===========

“I totally remember what it felt like to be so full …full of promise, full of dreams, full of shit.

Mostly just full of yourself.

So full you’re bursting.

And then you get out into the world, and people empty you out, little by little, like air from a balloon. You try like hell to fill yourself up with fresh air, from you and from other people.

But back then … it was so damn effortless to feel full, you know?

All you had to do was breathe. “

Jonathan Tropper

=========

There is certainly a point in most of our lives when we feel full. I don’t have a specific age to point to. I cannot even point to a specific time in Life <and someone is lying if they try and tell you something specific>.

For some it is 6.

For some it is 16.

For some it is 26.

For some it is 36.

But. Suffice it to say that there is a point in almost everyone’s life where you are full to bursting and you burst out into Life.

The amazing thing is up to that point it most likely didn’t take any work. Yeah. As natural as breathing you were inflated. You are full of everything & anything that suggested ‘possibilities.’

Uhm. And it is just about at the point you are at bursting, you begin deflating.

From that point on it is almost a battle of attrition with regard to how you view your possibilities. Shit. I could argue that from that point on it is a battle of attrition with regard to your esteem, meaning & sense of self. 

And here is where I really thought the quote nailed this thought.

People.

It is People who empty you little by little.

Not Life, ‘people.’

That is the truth <the truth many of us just don’t think about>. We far too often say Life is the enemy of possibilities and that it relentlessly attacks us or relentlessly places obstacles to what we want & desire.

But it isn’t Life.

It is always people who deflate.
To be fair, people can inflate, but more often than not people deflate. And deflating doesn’t have to be mean spirited or even well thought out attacks on what is ready to burst out from you.

It can be the pinprick of a ‘no.’

It can be the pinprick of a question.

It can be the pinprick of ‘are you sure?’

Well. The pinpricks that deflate are so numerous that … well … deflating is the pinprick version of a ‘death of a thousand cuts.’

Here is where it gets really tough. What got you inflated does you absolutely no good in defending deflation. Because you are doomed if all you do is try to re-inflate. A pinprick remains and you end up working harder and harder to try to not only re-inflate, but simply to maintain your buoyancy.

It is a fool’s errand to try and re-inflate.

Okay.

Maybe it is foolish only until you have mended some of the pinpricks and patched them up <mentally & psychologically>.

Now. I could suggest you try and eliminate the people with the fucking pins, but that is also a fool’s errand. It is foolish because there are more of them then there are of you. There is a relentless onslaught of prick people <sorry … I just wanted to type that>.

What I suggest is, first, recognize how you are slowly being deflated.

Acceptance is the first step.

What I suggest second is to build an internal mending kit. Accept the fact you are gonna get pricked, accept the fact that you cannot build an exterior which will turn away the pins <because that means you will be a hardened asshole oblivious to constructive criticism or real input> and accept the fact you simply have to mend yourself. Continuously.

You may be reading this and think I am full of shit.

To those people I suggest you sit back and think a moment. Think about what it felt like to be so full … full of promise, full of dreams, full of shit.

Don’t think about when that was <because that is irrelevant>.

Just think about how it felt.

I bet it felt fucking awesome.

I also bet you don’t feel that way now or anymore.

And, if I am right, don’t run off trying to re-inflate yourself, just start mending the small pin prick holes today. Cause if you do that … well … you are back on the path to bursting with promise, dreams and shit. Ok. Maybe not all the way to that, but certainly reinflating some possibilities.

Ponder.

=======

“A story is not like a road to follow … it’s more like a house. You go inside and stay there for a while, wandering back and forth and settling where you like and discovering how the room and corridors relate to each other, how the world outside is altered by being viewed from these windows. And you, the visitor, the reader, are altered as well by being in this enclosed space, whether it is ample and easy or full of crooked turns, or sparsely or opulently furnished. You can go back again and again, and the house, the story, always contains more than you saw the last time. It also has a sturdy sense of itself of being built out of its own necessity, not just to shelter or beguile you.”

Alice Munro

=================

My house is my story. And it is always on fire.

“We all live in a house on fire – no fire department to call, no way out. Just the upstairs window to look out of while the fire burns the house down with us trapped in it.”

Tennessee Williams

Well. If my story is my house, well, I tend to believe we all live in a house on fire. For years I have debated what the Williams quote really meant to me and then I found the ‘house is my story’ quote and I had my answer. Now. I am no literary expert nor am I particularly insightful with regard to inner meanings, therefore, my thoughts are tainted <or skewed> by my attitude toward Life and living.

That said. Me? We don’t need no water, let the motherfucker burn.

Oops. My attitude … my thoughts.

Well. I actually think a couple thoughts.  Inner fire. Outer fire. In other words. Our story is surrounded by fire. Within and without.

The inner fire.

This fire is inner curiosity.  A passion for something. A spirit and capacity for something  — it doesn’t have to be something big … just something. And it is always burning, uhm, and it can burn you up if you don’t set it free. It is a restless fire. I will make a generalization here, but, suffice it to say that we all know bitter people. People who have strong opinions, but are fairly close minded. They are burning up from the inside out. In the close mindedness they have squeezed the fire of life so tightly it fries them. The rooms in the house are burning and they have no place to go.

That’s why I rarely get angry with close minded people or bitter people I know that most of them are simply burning up from an inner fire that curiosity just hasn’t set free.

By the way, as a corollary, this also means that I don’t really believe the inner spark goes out in most people.

Why? The people that have lost that inner fire have simply lost hope <maybe I am naïve but I hope that they are few and far between>.

—

“Do not let your fire go out, sparked by irreplaceable spark. And the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish.

And lonely frustration for the life you deserved but never been able to reach.  The world you desire can be won. It exists.  It is real. It is possible.

And it is yours.”

Lucas Scott on One Tree Hill

—

I think the inner spark always burns. That there is a fire within everyone.

Uhm. Yeah.

Everyone.

That inner fire is burning all the time, some people get burned up, others spread the fire, but that fire is there always awaiting to be rekindled if it is diminished.

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”

Albert Schweitzer

Ok.

The outer fire.

This would be the house we live in burning down around us.

I believe the house we live in, Life, burns all the time. Because our story lives within a forest always burning.

