be run over by someone who is moving … and you are not

<2> restlessness most typically is indicative of curiosity, exploring, discovery and learning.

So I am suggesting movement involves at least some sort of proactive restlessness <although I imagine fear driven restlessness is also some version of progress itself>. This movement means you have increased the likelihood to live for another day or another moment combined with the fact that the experience you gain while moving increases the likelihood you will be ‘better’ in some way the next day or moment.

Now. If you believe progress can be defined in any direction, not just forward, it has some pretty positive outputs:

–      multitude of possibility: instead of possibilities residing somewhere in front of you now you can explore possibilities in any direction. This suggests progress is infinite <not possibilities>.

–      time is less constrained: when you only have one direction you can go it can become very constraining as time looks extremely finite because it appears to only have value when moving in one direction <all other paths and dimensions have no value because no ‘progress’ is attached to it>. In other words, if progress can occur in any direction, your present gets some elbow room.

==

“Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there’s no room for the present at all.”

Evelyn Waugh

==

As I said earlier, I have been wrong on this topic in the past. I have said ‘if you are not moving forward you are moving backwards <metaphorically>”.

I was wrong.

If you remain committed to restless movement and possibly some strategic side to side steps, maybe even thoughtful steps back, heck, even standing still on occasion; it can all be part of progress.

Lastly. I purposefully used the word ‘committed.’ Movement in Life &Business takes commitment.

It may sound odd, or counter intuitive, but constantly fighting the battle between progress and stagnancy takes commitment. Its not that stagnancy is so attractive its more that Movement is difficult — physically, emotionally and mentally. There is a constant urge to do … well … nothing <let’s call it ‘rest’>, and counter-intuitively, rest can actually steer you in the opposite direction from where you ultimately want to go. Yes. Rest, sitting still, can actually create negative progress or misguided progress.

We have to commit ourselves movement and recognize that all your movement and the decisions & actions that take place within your purposeful committed movement counts in some form or fashion.

And isn’t that what progress really about?

Making moments count?

Who gives a shit if the moment is behind where you currently are, to your side, maybe diagonally? Who cares if progress maybe even steps away from where you are?

If you make the moment count that is progress. Therefore, progress is an output from movement, any movement, not just forward.

———–

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