Life isn’t easy.

People live.

People die.

And in-between the fire always burns.

Here is the challenge with your story being your house and the thought it is always burning. Sometimes in the comfort, the safety, of our home our story feels safe …  and we don’t even feel we are getting burned.

This is dangerous because in the end we kind of helplessly watch the fire slowly consume us.

I use safe and comfort and suggest stagnancy or standing still within the walls of what you know as an example of how you can be consumed by the fire.

Well. Because comfortable complacency does not mean you are safe.

Why? Well. The house is burning for gods sake. The fact is that this fire never goes out.

We can never stamp out this fire. It rages off and on, but is always burning. Safety within the home of what you know is temporary. Inevitably the fire will consume you by squeezing out what make life interesting and worthwhile. As a counterpoint to inner fire, it suffocates the fire within with the fire coming from without.

Your story burns. Your story ends up being a burned out shell with everything within extinguished. Just ashes where a raging story once stood.

Anyway.

I admit. I like the thought of my story being my house and that it is always on fire.

And while I am not a woman the following point resonates with me:

—

She lives her life like a flame; a dance of purposeful chaos … her enchanting light can guide you and quell your fears … she’s hot; warming those who respect her and burning those who don’t.

She is a flame with an unforgettable glow. A weak man will try to dim her luminance… but her soul mate will take pleasure in fanning the blaze.“

Steve Maraboli

—

A flame with an unforgettable glow. Whew. What a story that would be.

Therefore. Let it rage <I say>.

Story.

House.

Fire.

It is a life truth that we make choices that resonate throughout our lives … but how your story is told … and maybe how it dies … may be the biggest truth.

Aw. That’s too deep for today.

All I am fairly sure of is that the Life is burning around us. And what about your house?

Well. It may not be burning.

And me? I think of words from Julianna Hatfield:

“I wrote and wrote like the house was on fire, like words and chords and melodies were going to burn up and disintegrate into the air if didn’t capture them fast enough.”

Juliana Hatfield

I love that thought.

I will write my story like the house was on fire.

I will think thoughts before they disintegrate into ash.

I will live life like the house is burning around me.

I will hope I have a fire never quenched.

“Some men, like a tiled house, are long before they take fire, but once on flame there is no coming near to quench them.”

Thomas Fuller

Because if our Life is constantly on fire … whew … what a view we have from that upstairs window as it all burns.

My story.

My house.

My fire.

“The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire. We don’t need no water, let the motherf–ker burn.”

<“Tear the Roof off the Sucker” – chant often blended with ‘The Roof Is on Fire’ by Rockmaster Scott & The Dynamic Three>

My story. My house.

Let the motherfucker burn.

Now there’s an attitude to live by.

What’s your story?

Ponder.

=====

note: Imagine this was a ‘personal branding’ article. Whew. That would blow up some personal branding experts.

“If you don’t think, then you shouldn’t talk.”

– March Hare <Alice in Wonderland>

Well.

Thinking and talking.

This sounds so simple.

But it is actually a little more complicated than it appears.

There is often a significant difference what you think <and saying it> and thinking about what you think <and actually saying it>.

Let’s maybe call this uninformed opinions versus informed opinions.

Let’s maybe call this lazy or shallow thinking versus invested thinking … or enlightened thinking.

This may sound crazy coming from a guy who has consistently been a proponent of thinking, any thinking, as a good thing and a sign of progress and improvement for an individual’s mind <from which we all benefit>.

But.

Maybe I have realized that not all opinions are created equal.

Uh oh.

This is dangerous ground. Very dangerous ground. For what makes someone’s opinion greater than some else’s? <assuming they are both opinions>. More reflectively, what makes my opinion more valuable than yours?

Well.

It’s the thinking.

That’s what differentiates between opinions.

Not critical thinking or adeptness at thinking <although they help>, but rather the depth of the thinking.

And this gets to be REALLY dangerous ground.

Because I can guarantee you that a shallow thinker, or someone who has pegged their opinion upon one, what they view as unequivocal fact or truth, believes they have depth behind their opinion.

Because what can be deeper than truth?

Oh. Let me be clear.

Truth is truth. Neither shallow nor deep. Even in it’s ‘wafer thin being’ it is stronger than anything else in the world. Stronger than the strongest metal in the world. Stronger than any lie <no matter how crafty that lie can be>.

However. Truths are truly hard to find and truths are actually made up of a number of coherent facts <so confusing a fact and a truth within a discussion can create some issues …>.

And herein lies the trouble in dealing with a shallow thinker.

They confuse truth with what they are actually using to support their opinion.

Often they will torture numbers to make them tell the story they want to tell and extract splinters from houses of information to challenge the entire foundation.

Deep thinkers understand that truth is more often found in a compilation of learnings and the consolidation of coherent facts.

A strong opinion is supported really only by one of two things:

–          One of those truly unequivocal truths

–          A solid foundation of a variety of learnings

That said. I believe life would be a shitload better if we just assumed the majority of us just aren’t smart enough to recognize real truths even if they hit us in the face. Therefore, we are required to actually do some thinking … and some real enlightening type work & research to truly offer a ‘deep’ opinion.

Regardless.

I say this in combination with the quote because I believe far too often we offer flippant opinions.

We may not truly be lazy, but we may not be working hard enough before we speak.

And I have written before, this matters because words can be weapons. But what may be worse is that shallow opinions tend to have really sharp jagged edges that can tear apart even the best thoughts.

I say that because have you ever noticed how the really smartest people, those who have actually thought about their opinions, tend to keep them to themselves? I think it’s because they know that often they cannot protect their thoughts from the shallow sharp edged opinions they will inevitably be attacked with.

Yeah. Shallow opinions are really really hard to defend against.

Reason seldom works <which is REALLY aggravating>.

Anyway.

If you really haven’t thought about what you think, don’t speak. The odds are your opinion isn’t equal to someone who has actually thought about what they think.

You may not like to hear that and I bet you certainly don’t like to believe it … but … well … that is a truth.

No.

Don’t say anything.

Just think about what I just said.

Sonya Kitchell

===========

July 4^th.

I wasn’t sure what to write and then I remembered this fantastic song at the end of the series finale episode of The Unit (the episode was called “unknown soldier). The song is ‘soldier’s lament’ by Sonya Kitchell.

First (for the 4th). About Sonya. I am really pleased to share her talent with you if you have never heard of her. She was only 18 when she wrote this song and, yet, it has a sense of maturity beyond her years. Oh. And seems more listenable for the coffee-drinking adult crowd <hence her first song at 16 was on a Starbucks mix>. Regardless. Her voice reminds me a lot of Rachel Yamagata … husky soulful & languid.

Second (for the 4th). I am pleased to highlight the show The Unit if you have never seen it.  I know a Ranger, but I do not know any special forces members. What I do know is that they are all special … and frickin’ smart & tough. I would envision any country’s special forces are really special <smart & tough> and I also envision parts of The Unit reflect truth. It is a good show and reminds us of how special they are.

Third (on the 4th). July 4^th is a good reminder with regard to ‘freedom of,’ fighting and standing up for a cause and the people who actually do the kind of fighting that can cost them their lives <versus just a cost to ego>.

Look. I am neither a ‘hawk’ nor a ‘dove.’

And I do not believe there is such a thing as a good war, but I also believe that some wars are worth fighting.

And I do believe that America’s attitude toward war and risk aversion is looped. Successful military events with low casualties breed interest in further military adventures. Costly engagements breed caution. In general America will tolerate high casualties to ward off only what they see as direct threats, but tolerate almost none to police distant and seemingly unfixable troubled countries.

Is that the right attitude? Geez. It doesn’t exactly feel right, but it is what it is.

And I end up believing that what that means for the future is difficult to judge.

Regardless. People who join the military, special forces or not, are special.

I do believe the young people who sign up for the military, the significant majority, know exactly what they are possibly signing up for. And I also believe that regardless of the knowledge … a young person doesn’t know what they don’t know <thinking about having someone shoot at you is significantly different than knowing someone is shooting at you>. I say that so we do not confuse what issues are most important when we discuss military and discuss what is going on in their heads when they return.

That said. I do believe they should be treated with respect and not used as a political hot potato for causes. For example … using a number estimated by the Dept. of Veteran’s Affairs <because the actual numbers are really unknown> research shows that between 2002 and 2007 the rate of American military suicides was actually lower than the rate for civilians <yeah … that made me shake my head in surprise too>.

My readers know that I do not take suicide lightly, but my point here is that we often use the military to make points <the one here is that most media simply says something like “on average 18 american veteran service people commit suicide daily”>.

Is 18 too many? Shit. 1 is too many.

But the general population suicide number is higher.

Fourth (on the 4th). Soldiers. Treat them fairly. Treat them with respect. But don’t treat them as if they didn’t know what they were signing up for. That is disrespectful.

Anyway.

Given my respect for the military … and what their families also contribute I thought the song was perfect to share on the 4^th.

I wish I could have found the song and the actual closing scenes from The Unit.

It was an excellent show with one of the best managed endings ever done for a show.

Have a great 4^th of July.

“Circumstances do not determine your state of being.”

The observation: How often businesses get trapped in the “but how about?” type discussions. Note. “But how about this?” is just another version of “why shouldn’t we build/service/do this?”

The rant: It is amazing how often the question is generated by one of two things:

1. A new trend or fad or publicized widget need that someone in a flash of brilliance says “hey we can do that!”

… or

2. It is represented as an opportunity with the appearance of possible sales (possible profits but that is another discussion that still amazes me).

Well. Point 1 is particularly dangerous because chasing trends/fads is like chasing the Roadrunner <and you are Wile Coyote>. You won’t catch it. Oh. And if you do, your plan won’t most likely work anyway.

Point 2 is particularly complex because product extensions, innovations and a whole mess of internal twister-like maneuvers shouldn’t <in general> be dictated by external stimulus.

Regardless. Constantly bringing up the question is wasted energy <the majority of the time>.

In my opinion, here is the core issue at hand.

Too often businesses struggle to find their sense of self. And it’s kind of nuts because, with regard to this discussion, business is actually pretty easy. Decide who you are and what you are good at. Oh. And that doesn’t mean saying “we are a nice company with values and we are good at everything.” My main issue with this topic is that if I can set up guardrails, or, at minimum, recognize that direction guardrails are important, why can’t businesses?  Its nuts.

Look. I am going to use myself as an example because, as noted above, I don’t easily deal with guardrails, in fact, I often find them constricting. Yet. I get paid more often than not for simply saying “no” to “how about?” Yeah. I get paid to stay within guardrails <go figure>. And I am not smarter than the average bear.

Look. I think my strength is identifying and creating creative solutions to challenges-problems. I can do it in my sleep. Any time. Any business. Any where. What that means is my weakness is staying the course – staying on mission-vision-whatever you want to call it.

(Note: No one is strong at everything. If you have a strength identify it and you can always identify the related weakness. Don’t worry. You can always compensate for it.)

I envision, using hindsight, that because that was my strength when I was younger I probably went out of my way to constantly seek challenges/problems to solve (which most likely drove some of my groups nuts). This didn’t mean I created work, but rather sifted through a lot to uncover a ‘situation/problem’ to solve. Probably out of dumb luck I discovered some viable issues to pursue and inevitably my groups were known for proactive innovative thinking.

Anyway.  In recognizing my weakness I compensate by having a strong process for identifying the core positioning-mission-core competency. By doing that I can leave my strength – solving this issue – unfettered. It revolves around the process, but the solution is not driven by the process. Now. My process may allow a little more latitude than some others (think of it as designing a five lane autobahn versus a one lane drag race track), but it sets up guardrails.

And that is what is frustrating.

Because, once again, I can set up guardrails, or, at minimum, recognize that direction guardrails are important, why can’t businesses?  <fill in your own answer here because I don’t have one>. And then because businesses cannot figure out this sense of self then some brand-voodoo-magicians <i.e., consultants or charlatans> come along and use sleight of hand bullshit that only confuses businesses.

Thought for everyone. Don’t be confused. It is relatively simple.

A company owns its character, core competency and crap they sell. Consumer owns the brand. Therefore, as a business you focus on what you can control. It’s the guardrail thing I mentioned. I promise companies if they stay within their guardrails that buyers will inevitably forge a brand that is within the guardrails. And dealing with “how abouts?” becomes incredibly easy because while some bonehead is presenting a whizbang prezi presentation (with augmented reality to really wow you) outlining all the sales reasons a company should do something it comes down to the guardrails. Because if the dollars and cents reside outside the guardrails, it becomes a gamble. It becomes the Kentucky derby of business decisions.  Which sucks because most companies don’t breed racing horses.

Anyway. Having been around the block a couple of times here is why I believe a sense of self keeps getting missed:

1. Lazy thinking. “We are good with retail business” is a prime example. Lazy, lazy, lazy thinking. Because not all retail is the same. A franchise retail is different than a corporate retail. A grocer retail is very different from a cellular retail. A one location retail is different from a 1500 location retail.  The list goes on. Anyone can select a big bucket to sit your ass in … and it is a waste of time in terms of actually being meaningful in terms of truly understanding your ‘self.’

2. Everything to everyone. Well. Ok. Not trying to be everything, but rather in self reflection believing you are capable of everything. This is the infamous “We can figure it out when it happens. We always have.” Yeah. Well. Maybe. But probably not. The truth is if you really really think about it the business is actually good at something. There is something within the shit you pulled off (sometimes by the hair on your chinny chin chin) that provides a commonality that you should invest the time in figuring out.

Yup. It will actually help you do better in the future. And will help you hire better people (ok … it just may make you better at hiring the right people).

3. “I am going to miss something” (or the “moving sense of self” syndrome). Uh oh. As soon as you put a stake in the ground … it means someone will not want to plant themselves next to you on that ground. Why? They may not realize it immediately, but the more they review the landscape they realize that they don’t want to plant their butts there. <Hint: that is okay.>

Next. A fact: it bugs the shit out of the ‘stake placer’ to be spurned (even if it is a bad match). As soon as spurning happens this company wants to pull up its stake and run around looking for a place to put the stake that would be appealing to the ‘spurner’ (i.e., for that one business opportunity).

The conclusion: Beyond some silly business misdirection I imagine it, at its worst, could come down to 2 things (primarily):

– not defining the guardrails in the first place

– not believing in the guardrails that were established.

Both are quite solvable, but that’s not what this post is about. It’s about the fact that the majority of businesses fall into 1 or 2 and invest a shitload of energy in “how about?”

So … how about this? That’s stupid.

In the end.

Beyond the stupidity comment I could start a ‘who’s who’ list of companies who seemingly get seduced into discussing dreams or ‘what ifs’ with regard to who they are <as a company> rather than insuring they know what they do and who they currently are. It is not only wasted energy but, even more importantly, potentially disastrous.

Oh. And please do not confuse this questioning with “whats next?’ because that question is usually a reflection of someone who is standing on some solid “this is who I am and what I do well” discussing what they want to do next.

I am amazed on how many of all businesses fall into this discussion category.

Oh. The profit thing. I usually cut to the chase pretty fast on this one. Yes. Someone certainly knows how to make money on ‘x’ because they are doing it (and it appears they are making money). No. That does not mean we know how to do it and make money. There are a lot of business people who just say “we will figure it out if we actually get the opportunity.”. Well it doesn’t work that way. Or. Maybe better said it is more difficult than that simplistic point of view. Some things can be figured out (some not). Some things can be figured out but take time to do so (and what do you do in the interim?).  But. A company needs to figure it out. A wise man once said this:

“Most agencies are in the same boat — from big ones to two man shops. They’re in it for the money and they’re scared. Scared the client’s going to walk. And because they are afraid they compromise their principles. They are so scared of losing the business they give the customer what they think they want rather than what they know he needs. And sometimes it works — for a while. But in the end it always backfires. You lose the business anyway and you wake up one day to find you’re a prostitute. So, in the end, stick to your principles. ‘to thine ownself be true.’ 0ver 200 years old but still good advice.”

Stephen Hawley Martin (founder of The Martin Agency)

Ok. Just to be sure my rant wasn’t too far off base I did find a study from Prophet <who I sometimes respect>.

New Prophet Study: Execs Understand That Customer Engagement Is Pressuring Brands To Perform Better — But Many Don’t Think Their Marketers Can Handle the Challenge

“The majority (55 percent) of participating senior executives in general management and marketing said that supporting business growth through a well-differentiated and relevant brand positioning was their most pressing concern.” Mike Leiser, Prophet senior partner.

• Targeting customers in this environment is problematic; three-fourths of respondents said they’re not doing it effectively. Over 90 percent are targeting more than one segment, and over half of these do so with multiple positionings of a single brand. Importantly, however, those multiple positionings are similar – what’s different among most in this group are the tactics used in bring them to life.

“Adjusting to this changing landscape will be a process,” Leiser said. “Our findings show that marketers must adapt a more visionary orientation to more effectively guide their organizations through it.”

So. Gosh. Maybe I am not as dumb as I look.

===

“What people don’t understand doesn’t exist.”

Jan Carlzon

——–

“Chance favors the connected mind.”

Steven Johnson

===

Ok. We chase a lot of things in business in search of ‘advantage’. We sometimes chase them so blindly and relentlessly we don’t even recognize the rabbit hole we have started running down. Differentiation is one of those rabbit holes.

Now. I have a warped perspective <it includes rabbit holes> with regard to differentiation and differentiating in the business world. I think it’s a shit objective. Ok. It CAN be a shithole objective. But suffice it to say I believe chasing differentiation is … well … yes … often a rabbit hole.

To be clear. I don’t dislike differentiation and I believe a well differentiated sustainable idea can dominate a market. But. Chasing differentiation seems to take on some fairly absurd efforts to attain the objective. In addition. I worry about differentiation as an objective because it points people in the wrong direction. If I were to kill this whole differentiation thing, I would begin by saying “define, define, define.” Define yourself with such a clear distinctive thought that permits you stand up and say ‘here is who I am.’

Here is the deal. Sometimes you may look similar to someone else. But more often you will look like ,well, you. And in a sometimes complex fragmented world where everyone is shouting how different they are <and people are becoming more & more cynical> distinctness can win. And more often than not you will also be, well, different. In addition. In today’s world about the only sustainable differentiation isn’t a thing, it is knowledge, thinking & what you have done with what you learn.

Regardless. The meaningless rabbit hole. In our blind pursuit of differentiation we can make some fairly absurd decisions with regard to thoughtless specialization, nuanced differentiation and niche definition. In our blind pursuit of differentiation we can gleefully land on some ‘spot’ and declare differentiation victory only to have it all negated because of lack of alignment throughout all aspects of operations. Attempted, or false/meaningless, differentiation is useless and distracting and a rabbit hole.

Bottom line on differentiation is the reckless pursuit of it encourages us to lie to ourselves, i.e., convince ourselves of ‘true difference’ when it is simply meaningless differentiation. And therein lies the worst of the rabbit hole. Pretending to not see the truth, or maybe <to be kinder>, to pretend it is what it isn’t.

—————

“… the person who pretends to not see the truth is committing something much worse than a mortal sin, which can only ruin one’s soul – but instead committing us all to lifetimes of pain.

The truth is not just something we bring to light to amuse ourselves; the truth is the axis munid, the dead center of the earth. When it’s out of place nothing is right; everyone is in the wrong place; no light can penetrate. Happiness evades us and we spread pain and misery wherever we go. Each person, above all others, has an obligation to recognize the truth and stand by it.”

Jacque Silette

—————-

That last point is semi-important because many business people simply ignore truth as they pursue this elusive <and debatably poor objective> thing called differentiation. Far <far> too many business people embrace acceptable doubt and the possibility that a stupid belief might have something going for it in the pursuit of ‘differentiation’ all the while completely ignoring something that makes you distinct <but possibly not different>, or, let’s call it ‘an obvious and rational truth.’ People ignore it because they believe it will get you nowhere.

Trust me. These are the meetings and discussions in which I often sit dumbfounded and silent and thinking ‘wow … the rabbit hole just gained a whole new crowd of loons.’

—-

“…I was calm on the outside but thinking all the time.”

A Clockwork Orange

———-

Our relentless pursuit of differentiating most often than not leads to an unimportant product feature <not what customers consider valuable>

–——-

“Differentiation is a unique quality, perceived or real, of a good or service that distinguish it from a competing good or service…”

Your Dictionary.com

——–

Look. I fully realize that the need to be distinctive and competitive are the reasons why the company needs to think about differentiation.  However, differentiation can take on so many faces there is no reason you should end up chasing down some rabbit hole for some elusive ‘this is what you MUST seek’ objective as defined by one expert <only to have another expert state unequivocally you need to chase another completely different shiny object>.

Suffice it to say, I can almost guarantee whenever someone brings up differentiation it is more often than not simply code for “please enter this rabbit hole.”

Next. The perfection rabbit hole. On a parallel course is a similar group chasing perfection often ending up in the same rabbit hole as the differentiators <can get awful crowded in that business rabbit hole>. The pursuit of perfection is an insidious rabbit hole. Its stench seeps into the darkest corners of an organization. And while the stench is enough to make anyone’s stomach heave most organizations have people with no real ability and yet strive to maintain an aura of ability under the guise of ‘seeking perfection for the good of the organization.’

More good employees are actually LED into the perfection rabbit hole than employees who actually CHOOSE to dive into the perfection rabbit hole. That said. Organizations are built over this particular rabbit hole. Every organization. It is the unfortunate burden of every organization to deal with the pursuit of perfection.

————–

“Just because you took longer than others doesn’t mean you failed.”

Hassann

—————

Maybe that is my biggest point about rabbit holes and business. Some of the things we seek most in business, whether it be differentiation or perfection or whatever silly thing you have decided will better your business, always seem to take longer than what you want. We get impatient. And if we get really thoughtful about this whole impatience we would realize that our aggravation is with Life and not any inability within ourselves <or even in assessment the foolish pursuit of this un-real reality objective>.

Note:

we SHOULD be more thoughtful about this more often … mostly because if we do not far too many of the wrong people get fired <the right ones> and too many of the wrong people <the wrong ones> get praised and encouraged to maintain the ‘pursuit’ for the good f the organization.

Regardless. Life does not suffer fools lightly. Life is oblivious to your impatience <and relatively indifferent to you in general>. And Life bleeds into any and every organization.

How does Life deal with the fools and silly impatient people? Rabbit holes. It gives us rabbit holes to chase after silly things and dive into in our relentless pursuit of attaining “it” and waste our lives wandering aimlessly within.

But here is where Business and personal Life diverge.

In personal Life you are responsible for the stupid choices you make. Choose to enter a rabbit hole and the issue is all yours to own. In business you can actually get shoved into a rabbit hole whether you want to or not.

All I can tell you is that when I hear someone leading a discussion about ‘how are we different’ and ‘what’s our differentiation?” I start swiveling my head around scanning for rabbit holes.

All I can tell you is that when I hear someone in the hallway espousing the need to pursue perfection I start swiveling my head around scanning for rabbit holes.

 All I can tell you is that when I am in a meeting and someone is discussing both differentiation and perfection I don’t swivel my head, I just sigh, because I know I am already in a rabbit hole.

That is business … and rabbit holes. Ponder.

==

“Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it.”

via creatingaquietmind

==

“Well I guess it’s only life,

It’s only natural we all spend a little while going down the rabbit hole. “

The Shins

==

“We don’t create a fantasy world to escape reality, we create it to be able to stay.”

Lynda Barry

==

Ok. We chase a lot of things in Life. We sometimes chase them so blindly and relentlessly we don’t even recognize the rabbit hole we have started running down. Happiness is one of those rabbit holes.

Whoa !

WTF.

Happiness is a rabbit hole?

Well. Suffice it to say happiness is a tricky thing.

Having it is awesome.

Seeking it is … well … a rabbit hole.

The search injects us with most of our everyday stress which means most of our stress has nothing to do with what we have, but rather what we don’t have <seeking what we want in other words>.

And while wanting a new car or some shirt or the cool new phone is a tangible ‘want’ <and not even close to sending you down a rabbit hole>; happiness is much more elusive. In fact. Much more elusive than you would imagine <or want>.

First. Our brains struggle to remember happiness in a realistic way. Semi-happy moments in the past take on a Life of their own and become exponentially happier in the memory. Yeah. Happiness has a wary relationship with reality.

Second. Our brains relentlessly tug at and tease out the minutiae found in unhappy moments. This, ultimately, translates into the fact we cannot seem to forget unhappiness and inevitably, because of that, do anything – include some absolutely absurd things – we can to avoid it.

Therein lies the rabbit hole. Life is not meant to be avoided.

Shit.

Life cannot be avoided <whether you try to or not>.

What do I mean? While we seek to control our own destiny and write our own fates … others grab our Life while we aren’t looking and write whole chapters for us that we can only look at and say “WTF” just before the inevitable ‘not written by us’ happens.

———

“Life is like a library owned by the author.  In it are a few books which he wrote himself, but most of them were written for him.”

Harry Emerson Fosdick

————

And all that ‘not written by us’ stuff keeps on getting in the way of what we want to write about happiness for our Life as well as it gets in the way of erasing the unhappy shit. This particular rabbit hole, this relentless pursuit of happiness, makes Life particularly difficult.

———-

“It hasn’t been easy, and it never will be. After all, every day is also a chance to slide back into the darkness. To live in ourselves and our regrets, instead of this moment. To run away from those that would help us and let self-hatred drive us back into isolation, despair, and destruction.

Nick Spencer

——

Every day is not easy and actively pursuing happiness shoves our happy ass in a slippery sloped rabbit hole faster than you can blink an eye.

Ok. As a corollary to chasing happiness, lets maybe call this the other rail on the tracks down into the frickin’ rabbit hole, is chasing simplicity <often believing this ‘elusive simplicity’ will lead to happiness>.

Is this a paradox in Life? Shit. I don’t know, but I do know the more we seek simplicity the more complex things tend to get and … uhm … the less happy we become.

Whew. Boy oh boy, talk about the slippery slope leading down to the rabbit hole of self-hell. Seeking simplicity is it.

Simplicity entices you day by day and even hour by hour. And each day you do not attain simplicity the more and more you look at it as some type of failure and you try harder and harder for something I am fairly sure you just cannot attain. Or if you can attain it … well … it doesn’t come from a book or some formula or even some sage advice from a friend, it is something more earned by living and attempting and finding.

Simplicity seems so simple and yet it inevitably takes much much longer to master than you feel it is supposed to.

Simplicity seems so damn easy that we, well, get impatient when it doesn’t happen.

Let me state that differently. We get impatient with Life. Uh oh. It’s not like we can dictate the pace & flow of Life <I will come back to this>.

The next problem?

Even if you actually DO attain some simplicity you are aggravated it took so frickin’ long. This is compounded by the fact that simplicity is one of those weird things that as soon as you attain it you start hearing other people say “geez … why did it take you so long to figure THAT out?”

————–

“Just because you took longer than others doesn’t mean you failed.”

Hassann

—————

<I use this quote to close the rabbit holes business post too>

And maybe that is my biggest point about rabbit holes and Life and reality.

Some of the things we seek most in Life, whether it be happiness or simplicity or whatever silly thing you have decided will better your Life, always seem to take longer than what you want. And we get impatient.

And if we get really thoughtful about this whole impatience … we would realize that our aggravation is with Life and not any inability within ourselves <or even in assessment the foolish pursuit of this non-real reality objective>.

Life does not suffer fools lightly. Life is oblivious to your impatience <and relatively indifferent to you in general>.

How does Life deal with the fools and silly impatient people?

Rabbit holes.

Life gives us rabbit holes to chase after silly things and dive into in our relentless pursuit of attaining “it” and waste our lives wandering aimlessly within this hole with slippery walls and minimal handholds to help us climb out of it.

Well. That summarizes reality … and rabbit holes. Ponder.

===

“And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you.”

<Beyond Good and Evil> Friedrich Nietzsche

===

Well. This is mostly about being different.

Well. Actually. Maybe this is just about being yourself.

I say this because everyone is different. Sometimes discernible to the naked eye and sometimes not, but different nonetheless.

Now, unfortunately, discernible or not, sometimes being different seems to put you in some hole where you appear to live where no one else lives.

Oddly enough if you can actually get out of the hole you would simply see that almost everyone has their own hole that Life makes you climb in and out of on occasion.

But inevitably, at some point, Life puts you in your hole and leaves you there … alone … with your thoughts, These are thoughts of how different you are or how different you think or simply how different your life is from every one else … and Life doesn’t help you get out of the hole. Because it is yours. And it is yours to figure out how to get out of.

Stay in the hole long enough and, yes, it begins to look like an abyss. A never ending abyss leading to some sort of personal hell.

Which leads me to being yourself is extremely different in your tween & teen years than in your adult years.

In other words, not all holes and abysses are created equal.

We may like to think so but they aren’t.

An adult abyss is significantly different than a teen abyss.

I am certainly not suggesting that at any age you can find your way into a variety of different holes just that the experience of being in a hole is different.

In fact this hole thing, or the abyss if you get stuck in the hole, or when this abyss looks back at you it means that when you begin to know something that is fundamentally different from yourself and you take a piece of it with you and it changes you and vice versa well, all that I just said ? Yeah. That much is pretty much the same at any age.

But that assumes you get out of the frickin’ abyss.

And the truth is that ability can only come from Life experience.

Young people just don’t know how to get out of the hole. They just don’t have the experience.

And even as we know some adults need help getting out of the hole, young people DEFINITELY need help getting out of the hole.

The adult example?

I will use a wonderful West Wing tv show episode, Noël, scene where Leo tells Josh the following story:

“This guy’s walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can’t get out.

“A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, ‘Hey you. Can you help me out?’ The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.

    “Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, ‘Father, I’m down in this hole can you help me out?’ The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on

“Then a friend walks by, ‘Hey, Joe, it’s me can you help me out?’ And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, ‘Are you stupid? Now we’re both down here.’ The friend says, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been down here before and I know the way out.'”

<West Wing Hole scene>

These are smart adults.

Well.

Kids need the same help.

And I say this unequivocally just in case you look around and see they are shrugging off the help or adamantly opposing the help or any other type of typical tween/teen independent ‘fuck you I don’t need your help’ attitude you will get.

Kids need help getting out of holes.

That’s it. No ifs, ands or buts.

They may not like asking for help … but they need it.

Look.

We encourage young people to embrace their individuality.

And we should.

But with that encouragement also comes a responsibility. For if they do embrace their individuality they will also be embracing the fact that they are in some form or fashion … different.

We don’t want our kids to be alike.

“The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.”

The Dawn

Self esteem really isn’t about ‘being alike’ or similarities or being part of the crowd. Sure. It can play a role. But real self esteem comes from embracing the individuality, the ‘true to thineself’ aspect, that lies within everyone if they seek it.

And in that path to a strong self esteem there are potholes and sometimes some really big deep frickin’ holes.

I can almost guarantee every kid will either slip into a hole or go crashing into a hole at some point in their young Life. I can guarantee that because there are so many holes, real ones and created ones <the worries that inevitably follow a young person through their teen years>, that it is simply not possible to miss them all.

I will share a teen truth just to remind all of us adults:

Teen life and high school is not really a melting pot but more a jungle, run along crude and arbitrary lines of popularity. The kids <today as was yesterday> face the onslaught full spectrum of adolescent anxiety … worrying what your peers will think … secret crushes <and finding the courage to tell the object of what is sometimes simply a fantasy> … worrying you’re too poor <or too rich>, worrying about your parents … worrying if you are good enough … even worrying if haven’t rolled the cuff of your jeans  up just high enough to be right.

Some of that sound silly? You bet.

But we should take it all seriously.

Teen life is the worst and the best of Life.

It has dark, brutal undercurrents and the glittery sparkles of Hollywood all tempered by the disturbing ongoing clash of the dream and the reality.

Which leads me to say that they will need help getting out of whatever hole they fall in. And I am talking about active help, not simply insuring they now they have some intangible support system to lean on or reach out to. I say that because we are often quite flippant with regard to the belief that we are ‘there for them’ and the reality is that sometimes when they fall in one of their holes … they not only lose sight of you <and everything else> but the abyss steals their voice.

For any number of reasons <fear, insecurity, embarrassment, esteem, misplaced courage, independence, rebellion> they will not speak up … or out from the hole.

You have to be active. You cannot simply say ‘here is a rope and I can pull you up if you need help and take it.’ More often we have to jump in the hole yourself and join them.

Why? Because if you permit them to linger too long in the hole … well … the abyss will gaze into them. And inevitably that abyss will find some dark corner in the mind and will find a place to live, eat and breathe for years and years to come.

Look.

Holes are fine in Life.

They are part of Life.

You just have to make sure you know how to get out of them.

Just make sure you teach kids around you to get out of them.

Make sure you do not simply offer a lifeline out of a hole, but jump in with them and show them the way out.

It will be a Life lesson they will never forget.

Ponder.

============

“Success is a lousy teacher.  It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.”

Bill Gates

=====

“We’re all working together; that’s the secret.”

Sam Walton

=====

Original commenter:

It isn’t scientists’ role to package facts and theory for the general public, let alone the most willfully ignorant.

Response commenter:

Surely scientists have some responsibility to make their findings understandable to the public?

Otherwise how do their findings get incorporated into policy?

====================

With so much discussion going on about “the working class” it may become easy to ignore the implicit backlash against ‘intellectualism’ or ‘the out-of-touch elite.’

I do not believe there is an anti-intellectualism crisis.

I do not believe we have reached an era where any influencers who are smart, or intellectual, are dismissed as the reigning voices of truth & expertise.

But.

I do know that elites, or so-called elites, are despised and the opinions of experts are disregarded in favor of emotions or gut feelings, i.e., feelings are as important, if not more important, than facts.

And I do know that Michael Gove once said “people have had enough of experts.”

Whew.

Not only is that a bullshit quote; it is a scary thought.

Look. I could walk into a crowded blue collar bar and after some discussion I could be construed as ‘thinker not doer’, uhm, despite the fact I have over 30 years of doing practical experience.

And therein lies the issue.

Depending on how you articulate your experience you can sound intellectually elitist <too smart for your own good> or you can sound pragmatically hard working. And within those two bookends is a fairly wide spectrum.

In fact. It is within that wide spectrum where there has become a blurring of … well … everything actually, but, in this case, true experience & expertise and ‘elitism.’

This is creating a horrible thing in society and our culture.

If you have gobs of experience, you are labeled as out of touch with the everyday schmuck.

If you are an everyday schmuck you are immediately labeled as anti-intellectual and, far too often, less educated.

This is a horrible situation for everyone <because no one wins>.

Simplistically education and experience are two different things. We should certainly value education wisdom, but it shouldn’t diminish experience wisdom <and vice versa>.

And that is where the whole communication and communicating aspect comes into play.

For if neither side can clearly communicate their value then, unfortunately, everyone assumes the worst.

It would be far too easy for me to suggest that if someone has the experience, and the wisdom that comes with it, they should be able to articulate it and communicate it in a way that anyone would not feel condescended to or diminished or simply out-of-touch with either hard working or ‘thinker’.

But experience doesn’t necessarily translate into effective communication. Effective communication is a skill, and an art, in and of itself.

But this gets even more challenging when both sides have a pair of perception filtered glasses on as they view the opposite they are seeking to communicate with.

My prime example is easy – climate change.

The simple fact is that climate activists cannot sell their story effectively. Typically they fall back on … well … facts and numbers. This is deemed as ‘arrogance’ especially because they get frustrated you don’t see the truth in the numbers <which seems obvious to them> and you are deemed ‘ignorant’ as you get frustrated because you aren’t a scientist and don’t want to extrapolate numbers — you just want a simple truthful story.

Even non-science people  recognize that cherry-picked statistics and trends & projections are not the same as long-term accurate predictions and effects. But if the case is so strong it must be possible to bring it forth in a compelling way combined with compelling measures to address it.

That said.

The most egregious act with regard to elitism versus experience actually takes place when people smart enough to know undermine other people smart enough to know within the leadership we seek to take our cues from <or let’s label them what the everyday schmuck would call ‘the ruling intellectual elite’>. This ‘people smart enough to know better’ battle is a devil’s bargain with desire to being valued. The problem is by diminishing the value of their ‘competitor’ they actually undermining all value and, well, everyone’s value. Some would suggest this is ‘not seeing the forest for the trees.’

I would suggest this is actually a doom loop. If every day people have no one to trust with regard to their experience, they become anxious. And, then, in this state of anxiety, many of those same people no longer trust the experts <let alone anyone attempting to lead by thought leadership>. If you cannot trust experience it all falls apart because then gaining experience just doesn’t matter <or specific experience doesn’t matter>.

In addition it seems to foster an environment in which individual thinking is discouraged, the value of scientific/researched fact is diminished and, contrary to belief, the power shifts to some authority figure who leads through opinion rather than fact <and people follow off of ‘feelings’ rather than truth because feelings have become equal to facts>.

That said, all things being equal, it means this issue comes down to its most basic level <a real divide of ‘us versus them’>.

Here is where the biggest gap in skills & experience exists.

Survival skills.

Survival in corporate America is significantly different than survival in … well … let’s call it basic survival.

If all of urban/suburban America lost their microwaves and fast food restaurants … well … they would be screwed.

Sure.

Most people know how to light a fire <with a match>, wash underwear and make soup, but that basic skill set is not even close to the survival skills of the majority of the world let alone rural America.

Therefore, experience is measured in two different ways: basic survival versus ‘elitist’ survival. And neither side values the other’s skills equally, or maybe worse, they devalue the other’s skill set.

It’s a dangerous state of affairs.

We are shortchanging our ability to shape events by having each side believe they are the only ones capable of shaping the events.

We are shortchanging the people who are much more confident in the assessments of what to do and when to do it.

We are shortchanging the people who understand that in any situation and in any choice there are winners and losers and just because you may have lost doesn’t make you a loser.

And, of course, we shortchange the people who don’t have the experience to lead by undervaluing the experience that they do have and what they have to offer in terms of thinking & ideas.

We don’t know what we don’t know.

And in those words of wisdom resides our biggest challenge with regard to this crisis of elitism versus experience. We need to figure out how to better articulate expertism and experience because if we do not the inexperienced will seek to take on the responsibilities of the experienced … and we will be doomed to fail.

Ponder.

=============

“The pen may indeed be mightier than the sword, but the wordsmith would do well to welcome the blacksmith back into the fold, so that artisan craftsmanship the world over may fend off the ravages of industrialised homogeneity and bland monoculture.”

Alex Morritt

============

Capitalism is a ruthless psychological motherfucker.

What I mean by that is almost any sane, quasi-reflective , person will sit back at some point and ask the question ‘when I got duped into becoming an accumulator of things?”

Try this on for size:

“… we, and by that I mean most of humanity since the Neolithic, have been duped into believing that life must be lived by accumulating. This is simply an ideological lie. Is it impossible to imagine a world lived by the economics of the gift? Even the most cursory look at various enduring cultures around the world shows us that people (who are left alone to do so) living lives according to deeper principles are more content, more spiritually rounded, less troubled by existential angst, than by westerners tricked into believing in the ideologies of power and wealth.” 

comment in The Guardian about Materialism

Well. I will begin with acknowledging there is a shitload of psychological research that seems to support the fact that materialism <accumulating shit> doesn’t make us happier <psychologically>. The gobs of research suggests that materialism, a characteristic that reaches both rich and poor and researchers define as “a value system that is preoccupied with possessions and the social image they project”, is both socially destructive and self-destructive.

It’s associated with stress, anxiety, depression and even how personal relationships can be affected.

In fact there has long been a correlation observed between materialism, a lack of empathy and engagement with others, and unhappiness and research is reinforcing this by showing causation.

For example, a series of studies published in the journal Motivation and Emotion showed that as people become more materialistic, their wellbeing <good relationships, autonomy, sense of purpose and the rest> diminishes.

As they become less materialistic, unhappiness rises.

I say all of this to say … well … Nuts.

Nuts to the comment I began with.

Nuts that maybe I should be smarter.

Nuts that maybe I have been duped.

Its all a bunch of crap.

I haven’t been duped.

I have a mind of my own.

And do I really not know when I am unhappy? <and why I may be unhappy>

Yup.

Ok.

For the most part … yup.

I believe most of us understand that it is a dreadful mistake allowing ourselves to believe that having just having more money and more stuff enhances our wellbeing.

Oddly, despite the fact we poor everyday schmucks know this, this ‘have more’ belief appears to not only be embraced by those poor deluded people in movies, but by almost every member of almost every government <and civilization>.

How can this be?

Worldly ambition, material aspiration, perpetual growth … taken in and of itself … is a formula for mass unhappiness and, yet, it seems to be the main plot for almost every narrative out there.

That said. I have not been duped.

If I enter the rat race then I have chosen to be a rat.

If I choose to compete with the Joneses than I have chosen to be one of the Joneses.

Society hasn’t duped me into doing so.

Business hasn’t duped me into doing so.

Social media hasn’t duped me into doing so.

I am certainly not suggesting that all of the above aren’t relentlessly attempting to dupe me into believing all their bullshit, but, if I decide to follow an ‘ideology of wealth and power’ than that is my choice.

And you know what?

For the most part I don’t have to choose that game if I don’t want and I can still be successful.

Do I believe the game is rigged in some form or fashion?

Yes.

Do I believe that the game is easier won if you decide to play the wealth & power game?

You bet.

Not choosing to do so is like swimming against the tide in some form or fashion. It’s not easier, but it can still be done.

But the bottom line.

Do I feel like I have been duped into becoming an accumulator? Shit no.

If I truly believed that then I disregard free will, free choice and self-interest <balancing moral and material>.

Do I believe there should be a balance of moralism and materialism?

Absolutely.

But.

Here’s the deal.

Having a thread of materialism tends to make a better society through creating better and smarter stuff <innovation> and businesses attempting to address real human needs..

That last sentence will not go down well with some people but, yes, i am suggesting consumption can drive some innovation.

But being duped? C’mon. I am not buying it.

I think I am smart enough <and most people> not to accumulate stupid thinking.